Awkward Pauses
She didn't know how to approach him. Over the course of the weekend, she'd realized that she would have to be the adult this time. He wouldn't make the first move. If she guessed correctly, he would beeline towards his office and shut the door behind him. And although she knew all this, she still didn't know how she should begin a conversation that neither person wanted to have. Could she just come and out say, I'm sorry we broke our hearts and then trampled on them later?
What did she say to him that would take the pain away from Saturday night? She slumped behind her desk and rubbed her eyes. Why did she have to be the person who apologized when he breached their understanding too? She swallowed hard and twisted her fingers together in a tight fist.
Her heart hurt too. She hated seeing them together. Yes, she had Adam and he was a wonderful guy. Maybe one day, she'd even like him. But, it was quite possible she would never love him. Not like she - God, it was too early in the morning to think about all of this. All she wanted to do was hide and instead she was forcing herself to watch the bullpen for the man from whom she wanted to hide.
She caught sight of him. As predicted, he called out good mornings and went straight into his office. Forcing her toes to uncurl in her shoes, she heaved a sigh and pushed herself away from her desk. She didn't knock; she didn't want to give him time to compose himself. "Harm?" she called softly as she opened the door.
He was standing by his desk flipping through letters and the remnants of Friday's mail. Looking up from under his eyebrows, he asked, "Don't you knock?"
She shifted her weight from one hip to the other. "Not today." Her hand remained on the doorknob. "I.." She broke off and looked around his office, miserably unsure of how to proceed. "About Saturday, I just wanted to say I'm sorry."
He tossed the mail into his inbox. Cracking open his briefcase, he pulled out the files he had brought home over the weekend. The silence grew until Mac wasn't sure he would answer her. Her foot was posed behind her, ready to flee if the tension grew worse.
"Me too," he said after a few minutes.
"I meant it when I said it wasn't my idea."
"Me too," he echoed. She waited for him to continue. When he didn't, when it looked like he was only going to start working on the piles in front of him, she twisted her torso to walk away. His softly spoken "Did you have fun?" was almost unnoticed.
She paused and glanced back over her shoulder. "I've had better."
He flashed her a quick smile. "Yeah, me too."
She smiled back. "I'll let you get to work." She nodded at the files. "Looks like you have your hands full."
"Yeah. No rest for the weary, I guess." He paused and raised his eyebrow. "Or for those of us facing the Admiral's wrath."
"If you need anyone to dig you out," she called over her shoulder, "you know where to find me." She pulled the door shut behind her, looking, she hoped, decidedly more carefree than she felt.
She didn't know how to approach him. Over the course of the weekend, she'd realized that she would have to be the adult this time. He wouldn't make the first move. If she guessed correctly, he would beeline towards his office and shut the door behind him. And although she knew all this, she still didn't know how she should begin a conversation that neither person wanted to have. Could she just come and out say, I'm sorry we broke our hearts and then trampled on them later?
What did she say to him that would take the pain away from Saturday night? She slumped behind her desk and rubbed her eyes. Why did she have to be the person who apologized when he breached their understanding too? She swallowed hard and twisted her fingers together in a tight fist.
Her heart hurt too. She hated seeing them together. Yes, she had Adam and he was a wonderful guy. Maybe one day, she'd even like him. But, it was quite possible she would never love him. Not like she - God, it was too early in the morning to think about all of this. All she wanted to do was hide and instead she was forcing herself to watch the bullpen for the man from whom she wanted to hide.
She caught sight of him. As predicted, he called out good mornings and went straight into his office. Forcing her toes to uncurl in her shoes, she heaved a sigh and pushed herself away from her desk. She didn't knock; she didn't want to give him time to compose himself. "Harm?" she called softly as she opened the door.
He was standing by his desk flipping through letters and the remnants of Friday's mail. Looking up from under his eyebrows, he asked, "Don't you knock?"
She shifted her weight from one hip to the other. "Not today." Her hand remained on the doorknob. "I.." She broke off and looked around his office, miserably unsure of how to proceed. "About Saturday, I just wanted to say I'm sorry."
He tossed the mail into his inbox. Cracking open his briefcase, he pulled out the files he had brought home over the weekend. The silence grew until Mac wasn't sure he would answer her. Her foot was posed behind her, ready to flee if the tension grew worse.
"Me too," he said after a few minutes.
"I meant it when I said it wasn't my idea."
"Me too," he echoed. She waited for him to continue. When he didn't, when it looked like he was only going to start working on the piles in front of him, she twisted her torso to walk away. His softly spoken "Did you have fun?" was almost unnoticed.
She paused and glanced back over her shoulder. "I've had better."
He flashed her a quick smile. "Yeah, me too."
She smiled back. "I'll let you get to work." She nodded at the files. "Looks like you have your hands full."
"Yeah. No rest for the weary, I guess." He paused and raised his eyebrow. "Or for those of us facing the Admiral's wrath."
"If you need anyone to dig you out," she called over her shoulder, "you know where to find me." She pulled the door shut behind her, looking, she hoped, decidedly more carefree than she felt.
