Chapter Eleven
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters. Not a one.
A/N: Thanks for your reviews, guys! I love you all tremendously. Here is chapter eleven, and I have to say that I really enjoyed writing it. I have a few comments at the end of the story, but I thought that rather than spoil anything I'd just wait until the end. So, here it is! Read for yourself!
Chapter Eleven
~~**~~
James leaned with one arm propped against the wall, facing the courtyard. He didn't notice Lily as she approached him until she reached out to place her hand on his shoulder.
"James," she said, and seeing the look in his eyes, found she was incapable of offering any words. He ran his fingers through her hair, flinging secrecy to the wind. That was a game they were doomed to lose. His eyes were dark and hollow, as if he'd lost the last shred of happiness and was now lifeless. When he smiled softly, she knew it was strained. His entire manner seemed labored; he was struggling and she could sense it radiating from him. Yet he remained silent.
"James," she tried again, but her own voice sounded foreign to her ears. "That letter…"
He breathed out slowly, focusing on her lips as she spoke, avoiding at all costs those bright, penetrating eyes. When he didn't answer she clutched his hand in hers, forcing him to lift his eyes to hers.
"They haven't found him yet," he said.
"Who? James, tell me. What did that letter say?"
He sighed and glanced away, removing his hand from hers. "The letter was from my mother," he muttered, "telling me that the Ministry is still searching for my father. Most likely for a funeral."
Her mouth dropped open slightly, but she stammered, "Why?"
James gave her a weary look that begged her not to question further, yet his mouth was gushing forth the words before he realized it. "She said he'd decided to help out some of the Aurors, a mission of sorts. Mum told him it was foolish, but…well," he smiled sadly, "that's dad."
Lily sat down gently on the ledge of the window, stunned. She stared up at him, "What went wrong?" The simplicity of the question made the whole thing seem trifling, though inside he knew she hadn't intended it sound the way it had. At the moment, his frustration was overwhelming him.
"What couldn't have gone wrong, Lily?" His anger was fully apparent now, and he stood taller. "Nobody knows what's going on, or how to handle it. It's a blind rush into death. There were five people in that group, and three haven't yet turned up. They wanted to face something, well they sure as hell did!"
"Who's to say he's not alive, James?!"
He let out a sigh, his voice having been echoing through the hallways only moments before. "This one's too close for optimism. I don't have that great of supply."
She dared to take his hands again, hoping he wouldn't move away. "I can't tell you to be optimistic. It would just be pretending, and holding pain inside is poison." She squeezed his hand, "Don't carry this around by yourself."
"Throwing my own advice in my face, now," he murmured.
"No, I'm just offering it to you."
"It's amazingly hard to be on the receiving end of it."
Lily scooted of the ledge, releasing his hand to touch his cheek, grateful when he drew her near. "I'm not giving up hope yet, James."
"I don't think that's wise," he breathed. In his eyes was pained but firm resolve. He could not be persuaded. Lily could sense his composure draining. Her own eyes prickling with tears, she wrapped her arms around him, leaning her head against his shoulder. His breathing was shaky as he fought to control the flood of emotions. The pair embraced, the world narrowing to where they stood, as another two rounded the corner. They watched as James held Lily tightly, fending off his sorrow, and heard her words being whispered in the stillness of the corridor.
~~**~~
Minerva glanced to Albus Dumbledore, raising her hand to her mouth. She was about to speak, but stopped when he simply lifted his hand. His eyes seemed to say, "Let them have their moment."
~~**~~
In front of them, Lily's gently murmured confession reached James's ears. The warmth of her breath against his neck, the way she nestled against him so perfectly, clouded his perception and delayed his mind from registering her words. When he finally realized what she'd said, he pulled back to look at her, disbelievingly.
"I love you…" the words were like a drug, making his thoughts slow and hazy. For a moment, his grief was quieted, outdone by a kind of stupor that had formed over him. He tried to respond, but saw out of the corner of his eye two lone figures watching at the end of the corridor. Lily saw his eyes glance in their direction and looked as well.
"Mr. Potter, Ms. Evans," Dumbledore said, without the slightest trace of a smile, "I need to have a word with you both."
~**~~
Laura sat down at the Gryffindor table, shaking her head. Remus glanced up from his parchment.
"I can't figure out what's gotten into her," she muttered.
"I assume you are referring to Lily," Remus said, setting down his quill. Peter had joined him and was busy with his toast, finding it quite the highlight of the morning. Remus raised his eyebrows at his happily munching friend and then looked back to Laura.
"Yeah. She's been acting strange lately."
Peter snorted, though it was hard to determine if he was laughing or merely choking on toast. "Lily? Acting strange? Never."
Remus sighed, "She did come in here a few minutes ago in quite a rush, but she didn't really explain why."
"She didn't say anything at all? "She needed to find James, said something about a letter, and dashed off to find him."
Laura set her fork down, instantly looking irritated. "I think I know exactly what happened," she said.
Peter glanced up from his toast to listen, hearing Laura's tone.
"Probably got a letter from her father," she continued, "and she refuses to talk about it with me. Keeps it all one big secret, like she doesn't want anyone to know what's going on. Well if she can go run to talk to James about it and not her best mate then I really don't see the point in telling her anything either. Honestly, James? I'm sure he makes a wonderful conversationalist."
"Actually," a voice interjected, "You're wrong."
The three looked up to see Sirius standing behind her, his grin replaced by a frown. In fact, he looked years older, it seemed.
"About James? I really don't care," Laura snapped, still apparently angry.
"No," he replied, "About the whole thing. You have no idea what you're going on about, Laura."
She looked at him as if stung, but said calmly, "Then why don't you tell us all what happened then. You seem to know."
Sirius took his seat, facing the three pairs of eyes focused on him. "It's really not my business to say."
"What do you mean, "it's not your business?" You're so keen to correct me but you won't even tell us what's going on?"
Sirius sighed, "You'll have to talk to James," he said. "I think he'd prefer if I didn't tell you."
Remus frowned, "Lily mentioned a letter. This has something to do with it. Have you spoken to James today?"
"I'll just ask Lily," Laura told them, interrupting. "Much easier than finding James."
Sirius temper flared, having been constantly on edge for hours now. "What makes you think that she's going to tell you? You said it yourself, she doesn't tell you anything!"
Laura slammed her goblet down, rising to her feet. Her temper almost matched his. "Better than trying to get an explanation out of you!"
"You're…" he sputtered, "aargh!" His hand flew in the air in frustration, and he didn't bother to watch as she stormed out of the Great Hall.
Remus sat in silence, but Peter piped up, "Competing for the place of James and Lily?"
Sirius glared at him, picked up his goblet, and drained the contents over Peter's head before exiting the room himself.
~~**~~
"James, I understand you received a letter from your mother last night," Dumbledore said gently. He folded his hands on his desk, peering from behind his spectacles at James and Lily. Lily had only been in the headmaster's office twice during her seven years at Hogwarts and marveled at the multitude of objects around her. So many devices she could not name, or know their purpose, sat on shelves or on tables, reflecting the light of the room. Now, she focused on Dumbledore.
"Yes," James responded. Lily could see he wasn't pleased at the idea of talking about it all over again, but knew there was nothing either of them could do.
"I have spoken with your mother already this morning," Dumbledore told him, "She is quite shaken up, as you can imagine."
Lily suddenly wanted to jump out of her seat and say, "Well of course! What about James?!!" Fortunately, she refrained from any outburst.
James simply responded, "I know. I could tell from the letter."
Dumbledore nodded, "The Ministry is doing all they can."
At this Lily let a disgusted reaction escape her lips, catching the headmaster's attention. When he looked at her without response she said, "The Ministry is about as clueless as a bunch of children! You say that they are doing their best, but I disagree. James's father is out there-"
"Lily," James touched her arm, but Dumbledore cut him off.
"Let her continue," he said calmly.
She seemed momentarily thrown off, but managed to regain her thoughts. "What are they doing to help? Nothing is ever accomplished by the Ministry. Wizards, good wizards, end up losing their lives because of stupid mistakes. How long are we going to sit here while this goes on?!"
Dumbledore sat contemplating this, and then said, " You're absolutely right."
"What?"
"I said, you are right. Good wizards are losing their lives, it seems like nothing is being done, but I assure you, there are those of us that do care, and are working on the situation at hand." He looked to James, leaving Lily staring.
"James, your father is part of the Union of Secrecy."
"The what?"
"The Union of Secrecy. He is a member, as am I. You see, there are wizards who feel very much like you, Ms. Evans, and wish to do something about the terrible events around us. Some of the members you may know, or have heard of, and others most likely not. There are a great deal of us, as the Minster of Magic knows. More often than not, we tend to take matters into our own hands by gathering information, or even spying. Your own father, Lily, works for us as well. I am sure he hasn't mentioned it." Dumbledore looked back to James, "The night that your father went with the group to head off Voldemort, three of party were members."
"They are the three still missing?" James had caught on and was now fully comprehending what had happened.
Dumbledore frowned, "I am afraid so. I do not want to further increase your worry, James, but I must tell you, one of those missing persons has been found. I regret to say that he is no longer with us."
"And my father," James asked quietly.
"We have reason to believe he may have also suffered the same fate." Dumbledore's eyes showed every bit as much sympathy as Lily's, though she found herself growing angry with him.
"I don't understand," she said, "how is it that two could have escaped? Why haven't the others turned up?"
"The group faced an unexpected number of Death Eaters, and decided to abandon the scene . They knew their power was not as strong as an entire assembly of Voldemort's supporters. However, our wizards lost contact with each other during their escape."
James winced, "They have him. That's why he hasn't shown up yet. Or he is already dead."
Dumbledore looked apologetically at James, who was staring at the floor. "As much as it grieves me to say it, that may very well be true."
Lily had gone pale, her heart wrenching at James's obvious misery. "How long will they search?"
"I cannot say. I am sure they will continue for a few more days, at least. After that,…"
James looked ill. His face had taken a grayish shade and he was looking so intensely at the carpet Lily thought it might burst into flame. He appeared about ready to collapse, and she reached over to grasp his hand. He didn't look up.
"Is there nothing they can do? A few days? What if he is alive?" She glared at Dumbledore, unsure why her anger was directed at him, but feeling it emanating from deep within nonetheless.
"I am sure they will give their best efforts, Lily," he said gently, "We have members form the Union working on it as well. But eventually, we will have to face the outcome."
James's fingers twitched. Lily felt his pain in every glance she took. "That's not good enough," she said suddenly.
"I am sorry, Ms. Evans, but we all must accept what happens, even though I know all of us wish it weren't so."
"You speak as though he is already dead! Am I the only one who has hope?"
"Not at all. I do advise, however, not to let it grow too greatly."
"I know the circumstances, headmaster," Lily said heatedly.
"This Union, can you be sure that you trust everyone in it?" James's voice was flat, as if he was speaking from dreams.
"You think that someone may have let information slip? I am entirely confident in saying that each member is trustworthy, yes."
"It seems strange to me that they faced such a large assembly of Death Eaters. Were they not given information that told them the whereabouts of a very small number of supporters?"
"It is entirely possible that someone may have warned them, you're right. But I do not believe it came from within the Union."
James glanced up, finally breaking away from the ground. "You may want to check your members' loyalty."
Lily had been thinking for a few minutes as well, "Is it not also possible that someone from the ministry may have tipped them off?"
Dumbledore gave the slightest hint of a smile, or so it seemed to her, before replying, "That may be the case. I had thought about that as well."
"Then who can we trust? If those who are supposed to be fighting for good are the ones who are doing the most damage?" She sat forward in her chair, looking steadily at Dumbledore.
"In times such as these, Ms. Evans, who is qualified enough to gain our confidence? I have my intuitions about certain people," he said, "for example, those who are part of the Union."
"And outside of that?"
The headmaster frowned, "I would like to know the answer to that myself."
~~**~~
James sat staring into nothingness. He sat in the common room, having been excused from classes for the day. He almost wished he hadn't been. This solitude was torture. The only activity he had the luxury of enjoying was running things over continually in his mind.
"Might as well be thankful for the quiet," he thought, "because in about three hours, I'm going to be bombarded with more questions than ever in my life." And then, he thought back to the corridor. Standing with his arms around Lily as she tried to comfort him, holding her and trying to forget his grief. He'd not had the chance to fully take in her words, but yet she'd said them.
"I love you…" they lingered in his mind, bringing him temporary release. But had she meant it, he wondered. Had she been trying to soothe him and said the first thing that came to mind?
"Let it go, Prongs," he thought, "she told you she loved you, stop trying to second-guess everything. Just let it be."
For a second he felt he must have imagined it, but knew he hadn't. He found himself unable to even think of a response, let alone bring it up when he had the chance to talk to her.
"You didn't respond in the first place," he thought, "you just looked at her like an idiot."
The sound of the portrait swinging open jolted him to awareness, and he turned on the couch to see who was entering. He prayed it wasn't anyone who wanted to talk to him. He didn't think he could handle it right then.
To his surprise, he saw Lily step through the portrait hole.
"What are you doing here?" He didn't know whether to feel relieved or apprehensive, but she offered him a soft smile, rounding the couch to fall into the chair in front of him.
"I decided that you mattered more than the detentions I'm going to receive for this," she said.
"Who are you?"
She sighed, shaking her head, "I don't know anymore. But I'm definitely not the same person I was a few months ago. I don't care about this place anymore. Come what may, I guess. Life is too brief to focus on trivial things."
"Such as?"
She leaned forward in the chair, "Such as how many nights I'm going to be polishing trophies for coming here to relieve you of your thoughts," she smiled.
"Relieve me of my thoughts? I don't think that's possible," he said. He at least wasn't as pale as earlier, though his eyes were weary.
"Perhaps not, but I thought you might want some company."
He smiled weakly, "Only yours."
Lily moved to sit next to him, snuggling against him when he put his arm around her shoulder. She rested her head against his neck, saying softly, "Sometimes, forgetting reality isn't very hard. If I could stay like this, I don't think I would really mind what was going on."
"Lily," he began, but she raised her head to look at him. The look in his eyes, however, stopped her from saying anything. He raise a hand to brush her cheek, "I love you, Lily. I should have said it before, but…"
She leaned up and kissed him, letting his sentence trail off. He welcomed the warmth of her lips, wanting to escape the sadness that had been building inside him. Slowly, he began to push his thoughts from his mind, becoming extremely perceptive to her touch. She ran her fingertips over his neck, up into his hair, pulling him gently down as she leaned back on the couch. James struggled to control his own mounting desire, covering her warm neck with slow and languid kisses. She breathed hot air against his ear, making it hard for him to think. His eyes met hers, and he could see her skin was flushed. He stroked her cheekbone, unsure if this continued, that he would be able to stop. The answer was made for him when the portrait hole swung open for a second time.
~~**~~
A/N: So, yet another cliffhanger. I am really sorry, but I can't help it. Can anyone guess who it is? I'll give you a ball of yarn and two pretzels if you do. What did you think? I feel so bad for James. Oh, yes, about the Union of Secrecy. That is a product of my imagination. It was formed before the Order of the Phoenix, but totally collapsed because it turned out that some of the members were feeding information to the Dark Lord. So, when the Order formed, it was years later and they took more precautions. That's my logic. Go figure. Review please!!!!!! Oh, and word of warning, I hope no one gets angry or anything at me for this, but some higher rated scenes are probably going to show up in the next chapter or two, and well, I thought I'd let you know. Unless you all hate that and say 'Absolutely not, Alisa, we won't have it." Oh well. Maybe I won't……you'll just have to see.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters. Not a one.
A/N: Thanks for your reviews, guys! I love you all tremendously. Here is chapter eleven, and I have to say that I really enjoyed writing it. I have a few comments at the end of the story, but I thought that rather than spoil anything I'd just wait until the end. So, here it is! Read for yourself!
Chapter Eleven
~~**~~
James leaned with one arm propped against the wall, facing the courtyard. He didn't notice Lily as she approached him until she reached out to place her hand on his shoulder.
"James," she said, and seeing the look in his eyes, found she was incapable of offering any words. He ran his fingers through her hair, flinging secrecy to the wind. That was a game they were doomed to lose. His eyes were dark and hollow, as if he'd lost the last shred of happiness and was now lifeless. When he smiled softly, she knew it was strained. His entire manner seemed labored; he was struggling and she could sense it radiating from him. Yet he remained silent.
"James," she tried again, but her own voice sounded foreign to her ears. "That letter…"
He breathed out slowly, focusing on her lips as she spoke, avoiding at all costs those bright, penetrating eyes. When he didn't answer she clutched his hand in hers, forcing him to lift his eyes to hers.
"They haven't found him yet," he said.
"Who? James, tell me. What did that letter say?"
He sighed and glanced away, removing his hand from hers. "The letter was from my mother," he muttered, "telling me that the Ministry is still searching for my father. Most likely for a funeral."
Her mouth dropped open slightly, but she stammered, "Why?"
James gave her a weary look that begged her not to question further, yet his mouth was gushing forth the words before he realized it. "She said he'd decided to help out some of the Aurors, a mission of sorts. Mum told him it was foolish, but…well," he smiled sadly, "that's dad."
Lily sat down gently on the ledge of the window, stunned. She stared up at him, "What went wrong?" The simplicity of the question made the whole thing seem trifling, though inside he knew she hadn't intended it sound the way it had. At the moment, his frustration was overwhelming him.
"What couldn't have gone wrong, Lily?" His anger was fully apparent now, and he stood taller. "Nobody knows what's going on, or how to handle it. It's a blind rush into death. There were five people in that group, and three haven't yet turned up. They wanted to face something, well they sure as hell did!"
"Who's to say he's not alive, James?!"
He let out a sigh, his voice having been echoing through the hallways only moments before. "This one's too close for optimism. I don't have that great of supply."
She dared to take his hands again, hoping he wouldn't move away. "I can't tell you to be optimistic. It would just be pretending, and holding pain inside is poison." She squeezed his hand, "Don't carry this around by yourself."
"Throwing my own advice in my face, now," he murmured.
"No, I'm just offering it to you."
"It's amazingly hard to be on the receiving end of it."
Lily scooted of the ledge, releasing his hand to touch his cheek, grateful when he drew her near. "I'm not giving up hope yet, James."
"I don't think that's wise," he breathed. In his eyes was pained but firm resolve. He could not be persuaded. Lily could sense his composure draining. Her own eyes prickling with tears, she wrapped her arms around him, leaning her head against his shoulder. His breathing was shaky as he fought to control the flood of emotions. The pair embraced, the world narrowing to where they stood, as another two rounded the corner. They watched as James held Lily tightly, fending off his sorrow, and heard her words being whispered in the stillness of the corridor.
~~**~~
Minerva glanced to Albus Dumbledore, raising her hand to her mouth. She was about to speak, but stopped when he simply lifted his hand. His eyes seemed to say, "Let them have their moment."
~~**~~
In front of them, Lily's gently murmured confession reached James's ears. The warmth of her breath against his neck, the way she nestled against him so perfectly, clouded his perception and delayed his mind from registering her words. When he finally realized what she'd said, he pulled back to look at her, disbelievingly.
"I love you…" the words were like a drug, making his thoughts slow and hazy. For a moment, his grief was quieted, outdone by a kind of stupor that had formed over him. He tried to respond, but saw out of the corner of his eye two lone figures watching at the end of the corridor. Lily saw his eyes glance in their direction and looked as well.
"Mr. Potter, Ms. Evans," Dumbledore said, without the slightest trace of a smile, "I need to have a word with you both."
~**~~
Laura sat down at the Gryffindor table, shaking her head. Remus glanced up from his parchment.
"I can't figure out what's gotten into her," she muttered.
"I assume you are referring to Lily," Remus said, setting down his quill. Peter had joined him and was busy with his toast, finding it quite the highlight of the morning. Remus raised his eyebrows at his happily munching friend and then looked back to Laura.
"Yeah. She's been acting strange lately."
Peter snorted, though it was hard to determine if he was laughing or merely choking on toast. "Lily? Acting strange? Never."
Remus sighed, "She did come in here a few minutes ago in quite a rush, but she didn't really explain why."
"She didn't say anything at all? "She needed to find James, said something about a letter, and dashed off to find him."
Laura set her fork down, instantly looking irritated. "I think I know exactly what happened," she said.
Peter glanced up from his toast to listen, hearing Laura's tone.
"Probably got a letter from her father," she continued, "and she refuses to talk about it with me. Keeps it all one big secret, like she doesn't want anyone to know what's going on. Well if she can go run to talk to James about it and not her best mate then I really don't see the point in telling her anything either. Honestly, James? I'm sure he makes a wonderful conversationalist."
"Actually," a voice interjected, "You're wrong."
The three looked up to see Sirius standing behind her, his grin replaced by a frown. In fact, he looked years older, it seemed.
"About James? I really don't care," Laura snapped, still apparently angry.
"No," he replied, "About the whole thing. You have no idea what you're going on about, Laura."
She looked at him as if stung, but said calmly, "Then why don't you tell us all what happened then. You seem to know."
Sirius took his seat, facing the three pairs of eyes focused on him. "It's really not my business to say."
"What do you mean, "it's not your business?" You're so keen to correct me but you won't even tell us what's going on?"
Sirius sighed, "You'll have to talk to James," he said. "I think he'd prefer if I didn't tell you."
Remus frowned, "Lily mentioned a letter. This has something to do with it. Have you spoken to James today?"
"I'll just ask Lily," Laura told them, interrupting. "Much easier than finding James."
Sirius temper flared, having been constantly on edge for hours now. "What makes you think that she's going to tell you? You said it yourself, she doesn't tell you anything!"
Laura slammed her goblet down, rising to her feet. Her temper almost matched his. "Better than trying to get an explanation out of you!"
"You're…" he sputtered, "aargh!" His hand flew in the air in frustration, and he didn't bother to watch as she stormed out of the Great Hall.
Remus sat in silence, but Peter piped up, "Competing for the place of James and Lily?"
Sirius glared at him, picked up his goblet, and drained the contents over Peter's head before exiting the room himself.
~~**~~
"James, I understand you received a letter from your mother last night," Dumbledore said gently. He folded his hands on his desk, peering from behind his spectacles at James and Lily. Lily had only been in the headmaster's office twice during her seven years at Hogwarts and marveled at the multitude of objects around her. So many devices she could not name, or know their purpose, sat on shelves or on tables, reflecting the light of the room. Now, she focused on Dumbledore.
"Yes," James responded. Lily could see he wasn't pleased at the idea of talking about it all over again, but knew there was nothing either of them could do.
"I have spoken with your mother already this morning," Dumbledore told him, "She is quite shaken up, as you can imagine."
Lily suddenly wanted to jump out of her seat and say, "Well of course! What about James?!!" Fortunately, she refrained from any outburst.
James simply responded, "I know. I could tell from the letter."
Dumbledore nodded, "The Ministry is doing all they can."
At this Lily let a disgusted reaction escape her lips, catching the headmaster's attention. When he looked at her without response she said, "The Ministry is about as clueless as a bunch of children! You say that they are doing their best, but I disagree. James's father is out there-"
"Lily," James touched her arm, but Dumbledore cut him off.
"Let her continue," he said calmly.
She seemed momentarily thrown off, but managed to regain her thoughts. "What are they doing to help? Nothing is ever accomplished by the Ministry. Wizards, good wizards, end up losing their lives because of stupid mistakes. How long are we going to sit here while this goes on?!"
Dumbledore sat contemplating this, and then said, " You're absolutely right."
"What?"
"I said, you are right. Good wizards are losing their lives, it seems like nothing is being done, but I assure you, there are those of us that do care, and are working on the situation at hand." He looked to James, leaving Lily staring.
"James, your father is part of the Union of Secrecy."
"The what?"
"The Union of Secrecy. He is a member, as am I. You see, there are wizards who feel very much like you, Ms. Evans, and wish to do something about the terrible events around us. Some of the members you may know, or have heard of, and others most likely not. There are a great deal of us, as the Minster of Magic knows. More often than not, we tend to take matters into our own hands by gathering information, or even spying. Your own father, Lily, works for us as well. I am sure he hasn't mentioned it." Dumbledore looked back to James, "The night that your father went with the group to head off Voldemort, three of party were members."
"They are the three still missing?" James had caught on and was now fully comprehending what had happened.
Dumbledore frowned, "I am afraid so. I do not want to further increase your worry, James, but I must tell you, one of those missing persons has been found. I regret to say that he is no longer with us."
"And my father," James asked quietly.
"We have reason to believe he may have also suffered the same fate." Dumbledore's eyes showed every bit as much sympathy as Lily's, though she found herself growing angry with him.
"I don't understand," she said, "how is it that two could have escaped? Why haven't the others turned up?"
"The group faced an unexpected number of Death Eaters, and decided to abandon the scene . They knew their power was not as strong as an entire assembly of Voldemort's supporters. However, our wizards lost contact with each other during their escape."
James winced, "They have him. That's why he hasn't shown up yet. Or he is already dead."
Dumbledore looked apologetically at James, who was staring at the floor. "As much as it grieves me to say it, that may very well be true."
Lily had gone pale, her heart wrenching at James's obvious misery. "How long will they search?"
"I cannot say. I am sure they will continue for a few more days, at least. After that,…"
James looked ill. His face had taken a grayish shade and he was looking so intensely at the carpet Lily thought it might burst into flame. He appeared about ready to collapse, and she reached over to grasp his hand. He didn't look up.
"Is there nothing they can do? A few days? What if he is alive?" She glared at Dumbledore, unsure why her anger was directed at him, but feeling it emanating from deep within nonetheless.
"I am sure they will give their best efforts, Lily," he said gently, "We have members form the Union working on it as well. But eventually, we will have to face the outcome."
James's fingers twitched. Lily felt his pain in every glance she took. "That's not good enough," she said suddenly.
"I am sorry, Ms. Evans, but we all must accept what happens, even though I know all of us wish it weren't so."
"You speak as though he is already dead! Am I the only one who has hope?"
"Not at all. I do advise, however, not to let it grow too greatly."
"I know the circumstances, headmaster," Lily said heatedly.
"This Union, can you be sure that you trust everyone in it?" James's voice was flat, as if he was speaking from dreams.
"You think that someone may have let information slip? I am entirely confident in saying that each member is trustworthy, yes."
"It seems strange to me that they faced such a large assembly of Death Eaters. Were they not given information that told them the whereabouts of a very small number of supporters?"
"It is entirely possible that someone may have warned them, you're right. But I do not believe it came from within the Union."
James glanced up, finally breaking away from the ground. "You may want to check your members' loyalty."
Lily had been thinking for a few minutes as well, "Is it not also possible that someone from the ministry may have tipped them off?"
Dumbledore gave the slightest hint of a smile, or so it seemed to her, before replying, "That may be the case. I had thought about that as well."
"Then who can we trust? If those who are supposed to be fighting for good are the ones who are doing the most damage?" She sat forward in her chair, looking steadily at Dumbledore.
"In times such as these, Ms. Evans, who is qualified enough to gain our confidence? I have my intuitions about certain people," he said, "for example, those who are part of the Union."
"And outside of that?"
The headmaster frowned, "I would like to know the answer to that myself."
~~**~~
James sat staring into nothingness. He sat in the common room, having been excused from classes for the day. He almost wished he hadn't been. This solitude was torture. The only activity he had the luxury of enjoying was running things over continually in his mind.
"Might as well be thankful for the quiet," he thought, "because in about three hours, I'm going to be bombarded with more questions than ever in my life." And then, he thought back to the corridor. Standing with his arms around Lily as she tried to comfort him, holding her and trying to forget his grief. He'd not had the chance to fully take in her words, but yet she'd said them.
"I love you…" they lingered in his mind, bringing him temporary release. But had she meant it, he wondered. Had she been trying to soothe him and said the first thing that came to mind?
"Let it go, Prongs," he thought, "she told you she loved you, stop trying to second-guess everything. Just let it be."
For a second he felt he must have imagined it, but knew he hadn't. He found himself unable to even think of a response, let alone bring it up when he had the chance to talk to her.
"You didn't respond in the first place," he thought, "you just looked at her like an idiot."
The sound of the portrait swinging open jolted him to awareness, and he turned on the couch to see who was entering. He prayed it wasn't anyone who wanted to talk to him. He didn't think he could handle it right then.
To his surprise, he saw Lily step through the portrait hole.
"What are you doing here?" He didn't know whether to feel relieved or apprehensive, but she offered him a soft smile, rounding the couch to fall into the chair in front of him.
"I decided that you mattered more than the detentions I'm going to receive for this," she said.
"Who are you?"
She sighed, shaking her head, "I don't know anymore. But I'm definitely not the same person I was a few months ago. I don't care about this place anymore. Come what may, I guess. Life is too brief to focus on trivial things."
"Such as?"
She leaned forward in the chair, "Such as how many nights I'm going to be polishing trophies for coming here to relieve you of your thoughts," she smiled.
"Relieve me of my thoughts? I don't think that's possible," he said. He at least wasn't as pale as earlier, though his eyes were weary.
"Perhaps not, but I thought you might want some company."
He smiled weakly, "Only yours."
Lily moved to sit next to him, snuggling against him when he put his arm around her shoulder. She rested her head against his neck, saying softly, "Sometimes, forgetting reality isn't very hard. If I could stay like this, I don't think I would really mind what was going on."
"Lily," he began, but she raised her head to look at him. The look in his eyes, however, stopped her from saying anything. He raise a hand to brush her cheek, "I love you, Lily. I should have said it before, but…"
She leaned up and kissed him, letting his sentence trail off. He welcomed the warmth of her lips, wanting to escape the sadness that had been building inside him. Slowly, he began to push his thoughts from his mind, becoming extremely perceptive to her touch. She ran her fingertips over his neck, up into his hair, pulling him gently down as she leaned back on the couch. James struggled to control his own mounting desire, covering her warm neck with slow and languid kisses. She breathed hot air against his ear, making it hard for him to think. His eyes met hers, and he could see her skin was flushed. He stroked her cheekbone, unsure if this continued, that he would be able to stop. The answer was made for him when the portrait hole swung open for a second time.
~~**~~
A/N: So, yet another cliffhanger. I am really sorry, but I can't help it. Can anyone guess who it is? I'll give you a ball of yarn and two pretzels if you do. What did you think? I feel so bad for James. Oh, yes, about the Union of Secrecy. That is a product of my imagination. It was formed before the Order of the Phoenix, but totally collapsed because it turned out that some of the members were feeding information to the Dark Lord. So, when the Order formed, it was years later and they took more precautions. That's my logic. Go figure. Review please!!!!!! Oh, and word of warning, I hope no one gets angry or anything at me for this, but some higher rated scenes are probably going to show up in the next chapter or two, and well, I thought I'd let you know. Unless you all hate that and say 'Absolutely not, Alisa, we won't have it." Oh well. Maybe I won't……you'll just have to see.
