"Don't Let Him Out: A Farce"
A rant by; Adelphia Savanya Moore`
~inspired by John Cleese in "Fawlty Towers" (episode 10: The Anniversary)~
Rating: PG-13 (abuse of Mrs. Skower's, Parry Hwotter's foul mouth)
Written: Aug 16th, 2003
Summary: Exactly what the title sounds like .
Disclaimer: I do not own them in a box, I do not own them with a fox, I do not own them while I'm bowling, they all belong to (that evil) J.K. Rowling. I also don't own Mrs. Skower's Magical Mess Remover (though I would be VERY POPULAR if I did . you'll get that later!), but I DO OWN the Convivial Hunting Horde, Fred's strainer, and the word "dollop" when used as a verb. Anyone who went to Marshall in Duluth will understand the song that Peeves and Harry are singing. I did not write it.
Since I can't use the "dot, dot, dot's" (because the system won't pick them up), I will now be using - - - - - - - or ------------- , because it is fun, and I can, because I'm a girl and I feel like it. There.
Now . - . - I look, out the window
And I see - - the little children - - riding their bikes
Down the street - - screaming - - wait up!
Wait Up!!
WAIT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Dave Eggers, great man, that Eggers)
Munchies
"Look up." Hwotter belted.
"Her dress!" Peeves.
Their voices echoed across the hall, drifting through the corridors, towers, turrets, and dungeons of Hogwarts. (why the hell would Hogwarts have turrets? Oh, well!)
"Look up."
"Her dress!"
"Look up!"
"Her dress!"
"It can be arranged!" Another voice entered the round. The voice of the Bloody Barron. He pulled out a hip flask and drank deeply from it, belching loudly as he twisted the cap back on and replaced it in his blood-strewn robes. Apparently, Mrs. Skowers was a very OLD wizarding brand, and (as the Barron taught Peevsie and Hwotter) serves as an excellent chaser to Odgen's Old Fire whiskey.
"Look up!"
"Her dress!"
"It can be arranged!"
Later, the boys became a little hungry. This hunger grew, and grew, and grew and grew and grew, until they were in full-fledged "binge- mode." They fled to the kitchens.
~ * ~ * ~
"COOOOOOOOOOOOO-K-EEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!"
(translation: "cookies!")
Hwotter, Peevsie, and the Barron arrived at the kitchens, greeted by the elves.
"Would you care for some tea, sirs?" one chimed.
"Or, perhaps a crumpet?" inquired another.
Thirty or more elves came running at Parry with the largest platter they could find, covered in a treacherous stack of cookies that reached nearly to the ceiling. Hwotter pounced.
"Winky, wake up! Harry Potter has come to see us! Winky!" Dobby screeched feebly into Winky's drooped ears, - - which suddenly perked up at the smell of something --------- odd.
Several of the elves had come back from their break- a new thing that Dumbledore had instituted to give the elves time to rest and plan meals. However, several elves had returned from break smelling rather odd, and hiccup-ing. Winky's ears perked up a bit more.
"We brought you back something, Winky," one of the hiccup-ing elves muttered, passing Winky a fairly large bottle of an amber-colored liquid.
"And here's one for you, too, Dobby," and Dobby was passed another bottle, equally large. All the elves started laughing and hiccupping, and so on - - - - - - -
"Odgen's! Me 'ole friend!" The Baron shouted. "'ERE!" He added, snatching a mug from a near-by elf and filling it from his 2 quart jug of Mrs Skower's Magical Mess Remover. "Enjoy!" He handed the mug to Dobby, who sipped it tentavely- - - - - - -
~ * ~ 45 minutes Later ~ * ~
"WOAH!" Hwotter yelled as he crowd-surfed two and a quarter feet above the kitchen floor. It was an absolute elf orgy.
There was a piercing scream from somewhere near the fireplace.
"The homosexual hedgehogs! The homosexual hedgehogs! The homosexual hedgehogs are coming to gnaw on our noses! The homosexual hedgehogs are coming! The homosexual hedgehogs are coming!!!"
"The homosexual hedgehogs! The homosexual hedgehogs! Oh, me, oh, my! The homosexual hedgehogs, oh, my!"
Hwotter was dropped onto the concrete floor as the orgy population surged for the kitchen door. They slammed the door behind them.
The door opened again. Peevsie soared in, sniffed the air for any trace of homosexual rodents, then snatched up the platter of Girl Scout Cookies, and bolted.
A/N: Still to come is the pre-chewed-toast-goo! The next few chapters will be out mere hours after this one! Wait up! Seriously! Yeah! Do it! (or not, or not . ) =)
A rant by; Adelphia Savanya Moore`
~inspired by John Cleese in "Fawlty Towers" (episode 10: The Anniversary)~
Rating: PG-13 (abuse of Mrs. Skower's, Parry Hwotter's foul mouth)
Written: Aug 16th, 2003
Summary: Exactly what the title sounds like .
Disclaimer: I do not own them in a box, I do not own them with a fox, I do not own them while I'm bowling, they all belong to (that evil) J.K. Rowling. I also don't own Mrs. Skower's Magical Mess Remover (though I would be VERY POPULAR if I did . you'll get that later!), but I DO OWN the Convivial Hunting Horde, Fred's strainer, and the word "dollop" when used as a verb. Anyone who went to Marshall in Duluth will understand the song that Peeves and Harry are singing. I did not write it.
Since I can't use the "dot, dot, dot's" (because the system won't pick them up), I will now be using - - - - - - - or ------------- , because it is fun, and I can, because I'm a girl and I feel like it. There.
Now . - . - I look, out the window
And I see - - the little children - - riding their bikes
Down the street - - screaming - - wait up!
Wait Up!!
WAIT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Dave Eggers, great man, that Eggers)
Munchies
"Look up." Hwotter belted.
"Her dress!" Peeves.
Their voices echoed across the hall, drifting through the corridors, towers, turrets, and dungeons of Hogwarts. (why the hell would Hogwarts have turrets? Oh, well!)
"Look up."
"Her dress!"
"Look up!"
"Her dress!"
"It can be arranged!" Another voice entered the round. The voice of the Bloody Barron. He pulled out a hip flask and drank deeply from it, belching loudly as he twisted the cap back on and replaced it in his blood-strewn robes. Apparently, Mrs. Skowers was a very OLD wizarding brand, and (as the Barron taught Peevsie and Hwotter) serves as an excellent chaser to Odgen's Old Fire whiskey.
"Look up!"
"Her dress!"
"It can be arranged!"
Later, the boys became a little hungry. This hunger grew, and grew, and grew and grew and grew, until they were in full-fledged "binge- mode." They fled to the kitchens.
~ * ~ * ~
"COOOOOOOOOOOOO-K-EEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!"
(translation: "cookies!")
Hwotter, Peevsie, and the Barron arrived at the kitchens, greeted by the elves.
"Would you care for some tea, sirs?" one chimed.
"Or, perhaps a crumpet?" inquired another.
Thirty or more elves came running at Parry with the largest platter they could find, covered in a treacherous stack of cookies that reached nearly to the ceiling. Hwotter pounced.
"Winky, wake up! Harry Potter has come to see us! Winky!" Dobby screeched feebly into Winky's drooped ears, - - which suddenly perked up at the smell of something --------- odd.
Several of the elves had come back from their break- a new thing that Dumbledore had instituted to give the elves time to rest and plan meals. However, several elves had returned from break smelling rather odd, and hiccup-ing. Winky's ears perked up a bit more.
"We brought you back something, Winky," one of the hiccup-ing elves muttered, passing Winky a fairly large bottle of an amber-colored liquid.
"And here's one for you, too, Dobby," and Dobby was passed another bottle, equally large. All the elves started laughing and hiccupping, and so on - - - - - - -
"Odgen's! Me 'ole friend!" The Baron shouted. "'ERE!" He added, snatching a mug from a near-by elf and filling it from his 2 quart jug of Mrs Skower's Magical Mess Remover. "Enjoy!" He handed the mug to Dobby, who sipped it tentavely- - - - - - -
~ * ~ 45 minutes Later ~ * ~
"WOAH!" Hwotter yelled as he crowd-surfed two and a quarter feet above the kitchen floor. It was an absolute elf orgy.
There was a piercing scream from somewhere near the fireplace.
"The homosexual hedgehogs! The homosexual hedgehogs! The homosexual hedgehogs are coming to gnaw on our noses! The homosexual hedgehogs are coming! The homosexual hedgehogs are coming!!!"
"The homosexual hedgehogs! The homosexual hedgehogs! Oh, me, oh, my! The homosexual hedgehogs, oh, my!"
Hwotter was dropped onto the concrete floor as the orgy population surged for the kitchen door. They slammed the door behind them.
The door opened again. Peevsie soared in, sniffed the air for any trace of homosexual rodents, then snatched up the platter of Girl Scout Cookies, and bolted.
A/N: Still to come is the pre-chewed-toast-goo! The next few chapters will be out mere hours after this one! Wait up! Seriously! Yeah! Do it! (or not, or not . ) =)
