"Don't Let Him Out: A Farce"

A rant by; Adelphia Savanya Moore`

~inspired by John Cleese in "Fawlty Towers" (episode 10: The Anniversary)~

Rating: PG-13 (reference to substance abuse, language)

Written: Aug 14th, 2003

Summary: It starts sounding more like a John Cleese-inspired farce when Ron and Hermione have to cover for the madness of Mr. Potter.

Disclaimer: I do not own them in a box, I do not own them with a fox, I do not own them while I'm bowling, they all belong to (that evil) J.K. Rowling. I also don't own Mrs. Skower's Magical Mess Remover, or Harry's Closet, but I DO OWN the Convivial Hunting Horde AND Fred's strainer. (I promise, you'll understand all that in due time)

So now .

It's a Guy Thing

"Where on earth is Mr. Potter?" Professor McGonnigal inquired of
Hermione at breakfast-Hermione had not yet reported Harry's tantrum-
incident of the night before, to which Ron sighed. At least Harry
couldn't yell at him for that.

The night before, Ron and all of Gryffindor tower fell asleep to the sound of Harry thrashing about in his closet. When Ron had come down, at three in the morning, to shut him up, Harry began insulting Ron . and Ron's entire family! Fred and George, at the sound of their names, popped their heads out of their dormitory door and, accompanied by rude hand-gestures Harry was lucky he could not see, declared war on the Quite mad Mr. Potter.

"He's . uh-upstairs," Hermione blurted awkwardly in response to McGonnigal's question. McGonnigal pursed her lips deep in thought.

"He's . feeling a little under the weather, he is," Ron added, making the story a bit more plausible.

"Sick?" McGonnigal questioned. "Well, then, we'd best send him to Madam Pomphrey, mustn't we?"

"Oh, no! That-that won't be necessary, " Hermione spluttered.

"Well, I certainly must see him, as his head of house!"

"Uh-Professor? You-" Ron thrashed about his brain for some sort of excuse. "You shouldn't go up there."

"I dare-say, why not, Mr. Weasley?"

"Well, Professor . well, you're . you're a girl." Ron said simply, kicking himself the moment the words left his mouth. He didn't need Hermione's kick as well.

"Weasley," McGonnigal said severely, "as you may recall, I have been in the boy's dormitory on multiple occasions, as is my privilege as a teacher." She pressed onward. " I must see him. What's wrong with him, anyway?"

"Uh." Ron blinked, "it's a guy thing."

"Would he prefer if I sent Professor Flitwick, or perhaps Professor Snape?"

"Oh no, no! Not that kink of 'guy thing'-uh"

McGonnigal turned to Hermione.

"Did his girlfriend leave him?" she asked curtly.

Hermione nodded fervently. Ron sighed and chomped down on a piece of toast.

A/N: I think the farce is getting a bit more John Cleese, . the next chapter is "The Hunt is On" Sound good? Just you wait!