Author's Note: Mal/Inara ficlet for the LJ ff_friday challenge. May 29's subject: love. Length: 622 words.

Love/Hate

By Trisana McGraw

She should hate him; he gives her enough reason to. He insults her way of life, he takes every chance to get under her skin, and there are times when she's sure that she never wants to see his face again.

Yet, at other times she is reminded of how much she has grown to care for him, and occasionally she is simply a foolish girl with a crush. His quirky smile makes her stomach do flip-flops, and she is almost ashamed to admit that she yearns for the feel of his hand on her arm.

Before she arrived on Serenity, she never let anyone change her views about her work; even on her first meeting with Mal, she remained unfazed when he called her a whore. But as time went by and her feelings for him developed past a business relationship, his unceasingly crude comments began to sting. He was the first to make her feel ashamed of being a Companion, but she never let show how much he made her doubt it. She began to see his face in that of every client she took, and no matter how hard she tried to repress the feeling, he wouldn't stay out of her mind or her heart. She lies awake at night thinking about him and cursing herself for doing so.

She rarely ever agrees with his views, especially his stubborn refusal to accept things the way they are. But she respects the basic values he displays, like loyalty, dedication, and doing what is morally right, and she loves him for being this way.

On good days they're friends, getting to know one another. Yet they both sabotage any chance of developing a relationship because of their tempers and their unwillingness to let bygones be bygones. They take two steps forward but always one step back.

Her Companion status prohibits her from loving anyone, least of all him, but she can't hate him either. So, she finds a way to do both.

* * *

It has to be her Companion training that makes him feel this way for her; sometimes he wants to just strangle her with one of her expensive silk scarves, but somehow her feminine wiles take down his defenses in one swift movement.

He hates it when she takes clients to her shuttle. He's not too happy with himself when he imagines that he's one in her bed. He hates that she demeans herself by servicing others when she is a beautiful, intelligent woman who could do so much more. He hates that she acts as if it's such an honor to be what she is.

Yet he still has such an interest in her that he tries to look past all that; so far he hasn't done a very good job, but he still makes the effort. Like the time he defended her honor against Atherton Wing. He saw that she appreciated it, and he thought that maybe it couldn't hurt to be more "honorable" if he could get that reaction more often.

He looks forward to their encounters on the catwalk at night, when they seem to be the only two on Serenity. They laugh and joke and sometimes even have touching moments of honesty. Always on those nights, his sleep is peaceful and undisturbed.

They both work to reach an equal level, even if neither will admit it. But as her clothing and talk become more casual and he tries to understand or at least tolerate the upper class, they find ways to keep a separation. Sometimes, more often it seems these days, he thinks that they will never let themselves see eye to eye.

He hates that he loves her, but that's life.