AN: Just read more of Tolkien's work and got more inspiration… So I thought I start writing straight away so forgive me if the style of writing sort of changes as the story progress.
I'm pretty sure that most of you would have a clue about Firiel's past. In this chapter, I will try to incorporate her past more clearly. Hopefully this can come in handy…
Chapter 23: Only From Death Will You Find Life
Firiel released her hug and looked at her long lost daughter. Elen had black hair, just like her mother, though her face showed none of her elven heritage. People could easily mistake her for a mere child at first glance. The only difference was her leaf-shaped ears.
Firiel traced her finger lightly on her daughter's face. "I'm sorry, Elen. Sorry for what I put you through. I shouldn't have forced you to run away from those orcs. If only I know that they would…they would…" A tear rolled down her face as the past replied itself in her mind's eyes.
"My live would have been worse if I survive through to Dol Guldur and the end would have been the same. Mother, it does not matter anymore," Elen smiled as she replied. "I just missed you a lot."
Firiel laughed at her daughter's answer. "I'm here now, my star and I promise I will never leave you again." Suddenly aware of the presence of another nearby, Firiel turned her head up, locking her gaze at the woman next to them, and stood up.
She looked at the woman's face, unable to let go of her gaze. She was an elf, that much was obvious even at first glance. With beautiful, flowing golden hair and her fair skin, she was easily the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. But then again, she was the only elven lady she had ever seen and elves are the fairest beings to ever walk in Middle-earth.
Yet this was not the reason why she could not look away from the woman's face. It was the familiarity in it that compelled her, making her unable to look away. Those eyes, there were something about them that stirred something inside of her and she wondered why. It was as though she had seen it once and knew them so well.
The lady, well aware of the interest that Firiel clearly displayed, smiled and spoke, "What is it that ails your heart, my daughter?"
Her voice, soft as the wind amongst the leaves, woke Firiel from her own mind. Tilting her head slightly to avert her gaze, Firiel answered, "I only want to know who might you be. It is your eyes, my Lady. It reminds me of something."
Listening to what Firiel asked, the lady smiled and said, "I…"
The sound suddenly disappeared as Firiel was sucked away. Or maybe it was more likely that her surrounding was sucked away from her for she did not feel anything unusual. When Firiel realised what happened, she tried to run after them but it was too late.
Before long she was inside a hall. At the very end sat a king, mighty and glorified with a woman next to him, which she assumed as the queen. She motioned Firiel to come closer.
Firiel looked around the hall as she walked forward and noticed that there were also others there. Many of them. Fifteen they were in total including the two who she had noticed before.
Something inside of her stirred as she saw those around her. A voice rang inside her mind, a familiar voice. She heard the voice, but she did not believe it. Her heart refused to believe it thought the fact was laid right in front of her.
She looked at them one by one carefully. None she recognised save the last one whom name she exclaimed at the first glance she saw his face.
"Saruman!"
*****
Radagast watched as Er-Galadh lie the body of his apprentice to the ground. He stood up after a while, his gaze never leave the face of his loved one. Radagast walked forward and saw Firiel's peaceful expression and then he averted his look at the elf next to him.
Er-Galadh stood rigid from the ground. His lips trembled slightly as he struggled to mutter a silent blessing so her soul may pass to Mandos Hall. Never once did he finished the blessing for he was too overcome by his grieve. What is the point of living anymore, he thought over and over again in his mind, breaking his wavering concentration yet again.
Radagast saw the hardship Er-Galadh was going through and placed his hand on his shoulder. Er-Galadh turned his head around in surprise. It seemed that so deep was his grieving that he did not hear Radagast approached. Er-Galadh's alarmed expression softens as he saw Radagast's face, smiling softly, comforting his wounded soul. "Leave her be, Er-Galadh, she's no longer belongs here in Middle-earth. Let her go. She would not want you to grieve over her like this. It would only troubles her soul." Knowing that Er-Galadh would need time by himself and he had done all that he could, Radagast walked away, leaving him alone in the darkness of his mind.
After Radagast had left him, Er-Galadh stayed for a long while. His intention was to accompany her in her death but her last wish that he should stay alive no matter what stopped him from taking the final act. Instead, he kneeled down beside her body and started to dig a hole on the ground. At least, this way he could make sure that no creature would marred her body. This was the least he could do.
*****
Confusion flooded Firiel's mind as she saw Saruman standing in front of her. "What happened?" She asked almost to herself. "How can Saruman be here if I am here? Didn't I…?"
"Yes, Firiel, you were killed in Middle-earth. Saruman is not here. Physically he is still in Middle-earth," a deep voice said to her.
Firiel turned her head towards the source of the sound. A man was standing there, yet he was not one. Firiel knew who and what he was, but she refused to recognise him, not without a proof. "If it suits you, my Lord, may I ask of your name?"
"I am Namo, but I am well known amongst the quendi as Mandos."
Firiel inhale sharply as the last word reached her keen elven ears. The name, she had predicted, yet it still caught her by surprise. She was about to reply him, but another voice already spoke in her part.
"Do you not believe in the Valar, Firiel?" Firiel averted her gaze towards the woman next to the man she was addressing before. "I know you have heard about us once. Your father told you about us, do you not remember?"
"How could you know?" Firiel asked.
"You have not answer my question yet. Did your father not tell you about us?" the woman asked again in reply.
Firiel, knowing naught of her intention but it seemed that there was no point in lying since she knew of her past already. Reluctantly, she nodded. "Aye, my father have told me about the Valar, those who created Arda and dwells in Aman or the Blessed Realm. Fourteen they are in total, seven Valar and seven Valier." Looking around uncertainly, she recited a list of names that her father had told her so long ago.
Saruman looked at Firiel as she spoke of all the detail she knew of the Valar. Her knowledge surprised him immensely for not so many creatures in Middle-earth obtained the vast knowledge that she had. "How can your father knew of all these?" he asked Firiel.
"I do not know," Firiel answered sadly. The mention of her father had brought much grieve from her part. It seemed that the old wound had not yet heal and now is being uncovered again.
"Her father is one of the Numenor that survived the downfall of his race," Mandos answered for her. Saruman looked up in disbelief at Firiel but the half-elven seemed to be deep in her own thought.
The silence was interrupted with another question. "You remember all of us, yet you did not believe him?" Firiel raised her head to meet the person that addressed her. The woman that she now recognised as Varie, the Weaver, was the one that asked her.
"I believed him once, but not anymore…." By the end of this word, Saruman opened his mouth in anger but Manwe shook his head slightly and Firiel continued, "not after his death."
Firiel sighed. Her eyes were glazed as her mind cast back to the time when she saw her father for the last time. Her own voice rang in her head, repeating what her father had always said to her.
**"May the Valar protect you, Father" Firiel spoke, half in tears.
"Do you believe in them, my daughter?" his father had replied then
"Yes, father. I do" her tears flowed hard down her cheek and her hand wiped it subconsciously yet again.
Her father smiled as he saw his daughter's face, red from rubbing it too much. "Then I shall be back. Fear not, Firiel. If nothing else prevail, your faith alone will save me." and with that he bent down. Placing his lips between her eyes, he gave her his last blessing. "May the Valar protect you too, my child." Turning around, he mounted his horse and galloped through the wall that protected Gondor and her inhabitants from the enemy, never turning back. **
Firiel tilted her head up as she felt a tear threatened to drop. She blinked her eyes furiously, trying to diminish the overwhelming sadness in her heart. Suddenly, she felt a comforting weight on her shoulder. Subconsciously she lowered her head and tears fell from her eyes.
The woman in front of her was clad in grey and Firiel saw that she was crying also, not from grieve of her own but because of the sorrow that she felt in the half-elf in front of her. The mere presence of the woman comforted Firiel with a comfort she had, in her long life, never felt before.
"Why?" Firiel whimpered, feeling as though she was that barely 16 yrs old child again. Feeling betrayed, once again, by her faith, the faith that her father had given her. "Why did you not save him?"
"Your father chose his own destiny. He chose to trade his soul to save another and no blessing could save him from a certain death he knew he would obtain." The lady answered. "Just like what you did with Er-Galadh."
Firiel inhaled softly as she regained her control and composed herself back together. Looking at Nienna in front of her, she nodded in understanding before looking towards the Valar in the end of the Hall and asked in reference, "What is it that you want from me then for I am sure that I will not be here otherwise?"
"We were informed of your doings in Middle-Earth, Firiel…" Firiel bowed her head as these were mentioned. Carefully, she glanced at the white wizard, standing not too far away from her. The look on Saruman's face convinced her that her suspicion was true. He was the one who told the Valar of the many wrongs she had done; yet she was not angry with him. Any punishment would not be enough to pay back of the harms she caused. But what would befall her took her by surprise.
"…And so, you will be sent back to Middle-earth."
AN: All reviews are very much appreciated. Flames are welcome (I'm being very serious here. I personally think this chapter deserve one) and constructive criticism will be an honour to get.
