Disclaimer: Oh, come on. You don't know me? I own Slam Dunk, you imbeciles! Why won't you believe me? All the evidence is here and---- Hey! Where are you taking me? No! Don't lock me up! No! I'm telling you the truth! I'll sue you for this! cops lock up chibi-onna cop#1: tsk tsk tsk. Another hopeless case. The 77th as of today.


A/N: Uh, hi, guys. Just got out of jail... Thanks for the reviews!!!! I love them... Listen, this might be a little late, but HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Peace and prosperity to us all! Anyway, I've been working really hard in school lately, hence the lateness.. I do hope you'll like this.. Hehehe... I have to warn you, though, it's a bumpy ride ahead... Ru goes all angsty and the other couple has a nice little lime very mild, mind you...... please, r&r!!! I live for reviews!!!


Legend:


~place/time/flashback~
"dialogue"
//thoughts//
inserts
*sigh or something like it*
/*stuff outside the fic*/


Chapter10: Symphony of Emotions



Fear.

Hunting him down. Constantly chasing him to the brink of insanity. Closing in on his very being. Gripping him. Consuming him. He couldn't take it anymore and so he tried to get away; only to find more walls, forming a never-ending maze of doubts and familiar horrors that never cease to plague his thoughts and dreams. He was going in circles: hurting himself, tormenting himself. He tried a different path, yet nothing seemed to work. It was a dead end. He turned to go back from whence he came but a new wall had taken its place. He was trapped. All false reassurances were in vain... For there is but one escape... And it was to break free and lose his sanity.



Anger.

He was angry... Angry at himself. How could he just stand there and do nothing? How could he let all of this unfold before him? How could he let it dictate his destiny? Such cowardice, hiding behind false pretenses... It was the very negation of what he is: a man--yes, a man of immense prestige, power and wealth. How well does he use these? Apparently, not good enough. It never was, right from the start. Why? Why must this be so? Fate has no right to do this to him! His name boasted of unwavering control! But Fate doesn't care about that. It now seems that his destiny was indeed fixed. And he didn't want that. He WILL be in charge: he will be his own boss and direct his own life. The walls were slowly disappearing, and all but one vanished.



Hate.

Bastard. He hated the bastard that is the final wall that dared to be in his way. A rival. An opponent in almost every aspect of his life. Always a step or two ahead. Always smiling, mocking him. Stealing what he claims to be rightfully his; and the bloke didn't even deserve a pinch of what he has taken. Waves of rage threatened to break the dam of his calm. A sudden flash of memory was the final straw, and the violent waters descended on him in all their fury: surrounding him, engulfing him, blinding him. He ground his teeth in disgust and annoyance; bit his lip till it bled. Fists clenched and unclenched themselves, welcoming the feeling, letting it rush through his veins and mix with his blood.



Suffering.

It was his burden, and still is. To be a master of one's self is to master one's self: one's feelings, one's actions, one's words. And he appeared as if he had accomplished this feat; for everybody was convinced that he was an emotionless block of ice that had mistaken itself to be human. But they were wrong. They knew nothing. They never saw through his cold exterior. And if they did, for someone who had his depths, they wouldn't be able to understand him anyway. So nobody sensed his silent suffering. His raw and destructive suffering. He suffered because the one he loves is so physically near yet so far... Unreachable... Unattainable... He suffered because that person had his eyes on another. He suffered because he didn't know whether the other would accept him for what he is.... If he would understand... He suffered because he is unable to do anything whilst his rival is way ahead of him again. He suffered because his love was reciprocated with hate. He suffered because he has yet to proclaim and prove his love, if he would let him. Yes, he suffered every second and every minute of each day. He suffered because he needed him. And he suffered because he was alone.



Death.

"Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more; it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing."
/*--William Shakespeare, Macbeth*/


Yes, Shakespeare was right when he first conceived the main idea behind these words... Life, rather, his life was a walking shadow: borrowing his own form, not exposing the details: the very evidence of his identity; nothing but an outline, an exterior, an illusion. And when he dies, his life will be nothing but a sick, sad story: a drama told and played by imbeciles who claimed to know him yet did not, useless and meaningless as it has always been. He snorted. So what's the point? He definitely didn't see it. He laughed a stiff, mirthless laugh. They say that darkness is the absence of light. So let it be that death is the absence of this miserable life.

He was only half-conscious of what he was doing. He hardly noticed that he had pulled out his elegant swiss knife, letting the blade dance dangerously across his wrist. A thin red line appeared, and from it a small amount of blood oozed out. He stared at the fuel of his body, at the fluid that he most definitely can't live without... Like his Hana. It was so beautifully red... Like Hana's tresses. It was the reason he was still alive and breathing... Just like Hana.

Rukawa sighed and went to the bathroom, washing off the blood on his wrist. He got a band-aid from the medicine cabinet and put it over the wound. //Damn....// he cursed in his head. He had gotten that close in attempting to meet Death... And it almost got him, if not for his love. No, he can't give up now! Not when he's so close... Watching the sunset, he finally made up his mind.

"I'm making my move tonight."

It was said with sheer determination and fox eyes grimly shone in the approaching darkness.



Passion.

~in one of the rooms~


"Neeeee, Sanzoooo, harahetaaaaa....." /*A/N: "Ne, Sanzo, I'm hungry"--Son Goku of Saiyuki... owned by the wonderful Kazuya Minekura!!!*/

"Uh, ah, ahehehe.... You've obviously been watching too much anime...."

"But I'm hungry!!!!"

Puppy dog eyes were staring up at Kogure.

Said vice captain laughed. "Don't worry, I'm sure the butler will be calling us anytime now," he said, glancing at his watch. "It's almost time for dinner, anyway..."

Kogure stroked absently at the face of the adorable chibi Mitsui-neko settled comfortably on his lap. The kitten was purring contentedly.

/*A/N: Isn't it weird for a cat to make puppy dog eyes? Anyway...*/

Suddenly, a mischievous glint appeared in Mitsui's eyes. He slowly crawled up Kogure's chest with feline precision. With a feral grin, he attacked his koi's delectable neck.

Taken by surprise, Kogure almost jumped. When he recognized the feeling, he instantly relaxed. He was again in transition as his chocolate brown eyes darkened with lust. He inclined his head to give Mitsui better access. Mitsui smirked on his lover's skin as he bit on one of his sensitive spots.

//Hmmm.... Maybe he'll let me be the seme this time....//

Kogure growled in a very low, sexy voice. It was enough to send shivers up Mitsui's spine.

Misui thought again. //But then again, maybe not...//


~30 minutes later~


The couple were cuddling contentedly in post-coital bliss on the bed.

"That's the best lay I ever had..."

"Flattery will get you nowhere. Besides, you always say that."

"But Min-kun! It's true!"

"Sashi-kun--"

He was interrupted by a knock on the door. Mitsui looked at Kogure, panic written all over his face. Kogure gave a reassuring smile and yelled, "Who is it?"

"Masters Mitsui and Kogure, dinner will be served in a few minutes."

Kogure nudged Mitsui.

"Uh, y-yeah! We'll be down in a minute!"

They heard the butler's footsteps move away until it's safe to say that he's gone.

Mitsui breathed out a sigh of relief.

"Let's go clean up," Kogure urged Mitsui to move.

"Do'wanna."

Kogure raised an eyebrow. "But I thought you were hungry."

"Not anymore." Mitsui's stomach rumbled noisily. He blushed. "Not that much anyway..."

"Maa, maa..."



Confusion.

~at the dining hall~


Hanamichi was the last to arrive at the dining hall. After all, the farthest room was his. That is, if you excluded Rukawa's. He looked around to see where he could sit. The only one left was between Rukawa and Haruko. Perfect. This was his chance to know...

He plopped down on his seat and proceeded to stare at his plate.

"Sakuragi-kun?"

Hanamichi looked to his left. "Hmm?"

"D-daijoubu desu ka?"

Sakuragi thought for a while. "I'm okay Haruko-san." He resumed his thoughtful position and stared off into space.

Ayako was sitting across the redhead. She furrowed her brow. Something's up. Normally, Hanamichi would be his usual noisy and annoying self, gobbling up the food once it was set before him... But the food was there even before he sat on his chair. She also noticed that there was something different with the way he regarded his long-time crush. It wasn't as enthusiastic. If she didn't know him that well, she would've thought that he wasn't the same red-headed idiot who made a moron out of himself just to get the girl's attention. She would give it much thought later. But for now, she's hungry and her stomach was demanding food.

Hanamichi was still staring out into space. He finally snapped out of it when everybody else said "Itadakimasu!" and started to dig in. He sighed and reached to get his first helping. He was eating mechanically: his body was going in an 'auto-pilot' mode since he obviously wasn't home.

The earlier events played in his mind's eye over and over. He just couldn't understand it. He was halfway there, realizing that he was either gay or bi, but is that really the case? How about Haruko?

"Sakuragi-kun, could you please pass the gravy?"

"Here," he said, passing Haruko the gravy.

"Arigatou."

Their hands brushed lightly against each other, but Hanamichi no longer felt the familiar tingle on his skin. It certainly didn't come up to the level of Sendoh's earlier...

//Whoa! Wait a minute! Where the hell did that thought come from?//

//chibi-hana1: You have a crush on him! You do! You do!//

//chibi-hana2: I certainly do not!//

//chibi-hana1: Yes, you do!//

//chibi-hana2: Do not!//

//chibi-hana1: Do too!//

"DO NOT!!!!" Hanamichi yelled.

His mental fight against himself went far enough to make him say chibi-hana2's argument out loud. Realizing what he just did, he quickly finished his meal, got up and said, "Sorry guys, just tired... Oyasumi." Then he left for his room.

"Weird..." Ryota commented when the redhead was out of an earshot.

This earned him a whack on the head from the concerned manageress.


Love.

~later, in Hana's room~

Hanamichi stopped pacing in his room ages ago. He was now lying on his four-poster bed, an arm resting over his eyes so that he could still see everything from under it. He was so tired: physically, mentally and emotionally.

Rukawa was using one of his secret passages again. He finally arrived at Sakuragi's room, walking silently along, so as not to startle Hana too much.

He looked around. His Hana was there, lying on the bed, motionless. Rukawa smiled and walked towards the bed. When he was close enough, he began to talk.

"So you're asleep..." Rukawa sighed. "This should make this easier... As of now..."

He carefully sat on the bed. Stroking Hanamichi's hair, he continued, "Ever since our first meeting up in the rooftop, I couldn't stop thinking about you... You were suddenly everywhere, I thought I was going crazy... And then we met on the court... I was surprised and ecstatic at the same time. I never would have guessed you would try out for the basketball team after all the blasphemies you've said about it.." Rukawa laughed softly. "Honestly, I almost couldn't keep a straight face whenever you go and do more of your silly antics! You were always one to lighten up moods.. You kept me from being too serious, and that's good. Too much of something is never good... And when I lose it, you encourage me in your own way... People might find it a sick approach to beat up your teammate just to knock some sense into them, but I actually find it quite endearing..."

"I've obviously been doing a lot of thinking, and now I came to share them with you... Although you won't hear it right now..."

Kaede took a deep breath. He cupped a side of Hanamichi's face. "I.... I love you, Sakuragi Hanamichi... More than that bastard Sendoh, or anyone else ever could... Not even Haruko.."

Silence. And then, "Perhaps I'm saying too much..."

He leaned over and lightly kissed the love of his life on the lips.

"Oyasumi, Hana..." Rukawa left through the door, closing it behind him.


Hanamichi was still deep in thought when a sudden movement caught his eye. An intruder! The lights were off, so he couldn't see much. The only source of light was the moon, visible through the glass windows; he previously opened the curtains. He decided to 'play dead'. Maybe if he pretended to be asleep, whatever, or whoever it is would go away.

The intruder spoke. The voice was familiar, but he couldn't tell who it was just yet. He felt the slight movement as the person sat on the bed. It was now possible for him to see who it was.

Sakuragi almost gave himself away when his eyes registered a smiling Rukawa. It was a sight to behold. It was as if an angel descended on Earth to take him to the heavens above for all the good he has done. But it was RUKAWA, dammit! His supposed rival within Shohoku. The one Haruko likes. His ENEMY. Of course, his rapidly beating heart told him otherwise, the look on his face was so serene... So peaceful... So beautiful... And the moonlight wasn't helping, either. It just made this vision before him look more ethereal.. The palest of complexions kissed by the moon..

He felt Rukawa's fingers stroke his hair. His muscles tightened, but he willed them to relax. No use in ruining the moment. Even the hairs at the back of his neck were starting to stand on end. He ignored it as soon as Kaede spoke again.

He heard the smooth baritone voice float over to his ears. It was a nice sound.. And he felt he wouldn't tire from hearing it if he had to listen to it every day of his life. He paid attention to the confession of the angel beside him, shocked at all that he had said. The stoic player never said anything beyond ten words! He suddenly felt a warm hand rest on his cheek. It was giving him goosebumps everywhere. He tried not to move.

Wait. Did he hear that right? The kitsune just said that he LOVED him! Good thing it was dark, or Rukawa would've seen the blush creeping up his face.

"Perhaps I'm saying too much..."

Even if he wasn't 'asleep', Hanamichi can never be prepared for what happened next. Rukawa KISSED him... And it wasn't just any kiss... It was gentle and loving, like a butterfly's kiss to a delicate flower in the summer. He could almost say that he enjoyed it, fleeting as it was...

When the door clicked shut, Hanamichi put his arm down and brought his fingers to his lips. This definitely adds to the list of the things he has to think about...



A/N: two tall guys strap a certain chibi-onna to one of those high-flying, ear-bursting, jaw-droppingly-beautiful fireworks... and oh, extremely dangerous, too...

chibi: NOOOOOOO!!!! I DO'WANNA DIIIIIEEEE!!!!

Rukawa: Shut up. You deserve it.

chibi: in a scared whisper B-b-but why? *whimpers*

Rukawa: You hurt me too much.

chibi: That's not true! I--

Sendoh: Cut the crap. You called me a bastard too many times, among other things... *pouts*

chibi: //oh, he's so cute when he does that...// Aki-chan! You know I didn't mean that! I love you! Don't you love me anymore?

Sendoh: No.

chibi: *cries uncontrollably* Rukawa, could you please hurry and light this up? I WANNA DIIIIIEEEE!!!!