AN: Thank you soooooooooooooooo much for all the reviews. I'm glad you like my story J It kind of look like it's going nowhere. But trust me, they are going somewhere. If only I can get over this stupid mountain first…
Chapter 13: More Than Memory
The journey was made in silence as either one was lost in thoughts. Fíriel never turned her back for she feared that seeing the person she loved, she won't be able to suppress her feeling down. Instead she looked forward, determined to reach the other side before taking any other break.
The cave got darker and darker. So dark that they had to feel their way through. Fíriel fastened her pace, stumbling along, feeling for a torch on the wall. She knew there should be one nearby. Soon her hand found its way. Gripping it, she took it from the wall and chanted soft, spidery words of magic.
Fire burst at the tip of the torch, illuminating the cave. Er-Galadh nearly jumped up in surprise. He did not hear her chanting and he would never thought of finding a torch in the cave. How could she know? The whole cave felt like it was not made by nature. Everything was so perfect. The wall was smooth and so was the way. No animal resided there as it was hidden beyond the enchanted rock. Who built the cave? Why did they made it and for what purpose? To these questions, he knew not the answer but he knew a person who could answer them.
She was walking in front of him, the torch held high. The light from the fire did nothing to her. She was a black void against the light. Perhaps it was because of her black robe that absorbed all the light. Perhaps it was the emptiness in her heart. The hood was cast over her head, covering all emotions it had inside yet the pain was inconceivable nonetheless.
Her pace slowed down gradually and sometimes, Er-Galadh could see her tears on the floor of the cave. Despite of it, she walked still until each step was a struggle. Fíriel had been here before, Er-Galadh thought. And whatever happened had created horrible memory. Was she here with Elen? Suddenly, his curiosity was impossible to restrain anymore.
"Who is Elen?" he asked carefully, trying not to provoke her further.
"Why does it matter Er-Galadh?" she replied, her voice was husky and it contained deep sorrow.
Er-Galadh hesitated. He did not want to open an old wound, especially because the wound was not fully healed yet. But the wound did not seem to heal. Something was caught inside, causing it to be infected. Sometimes, the only way to heal is to open the wound again and take it out. He sighed; perhaps this was for the best. "You were calling to her, begging me to let her go. Who is she Fíriel? Why do you care so much about her?"
She said naught in reply. What was she supposed to tell? The truth? Could Er-Galadh accept it? Or would he hate her for it? She could not tell the truth. Not now, with their relationship as it was, she could not afford to lose what she had left, if there was anything left.
But Er-Galadh had guessed the answer nonetheless and her silence only reinforced the truth. "By the Valar. Is she your daughter?"
Fíriel recoiled in fear. He knew. So was this the end of everything they had shared together? Was this the end of their relationship?
"Tell me Fíriel. You know you can always trust me."
"It is not your trust that I doubt. It doesn't matter if she is my daughter or not."
"She is your daughter."
Fíriel turned back. She held his gaze squarely and said, "I have never stated that she is."
"Isn't she?" Er-Galadh asked. He knew he was right. Why then did she hide the truth? Has he ever failed her? Once perhaps but can she not forgive him for it?
She stared down at the floor, trying to escape his gaze. But it was too late. He knew the truth. Perhaps she should tell of the truth. Could he accept it? With a sigh she accepted her defeat, "She was my daughter."
Er-Galadh gaze at her face with its entire mask down, revealing all the sorrows it concealed for so long. "What happened Firiel?"
"She's gone," Firiel choked in her replied. "She passed away many years ago." She took a deep breath to steady herself. "There is nothing more to tell." And with that she turned around and started to walk again.
Er-Galadh did not moved. He stayed and watched Firiel walked away before letting out a sigh. "Thank you," he whispered.
He did not expect her to hear it but she turned around to his surprise. A confused expression was on her face. "What for?"
A ghost of smile spread on his face as he walked towards her. Placing both his hands on her shoulder gently, he kissed her between the eyes. "For trusting me."
The rest of the journey was made in silence, yet it was a comfortable silence as some strains between them was lifted. The air of tension that hung between them disappeared and so was the distance between them. It seemed that the reason for it was their previous relationship and the removal of it took also the conflicts between them.
Their first and very brief stop was initiated by Firiel. She simply stopped, unable to walk any further. Her shoulder shook as she leaned herself against the cave wall. Er-Galadh held her shoulder gently. No tear was shed yet he knew that her heart bled. Such deep was her sorrow. He would rather she cry endlessly than seeing her suffered this way.
"Elen?" he asked softly and Firiel nodded weakly.
"She was the star, the hope of my life. She helped me to survive. She was the light in the darkest part of my life. I missed her so much."
"You really love her. You still cannot let her go." Er-Galadh said rather sharply. A tone of jealousy was easily detected by Firiel.
She looked up at him and held her gaze. Er-Galadh looked away but Firiel took his face in her hand. "She was my daughter." Her voice was shaky. "I carried her. She was a part of me more so than anyone else. Am I wrong to love her?"
His gaze fell. He was angry with himself but he was angry with Firiel nonetheless. Angry for he should have never acted like that and angry for she did not seemed to have any care in the world about how he felt. She remembered so many memories yet she did not remembered any of the time they had shared together. It was as though the time had never existed. He envied her daughter for Firiel had loved her and yet she cared naught of him. And he hated himself to even think about it.
Firiel saw the grief and anger in his eyes. She was the cause of it that much was obvious. Those eyes that used to held so much love. How much her presence had changed them. She was the bringer of darkness. He was better without her. "I'm sorry, I did not mean to hurt you."
"No, the apology is mine." Er-Galadh said sorrowfully. "I should not have reacted that way. I love you too much to let you go, perhaps as hard as it is for you to let Elen go."
"Er-Galadh, you know of our condition…"
"I do and I understand. Forget about what I've said, Firiel." His gaze fell as he walked away from her.
She chased after him, knowing that whatever turmoil he had went through, it was not resolved yet. Grabbing his arm, she turned him around to face her. She stared at him, looking straight into his eyes, but he averted his gaze. "Er-Galadh, I do love you. But with our condition now I do not wished to lose you again. Not after what we had went through. I am not who you think I am anymore and so are you. Many things happened and it changed us ultimately. How can you love someone that you don't know?"
Er-Galadh was silent. Seeing that he would not say anything, she continued, "Know this much Er-Galadh, I love you and I always will. But for me now, it is best to keep our relationship as it was many years ago. You are my brother for me and I hope you can accept me that way."
Er-Galadh smiled and took her face in his hand. "Very well, sister. If that is what you wish," he said in a tone that he had always used many years ago. The memory washed over them. Perhaps it was for the best after all.
