Chapter 11: Many Thoughts
Firiel withdrew slowly from the kiss, unwilling to end it. A smile was on Er-Galadh's face, mirroring her own. She could felt the emotions, the love, that encased them. It was held down for too long, abandoned as though it has never existed. Held down from the fear of knowing that should they let it surface, the truth would tortured them slowly until death would be preferable for both of them feared that their other half could never be recovered. Lost forever save in their memories. Their meeting has destroyed the force that held it down, the fears, and it showed in their eyes as they embraced each other.
But it did not last for long as she heard a sound coming from where the elves slept. She looked at the shadow beyond Er-Galadh and saw that an elf had wakened up. How long has he been standing there? Did he saw everything? All these questions invaded her mind. None could be answered yet horror still crept inside her heart as she realised that her hood was cast down.
Er-Galadh also heard the sound and he turned around to see Legolas standing with a bemused expression in his face. He, however, composed himself instantaneously. His voice was calm and collected when he asked, "Who is she Er-Galadh?"
Firiel gazed at the young prince, uncertain whether she should tell him anything. She saw the same expression in Er-Galadh's face. Realising that there was nothing much she could do, she decided to tell at least part of the truth. "I am the apprentice of Radagast."
Legolas stare at Firiel with a look of criticism on his face. "It seemed that Er-Galadh also know of your identity."
Firiel laughed. "He knew nothing about me until tonight." She did not lie, it was partly true.
However, Legolas was not convinced. "He seemed to know you more than that judging from how close you two were." There was an edge in his voice. Firiel blushed as she realised the meaning behind those words yet she knew also that his trust did not come easily.
"I knew her long time ago, my lord," Er-Galadh interrupted before Firiel could say anything back. Firiel looked at him, puzzled. What was he trying to do? "But of her identity I know naught of until tonight for she had keep a secret of it. Nonetheless, we both know of her now, and I believe that she would be able to continue with our company."
"I'm afraid that I cannot let her come, Er-Galadh," Legolas said. "The journey will be too dangerous for her."
Er-Galadh was about to protest but Firiel interrupted. "Very well, my lord. If it is indeed your wish then I will accept it." Er-Galadh looked at her, confused, but she did not look back at him. Instead she looked away, as though avoiding his gaze.
He knew that there was something on her mind and he decided to find out. "My lord, I wish to guide her back to the kingdom for as you know the journey is perilous and I am afraid that she does not know the way"
Legolas looked at him, aghast. "Er-Galadh, we already lost an elf to accompany Alfirin. We cannot afford to lose another. If we truly need to send someone, send another. Your counsel is still very much needed."
Er-Galadh smiled at him reassuringly and said, "I believe that you or the company do not need my counsel anymore, my lord. You have so far made the right decision, I believe that the apprentice of Radagast will need my company more."
Firiel raised an eyebrow but say nothing against his judgement. It appeared that she did need his guide after all. Legolas glanced at him, still uncertain about his decision, but finding nothing against his decision, he agreed and let the two left as the elves continue with their journey to Dol Guldur.
They watched as the company parted until they were out of their sight. Er-Galadh glanced at Firiel, waiting to start their way to Dol Guldur. Firiel looked back at him and laughed. "Come Er-Galadh, I am sure you are not that naïve. You know, don't you?"
"The fact that you will be going even on your own?" He replied, "Of course, like what I said to Legolas, I will show you the way. Not to the kingdom, for you know the way but to Dol Guldur."
"Nay," Firiel dismiss his suggestion. "I know of the way there. A faster way." Er-Galadh looked at her, surprised and confused. Surely she would come to the kingdom should she ever come to Mirkwood, yet for all his life, he has never seen her before nor heard of the apprentice of Radagast.
Firiel started to walk away and Er-Galadh followed her. Their way was meandering and off the path, he wondered whether she truly knew a faster way. The way was soon got steeper as she had at last chosen an upper path but it was only a while before a huge rock covered their path and on both side, the trees offered no way around. Er-Galadh looked at Firiel, sceptical, but she merely shrugged and said, "It's an enchantment. They hide their secret well." and with that, she put her arm on the top part of the rock, but it did not stopped as it reached the rock, it went straight through it. She smiled as she watched as the spell withered away, revealing a cave behind.
Er-Galadh stared in awe. Never would he think of doing what she did. He followed as she climbed over the bottom part of the rock, the part that is not enchanted, into the cave. Still, a part of him was suspicious. How could she found out about this place? He asked his thought aloud as Firiel replaced the enchantment.
She did not answered straight away. She hesitated before saying, "I am the apprentice of Radagast. I should know of this place."
The answer was valid enough, yet he was not convinced. "You are hiding something from me, Firiel. I thought you trusted me."
"But it is not a reason to pry at every aspects of my life, Er-Galadh," she retorted "If you feel that it is, then don't come at all. I don't need you." Fire burned in her heart but it died away as soon as it came as she realised the poison in her reply. She turned to look at Er-Galadh. He was looking down, hurt by her words. "I'm sorry Er-Galadh." Too late. The words were said, and she could not take it back. "Forgive me, I did not mean it that way, it's just…"
"No. You are right. I should have trusted you myself," Er-Galadh replied.
They resumed their journey in silence. It was uncomfortable and Firiel keep on finding herself looking back at Er-Galadh, full of longing. She did not mean what she said and she regretted having said those words. She knew it was unforgivable. Why did she say those words? But back then; all she wanted to do was to hurt him. Hurt him the way his had hurt her, even though she knew he did not meant them.
The cave went on and on. The way was not narrow. Rather it was large. Large enough to let a whole army through will little or no trouble. Er-Galadh pondered at this. Who are 'they'? Firiel mentioned that 'they' hide their secret well. Who or what was she referring to? Nature? He felt that it was other than nature. Something else. He could fancy feeling that she was getting darker and darker as they journeyed further and further into the cave. But perhaps it was only an effect the light was playing at him.
Soon, they were shrouded in darkness, until they could no longer know the time. They walked and walked until they knew not how long. All their thought were focussed simply to getting through the cave as fast as possible. The path was straight most of the time, with little turning now and again. Firiel condition worsens, as they got deeper and deeper into the cave. She was shaking convulsively now, yet determined to keep on going. Er-Galadh saw that she could not go on anymore yet he did not dare to stop her. Eventually it was she herself that stopped their pursue.
She looked back at him and asked him whether he would like to stop or continue their journey. Er-Galadh was torn between stopping to conserve their energy or keep on going to get through the coldness of the place as soon as possible but he decided that it would be hopeless to keep on going and not be able to finished their journey in exhaustion, and so they stopped.
They slept apart; their argument was still between them, tearing them apart. Though each had admitted their mistake, they were unsure whether it was forgiven. Firiel slept fitfully, the coldness take its poll on her once again, yet she was too stubborn to have it other way. Er-Galadh decided to let her learn from it but, as he saw her shaking and coughing, he could not let it any longer. He went close to her, making sure that she was asleep and held her in his embrace. He felt the cold body beneath him shivered for a while when suddenly, her hand reached out for him impulsively. He remembered their argument earlier on the day and shook his head in dissent. "You need me, Firiel, as much as I need you."
