To Be Alone

By: Alicia Maxwell

It was quiet in the woods.  The forest was dark isolated… and quiet.  Silence meant a lot to Hikari, the lone fire demon whose life burned on deep inside my soul.  Because of her, I was born to be alone… and no matter how close I got to others, I knew one day I'd leave them in search of myself- in search of isolation.

The trees cry, you know.  If you are completely silent you can hear it.  It's a sad low sound that pierces through the depths of your heart with ease.  I know… for I have heard them.  I have sat there quietly… alone… and listened.  I was born to be alone.

I had my own personal point of isolation- a place where I could relish the solitude.  It was a small clearing, deep in the woods, where I used to go to play as a child.  Now, as I got older, it had become a place for silent meditation.  This place had turned from my place to be wild and free to my place to be quiet and reserved.

It was at that moment I realized it.  I wasn't alone.  The faint smell on the wind and the energy signal being emitted from the top of a nearby tree alerted me to this.  I snarled and drew my sword.

"Show yourself!" I called out.

"Hm?" I saw Hiei lean over from one of the top tree branches.  "Alicia?"

"Hiei?  What are you doing here?" I asked him.

"Feh.  I could ask you the same!" Hiei shouted down.

"I've been coming here since childhood!  This is where I come to collect my thoughts!" I yelled.  "Hey!  Why don't you come down?"

"Already did that," Hiei flashed up beside me.  "So I take it you don't have a lot of thoughts to collect?"

"Are you calling me stupid!?" I huffed.

"No.  I am simply saying that I have come here very often for the last three years and this is the first I've seen of you here," he said.

"You come alone, don't you?" I asked.

"Who would I bring with me?  The idiot?" Hiei snorted.

"Like you would bring Kuwabara anywhere," I giggled.  "What I meant when I asked if you come alone was, 'Do you like being alone?'"

"Of course.  Everyone likes to be alone sometimes.  It's just that some of us like to be alone more often than others," Hiei said.  "Are you one?"

"Am I one what?" I asked.

"One who likes to be alone?" he queried.

"Yes," I looked up toward the sky.  "I was born alone.  I walk alone.  And I'll die alone.  You feel the same way about yourself don't you Hiei?"

"I was born alone.  I walk alone.  And I shall die alone," he agreed.

"Why do we choose to do this to ourselves, Hiei?" I asked him.  "Why do we want to be alone?"

"Superiority," Hiei suggested.  "We're too smart and powerful for them."

"It's more than superiority.  The trees say it is so," I shook my head gently.

"The trees?" Hiei blinked.  "And here I thought I was going crazy…"

"You hear the cry of the forest?" I awed.  "Most demons that don't come from the forest can't hear the cry."

"It's too low for me to hear clearly," he replied.  "All I hear is a gentle, indistinct whisper."

"You don't have my ears," I said.  "I was once a wolf and I still have the ears of one."

"You made a good point," Hiei turned toward me.  "Why do we choose to be alone?"

I turned to answer him but something happened.  My mouth opened but I failed to speak.  We sat still for a while and silence passed between us.  The wind echoed through the trees and we drew closer together.  Before I knew it, Hiei's lips were pressed to mine and I had been given the answer.

No one is meant to be alone.  Always, a path traveled alone leads to another person.  We do not walk alone and we cannot walk alone.  AS long as one takes a stride, there will always be another stride beside it, placed by another.  As imperfect beings, we are blessed, or cursed as some may say, with the failure to be alone.  It is our way of life… a rule of nature that even Hiei cannot deny.  We are not meant to be alone.

"Do you want to go back together Hiei?" I asked once the kiss had been broken.

"One step is always paralleled by another," Hiei smiled.  "Even if I go back a separate way from you… I still don't walk alone."

"The paths we walked in life… we were beside each other all along but we never noticed.  With every step I took, you took an equal step.  With every step you took, I took an equal step.  We were just blindfolded.  Blindfolded so the gods could laugh at us as we stumbled along, assuming we were alone, too stupid to reach out in search of the other's hand or call out in search of the other's guidance," I stated.  "What fools we must look like to our superiors!  It took us this many years to think to take off the blindfolds!" I laughed.

"Come on," Hiei got up and started slowly down the mountain side.  "Let's go."

"Right beside you," I smiled softly.

When we got home, nobody was there.  Kurama was still at school as were Yusuke and Kuwabara.  Botan had gone to see Koenma about some case.  All this left Hiei and I alone.  I went to my room and pulled the blanket off my bed.  Then I carried it into the living room where Hiei was waiting for me on the couch.  I walked over and laid down beside him.  The two of us curled up together and he covered us with the blanket.  After that, we fell asleep.

We were never meant to be alone.  There is always a second person there.  Sometimes, though, we are too blind to see it.