Blue Cove Cemetery Afternoon

Sydney pulled his coat tighter around him, the weather was quite chilly. He stopped in front of the grave. Taking a deep breath from the fresh air, he glanced down at the epitaph. He still couldn't believe it. But her ongoing absence already had its affect. He started to feel the hurt and sadness even more. The shock of the first days were wearing off and the only thing that remained was the mere fact.

"The relationship of Jarod and me is not your business! And as for trying to make you my patient.it's just your imaginary, Parker! You are hopeless! I tried everything just to help you! You are killing yourself for God's sake! I only tried to make you see that you can't go on like this because in the long run it's lethal! But you just push everyone away and to tell you the truth that's why you don't have friends! You deserve to be treated the way they do because of your behaviour!" He said and he just couldn't grasp how the hell could he say something like that, however he knew in that exact moment that Parker misunderstood what he said. He tried to tell her that people wasn't nice to her after snapping and growling at them the way she usually did but as it slipped out of his mouth he knew it could be meant in another way too. And she did understand it in the other way. He will never forget the way she looked at him after that moment. It was like breaking everything that he had built up, into million pieces. It was like burning up the road that he had built up toward her.

"Yes, you are right!" She said after the shock. "But as you said.I'm not the only one!" She said.

"Parker!" He said, calm this time. "I don't want to fight with you! The last thing I want is to hurt you!"

"You can't hurt me! Enemies can't hurt me! Only friends and loved ones! It's a fortune you're neither of them!" She hissed, obviously in rage. Sydney knew she didn't mean it because if he really couldn't have hurt her, than she wouldn't have been so shaken by his words.

"I was wrong, Parker!" He whispered, staring at the gravestone. "You weren't hopeless! I can't believe I said such a pathetic thing.I'm. you were right! The fact was you were right! I lied to you and kept so important informations from you but. believe me I just wanted to protect you. And see? I failed! In fact it was. my fault that you. that you're gone!" He said, finally kneeling down in front of the cold stone. "It was my fault!" Sydney lowered his head, his grief getting more painful.

"It was the Centre's fault!" Came the deep male voice behind him. The old man didn't need to turn around to know who it was. He raised his head and stared at the gloomy, grey sky.

"I'm sorry, Catherine!" Sydney said, talking to the dark clouds. "I promised but I failed!" He felt his protege silently step up next to him before he spoke.

"I couldn't stop thinking of Catherine Parker in the. last couple of days!" He said in an unusually weak voice. Sydney stood up and stared at the grave.

"Why?"

"What do you think would have happened if. if she could have.managed to free us?" It took him some time to consider his question before he replied.

"A lot of things would have happened differently. You would have grown up as a normal child, you wouldn't have lost your brother. Miss.Parker would have grown into a lovely woman, full of compassion just like her mother."

"And she wouldn't be dead, now!"

"And she wouldn't be dead, now. probably!" Sydney repeated. They stood there in silent for a long moment, neither of them talking but both of them remembering and thinking of her. The wind started to blow and the chill hit Sydney's face once again. He stared into distance in front of him, for the first time in his life not knowing what to say.

"I can't decide which would have been better!" He heared Jarod say.

"What do you mean?" He asked, frowning.

"If Catherine Parker could have managed to get us out or. the way everything happened. In one minute I wish she could have because then Parker would still be alive but then I realize then we probably wouldn't even know her. We wouldn't know how.individual she actually was. But in the next minute I wish that because. it wouldn't hurt so much now!"

Sydney finally looked at him and his heart sunk. He was unshaven, dark circles under his eyes. He was visibly tired and worn-out. After all those horrible things, he had to suffer even more and Sydney knew this time it was one of the worst events in his life. But he didn't know what to reply to him but thankfully he didn't have to because Jarod went on.

"I'm so envious of the believers!" He said, crouching down in front of the grave. "Im envious of them because they do believe that their beloved ones are still watching them from heaven. That they are still around and they have faith in life. They have the view of life that everything happens on a purpose.because God wants it that way. And that God is kind and full of love. But I don't believe that Sydney, I can't believe in that! I can't see what purpose God has with Raines, Lyle and the Centre!" He said angrily. "And I can't understand why he took her!"

"Jarod..."

"It's all the Centre's fault! They may have not been the ones who pulled the trigger but. she is another one of their victims! But she didn't deserve it, Sydney!" He said. "She didn't!" Sydney didn't see but he was sure that the tears were already flowing down his cheeks.

"We are all sinners! We've said and done many things in our lives just like her but I agree with you!" Sydney said silently. "She just. tried to survive from day to day, doing whatever she had to but always careful not to go too far. And I was so wrong! But she was right! My regret is too late now!" Jarod looked up as he watched his mentor talking.

"What do you mean?" A small, dry chuckle escaped his lips again as he lowered his head and took a step aside.

"The last time I talked to her. we had an argument!"

"Sydney, it's."

"Don't tell me it happened often and that she knew she could count on me!" He said a bit angrily. "It was an ugly argument, ending up with shoutings and angry, very angry outbrusts. Both of us trying to hit each other's weak points! And I wish I could say sorry! Or at least I could say forget about it or simply do so! Just forget about it, knowing that she regretted her words as well."

"I'm sure she did!" Jarod said gently.

"I know!" Sydney replied. "But she's not here! I wish she was here to hurt me again, I wouldn't care!" He said, looking at Jarod with wide eyes. "I wish she was here! I wouldn't care if she hated me or loathed me!"

"I know what you feel!" Jarod replied. "I still wake up at two a.m.s to call her and torment her, just to hear her voice but that's when I realize that. I can't because. because."

"Because she's dead!" Sydney finished when he saw that Jarod had problems with controlling himself. And he said it. It was the first time when he said it out loud and it was so strange. And it hurt. His protege just nodded as response. "It's like being in the middle of a nightmare, not being able to wake up. I remember the last time I left her." He said as he rememberred the end of their argument.

"Denial! You tell me I lie when I know you don't tell the truth!" Sydney hit back, visibly upset. "What am I then, your enemy?"

"Oh you're on good way to that!" She shouted back. Broots had been standing there in dread, watching the two of them shouting at each other, frozen in place. "Get the hell out of here, Sydney! I'm fed up with you! I don't want to see you today again because I've had enough! Go and decide if you want to catch your prodigy or not because it's time for you to decide which side you're at!" She shouted in rage. Sydney opened his mouth to reply but thought better than that and simply turned around, walked out and shut the door at her.

"Ten minutes later I was ready to go home!" Sydney told. "Before I left, Broots told me she was very upset that I simply walked out and that she was furious but I was angry myself! Poor Broots had to witness our whole scene, watching us shouting at each other. He told me she wasn't only angry but. he told me that he could see that it had an affect on her which couldn't have been proven better than by the fact that. *she* told Broots that she may not have said several things!" The old man said, defeated. "But I left because I thought we both needed time. I knew we had to talk about it later but I didn't think it was the perfect chance. I thought we were going to have plenty of time to make it up and I just went home because. she made me angry so much that I didn't even want go back." A small, sardonic smile appeared on his face. "I didn't know there wasn't next time!" Jarod placed a hand on his shoulder and Sydney patted it. He couldn't stop admire his young protege. He had been through so much and he wasn't dealing with Parker's death well himself but he still tried to comfort him. "It's time to gather her belongings at her home. Lyle doesn't want to do it so. I'm going to her place after I.I'm finished here!" Jarod nodded at him. "Just in case you. want something from her!" He said, turning his attention back to the grave.

Sydney felt his hand leaving his shoulder and after several seconds he knew he was alone with her again. He took a breath again and smiled at the grave.

"I'll never forget you, Parker! And I don't want to forget you!" He said as he slowly reached into his pocket. He took out an item from his inner pocket. After placing it to his lips, he kissed it and placed it on the top of her grave."Sleep well, my child!" He said aloud, his voice breaking away with the emotions. Sydney turned around and walked away, leaving the cold, stone-reminder of the woman ha had always loved as a daughter. The photo of Catherine Parker and her daughter stood on top of the grave-stone, not giving into the hard wind that started to blow harder minute by minute. The Cemetery was covered with silence, the weather and the environment reflected the loss of a very special person. The world was wrong because someone important was missing. And she wasn't coming back.

Blue Cove Miss.Parker's residence Night

Closing the door behind him, Sydney slowly walked inside the living room. The moonlight came in through the windows, giving him some light to see. Everything was silent. It was horrible and wonderful at the same time. Everything smelled like her and everything felt like her. The whole house was her and he felt like stepping into her soul. And it gave some kind comfort because every single item reminded him of her and it was good. But it hurt too. Because it reminded him of the fact as well that she wouldn't come back.

"I've been here so many times but. this time it's just so. weird!" Came Jarod's voice. Turning his head, Sydney caught sight of him, sitting on the couch, the moonlight illuminating the half of his face. He held a photo in his hands. The old man slowly walked to the window, passing the couch on his way.

This house was her refuge, he thought. She could feel her mother there and now they were finally together somewhere! "She's with her loved ones now!" Was all that Sydney said out loud. He knew Jarod had already had the same thoughts. His words sounded incredibly surreal for him but it gave comfort.

"That's not fair, Sydney! There are more people here who cared for her than. in death!" The old man turned his head to look at him but couldn't reply. "Call me selfish but there were more people among the living who needed her!" Jarod said, his voice full of anger and pain.

Life isn't that easy, Sydney thought. "Things don't always happen the way we want it!" He said, trying to sound clever. Trying to sound like himself, always calm, always having an answer. But the fact was that he was confused himself because he had no idea how were they to go on without her.

Jarod didn't response, just raised up the photograph of her and Mr.Parker. She never let anyone comfort her, she trusted only her.father, Sydney thought. She let her old colleague close only once, she shared the depth of her pain with him one single time and he would never forget it. He knew he was never going to forget that short talk that he had with her on the first anniversary of Thomas' death. However she did comfort him when Jacob died, she never let him hold her. Just once. when she couldn't protest anymore.

He woke up every night, reliving the moment when she collapsed into him. Her skin was so soft and she was just as beautiful as her mother ever was. The image of her face burned into his mind forever. She did look like an angel and he will keep her in his memory like that.

"She had to face so many demons!" Jarod said, surprising Sydney because he sounded like his own thoughts. The psychiatrist just nodded as response. He had always wished this time wouldn't come. He always thought he would be the first one to leave his protege and his 'daughter' alone in this world and he didn't even dare to think of loosing either of them. And it happened. And he didn't want to accept it.

"But they could never strike her down!" He replied, staring out through the window. He felt movement behind him and saw from the corner of his eyes as Jarod stepped up next to him. He reached out a hand and handed him the photo. Sydney took it and glanced up at him. He was concerned for him. Jarod was more than clever but he was in a bad shape and he was afraid for him because being near the Centre was dangerous for him. Staring into his eyes he saw hurt, anger and pain. They younger man's eyes reflected his own soul. But he looked like a walking dead. For a long minute they just stared at each other before Jarod patted him on the shoulder. He slowly stepped away but turned back.

"Are you going to keep something from her?" Sydney just nodded, he didn't trust his own voice. As he turned to him after almost a minute he noticed he was already gone. He turned back and stared into the empty room.

Parker appeared in front of him, with her power-suit on, her look full of confidence. A smile appeared on her face and he remembered one morning when they were standing in the main lobby of the Centre, Parker holding a cup in her hands. "Sydney, you made me funny!" She had said. A smile appeared on his face too, rememberring how many times was he amused at her remarks.

When he told Lyle that he will go through her belongings, he didn't think it was going to be so hard. He didn't have the heart to move anything because it was hers and somwhere deep down he still hoped she will come home. Once. Suddenly his mind wandered along and he shrugged. This house was cursed. Everyone who lived here -even if only for a short time-had a horrible fate. Catherine Parker, Mr.Parker, Thomas. and now Miss.Parker. Jarod was right. It was the Centre's fault. The Centre's and his own. If only he had tried to convince her more to leave. He couldn't believe he was so foolish to remain quiet when she stayed in the Centre after her lover's death. It was so damn obvious what happened but he was still weak to act. He just hoped she would forgive him once.

But everything was late now. His regret was way too late. The silence was getting unbearable and he spotted a small radio on top of the fireplace, next to the pictures. He knew he had to go through some of her stuff but didn't feel like doing it in silence. He walked up to it and turned it on before he collected the photographs from the small shelf.

Blue Cove Miss.Parker's residence Half-hour later

Sydney ran down a finger on one of the pictures. He started to get through several things half an hour ago but actually he didn't do anything, exept staring at the many photographs he had found. He had no idea she kept so many. A new music started on the radio as he opened another box of her relics.

Playground school bell rings again

Rain clouds come to play again Has no one told you she's not breathing?

There was no need to tell him, he thought. He saw her with his own eyes. He heared the thunder outside and with a quick glance he saw and even heared as the heavy raindrops fell loudly against the window. The sky was crying. he wasn't alone in his grief.

Hello i'm your mind giving you someone to talk to

Hello.

He took out a new picture that he hadn't seen before. It was a black and white photo of a young Miss.Parker, standing next to her father. She was so small and vulnerable, her eyes haunted and cried out. The dark dress on her reminded him when it was taken. Just after Catherine Parker's funeral.

If i smile and don't believe

Soon i know i'll wake from this dream

Dreams, he thought as he heared the music. What would have he given if it was just a dream. He had seen so many smiles on her face but had never noticed a true one. And he was sad because he lost the chance to see one. Ever.

Don't try to fix me i'm not broken

Hello i'm the lie living for you so you can hide

Don't cry

Sydney noticed his hands were shaking and felt a tight lump appear in his throat. He tried with all his might to fight back the sob. He didn't know why was he sad, why did he feel so miserable. Was it for her, knowing that she lost the chance for a normal life, or maybe it was for hismelf because he lost the chance to make up everything that he had done to her.

Suddenly i know i'm not sleeping

Hello i'm still here

All that's left of yesterday

He stared into distance as the lyrics sunk in and he saw her again. She was standing in front of him with her usual superior look on her face. "You were such a happy little girl! What happened to you?" "I grew up Sydney.So should you!" But all of a sudden she disappeared and all that left was the dark, empty living room. He glanced down at another photo of her and couldn't hold back any longer. Burying his face into his palms, he sobbed. He was alone, he didn't have to keep himself longer. And he didn't even want to. Because he lost her.

Blue Cove Sydney's apartment Later that night

Peeling the wet coat off his shoulders, Sydney closed the door behind him. The rain was pretty bad, it took him a lot more to get home from her house than usually. After hanging it up on the coat-stand, he walked inside and sat down in his own living room. He placed Parker's house-keys onto the coffee table in front of him and closed his eyes.

He remembered that it always seemed to go that we dont know what we've got until it was gone. He should have known better than take her for granted. Mostly in the Centre. He wished he could have seen her again. All he wanted was to know that she was with him again, even if she was angry or furious with him but he so desperately wanted her to live.

"I miss the days, when the people I couldn´t trust were the people I couldn´t trust!"

"Make up your mind Sydney! Be a scientist or a mommy-you can´t be both!"

"Do you think my revenge is misguided?" "If you have to ask you are answering your own your question." "No, defence Syd, you can´t see it from where I stand!"

He rememberred her sentences. He was the psychiatrist but she so often was right. In so many things. She was so clever, quick-witted and smart and he still couldn't believe how could she stay at the Centre when that place had destroyed not only her but her family and loved ones as well. The image of his bloody hands and the huge dark bloodstain on her coat when she died flashed into his mind. Like the blood her white coat, the Centre ruined *her* the same way. They tried to take her soul too but she always managed to stay an individual, not giving into them.

And she was dead. Today was the first time he had said it. The first time he had acknowledged it because the pain and grief was bigger than before. This was something that time couldn't erase. Ever. He reached into his pocket and took out the same item he had found in the pocket that Broots brought him earlier that day. He closed his fingers around it in a tight grip, feeling as his fingertips pressed it into his palm.

He was exhausted both physically and mentally. He knew he needed some rest, he needed to sleep to clear his head- if he was able to sleep at all. He either couldn't fall asleep or nightmares kept on haunting him all the time. Pushing himself up from the couch, he made his way to the bathroom to prepare and go to bed.

Fourty minutes later Sydney stood at the window, staring outside, watching the heavy rain. With a sigh, he turned around and slipped inside his bed, tugging himself in with the covers. He had that small item in his hand again and for a moment he just stared at it. After several seconds he gripped it again, brought it up to his mouth to place a kiss on it. He decided to keep this. He really didn't need any material thing to remind him of her but this one particular thing was. a part of her. Her silver ring, that she used to wear on her index-finger all the time, was dear for him. He decided to keep that for the rest of his life as keeping a part of her. Reluctantly placing it on the nightstand, he turned off the lights and went to sleep.

Blue Cove Sydney's apartment Wednesday morning

Sydney awoke with a start and sat up to turn off the alarm. He was so deep in his dreams that it took him almost two minutes to hear the loud whistling. 6.46 am. It was early but he knew he couldn't be late that morning because. suddenly he rememberred that there wasn't anyone to rip his head off for being late any more -only maybe Lyle but he didn't really give a damn about him. Taking a deep breath, he pushed himself up and slowly got out of bed to get himself ready to work.

It took him only half an hour and he was ready. It was so horrible but it was already a 'dark day'. One week had passed since she was gone. He didn't feel like going in that day. He didn't even feel like leaving the house at all but he had to. He was concerned for Jarod and the only place where he could protect him was the Centre. Glancing at the nightstand, he frowned. He could have bet that he placed Parker's silver ring there but it was nowhere to be found. He patted his pockets before he reached into them but they were empty. He walked to the small table and looked around but he couldn't find it. It may have fallen down and may have rolled under the bed, he thought. First he considered crawling after it but he knew it must have been there somewhere. He was going to find it after work, he thought. He didn't have time, had to go.

The Centre Main lobby

Slowly walking in the direction of the sim lab, Sydney slowly prepared for the day. He was calm because he knew he had an aim but knew that without it, he wouldn't have been able to go back there. Lyle took Parker's place in the team and he knew that the insane man was capable of anything. Shaking his head, he let out sigh. All of a sudden Broots appeared in front of him and stumbled into his old friend.

"Oh Sydney! I'm so-sorry!" He said, trying to catch his breath.

"Are you okey, Broots?" He asked, his brows furrowed.

"Ye-yes, sure! Actually I was looking for you!" Judging by his expression, Sydney knew something changed. He seemed too different. He didn't look tired at all and he was in a much better shape than yesterday. But it was too weird. He couldn't change that much from one day to another. Broots saw the confused look on his face as his old friend stared at him in a strange way.

"What can I help you?" Sydney said, eyeing him carefully.

"Erm. well actually it's not me that you can help but." Broots watched as Sydney's expression suddenly turned. He didn't know what he saw on his face but it was weird. Without a word the old man brushed past him, leaving him standing there with open mouth, ready to speak. His brows furrowed, Broots immediately followed him.

The Centre Miss.Parker's office

Sydney was just about to enter when he bumped into Lyle. The old man was in a hurry and didn't really give a damn what he thought but Lyle's behaviour caught his attention.

"Hey, slow down Sydney! You may kill someone!" The younger man said, his brows furrowed angrily. He was different too and the fact that he just came out of Parker's office raised his suspicions. It was so strange. The sudden change in everyone's behaviour.

"I'm sorry!" He said but even Broots -who had been closely following him- knew that he didn't mean it. As Sydney turned he saw as Lyle starightened his suit and walked away. The psychiatrist burst into the office, opening the two doors at the same time in the process. The tech just slipped in after him before the doors closed behind him.

Sydney just stood there without a word for a minute. Broots clutched the file that he had been holding tighter to his chest, waiting what will happen next. After a second Sydney folded his arms in front of his chest and raised his head, picking up his usual posture. Everything fell into place and he knew why he didn't find the ring that morning.

Parker just raised an eyebrow as she stared at him. She was half turned to her desk but she held Sydney's gaze. Broots felt that the tension of yesterday totally disappeared -at least from Sydney's side- but the situation was still awkward. Miss.Parker finally -fully- turned to him, crossing her arms as well as she raised her chin, ready to fight again if it was needed.

"Uhm.I-I think i-it's be-better if I-I g-go." Broots finally muttered after clearing his throat but Parker's voice cut him off as he was about to turn.

"Stay!" She ordered and walked up to Sydney. "Look who we have here!" She sneered as she gazed into his eyes. "It seems our Frankenstein decided to take part in the hunt! Or are you here to tell me that." But Sydney's laugh startled her and she dangerously raised both of her eyebrows. He sounded so relieved and she didn't understand a thing but one thing was sure. He was laughing at her and she didn't like it.

Broots watched -and knew that Sydney was aware of the fact too, that- she was ready to explode when Sydney suddenly grabbed her. Reaching up both of his hands, he slid his fingers into her hair under her ears, placing his thumbs at the both side of her face and pulled her close. The tech watched with horror as he placed a kiss on her forehead before he gently stroked the right side of her face just beside her ear with one thumb. After that he stepped back and breaking the eye contact, he turned around and left, obviously in a very very good mood. Parker was so stunned that she couldn't speak -but so was Broots. He opened his mouth to say something but they just stared at each other with her -incredibly confused. Parker shrugged and Broots pulled up his shoulders once, slowly. He quickly placed the file down in her desk and left, leaving Parker still standing at the same spot, gently caressing the spot where Sydney did before.

Closing the door behind him, Broots couldn't keep back the smile from his face. He saw as Sydney walked across the lobby, greeting everyone in his way and he just shook his head. This man was incredible.

Sydney didn't know when he was that relieved the last time but it was sure he didn't want to live it through again what happened before, however it was helpful in one thing. He had a horrible nightmare with angels and demons but it made him see that he couldn't take her for granted and if *she* was that stubborn than at least he had to be careful not to destroy everything that they had built up together. He knew this action spoke for itself and that it was better than any words that he could have told her but he was sure that they still had an agenda to solve. And *he* intended to remind her of that. But now he just wanted to enjoy the knowledge that she was in her office, that they had an argument and that he had five minutes before she strode into his office, demanding an explanation.for their quarell yesterday.

The End