Use Me

By Mileena

An: uhm. OOC Nazis back off. My story. Hmmm. I don't believe in ratings, but you rating Nazis. This may escalate from R TO HIGHER so you little *oh that's so not Johnny* nazis blow me. Uhhh. I don't own anything in here except Mazzy and Iries and this plot. The chair I own on I don't even own, It's my granma's who I have lovingly nicknamed Grandma Hatey for her mean-ness The only thing I own that's on/with me right now is my jewelry and clothes. See. Don't sue you mean evil nazis.

AN2: This was written because its something similar along the lines of what just happened to me...only soo very much has been changed *stabs herself* Wow. I used a lot of "Nazi' in my speech.

Oh and I think this may be my first chaptered Johnny fic. Go Me!

--Mileena

Chapter Seven Synopsis- Synopsis is not how it should be spelled huh looks funny don't it? Tee-Hee. I have no idea what's going to happen in this chapter. All I know is that I was going to write the Beginning, I knew a little bit about the middle, and I have already wrote that, but I do have the ending down. Though, I doubt it'd make much sense to make, BEGINNING, HALF MIDDLE, END! ^_^

Chapter seven- I hate everything about you.

(Present)

The stupid government told me everything would take action 6 months from now. The documentations were perfect, exact, and now, 9 months from now, Todd would be legally mine. I will get phone calls from the Principals of schools saying that we need a conference, or that he's expelled. I will get shitty report cards with straight F's with little labels on them saying "To the Guardian(s) of Todd Casil."

For some reason, I find this greatly refreshing to my attitude.

I open my door, and the kids aren't anywhere to be found. It's Saturday, so they must be out doing kid things. I wander into my room, where a broken mirror lays on the floor. Something I haven't picked up from when Devi had so lovingly smashed me into.

Devi

What would she think of me having a kid? I can imagine her horror now, as I walk down the street and run into her on one of her outing times with that dreadful girl Tenna. That would be a face to see, and I smile to myself. Perhaps it is a psychotic smile, but at least I'm doing it.

Thoughts of dragging Devi's corpse down my basement run through my head, and I for once, am not angry with me thinking such things. It feels great.

(PAST)

I had eventually moved into that Suburban house. (Wow didn't see that coming did you?) Mazzy was gone a lot because she had recently joined another Magazine company. When she was home, she was with friends, or in her study writing up articles. I liked being alone half that time, she'd always be beside me at night, somehow we touched, and we would never stop touching when she was asleep. I slept my so very few hours, and then I'd wake up still attached to me in some way. Classic Yunomi* style, leg over my side, hand on my chest.

She was always very violent I found. She was always telling her friends to HUSH when I came into the room, and they looked at me with sad eyes.

The possibility of her seeing other people crossed my mind, and I did follow her everywhere for a few days, and there was nothing, I only swept it off my shoulders when she was around. Nightly, I'd lie awake, thinking I needed to be out, to enjoy the nightlife I once did, but I couldn't bring myself back to old habits.

"Nny?" She called from the mattress on the ground; I was sitting in front of the window, watching the dwindling rainfall close to six years when I had met her. All day I had been wandering where I have gone, and what I had become.

A boyfriend

A long term yuppie -esque boyfriend that has nothing better to than go to the cinema in the day, and fuck at night, sleep and repeat, only changing the cinema to something else everyday. Everyday was a repeat of the one before. I didn't hate that sense of security; I just grew bored of it. 'I think I need to disappear again for a while.' A pang of regret slapped me.

I couldn't leave without her ever again.

She opened her eyes and crawled over to me, looking in the direction I had been. She nuzzled my neck.

"The stars aren't out tonight, just come to bed..."

I lowered my head. Sometimes I felt like a caged animal...

'Why didn't I just leave?'

Emotional and physical attachments.

I cursed myself again for disowning my thoughts on that sort of thing. I wanted to go home. To my scummy shack with bloodstains on the walls and carpets, dim lighting, the smell of death and blood and almost a garbage smell. Go back to my Skettios and brainfreezies, look at the doughboys remembering fond but hateful memories. My knives, I missed my knives. My music, my clothes, not these "Hot Topic" clothing. I needed MY CLOTHING.

So many material possessions, yet I had nothing at all.

"Johnny, do you know what soul switching is?" I looked at her. The term was familiar. Basically, spiritual beings or even highly skilled humans could exchange souls with someone else.

"Y-yes..." She stood up, and walked over to the wall and slid down, I watched her, heat rose inside me, I felt nervous.

"What is it?"

"My name is Iries...I'm in Mazzy's body."

I was silent. Trying to register what the hell she had just said, was it real or was it a dream? Her friends...She had to tell her friends, that's why...Holy Fuck.

She got up and dug into a box of photos, she stood before me, her face I will never forget. She dropped down a picture.

"Do you remember this girl?"

I looked at the picture like it was a secret code. Mazzy was standing next to another girl. Distressed looking, skinny and pathetic, she looked twelve...very Emo.

"You're fucking ugly...get out of my face before I hack it up."

Shit.

(PRESENT)

Now I think that I may have been a little rude. Now I think that I deserved everything that came to me. But I didn't, there's far worse people than me. Mazzy-- in Iries' body had left, and that's why Iries in Mazzy's body was so distraught about her leaving

She couldn't return to her own body unless she was near. I can remember her screams now, how angry she was.

(PAST)

"You told me I was fucking UGLY. I wanted some sort of gratification that you were a shallow bastard."

It felt like I was having trouble breathing. Everything I had thought about this girl over the past few years was a lie. I wasn't in love with her appearance, I was in love with the girl, and she had told me a lie about everything.

She didn't work in a paranormal magazine*

She was just trying to find out how to get back into her own body

Her friends weren't really hers, they were Mazzy's, and that's why they all looked at me that way.

They knew...that's why they'd never leave me alone.

I felt so stupid; rage was quickly building up in me. I tore off the one piece of jewelry she had ever given me, I tore off the new clothes she had given me and went to my car and put the ones I had on in there.

I was screaming at her, with this psychotic rage.

Why Hadn't I killed Her Yet?

No matter her excuses, I didn't want her to be near me. I didn't want to hear her.

"I'm sorry but I do love you."

I hated liars.

"Fuck! You are like twelve or fourteen!" I screeched, pacing. She walked closer to me, resting her- no Mazzy's hands on my chest, which was something she used to do to calm me down.

"I was only sixteen when you met me, I am almost twenty one now, please. Mazzy is coming back and I do love you."

FUCK

I pushed her away, she fell to the ground, and she had hit her head on the side of the doorway. I walked past her.

(PRESENT)

I had to go the gas station to get gas in my car. When I was filling it up, some of Mazzy's guy friends had come near me. The look of anger had crossed their faces. I just remember the back of my head hitting the side mirror, and going down

Kicks to the sides ensued, my throat. My legs.

They drove off with my car.

What had I done?

Yes.thats right. They had drove off with my car, and when I got up, I ran as best as I could. I walked, and I ran in the rain. It had picked up, but as I was coming closer to home it had stopped.

And Iries must have driven my car in for me.

I hate myself even more now. Devoting five years for them, almost six. Betraying what I had always followed.

Why hadn't I killed her?

Why Hadn't I killed her?

Why hadn't I killed her?

Why Hadn't I KILLED HER?

[You don't have it anymore do you.]

[You were weak, in love, you couldn't]

[You should kill yourself]

[Because you tried to kill Devi and you felt horrible after that.]

[You didn't need to paint the wall anymore]

So many fucking voices attack pain, regret, and me now. Shit. I find myself outside; there are tiny bits of blood on the driver's door. Must have been mine. I must have been in more hurt than I thought. Lightening crashes like some Hollywood movie, in some declaration scene.

I go back into my house, and I write a quick note to Todd. I can't have him thinking I'm going to betray him. I load up the things that I need to.

I drive to the 24/7 and get a few gallons of gas, and a brainfreezy and I'm on my way.

Weeeeeeeeee I think this is my favorite chapter!

What's in store for chapter 8?

The Yunomi Reference: The Yunomi story is a fucking great one. If you are into The WWE, Old School Undertaker And Kane, it's a great fanifc, and its really really long, but its good. Yunomi rocks, its got to be the best fanifc I have ever read involving those characters.

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