AN: This and the next chapter dwells more into the whole relationship between Er-Galadh and Firiel back in Gondor. From the time when Er-Galadh first met her to the time that he left her. I think it would be interesting to see the side of Firiel before she went through the hardship. But because the whole story will be too long to tell in detail, I will fast forward some part of it (You know how long it would take if I actually write it in detail… The whole 23 chapters (chapter 1-23, obviously) was meant to only go for 2-5 chapters in the first idea)
Elven Destiny, thank you for checking my story even though I haven't updated for ages. The only reason I can give you is that I was really busy with schoolwork and in two more days, it's exam time, so my progress was very slow lately. Plus, I lost the paper in which I wrote this chapter so…
Chapter 24: Recess of the Past
Er-Galadh looked down at the pallid face of his love for the last time. Her burial had become a sort of relief for him. With every soil that he put onto her body, he buried with it a part of his feeling for her. The last step was in front of him now, to let go of his feeling for her entirely.
He did it once before when he decided to leave her back in Gondor. Then, he had thought her to be a human and as much as he hated to admit, he did not want to forsake his immortality for an unknown future for he did not know back then the depth of her feelings towards him. He thought that he was merely a brother for her, someone to look up to in times of troubles and nothing more.
And now, looking at her face, he remembered back the time he first met her and of the ill news he had brought with him as well. He could not remember the place very well, but he could remember the dread he felt as he knocked on the wooden door. The dread that increased even more as a young girl opened the door, her face lit with happiness and anticipation, as she must have thought that it was her father that returned home.
Er-Galadh could remember the frown in her face as she saw an elf standing in front of her instead. An elf covered in mud and blood, an elf amongst the community of men. But her face did not lose its delight as she faced the unexpected guest and invited him inside, noting that her father was away for a while but should return soon. He could remember her offer for him to stay over for a while until her father return. An offer that was cut short as she saw the weapon he carried. As she realised of the fate that had come to pass.
Firiel was unconscious for a few days. He could remember contemplating on the fact that he must take care of the child, so young and naïve she seemed then for him. He could remember thinking to leave the place but he remembered the promise that he had given her father as he died in his arms. That he would take care of Firiel in his place even if it means leaving his previous life behind. And so he stayed and played his part.
But Firiel was proved to be a burden for him. After she woken up, she soon remembered and realised that her father had passed away. This shocked her very much so and in her grief she took a refuge only in herself. Never once did he see a tear on her face or a mournful reminiscent of her lost father. She ignored Er-Galadh on the better day and would scream at him on the worse. His presence brought great evil for her and she avoided him. Life was not easy then for both of them. He, bound by his promise, stayed even though she had attempted, countless times, to make him leave.
Er-Galadh would not leave, and Firiel, realising this, locked herself in attempt to shut him away from her life. This worried him even more for she would not leave the place even for mere nourishment. He tried to talk to her, but she was stubborn and in her stubbornness, she was slowly destroying herself. After a while, he could not take it anymore. He screamed at her, forcing her to let him in to her room. But no answer came. Not even a noise that indicated that a person was inside, yet he was very sure that she must be there. Overcame by fear, he forced his way inside the room and found a limp body, lying on the floor, helpless and perhaps even soulless.
Er-Galadh ran towards her, hoping against all hopes that she was still alive. But he was not to be disappointed, it seemed, and he sighed in relief as he heard the soft breathing that came from the motionless body. He took care of her for a few days and Firiel, weak from the lack of sustenance, was forced to let him do what he wished. But nothing changed as far as their relationship goes, not until one night.
Er-Galadh was asleep, or so Firiel thought, when she walked away from her room, leaving him standing in a corner alone. She staggered out from her house, in desperate search of the night sky. Little did she know that a figure followed her outside, worried of what idea was in her mind. She sat down as she sang a tune softly to herself, gazing at the stars above when her keen ears caught a sound of movement nearby. She turned her head and saw, to her surprise, Er-Galadh standing next to her, his mournful eyes looked also towards the dark sky of the night.
The sight of him then moved her. For all these times, she thought of him as an emotionless being, source of all her misery. But that night, it was as thought she saw him differently for the first time and she remembered all the times that he took care of her and all the times that she screamed at him, even though he had done naught to her. She felt remorseful at what she had done and wondered whether he missed his own family. After all, he had not seen any of his people ever since the day he stepped into her house. It was then that she feebly voiced her thought.
Er-Galadh frowned at the young girl. What brought her to ask such things never crossed his mind, but he answered her nonetheless. "I do miss Mirkwood, yes. But what I had promised your father, I dare not defy."
His answer astounded her, as she did not know of this promise. For all those times that the two were together, never have they spoken of her father. It was as though reciting his name would awaken the ghost that would best be left alone. And awakened he was, as her expression changed, remembering her father.
Pushing away the memory, she instead asked, "What promise did you made that forced you to stay here?"
Er-Galadh mused at her sudden change of manner. It seemed that what he did was to no vain after all. And perhaps if she would understand the predicament that happened between him and her father, perhaps then, she would hold no grudge against him any longer. But to bring himself to retell the incident brought unto him a great pain as the last image of her father crossed his mind. The person that saved his life and ultimately change it forever.
Firiel saw his expression changed and wondered whether it is best to simply leave it be for the time being. The hurt in his eyes was clearly visible to her and she wished not to see it. She would have been happy to see it once, but she did not want to see it then. There was something about that night then that really brought her feeling to surface. His expression then, reminded her so much of her own father's every time she asked for the whereabouts of her mother.
A Mother. A figure that was so common to others yet remained peculiar for her for she had never, in her lifetime, met this glorified figure of many of her friends. As far as she knew, she was put into this world without that figure. Without a mother.
"Your father died to save my life, Firiel and I promise him to take his place and take care of you," Er-Galadh muttered as he went back from his thoughts. But no sound came back in reply and it was then that he realised that he had lost his audience. Firiel's eyes were glazed, lost in her own lane of memory while her body shook slightly from the chill night air. It was then that he realised how long the two of them had been out in the open. Worried of her condition, he looked for something to hide her from the cool air but he, not anticipating this, brought nothing of use with him. And so, reluctantly, he whispered, "Come, Firiel. It is cold here, perhaps it is best to come back inside."
His voice scattered her thoughts and she stared blankly at him as her mind reeled, trying to remember the figure beside her. Yet she could not. And instead, she found herself wondering about him and how different he was from her and others that she knew yet how similar she was with him. This similarity that she had never seen or felt before. It awakened a part of her; a part that she never knew existed.
So she followed him, to a place that, again, she could not recognise and gave no resistant as he put her in a bed and waited with her till she slept. And Firiel woke up, remembered nothing about going back into her room during the night or of what happened to the mysterious figure. What she could remember was the feeling of peace and warmth that he left her before she drifted away to her sleep. The feeling that was the same to those that her father often gave her and so she concluded that the night was perhaps simply a dream and that the figure was perhaps her father. Until she met him again.
Er-Galadh was looking out from a window as she made her way out from her room. His acute elven ears heard the slight footsteps that the young girl made and he turned his head towards the source of the sound. It was then that she saw again the same expression of the mysterious figure from her dream.
"Er-Galadh?" she asked to herself in disbelief. The shock made her legs weak and she staggered, trying to find her balance.
Er-Galadh walks quickly to her side, catching her falling figure and supported it back up. Firiel clutched to his arms, her gaze never strayed from his face, showed countless questions that burned in her mind.
Er-Galadh tried to bring her towards the nearby seat, worried about the sudden change he encountered then and the night before but Firiel refused to move. She refused to let go of the hands that held her close, refused to let go of the feeling that invaded her once more. The comfort that she thought was a dream given by a figure of her father. But now she slowly came to realise that it was not her father, nor was it a dream. She did went outside last night and it was Er-Galadh that she followed back home, that put her back in her bed, that held her close as she asked him not to leave her alone again. And before she could stop it, a lone tear rolled down from her eyes.
AN: Ok, that was an abrupt end to a chapter but if I continue it'll go on for another few pages and I think it's long enough as it is so I have separated the chapter into two. The next one will come very soon. As soon as I find the paper in which I wrote it down anyway.
Character note: The night scene was a sort of purging that Firiel went through. As I've vaguely narrated, Firiel did not really deal with her feelings towards the leaving of her father and the coming of Er-Galadh into her life. She ran away instead, locking herself and, ultimately, her feelings.
The reason for this is, I think, the absence of the mother figure in her life. I don't think that she could tell her father about many things because he was a knight after all and he would have little time with her and the time that he does have (a bit of guilt trip here) he would have dotted her to compensate the time he left her on her own.
And I also think that Firiel is a bit of a spoiled child back then, especially because she did not have a mother and she was the only child… so I think it is interesting how far she went from that personality into the one we all know so well. But…I don't know. I hope this make some sense for you guys… (I lost myself somewhere along the way too, so…)
