Author's Note: I'm going to see Limp Bizkit in September. Nothing more needs to be said.

Reclaim My Place

"Too alarming now to talk about,

 Take your pictures down,

 And shake it out,

 Truth or consequence,

 Say it out loud,

 Use that evidence,

 Race it around,

 There goes my hero

 Watch him as he goes,

 There goes my hero,

 He's ordinary"

Hero - Foo Fighters

"Things have never been so swell,

 And I have never been so well"

You Know You're Right - Nirvana

Five minutes after everyone had made sure the airlock doors of Quarantine were shut, they made their weary way to the kitchen. To say the air was sombre, would be to say the sky can be found in a sort of upward direction. No one had any idea of what to say. After sitting down, Shayne took out a cigarette and offered the rest of the pack round. Only Lister, Rimmer and, surprisingly, Kochanski accepted. Shayne was going to say something, but merely shrugged. She had been keeping a pack of regular cigarettes in an empty pack of herbal. Kochanski hated her smoking. Especially non-herbal. Shayne deduced that Kochanski wouldn't say anything... Not under these circumstances.

Kochanski hadn't smoked since she was 18 and it showed. She clumsily pawed at Shayne's Zippo and once she got it to light, she nearly lit the filter butt. No one was asking why she was smoking, but if they had, Kochanski would have told them. She needed, wanted to smoke. She wanted to feel the weight of the smoke as it swam through her lungs, the guilt she would feel after smoking the cigarette and then the ambiguous scent of nicotine on her fingers. The scent that was both intoxicating  and repulsive. Kochanski had to have all this, just... Just so she didn't have to think about the fact that another member of their crew had died. She inhaled deeply and this developed into a huge coughing fit. Kochanski was thankful for this distraction as well.

Rimmer was enjoying his cigarette more than Kochanski. Despite his pretension to Lister that suggested other wise, Rimmer did enjoy the occasional cigarette. He held the cigarette in his right hand and gripped tight to Lister's thigh with his left. He had no idea what to say. First he had accused Lister of rape and then Lister had gone onto watch two of his closest friends die. What can you actually say that?

Lister held his cigarette limply in his hand. All he could hear, taste and smell was death.

After twenty minutes or so, the monitor in the kitchen lit up to reveal Holly's face. He took one look around the room and gave the best smile he could muster.

"Alright dudes?" He asked. "No... No. Silly question, yeah?"

Holly turned to to look at Lister. Lister looked over the dark bags of his eyes and locked eyes with Holly. If Holly was human, he would have swallowed like they did in the cartoons. He wasn't, but he did anyway.

"Look, Lister, I'll bugger off, but before I do... Ace, well, Ace wanted me to show you this."

Holly's face faded out and was replaced by the visage of Ace Rimmer. The video appeared to have been filmed in the cockpit of Wildfire, Ace's ship. He looked into the camera and gave a big broad smile. JayVee could feel her bottom lip quiver. Sensing this, the Cat put a supportive arm around his girlfriend.

"Hello there." Ace started. "Well, to coin a cliché, if you're watching this then I'm afraid I'm probably dead. So, is Judas. Hopefully, Kryten is still with you, but if not, then I'm deeply sorry. Well, first things first, I may as well end this pretence."

On screen, Ace removed his wig to reveal the brown curly associated with nearly every Rimmer in the world. There were a few gasps and murmurs from the group. Lister could have openly weeped. If he was right, he knew Ace was about to confess who he really was.

"What the hell?" The Cat cried, "Why's he wearing that wig? Furthermore, what's he want to take it off for? He look's like that smeghead Rimmer."

Rimmer glanced at Cat.

"Um, the old one. The one we used to live with." The Cat corrected himself.

Everyone turned their attention back to the screen.

"Well, if I've guessed correctly, the Cat has jumped up and is probably meowing about how I look like that 'smeghead Rimmer'. Well, my little, should have been tied up in a burlap sack and dropped in a river at birth, feline friend... I am that smeghead Rimmer."

Ace smiled proudly until his nostrils flared. He then went onto describe the events on board Star Bug before Kochanski came along. The day a dying hologram of Ace Rimmer had asked a pretensious, cowardly Arnold Judas Rimmer to take control of the Ace legend.

"The only person who truly knew who I was was Lister." Ace continued. "When Judas came aboard, I decided to inform Holly and Kryten. Cat, I'm sorry you were left out of the loop, but I didn't want you to be part of the plan. You have too much to live for. You have JayVee."

The Cat squeezed JayVee closer to him. JayVee began to cry. Knowing what the plan was and how it had turned out, she couldn't imagine continuing life without the Cat. The thought was just unbearable.

"Lister, I hope you can forgive me. After all that bullshit about keeping Judas in prison until we could think of something... The minute he came aboard this ship, I knew that he would have to die by my hands. After what he did to me... To Sarah..."

The group threw looks at each other. Everyone of them was wondering who this Sarah was. Lister sighed. He knew exactly who Sarah was. Ace's wife. A woman Lister had never met and who had been killed by Judas. The fact that Ace hadn't gone into further detail in the video meant that he hadn't really wanted anyone to truly know who Sarah was. As such, Lister decided that he wouldn't share his knowledge with the rest of the gang. Afterall, when the video finished, he'd have to explain why he hadn't told anyone about Ace's true identity.

"Not wanting to worry you all, I decided that the best people to talk to were Holly and Kryten. Y'know, Kryten is a lot braver then I ever gave him credit for. I guess being Ace for so many years makes you see things in a different light. We have decided that we are going to simply take Judas out. A little 'Pulp Fiction', but it should work. If not, then we do have plan B, but hopefully, we won't have to resort to that."

Lister closed his eyes and visions of plan B ran through his mind. Flashes of Kryten and Ace being sucked out into space. Images that would stay with him forever.

"Well, before I go, I just want to say goodbye. Lister, I can't say it's been a pleasure being your room mat, but I want to thank you for everything you've done. If you hadn't encouraged me to become Ace, I would never have discovered the real me. Oh, and for the love of God, get rid of that silly pigtail.

"Cat, I've noticed a welcome change in you. You've matured. I'm just sorry I've not been able to appreciate it for long. Now, you look after JayVee. She's a lovely lady. Good stock. Child bearing hips as well.

"Shayne and JayVee, it was a pleasure to meet you. All the best to you. Finally, Ms. Kochanski... So, you're a lesbian, eh? Well, that explains why you went out with Lister. I know you were from a separate reality from myself, but if things were only different from the point when you went into stasis, then can I take the opportunity to apologise for all those times I bothered you about the Rimmer salute. You can't blame a guy for trying can you? Well... that's it. Take care to all of you."

Ace gave the full Rimmer salute and signed off. At once every person in the kitchen stood up and mirrored the salute. Shayne completely messed it up and nearly knocked herself. The accident was a welcome comic relief and everyone was able to giggle. Even Lister managed to raise a smile. The rest of night was spent with Lister recalling the tale of how he had pretended he was a hologrammatic knight in order to give Rimmer the courage to become Ace. The Cat seemed to adapt to the fact that he had been kept out of the loop quite well. However, he did demand that should anyone else in the group pretend to die then could they at least warn him in advance. They then spent a good four hours drinking hard.

"Holly!" Lister slurred after his tenth pint.

Sheepishly, Holy appeared on the monitor.

"Yes, Dave?" he murmured.

Lister held up his half filled pint glass and smiled.

"This one's for you, you smeg head. No hard feelings, eh?"

"Thanks, Dave." Holly smiled.

Soon, everyone retired to bed. Questions still hung in the air. Why had Kryten sacrificed himself to help Ace? What was the full story behind Ace and Sarah? And what in the Smeg were they gonna do about Wildfire?  In Rimmer and Lister's room, these questions gave way to kissing and soon, they were making love for the first time in months. When Lister had fallen into a post-coitus sleep, Rimmer snuck out of bed. Something had been bugging him and he knew what he had to do.

-//-

The next morning everyone, except Rimmer, was gathered around the breakfast table enjoying a hearty breakfast. It had been decided that today they would hold a funeral in memory of Kryten and Ace. Lister smiled. For some reason he felt relieved. Everything that had happened with Judas had helped him realise how much he loved Rimmer. In fact, it was safe to say that he loved Rimmer more then he had ever doe before. Lister looked over at the other to couples of Star Bug. They, too, looked like they had rediscovered each other. Death had a weird way of doing that. You don't know what you've got till it's gone, so while it's still there make the most of it. That's how Lister was looking at it.

As Lister lit up a cigarette, he heard Kochanski gasp. Thinking that she'd burnt her mouth on her coffee, he looked up and made to say something sarcastic. His smile sank quickly when he noticed the figure stood near the stairs.

"Ace!" Lister cried.

Lister stumbled out of his seat and ran towards Ace. He threw his arms around him and squeezed hard. As he hugged, Lister realised that something was wrong. Ace wasn't hugging him back. He pulled back and looked Ace in the eyes. At once he knew.

"Rimmer!"

"H-hello, S-skipper." Rimmer stuttered.

Lister nearly fell backwards onto JayVee.

"What are you doing, Rimmer?" Shayne frowned.

"Isn't it obvious?" Rimmer said sweeping his hands across the gold flight jacket he was wearing.

"Time out! Time out!" Lister said, "Rimmer, don't do this. You can't."

"Listy, I have to."

Holly, Shayne, Kochanski, Cat and JayVee decided to keep out of this. Rimmer had got it into his head that he was going to be Ace. They each had their own opinions about the situation, but they were nothing compared to Lister's. His were the only ones that mattered. Lister took a deep drag on his cigarette.

"Bullshit!" Lister shouted. "No you don't!"

"Lister, I can't let your friend die and not take his place. He did it and another Rimmer did it before him. It's my destiny..."

Lister threw down his cigarette and launched into Rimmer. He threw punches at Rimmer's chest. Rimmer took the brunt of them as he tried to wrap his arms around Lister. He succeeded and cradled a weeping Lister.

"But what about the training?" Kochanski asked, "I thought you had to go through a rigorous training pattern before you became Ace."

"Mind patch." Rimmer said tapping his head. "I found them on Wildfire. In case of emergencies. I know everything that has happened to every Ace since the first incarnation. Training comes as standard. I need to do this. Since Ace arrived, I've been trying to work out my place in life. I never felt I was truly Arnold Rimmer. I was just a  photocopy. I'm so sorry, Lister, but becoming Ace just seems to be the right thing to do."

Lister looked up into Rimmer's eyes. He began to speak. As he did so it felt like he was trying to give birth to the words.

"Then go. Just please don't forget me."

"As if I would." Rimmer smiled. "I've been trying to scrub your smell off me for ages, but to no success."

Lister pulled away and laughed. Then, he began to kiss Rimmer passionately. At that moment in time, they were the only people in the room, in Star Bug, in the Universe.

-//-

The funeral service turned out to be more of a wake then anything else. The last of the alcohol was drunk and the afternoon was spent singing various songs. Most of them made up and a lot of them including references to penises, breasts and rude words. Only Rimmer didn't drink. He was sure that Wildfire's computer would be OK to fly, but he didn't want to take the risk of commandeering a ship by himself. Especially when pissed.

As the afternoon blended into the evening, Rimmer decided it was time to go. Everyone walked solemnly down to the landing bay. Once there, Rimmer hugged and kissed everyone. In the case of Lister, he did so several times. As he was about to climb aboard, he  turned to his old gang.

"Oh, yes!" He beamed. "I meant to give you this."

Rimmer pulled a mini-disc out of his pocket and threw it to Lister.

"What is it?" The Cat asked.

"It's engineering calculations. I think Ace was going to give it to you before he left. If a computer with an IQ of, say, 6000 was to analyse them they would find the theory for a Dimension Jump drive."

"You what?" Holly said. "Where are we going to find a super computer round here?"

"I was thinking that you'd be able to look at them." Rimmer sighed.

"I'll give it go, but I can't promise anything. I'm still trying to work out the ending to 'Fight Club'. I mean, they were same person, right? Then how was he able to have sex with Marla and still go shopping. What about that bit when he shot himself? I mean, surely..."

"Holly!" Shayne shouted.

"Sorry."

Rimmer climbed into the cockpit of Wildfire and sighed.

"Well, this is it. Um, smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast!" Rimmer paused. "You know, I think Ace is going to stop saying that phrase soon."

And with a final shout of goodbyes, the newly knighted Ace departed from Star Bug 1.

The rest of the gang gathered round Lister and hugged him. Lister pushed them away.

"Oh, fuck off with the group hugs. This isn't 'Friends'." he beamed.

-//-

"Okay!" Kochanski said. "Are we ready?"

It had taken a month for Holly to analyse the data given to him, but he did crack it. It was then another month as they went about salvaging the parts they needed and another was used up in order to put the thing together. Once it was done, Star Bug 1 was then capable of jumping dimensions. On the 27th April HMT (Holly Mean Time), a crew made up of felons and felines gathered in the bridge on Star Bug and braced themselves as Kochanski pushed a buttons and started her up.

"Where are going to go?" JayVee asked.

"I haven't got the foggiest." Kochanski replied. "Hopefully, a  universe where Hollister isn't trying to catch up with us."

Everyone shuddered. The fat bastard captain of Red Dwarf had promised he would catch up with them and they all worried about the day when he did.

"Well, then, let's just hope they've got curry." Lister chirped.

"Yes, and let's hope your farts don't smell either." The Cat said.

Suddenly, Star Bug began to rattle and shake. There was a blinding flash of light and then everything returned to normal. Lister picked himself off the floor.

"What the smeg happened there?"

"Oops, sorry." Holly replied. "I got so bored of waiting for you lot to stop yakking I just kicked her into gear. I wasn't expecting it to be that quick."

"Cheers, Holly. I nearly broke me friggin' leg." Lister said sternly.

"Um, guys." Shayne interrupted.

"What?"

Shayne pointed out of the window everyone else was looking out of. In front of Star Bug was a colossal ship. It was about five miles long and red. Really red. Really, really red. Remnants of asteroids were embedded in the hull of the ship.

"Christ, it's  Red Dwarf." someone said.

"We're being hailed by them." Holly said.

Lister looked at everyone and shrugged. "Punch it up."

On the visi-screen next to Holly appeared the face of a peroxide blonde female. Her face was a deathly white. The only colour in her entire face was her fire engine red lipstick.

"This is the JMC Red Dwarf." She said. "You have been identified as being Star Bug 1. Bit of a problem as we already have one. Please state your name."

"Gordon Bennett!" Holly cried, "It's me!"

"Eh?" the female Holly said. "Gordon Bennett? Your parents loved you, didn't they!"

Lister stepped up to the screen.

"Alright... Hol?"

If she could have been capable of it, the female Holly would have taken a step back.

"Dave?!"

"Hiya, Hol. Permission to come on board."

"Bloody Hell! Right, well, go to landing bay 5. I'll let the others know you're here."

As Star Bug went in to dock, everyone began to feel a bit tense. Especially Shayne and JayVee. They couldn't understand why the Holly in this universe was female. Once they had landed they all gathered to the exit and opened the door. A flight of steps had been placed in front of the exit. At the bottom, two people stood staring open mouthed at their new guests. One was a mechanoid and the other was a hologram of Red Dwarf's Second Technician. Lister's face cracked open into an enormous smile.

"Rimmer! You Smeg head, come here!"

Lister bounded down the stairs and made to jump on Rimmer. Rimmer threw his arms up to protect himself as Lister passed ungracefully right through his body. When they rest of the group reached the bottom of the steps, the mechanoid was bent over a flat out Lister and checking his pulse.

"He's unconscious, Mr Rimmer Sir." he said.

"Thank you Kryten." Rimmer said.

He turned to face the rest of the group.

"Right, well it's quite clear that certain things need explaining, but before that, can I just say that we surrender. Sorry for knocking out your friend there. Is there any chance you could overlook that and let us live. In fact, if you wanted to have sex with me, then I'd be more then willing to accommodate, sir."

Rimmer pointed to the member of the group on the far left.

"Sir?!" Shayne shouted. "I'll fucking give you 'sir'."

Rimmer pelted out of landing bay followed by a steaming Shayne. JayVee watched them disappear and then turned to Kochanski.

"Seriously though," she asked "What's going on?"

Kryten's beige, plastic face smiled. "Anyone for tea and biscuits?"