AN: No Dol Guldur yet, sorry. But I'll make up for it in the next chapter of non-stop fighting scene. Promise, but for now, this is all...
*****WARNING*****
Contain exquisite material inside. Read at own peril. Consider yourself warned!
Chapter 17: Moonlight On The Lake
Er-Galadh woke up with a start as he heard a sound. The sound was soft but he could hear it clearly for it was in the middle of the night and everything was quiet. Sometimes it is a curse to become an elf, he thought. It's probably nothing. He leaned back to continue his dreamless sleep when suddenly he heard it again. A ripple in the water below. He looked down from the tree and saw nothing on the lake but the movement of water indicated that there was something there. Something or someone.
Could it be an orc? He asked himself. After all, they were nearing Dol Guldur. The thought woke him fully as he realised the danger they were in. It worried him even more as he did not know where Firiel was and was not sure that she realised the immediate danger. He was wondering at her whereabouts when she appeared in the lake below him.
He stared at her, startled, before averted his gaze in sheer embarrassment. He blamed himself for the unwanted incident. It explicated the reason for the sound though, and gladness swept over him. There was no orc after all; it was only Firiel. He wondered how long she would be and whether he should talk to her when a wet hand touched his face.
He turned around and saw Firiel in front of him. She shivered slightly from the cold air, water dripping from her robe. Smiling gently, she moved her gaze to the lake below. Er-Galadh gasped as her message sunk in. "Us?" he asked, stunned.
Firiel giggled. "No, silly. You."
Er-Galadh blushed in embarrassment and tried to alter their conversation. "How is your arm?"
Surprisingly, this question brought shadow to her eyes. "It is fine," she replied grimly and looked down. He thought that she would be infuriated by the mention but when she looked up, her eyes held no such emotion. Instead of anger, there was only remorse. "Er-Galadh, I am sorry for what I have done. You were right. I could have died and I did not even think about anything else. I have no right to do what I did. I should have thank you instead."
Er-Galadh smiled as he heard her uttered those words. Gwaihir was right about her after all. He examined her closely. How vulnerable she appeared with her remorseful expression and her wet clothes, shivering convulsively now as the wind blew harder. He reached out to her but she flinched away and he stopped. She might be sorry but it did not mean that he could cross over the gap she put between them. "Why are you avoiding me?" he asked in desperation.
Firiel looked away. She opened her mouth to speak but words died on her lips. How could she explain it to him? She feared what she would see should she tell the truth but she remembered what Gwaihir said. He did deserve to know the truth. Swallowing the fear of a lifetime, she crossed the gap she created herself.
"I am trying to avoid you because…" her voice trailed away. She was a ghost of smile on his face. What was she supposed to say? How could she say it? "Er-Galadh, I am afraid to love and lose you again. I don't want to feel that way. Not anymore. It brought too much suffering. I avoided you because I felt myself falling into the same trap."
"What trap did you refer to?" Er-Galadh asked in reply. "I do not feel that way."
"Love, Er-Galadh," she spoke reluctantly. "I tried so hard not to-"
"You are fooling yourself Firiel," Er-Galadh interrupted suddenly understanding her. "Have I not said that nothing is eternal? But to fear losing it and deprived yourself of what little happiness in this life is wrong. To love is to lose. It is the game of life yet many dwells on it."
He heard her sighed before she answered, "It is folly…"
"No. It is wise," he retorted. Why can't she just listen? He asked himself. Why will she not open herself even for a while to listen to what I have to say? "They are wise to play the game for none can escape it. To pretend that it never existed, that is folly." and with that Er-Galadh climbed down the tree, knowing that it will sever their relationship. Firiel would only hardened the more he argued.
Taking off his top, he walked to the lake when he, unexpectedly, felt an arm slipped under his hand and wrapped around his body. He turned around to face Firiel, her arm slipped around his back. He held her close, feeling her shivered against him and realising how cold she was. "I am sorry Er-Galadh."
He was shocked at this change of attitude. "What for?" he asked, still not convinced. His voice was ragged and it tore her heart.
"Everything," she sobbed quietly against him. "For everything."
He took her face in his hand, feeling happier than ever before in his life, his finger wiping away the tears from her eyes. "Was there really anything to forgive?" he whispered.
But she did not hear him and continued with her ramblings. "I should have understood. I-"
His finger slide down to her lips, "Hush. I would not have it any other way, Firiel. I love you just the way you are." and smiled at her. He knew that she would think of him as a romantic fool but it was the truth. He did not think that he could cope with the Firiel he used to know. As she had stated, they changed, but it was for the better.
He brought her away from the lake and sat down. His arm still enfolded her; he rested her head on his bare chest. She sighed contentedly and snuggled close. "I love you," she whispered, not caring for once that they soon must part.
He stood up shortly and Firiel looked at him, startled. "I am going to wash myself," he replied her questioning eyes. Her eyes shone mischievously but she did not move. He waited to see whether she wanted to say anything else but she merely lie back, gazing at the stars in the sky.
He washed himself without any interruption. The water in the lake was cold against his skin but as he stood up, the chill in the air was cooler than the water. He took on his top; the water from his body seeped through, soaking the cloth.
He walked towards where Firiel laid and saw her still gazing at the stars. Or not? Her eyes were not focussed. Could it be that she slept with her eyes open as well? He waved his hand above her but she did not stirred. Smiling to himself, he sat down next to her, being content simply by looking at her. Her hand was behind her head, supporting it against the earth beneath and her dark hair spread around her in a tangled net.
He remembered how he had felt when she hit him just a few hours ago. How angry he felt when she had done so and yet now he forgave her for everything merely by a simple apology. How could he felt that way to anyone? How could she make him felt that way with simple word and gesture? How could he hate her and yet love her?
He looked at her face. A single scar marred it. It was he recognised, from the incident where he thought he found out her identity. How much he loved her. Oh, sure he could think of many other elf-maiden that was more beautiful than her but no one can replace the place she held in his heart.
Suddenly he felt a strong desire to kiss her. Just a light one on her lips. She will never realised it, he thought. Propped in his arm, he bent over and kissed her, feeling again the taste of her lips and smelling her scent. The only time he had done more than this to her was in the mountain of Mirkwood and even then he went not much further. She intoxicated him and without knowing it, his mouth traced down her neck, nibbled the skin underneath it. Gently, slowly. Softly, he heard her sigh of pleasure. It was nearly inaudible but being very close to her, he could hear it. It snapped him back to his senses. He pulled away from her. She was still sleeping for her eyes were still unfocussed but a smile adorned her face.
That was it. He felt the longing deep inside of him. He wanted her more badly than ever. His hand trembled as he traced the contour of her face. He snapped it away. Stumbling to his feet, he walked away from her. He slumped down after he felt that he was far enough, his back facing her. Hiding his face between his knees, he wept openly. How could he? He thought that he would never do anything like that to her but he just did. His desire was strong enough. He condemned the person who raped her yet just then he felt the same and he could have done the same. He was very near. Too near.
He heard her stirred up but feeling that he could never face her again, he let his face buried between his knees. He heard her footsteps coming closer to him. Don't let her find me, he pleaded. Please don't let her find me. But it was to no avail. The footsteps went only to one direction and that was towards him. Don't come, he cried mentally. I cannot trust myself with you, Firiel.
Surprisingly, he heard a faint voice in his head. It was Firiel's. *Then trust me…* it whispered. He turned around in amazement. The voice was still speaking in his head but Firiel did not open her mouth. He gasped. Still shocked by what he found, he did not realised Firiel sitting in front of him until her mouth was against his as she kissed him languorously. Her hand slide against his chest, slowly unbuttoning his tunic.
*Firiel, what are you doing?* he asked, convinced that she could hear him. He tried to stop her but it was a feeble attempt. He wanted her and she knew it.
*Taking your clothes off,* she teased. Her hand stopped to caress his chest sensuously before returning to its task. *You will fall ill should you wear wet raiment in this cold night.*
His hand curled around her back while the other stroked her face. *Then why are you kissing me?*
"Because I want to," she murmured against his lips. His top was undone and she slipped it away from him. He complied with her by removing the offending material away and took her in his arm.
"Can I do this then?" he asked as he lowered her to the wet grass, careful with her wounded arm. Then he manoeuvred his position so that she was lying with him on top of her. She made a low, throaty purr, which he took as an agreement. Removing the hair from her face, he traced down her neck with his finger before kissing her leaf-shaped ear.
She laughed in delight. Her mouth traced down his neck, nibbled at his jugular vein. He broke away from her, looking at her eyes shining brightly with happiness. He smiled and kissed her deeply; his hand went lower. He heard her silent gasped as he took part of her robe and slide his hand up tracing the curve of her body.
Suddenly, he tasted tears in his mouth. Pulling away from the kiss, he saw Firiel's eyes, filled with tears and an intense fear. An old fear. "Don't," she whimpered as his hand slide higher, revealing her soft skin underneath. "No, no, no." Her body shook uncontrollably. Stopping his movement, he held her still, steadying her.
He looked at her, confused when suddenly he understood. The raiment was a shield for her, something that he could not penetrate through. Not yet. Not now. Releasing her robe, he touched her face gently and whispered, "Worry not. I will not do it if you wished not to."
Firiel clung to him and sobbed. "I am sorry, Er-Galadh. I did not mean to-"
He silenced her by sealing her mouth with his. "It's alright. I should have anticipated this," he muttered against her moist lips.
She shook her head adamantly, sensing his displeasure. She knew he wanted her and she wanted to submit to him. He had yielded for too long and she had ignored his feeling. Too long.
She wanted to pleasure him even if it meant facing her greatest fear. She closed her eyes and taking the back of his hand in hers, she guided it down along her body, hearing his breathing, hard against her neck.
"Firiel, don't," his voice was husky. Already, she was trembling. Harder than before as she was trying to suppressed it. He refused to move his hand. Firiel, weak from self-restrain could not do anything else. Not even to weep. He rolled aside, bringing Firiel so that he was underneath her, her head rested on his bare chest. She dropped to him, having no strength left and he stroke her hair kissing the top of her head. "Not now, my love." he sighed and let the darkness took over him. "I love you."
The moon shone in the night sky, its light illuminated the pool beneath. Wind blew amongst the trees whispering the unspoken promise. "One day," it whispered. "One day."
OMG! How sappy is this story? Can't believe I was actually trembling while typing some of the stuff in this chapter. Really need go get going with the plot. This is quite a blasphemy even from my side. But it's needed for the development of the story. How crap is this? Flame in this chapter is welcomed if not expected. I don't think this chapter is well written at all. I don't know…I think I should rewrite it but I don't have much time and I would like to get going with the fight, so sorry about the sudden change of mood. A question though, should I put the rate higher?
A little explanation. I decided to do this after read and re-reading this story over and over again. I feel that I must explain the reason for Firiel sudden 'explosion,' let just say, and the way Er-Galadh reacted to it.
Firiel:
Why did she suddenly cried and asked Er-Galadh to stop?
The answer was because of the whole rape incident that happened more than a thousand years ago.
Then why on earth did she react that badly?
Because she had never truly dealt with it. She had put it aside. That's why she cried when telling Er-Galadh of the event. Because she actually never dealt with the feeling. It's like an untended wound, left aside with hope that it will disappear. But the truth is, it'll never disappear that way. It will only get worse. Let just hope there's no infection there.
What about Elen? Didn't she have to deal with it then? With Elen?
She actually detached Elen from the whole event. That's why she did not mention Elen when telling Er-Galadh about the incident.
Hope that'll explain some of the doubts about Firiel. Ask me for further explanation or if there's other question you want to know about her.
Er-Galadh:
Sure he's a male character but he's more female than male. He's more sensitive than Firiel that's one thing for sure. Firiel was violent and he was the passive one. Why is this?
The most obvious reason (and the only one) is because he's an elf. They are more restrained, trying not to make the wrong 'move' because they are blinded by emotions. I suppose it make them pretty boring or monotonous like what Er-Galadh said himself, but that doesn't mean that they do not posses any emotion. They become more sensitive because of that especially of others' feelings.
But that's just my interpretation of elves. Feel free to contradict me. It'll make quite a good discussion I think.
