Author's Note: Here's my next entry for April 17's ff_friday challenge. Subject: first kiss. What I noticed was that everybody was writing fics about people **getting** their first kiss; what if someone didn't? Length: 429 words.

Odd Girl Out

By Trisana McGraw

When she was fourteen, before the Academy, she was River Tam. But now, after she has been poked and prodded, invaded and scarred, she doesn't feel like the same girl. She's seventeen now, but she doesn't think she has grown up yet.

On the ship, she feels like a little child trying to sneak into the grown-ups' party. Everyone around her has someone else, their other half, but she is isolated. Cold and numb, she is set apart from the heat of passion all around her. Always has been, always will be.

She never kissed anyone, not even before she went to the Academy. She didn't realize it, but there had always been a certain aloofness in her attitude, even before she was broken into unrecognizable pieces. She spent time with boys from her classes, of course, but the most intimate touch she ever experienced was the holding of hands, nothing more.

The first time she encountered a kiss, she happened upon Wash and Zoe while she was walking throughout the ship and through the crew's minds. Zoe and Wash's open, heated affection flooded her body as if she were plugged into a live wire. Electricity coursed through her, making her feel incredibly warm. She staggered away, lightheaded with this new, addictive sensation. On other occasions, when their passion rose again, she greedily captured it for herself.

When that moment finally came for Simon and Kaylee, she rejoiced with them after months of anticipation had built up, which only made the resulting kiss sweeter. Their blossoming romance strengthened with each kiss and touch that followed, and she shared in their happiness.

The mounting desire all around her reached its peak when Mal and Inara finally gave in to their raging feelings. One kiss triggered the release of pent-up feelings and made heat rush through her body, blazing over her icy skin.

But even though the sustaining energy fought off the cold for a little while, it never stayed with her completely. She tried again and again to recapture it, but each time the feeling fled sooner, lingered less. Soon she found herself detached again while everyone else prospered in their bliss.

Everyone else's love fills the ship, but she can not steal any of it to call her own. No matter how much it courses through her body, she is merely an observer, doomed to never take part in her own desires.

The Sleeping Beauty continues to lie in an undisturbed slumber. It's doubtful that her Prince Charming will ever come to wake her with the kiss of life.