Chapter Two: The Grass Fairies
Fred and George skulked around the common room the next evening, something they hadn't been prone to doing after dinner. Their day had been horrible.
Everyone in the castle was awakened at six to prepare for the day's events, whether or not they needed an hour to prepare for breakfast or not. The food in the great hall consisted no longer of bacon and waffles, flapjacks and porridge--the students were now force-fed some sort of mush that looked more like what came out instead of what goes in. Hermione conjectured that it was their normal breakfast blended together for efficiency reasons. Fred agreed with her, spooning through his mush and finding bits of bacon and toast crusts.
Ron had eagerly been awaiting an owl concerning his lost wizard card, but the bell rang signalling the end of breakfast without the flutter of one wing.
'Did you hear?' asked a third year Hufflepuff as Fred and George made their way to Transfiguration with Angelina and Lee Jordan, 'Owls aren't allowed in the Great Hall anymore!'
Apparently it was for the students' own safety, according to Professor Shirley. The birds weren't sanitary, plus they could be delivering boxed curses to the students. Those were her reasons for hiring a board of owl screeners to examine each delivery carefully before sending it to the newly appointed delivery elves. Dobby had delivered a letter to George from Bill himself, looking very excited about his important new job. Fred and George were aghast, however, when they found that the picture their brother had sent had been tampered with. Bill's ponytail was gone, no earring hung from his ear, and he was wearing very simple blue robes.
'This is insulting!' Ron cried whenever he saw the picture. 'Mum would be happy, though. She hates the way Bill dresses.'
Fred and George were just happy that none of their classes had been drastically changed. Transfiguration was still incredibly difficult, Potions still foul as ever, and Charms was still taught by Professor Flitwick.
'Thought he might be gang-related, too, I imagine,' said George, reading a book about charm reversal as he put a hand over his large, square teeth.
When they walked into Defence Against the Dark Arts, however, they were greeted with a nasty surprise.
'P-Professor Snape?' stuttered Katie Bell when she saw the sinister form of their potions teacher behind the desk at the head of the room. 'But, you teach potions.'
'Only until the new potions master arrives,' said Snape. 'Though let it be known: I will always be *the* potions *master*.'
Fred wanted to cry. If Snape started calling himself 'Big Stud' he was going to commit suicide.
All in all, the day had been a disaster. Snape had developed a new confidence because of his finally landing the job of Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, which didn't suit him very well. He went out and got a hair cut, started growing a goatee, and cracking insanely bad jokes during class.
'If any of you can't spell Defence Against the Dark Arts, or are to lazy to do so, then abbreviate: DADA. Double D, Double A. Ooh, Double D, what would I do with that...'
'Ugh,' commented Alicia Spinnet loudly as Snape stroked his chin.
'This is absurd!' shouted Angelina as she left 'Double D, Double A' with Lee Jordan and the twins. 'Snape, Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher?'
'Don't you mean Dah-Duh?' grumbled George as they stepped out onto the Hogwarts grounds.
'Angie's right, we've got to do something. We can't let this Shirley woman get the best of this school!'
'Ahem.'
The four seventh years slowly turned around to find Professor Shirley herself, staring down at them all. Today she was sporting an orange tailored suit beneath dark blue robes, a polka-dot orange scarf tied neatly around her neck.
'You're troddehn' on the grass,' she informed them.
Fred looked down, finding that indeed they were standing on the greener part of the earth.
'And?' said George.
'You're troddehn' on mah feh-rees,' she told them with great annoyance.
'Your what?'
'Mah FEH-REES.'
'But Miss, there aren't any fairies in...' began Lee.
'GET OFF THE GRASS!' she shouted, and they all hopped onto the dirt path. 'Thehnk you.'
And with that, she left.
'Bloody fairies in the grass?' shouted George.
'Well, there are if we stepped on them,' Fred pointed out.
'Bloody hell, that *woman's* a freakin' fairy!' shouted George.
'What are we going to do?' asked Angelina.
'Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!'
Everyone outside froze as they heard the cry of pain.
'What was that?' asked Angelina, clutching Fred's arm.
'Someone probably saw George through the window,' said Fred. This earned him a punch in the arm. 'Ouch! Sorry, mate!'
Harry, Ron, and Hermione appeared from inside the castle about a minute later, the Weasley of the trio rubbing his backside.
'What's up, bro?' asked Fred and George.
'Filch walloped me three times with that bloody paddle for stepping on Mrs. Norris' tail! I think I've got a lightning bolt imprint on my ass.'
Hermione apparently couldn't suppress a giggle. 'He made him sign it and everything.'
'That's it!' said George, throwing his 'Dah-Duh' book to the ground. 'No fairy-loving, scarf-sporting, bird-impersonating witch allows Snape to grow a goatee and Filch to blister my brother's ass! We've got to do something!'
'But what?' asked Harry.
'Find Dumbledore.'
Fred and George skulked around the common room the next evening, something they hadn't been prone to doing after dinner. Their day had been horrible.
Everyone in the castle was awakened at six to prepare for the day's events, whether or not they needed an hour to prepare for breakfast or not. The food in the great hall consisted no longer of bacon and waffles, flapjacks and porridge--the students were now force-fed some sort of mush that looked more like what came out instead of what goes in. Hermione conjectured that it was their normal breakfast blended together for efficiency reasons. Fred agreed with her, spooning through his mush and finding bits of bacon and toast crusts.
Ron had eagerly been awaiting an owl concerning his lost wizard card, but the bell rang signalling the end of breakfast without the flutter of one wing.
'Did you hear?' asked a third year Hufflepuff as Fred and George made their way to Transfiguration with Angelina and Lee Jordan, 'Owls aren't allowed in the Great Hall anymore!'
Apparently it was for the students' own safety, according to Professor Shirley. The birds weren't sanitary, plus they could be delivering boxed curses to the students. Those were her reasons for hiring a board of owl screeners to examine each delivery carefully before sending it to the newly appointed delivery elves. Dobby had delivered a letter to George from Bill himself, looking very excited about his important new job. Fred and George were aghast, however, when they found that the picture their brother had sent had been tampered with. Bill's ponytail was gone, no earring hung from his ear, and he was wearing very simple blue robes.
'This is insulting!' Ron cried whenever he saw the picture. 'Mum would be happy, though. She hates the way Bill dresses.'
Fred and George were just happy that none of their classes had been drastically changed. Transfiguration was still incredibly difficult, Potions still foul as ever, and Charms was still taught by Professor Flitwick.
'Thought he might be gang-related, too, I imagine,' said George, reading a book about charm reversal as he put a hand over his large, square teeth.
When they walked into Defence Against the Dark Arts, however, they were greeted with a nasty surprise.
'P-Professor Snape?' stuttered Katie Bell when she saw the sinister form of their potions teacher behind the desk at the head of the room. 'But, you teach potions.'
'Only until the new potions master arrives,' said Snape. 'Though let it be known: I will always be *the* potions *master*.'
Fred wanted to cry. If Snape started calling himself 'Big Stud' he was going to commit suicide.
All in all, the day had been a disaster. Snape had developed a new confidence because of his finally landing the job of Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, which didn't suit him very well. He went out and got a hair cut, started growing a goatee, and cracking insanely bad jokes during class.
'If any of you can't spell Defence Against the Dark Arts, or are to lazy to do so, then abbreviate: DADA. Double D, Double A. Ooh, Double D, what would I do with that...'
'Ugh,' commented Alicia Spinnet loudly as Snape stroked his chin.
'This is absurd!' shouted Angelina as she left 'Double D, Double A' with Lee Jordan and the twins. 'Snape, Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher?'
'Don't you mean Dah-Duh?' grumbled George as they stepped out onto the Hogwarts grounds.
'Angie's right, we've got to do something. We can't let this Shirley woman get the best of this school!'
'Ahem.'
The four seventh years slowly turned around to find Professor Shirley herself, staring down at them all. Today she was sporting an orange tailored suit beneath dark blue robes, a polka-dot orange scarf tied neatly around her neck.
'You're troddehn' on the grass,' she informed them.
Fred looked down, finding that indeed they were standing on the greener part of the earth.
'And?' said George.
'You're troddehn' on mah feh-rees,' she told them with great annoyance.
'Your what?'
'Mah FEH-REES.'
'But Miss, there aren't any fairies in...' began Lee.
'GET OFF THE GRASS!' she shouted, and they all hopped onto the dirt path. 'Thehnk you.'
And with that, she left.
'Bloody fairies in the grass?' shouted George.
'Well, there are if we stepped on them,' Fred pointed out.
'Bloody hell, that *woman's* a freakin' fairy!' shouted George.
'What are we going to do?' asked Angelina.
'Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!'
Everyone outside froze as they heard the cry of pain.
'What was that?' asked Angelina, clutching Fred's arm.
'Someone probably saw George through the window,' said Fred. This earned him a punch in the arm. 'Ouch! Sorry, mate!'
Harry, Ron, and Hermione appeared from inside the castle about a minute later, the Weasley of the trio rubbing his backside.
'What's up, bro?' asked Fred and George.
'Filch walloped me three times with that bloody paddle for stepping on Mrs. Norris' tail! I think I've got a lightning bolt imprint on my ass.'
Hermione apparently couldn't suppress a giggle. 'He made him sign it and everything.'
'That's it!' said George, throwing his 'Dah-Duh' book to the ground. 'No fairy-loving, scarf-sporting, bird-impersonating witch allows Snape to grow a goatee and Filch to blister my brother's ass! We've got to do something!'
'But what?' asked Harry.
'Find Dumbledore.'
