Dawn was out wandering, trying to pass the time. She went in and out of stores. Thought of stealing stuff, but never went through with it. She didn't feel the old excitement. She knew it wouldn't make her feel better this time. Then she saw the black silk shirt she had picked out for Connor, the one that Xander wouldn't buy. Dawn still couldn't understand why Xander freaked out when he saw Connor in those clothes.
Seeing the shirt just reminded her off what she had lost. Connor was gone, and once again she was all alone. She tried to figure what else to do to pass the time. Shoplifting seemed so immature to her now. She needed to find another thrill.
"Anya?," Xander asked as he opened his apartment door.
"Let's go out," Anya told him.
"What?"
"You don't have plans, do you? I anticipated that you wouldn't, what with your loneliness and wretched isolation and all."
"Thanks for caring," Xander sarcastically responded.
"I just thought you'd like to go out with me. It could be fun. Much more fun than watching "Apocalypse Now" for the 15th time and eating Cheetos with a spoon."
The scary thing was, this was what Xander actually was planning to do. Anya knew him all too well. "You want to go out? With me? Have you been struck in the head lately, suffered some memory loss?"
"Always with the humor. That's my Xander. Nope, memory's fine. I remember how you humiliated me, stripped me of my self-respect, made me wish I had died before I ever met you. I remember everything. But I've moved on. Now you have to move on. You need to get over me. That's why we need to go out."
Xander still had no idea what was going on. "Well, then, come in. Just give me a minute to get ready."
Anya entered. "Change your clothes. Put on something nice. And it wouldn't kill you to comb your hair. My god, this place is a pig sty! Have you thought of hiring a cleaning lady? Do you even own a vacuum?"
The sun had set. It was Spike's time of the day. He staggered around the back alleys, figuring out what to do with himself. He heard music coming out of an adjacent building. It was a bar. Just where Spike belonged. Now he would have some fun.
Buffy had to take her anger out on something. Why not vampires? After all, Spike had been one. It was an odd instance of collective guilt – punishing many vampires for the misdeeds of one former vampire. But then again, it's not like the vampires didn't deserve to die.
Buffy walked into Willy's, which was packed with rowdy demons this Saturday night. Everyone grew quiet. A Slayer in a demon bar? It didn't make sense. Sure, she might want to kill all of them. But there were more than two dozen of them. Far too many for any one Slayer to take on single-handed. Buffy opened up her coat, to show that she had no weapons on her. "All you demons can leave. I'm only here for the vampires," she announced. The demons and the vampires laughed. "No weapons. No tricks. No crosses, no holy water, not even a stake. Just me, and all of you. Who thinks it's a good night to die?"
For a long time, there had been rumors going around the Sunnydale demon underworld that the Slayer had a death wish. Still, the vampires thought this was a bit over the top. But if Buffy wanted to go on a death ride, they sure weren't going to object. And the demons relished the chance to watch her die. She was just standing there, like a lamb waiting for the onslaught.
Two of the bolder vampires charged Buffy. She punched them both simultaneously, one with her right fist, one with her left. A less bolder vampire hit Buffy from behind with a stool. Buffy didn't flinch when the stool shattered across her back. She grabbed a piece of one of the legs and staked the vampire from behind. "Shouldn't keep all this wood around. I mean, come on fellas. You're making my job so easy."
The rest of the vampires charged en masse at Buffy. The demons watched. But they had started to inch towards the rear exit. They weren't crazy about tangling with a psychotic Slayer. Buffy reached to her right, grabbed a table, and threw it in the path of the onrushing vampires. The vampires in front tried to move out of the way. But the weight of all the vampires behind them pushed them forward into the table. They trampled over the table, breaking it to pieces, and knocking themselves down in the process.
Buffy ripped a long slice of the wooden railing from the bar and stuck it into the vampire pile. It pierced the hearts of two vampires. She pulled it out, then stuck it in again. This time, she plunged it through the wooden floor. As the vampires rose to their feet, she moved behind them, towards the center of the bar. She glared at the demon bystanders. They fled out the back exit.
A couple vampires were skewered on the wooden stake Buffy had stuck into the floor. "Oh look, vampire shishkabob," Buffy joked. Three vampires were impaled – one through the leg, one through the stomach, and one through the neck. Buffy thought they looked funny down there, stuck to the ground, writhing in agony. A Slayer who got a kick out of impaling her victims – Dracula was right when he told Buffy they had a few things in common.
Still, it was way too early for Buffy to declare victory. Ten vampires were still on their feet, and they tried to surround her. She kicked and punched and threw a few of them to the back of the bar. When one vampire tried to punch her, she grabbed his arm and threw him into an approaching vampire, knocking them both to the ground. She decided she needed a weapon, so she pulled up the long stake which was still impaling the three vampires. Two vampires charged Buffy from her left. She turned and drove the pike home, getting both of them in the heart.
Another vampire swung a glass liquor bottle at Buffy's head. She ducked out of the way and dropped her pike. The bottle smashed into the top of the bar and its bottom half broke off. Buffy punched the vampire in the stomach and smashed his right arm into the bar. He let go of the broken bottle. Buffy picked it up. Now that it was broken, it made a razor-sharp edged weapon. Buffy sliced this vampire's neck all the way around. When she was done, the vampire's head slowly fell off his body. It was a fun beheading for Buffy.
While she took a second to savor this gory kill, another vampire punched Buffy in the face. She drove the broken bottle straight through his temple. It didn't kill him, but it really hurt. And it made him look like his brain was on tap. Meanwhile, a burly vampire grabbed Buffy and threw her into the back wall. In fact, he threw her partway through the back wall. But Buffy quickly recovered. When the burly vampire charged her, she grabbed him and threw him face first into a mirror. (Mirror in a vampire bar? Decorator must have had a sense of humor.)
Buffy grabbed one of the larger shards of glass, and stuck it right through the burly vampire's neck. Then she grabbed his hair and pulled his partially severed head clean off his body. Buffy was having fun with her unorthodox decapitations. She turned to look at a part of the mirror which was still on the wall and checked her appearance. Seven vampires down, her hair was still perfect, and not a scratch on her face. Not bad at all, she thought.
Of course she couldn't see any of the attackers behind her. But she heard a fist coming at her head from behind. She ducked in time, and the fist went through the wall. Before the vampire could extract his arm, Buffy slugged him in the stomach. She didn't know how hard she slugged him until she saw her fist coming out of his lower back. This was a first. Buffy pulled her arm out of the vampire's guts as he pulled his arm out of the drywall. When he saw the hole in his abdomen, he was quite shocked and horrified. It looked like a small cannonball had traveled through him.
It was clear to the smarter and less-injured vampires that they needed weapons. One of these vampires kicked through a glass case and grabbed the fire extinguisher, which he handed to a friend. He took the ax. The vampire with the extinguisher swung the heavy object at Buffy. She grabbed hold of it and pushed it away, knocking the vampire holding the extinguisher to the ground. Now Buffy saw the vampire with the ax. This she worried about.
When he swung for her, she leaped in the air and did a backflip, landing on her feet on the top of the bar. The vampire swung at her legs. Buffy quickly jumped in the air, and stepped on the flat side of the ax with her left foot while the vampire was still swinging it. With her right foot, she stomped off the end of the axe handle. The vampire had lost his weapon. Buffy got her left foot under the ax and kicked it up into the air. Then she grabbed it with her two hands.
Buffy looked over her new weapon. The broken shaft was still 16 inches long. And now it was pointy at the bottom. Buffy twisted the ax handle up and down. "Beheading, staking, beheading, staking, beheading, staking" she said as she looked alternately at the metal blade and the wooden stake she was holding. "Any requests?," she asked the vampires assembled below. One of them grabbed her left ankle. Buffy stepped on his wrist with her right foot, pinning it to the bar. "No touching!," she yelled before she brought her ax down, cutting off the poor vampire's right arm just below the elbow. Buffy leaped over the vampires, did a flip, and landed with her feet back on the floor. It was time to finish the job.
She staked one vampire. Then beheaded the next. She kicked a third vamp away from her, then leaped in the air and hit a fourth vampire with a flying spin kick. On her way back to the ground, she beheaded yet another vampire.
A vampire butted her in the head. This made Buffy mad. She drove her ax down into the vampire's skull. Silly me, she thought, that's not the way to kill it. And she had difficulty pulling the ax out of his head. Meanwhile, the vampire with the extinguisher bashed Buffy in the head from behind. She went down. He hit her twice in the back. She turned over and looked up at him. He tried to bash her brains in. Buffy rolled out of the way. She swept the vampire's legs out from under him. Then she sprang to her feet and walloped the nearest vampire with a roundhouse kick.
Buffy turned back to the vampire with the ax in his head. She noticed he was missing the lower half of his right arm. All that chopping, and still he was standing. How wasteful, Buffy thought. "I apologize. Really. I've always prided myself on being a humane Slayer," Buffy told him as she yanked the ax out of his skull. "How bout I stop the pain, put you out of your misery?," she asked before she staked him.
Five vampires remained standing. One had a hole in his stomach. Three others were recovering from being impaled. Which left one uninjured vampire. He made a dash for the rear exit. Buffy leaped at him and kicked him in the back, knocking the vampire face-first into the wall. She then ripped off a table leg, threw the vampire onto the bar, and staked him.
The four remaining vampires were ailing but still pretty game. One of them tried to punch Buffy. While she blocked the punch, another vampire kicked her from behind. Another punched her in the stomach, and the fourth vampire punched her in the jaw. Two of them grabbed her, each holding an arm. The other two were about to wail on her when she shot her legs in the air. The two vampires trying to punch her covered their faces, anticipating her kicks. But she didn't kick them quite as they expected. Buffy shot her legs out to the side, and then brought them together in a scissors motion. She hit each vampire on the outside of the head, smashing their heads together.
When her feet hit the ground, Buffy backpedaled, driving herself and the two men who were holding her arms into a wall. This got her arms free. She grabbed a nicely splintered shaft of wood, and quickly did away with the four remaining vampires. She had just slayed 16 vampires in that bar, but she wasn't counting. Buffy looked around at the wreckage she had caused, took pride in a job well done, and strode out into the night. Then she pulled a stake out of her jacket pocket. She brought this stake from home, and had it with her in the bar. She just didn't bother to use it. That would have been too easy, too conventional.
A few minutes later, Clem entered. It looked like a bomb had gone off in the bar. Everything was broken. Ash and dust blanketed the floor. "Bede? Bede are you here?," he asked, as he looked for the benign demon who currently ran the place. He found Bede hiding on the ground behind the bar.
"Bede what happened? What monster did this?"
Bede stood up. "The Slayer," he told Clem.
"Buffy?," Clem uttered in astonishment as he surveyed the destruction.
Bede described her demeanor. "You know in the war movies when they talk about the 1,000 yard stare? Buffy had that stare. She looked mad."
"Mad as in angry?," Clem asked naively.
"Mad as in cuckoo," Bede responded.
Anya dragged Xander into the Bronze. "By the way Xander, you look very nice. Almost dashing."
"Anya, for the last time, what's going on? I have this queasy feeling, like you're leading me into an ambush."
"Xander, when your life falls apart, you need to go out and meet new people before you can pick up the pieces."
"My life hasn't fallen apart! I have a good life. A good job. Good friends. Why have you suddenly gone all motivational speaker on me? I don't need this."
"Stand up straight. Here, lemme fix your collar. There, perfect. Ooh, look! A friend."
Xander didn't see anyone he knew. But he followed Anya anyway. What else was he going to do?
"Xander I have someone for you to meet. This is my boyfriend Sterling. And this is Sterling's friend Elise. She's in Spike's band."
Xander realized what was happening. "Hello Elise, nice to meet you," Xander said, shaking her hand. She smiled nervously. Xander looked at Anya. "Anya, a word, alone." They walked off to talk.
"A blind date! You're setting me up on a blind date! Do you know how humiliating it is to be set up on a blind date by my ex-fiance!"
"Actually, it was Zooey's idea."
"Willow's friend! Was Willow in on this?"
"Not really. Sterling told me that Zooey told Elise you were cute and so Elise wanted to meet you. I don't see what the problem is. She's very attractive. Don't you think so?"
Xander glanced over his shoulder at Elise. "Well, yes, I suppose she's quite pleasant on the eyes. But that's not the point." Xander looked angry. Then he thought about what Anya had just said. "Zooey thinks I'm cute?," he asked as a smile came across his face.
"Sterling and Spike confirmed as much. Spike wasn't too happy about it."
Xander's smile grew bigger. Nothing like making Spike jealous to boost Xander's spirits. And Zooey was a babe. Too bad she was a lesbian. It seemed all the human women who were attracted to Xander were lesbians.
"That's flattering, but that's not the point," Xander told Anya, becoming serious again. "The point is, this is humiliating. You set up blind dates for your friends when they're complete losers or shut-ins. I don't need your help."
"Of course you don't," Anya condescended. "You've done such a good job of getting dates on your own."
Xander seethed. "Since when is that any of your business?"
"Since I found true love," Anya answered. The adjective true' seemed to imply that what she had felt for Xander was false love. "I've noticed how you go around carrying a torch for me, and it's getting a bit sad. I've moved on. You need to move on. You need to accept that you and I are over. You need to find someone new, someone who can love you." This sounded like another dig at Xander. Anya was still the master of guileless unintentional cruelty.
Xander had been wounded one time too many. "There it is. Your reason for bringing me here. You wanted vengeance? Congratulations, you just got it. My life is empty; yours is full. Happy? Is that what you wanted to hear?"
Anya hadn't done this for revenge. Problem was, her brutal honesty kept scuttling her good intentions. "That's not what I wanted, Xander. I'm over being mad. I was actually trying to do something nice. Taking you out to meet an attractive non-demon woman who wants to date you. How is that vengeance?"
Xander took a deep breath and thought about this. He wasn't sure if Anya's goal was vengeance, charity, or a mixture of the two. Of course, he didn't have anything better to do that night. And since when did Xander turn his back on a pretty girl? "You just should have been more upfront about this, Anya. You didn't have to surprise me. That was ambush dating. Nobody likes to be ambushed. But I guess you might have meant well." Xander then walked over to Elise.
"Hello there, nice to meet you, again. I know it may appear as if I was less than thrilled to meet you the first time around, but please, let me explain. I've never been on a blind date. In fact, I had no idea I was even going on date tonight until I saw you a couple minutes ago. Please don't feel offended. It was just the surprise of it all. Finding out my friends had set me up behind my back. Not that I mind, now that I'm here, with you."
"I'm sorry," Elise told Xander. "You're friends shouldn't have done that." Then she paused. Xander thought she meant she was sorry to be there with him. He felt like such a disappointment. But this was just a way for Elise to gauge Xander's interest in her. "I mean, I wouldn't want to get a date a guy who's only with me because he's been tricked."
"No, no, no. That's not why I'm here," Xander assured her.
"Yes it is," Elise slyly replied. "Guess your friends figured that was the only way they could get you to go out with me."
"I think you misheard me," Xander pleaded. He didn't realize he was being played. "It's not that I don't find you attractive. I do. And it's not that I wouldn't want to date you. I would. I mean, I do."
"Are you asking me out?," Elise cleverly replied.
"Well, I'd say it's a bit late for that," he joked.
"You're right. It's too late for me to say no." Xander looked worried. "I'm kidding," Elise added. "Let's go sit down and talk."
"Sitting, I'd like that. It means we've moved passed the awkward standing around part of the evening," Xander responded. They found a table and sat down.
Dawn was up in the balcony. When she saw Xander, she thought maybe they could hang out. But then she saw him with a woman. A new woman. It seemed everyone had someone. Everyone except Dawn, that is. She was so bored homework actually sounded interesting. So she headed home.
"They seem to be quite compatible," Anya said to Sterling about Xander and Elise.
"I think our work here is done," Sterling added.
"Good. Wanna go to my apartment?," Anya bluntly asked.
"So long as you go there with me," Sterling joked. He loved the way she cut to the chase. They headed out.
Two blocks to the north, Spike entered a bar. He saw the jukebox. It was quiet. He didn't want quiet. So he checked to see what albums the machine had. Graham Parker. This had promise, Spike thought. He chose the songs "Endless Night" and "Passion Is No Ordinary Word." As the music started, he scoped out the joint for women and found a few to his liking. As the adrenaline started pumping, it countered the effects of the alcohol. Staggering Spike became suave Spike.
He spotted one woman along the wall. Tall, thin, with curly brown hair. She was pulling out a cigarette. Perfect lead in. Spike came over with his zippo. As come-ons went, it was lame and cliched. But Spike was handsome enough to make it work. "Nice lighter," she told him after she exhaled.
"Thanks. I got it from a guy I killed." She laughed, thinking it was a joke.
"What's your name, killer?
"Spike. What's yours, love?"
"Marianne."
"Pleasure to make you acquaintance, Marianne." He took her right hand in his left and twirled her around, as if they were dancing. The jukebox played:
"I can't bear to see how it all looks in the light – keep it hidden now.
If I could only find a switch, that turns on the endless night."
Spike continued. "Marianne, I know this sounds sod awful unoriginal, but what's a gorgeous dame like yourself doing out all by yourself on a Saturday night?"
"Talking with my friends about how hard it is to meet a decent guy in this town."
"I'm anything but decent," Spike told her with a roguish grin.
"Thank god for that," she answered with a smile before she inhaled. "Think maybe I'll go tell my friends not to wait up for me. Don't go anywhere, killer."
Marianne walked away. Spike was happy. He liked this woman. Especially when she called him killer. "Endless Night" ended. As Spike listened to the opening guitar riff of "Passion Is No Ordinary Word," he gazed his eyes upon a shapely blond at the bar. He couldn't resist the opportunity.
He walked up next to her. Ordered bourbon. "And whatever the lady wants" he added, tossing the bartender a twenty. The woman gave Spike a dismissive look.
"I have a boyfriend," she told him.
"Don't worry, I won't hold that against you," he answered. Spike liked the challenge of poaching another guy's girl.
She laughed at Spike's bravado. "Oh please! What is it – you think you're God's gift to women or something?"
"God has nothing to do with my gifts."
"Buddy, here's some free advice. You're not a bad looking guy. Maybe if you didn't act like such a jerk, you wouldn't be all alone, desperately hitting on everything that moves. Think about that. Cause what you are right now is sad."
Just then her boyfriend walked up. He was a big, tall guy, considerably bigger than Spike. Well-built, but far from handsome. "Baby is there a problem?," he asked his girlfriend.
Spike couldn't resist. "No problem, sir. Your bird was just telling me to take a hike. I can see she's spoken for. Now that I see who's speaking for her, I kind of feel sorry for the lady. Word of advice, babe: you can probably do better than me; but you can certainly do a lot better than him."
The man punched Spike in the face. Spike was thrilled. This was just what he wanted. The man threw another right. Spike could see it coming from a mile away. He blocked the punch and hit the man in the face with a right jab. As Spike fought, his music played:
"Say, how it feels? Real useless, ain't it?
Wait until it bites right down inside you.
The world is easy when you're just playing around with it.
Everything's a thrill, and every girl's a kill.
And then it gets unreal, and then you don't feel anything."
The man threw a left hook. Spike ducked, hit the man in the stomach, then landed a right uppercut to his chin. The man looked injured and somewhat stunned. He didn't expect the scrawny blond boy to fight so well. Spike sensed triumph. He threw a right hook, a knockout blow. But he missed, and Spike began to stagger. Once again, he felt drunk. A half-liter of gin will do that to a man. His coordination was compromised. He threw a left cross. The man dodged it. Then he hit Spike with a right jab square on the jaw before hitting him in the right eye with a massive left hook. That blow knocked Spike to the ground.
Buffy heard footsteps in the woods. She approached stealthily. Two vampires. She moved a good distance in front of them and climbed up into a tree. When they were underneath her, she swooped down right in front of them.
"I don't have time for you Slayer," an scornful Ascher announced.
"You don't have much time left for anything," Buffy told him.
"Say hello to the nice Slayer," Ascher said to Olly before fleeing to Buffy's left. At the same time, Oliver fled to Buffy's right.
"Cowards!" Buffy yelled as she gave chase to Ascher, quickly grabbing him and throwing him to the ground. She took out her stake, and knelt down to stake Ascher while he was on his back. Ascher kicked her away and stood up. Buffy tried a right kick. He blocked it. She tried two rights and one left punch. He blocked these. Yet he didn't counter-attack. Buffy found that very annoying. She grabbed him and threw him back against a tree trunk. Ascher collected himself and approached Buffy. She landed a punch, he blocked a punch, she landed another punch. Ascher staggered backward. Buffy hit him in the face with a flying left kick. She pulled out her stake once again.
It was then that she felt something hit her in the back of her head. While she was focused on Ascher, Oliver had moved in behind Buffy, and had thrown a large stone at her. These guys were really getting on Buffy's nerves. She turned around to see who had beaned her. She saw Oliver about twenty feet away. Ascher picked up a large rock and bludgeoned Buffy from behind. She fell down. The two vampires ran away.
After a few seconds Buffy got up, picked up the fist-sized rock Oliver had hit her with, and gave chase. She really wanted to dust these creeps, these cowards who wouldn't even stand and fight. She ran up a hill after them. They dashed into a cave. Buffy hurled the rock at them. The rock seemed to "bounce" off the opening of the cave, and flew right back at Buffy. She ducked in the nick of time. The rock went clear through the trunk of a tree behind her. What happened to that tree could have happened to her head. That would have been an ignoble way to go – a Slayer dying by her own hand.
Buffy was understandably puzzled. She tried to walk into the cave, but couldn't. There was some sort of invisible barrier which kept her out but let the vampires in. Then Buffy heard noises from behind. She turned and saw four demons walking up the hill.
When they saw her, they made a run for the cave. She tripped one of them and kicked another in the back, knocking him down. A third demon charged her from the right. She punched him twice. The fourth demon came at her from the left, kicked her in the stomach and threw her to the ground. All four demons sprinted for the cave entrance. Buffy rose and gave chase. She was about grab one of them when she was stopped in her tracks by the barrier. One of the demons turned around and moved to within a foot of Buffy. "Sorry Slayer, but you're not invited." The demons laughed and then disappeared into the dark cave.
Buffy waited for about thirty minutes, just in case something came out of the cave. But it was getting late, and it had been a long day. Buffy was tired, physically and emotionally. She headed home for the night. Dawn was asleep. Willow was up studying. Buffy asked Willow to try to find out what she could about forcefields which let in demons but kept out people.
That reminded Buffy of Anya, who of course was a demon. She could get Anya to go in the cave and see what was going on. She called Anya's apartment. Anya was busy with Sterling. She shot her arm out and knocked the phone out of its cradle and onto the floor.
"Hello? Hello? Anya are you there? Anya? Hello? Hello? Anya?," Buffy said after Anya "answered" the phone. Buffy heard loud noises in the background. Fortunately, she hung up before she could figure what she was listening to.
Xander and Elise walked out of the Bronze. "Xander, you're a really nice guy, and you're really sweet - "
"Oh great, here it comes," Xander interjected.
"Here what comes?," Elise asked.
"I've heard the speech before. The You're a nice guy' prelude to a rejection."
"Actually it was the prelude to me asking you out tomorrow night."
"Have I told you how much I love it when you surprise me?," Xander joked. "You, me, tomorrow? Absolutely. I had a great time tonight, Elise."
"Me too. Here's my number."
Xander gave her his number. Midway through the evening he had scribbled it down in a moment of optimism.
"Thanks," Elise said. "I'll be sure to give you a call." She gave him a brief kiss on the lips and went to her car. Xander went to his car. He sat there for a moment, thinking about what had just happened. It had been a good night for him. He no longer felt so alone.
Xander's phone rang around sunrise. Elise was certainly eager, Xander thought. "So you missed me already?," he said as he answered.
"Xander, can you do me a favor?," Buffy asked.
"Oh, it's just you," Xander responded indolently.
"You're certainly a grumpy bear this morning."
"Sorry, I just hoping you were someone else. Someone I wanted to hear from."
Xander blowing off Buffy? This was new and unprecedented. "Xander, can you look out your window and see if pigs are flying?"
"Buffy, are you okay? Maybe you need some rest."
"Just a joke. See, I always figured hell would freeze over before you didn't want to hear from me."
"Oh. Oooh. That's funny. Sorry, it's Sunday, it's very early, and I mistook you for a girl who wants to date me. Wow! 6:30! It's hyper-early. Is the world going to end?"
"Not sure. In this town, there's always a chance. That's kind of where you come in. I need you to get Anya and bring her to the water tower. I'll explain when you two get there. Let's just say that right now Anya she's the only one who can help me."
Naturally, Xander assumed the worse. As a good soldier who trusted Buffy completely, he threw on some clothes and went to Anya's. Her door was unlocked. Xander burst in. "Anya there's an emergency and aigghhh!" Xander saw Anya in bed with Sterling. He turned his head away and covered his eyes.
"Ever hear of knocking?," Anya scowled at Xander.
Xander turned his head to face Anya, but still tried to shield his eyes with one hand. "Buffy has a work-related emergency. She said you were the only one who could help. And you know how Buffy is, when she has a problem she thinks it's the end of the world." He couldn't say more in the presence of a non-Scooby like Sterling.
"Fine. But this better be important," Anya said. She rose to get dressed. Then she stopped. "Xander, do you mind?"
Xander dutifully turned around while Anya got dressed. If he hadn't, Sterling probably would have had a lot of questions for Anya. "Sterl, honey, this will only take a minute. I'll be right back. Don't you dare go anywhere, stallion." She kissed him. He didn't seem to want to let go of her. She didn't seem to want to let go of him. Xander averted his eyes from this display of affection. Seeing his ex-fiance in bed with her studly new boyfriend: it was back to humiliation for Xander. Finally, Anya separated her lips from Sterling's and walked out. She turned around at the door. "Stay right where you are. Your love bunny will be back in no time." Xander cringed.
"Love bunny? Love bunny! I thought you were scared of bunnies?," Xander asked Anya in the hall.
"Sterling's helped me to get over my fears. Sterling's helped me to get over a lot of things." That dig was intentional. They got in Xander's car.
"This really better be the end of the world! What's going on, anyway?," Anya asked Xander as he drove.
"Buffy wasn't too specific. All she said was only you could help. Look, I'm not happy about this either. You think this is fun for me?"
"I understand. You, catching me copulating with another man. Again. It's becoming quite a disturbing pattern. By the way, how did the date go last night?"
"It was great, actually. Elise is great. We're going out again tonight."
"Your welcome," Anya responded.
"Excuse me?"
"Well, gee, I was the one who brought you there. So I thought a little thanks might be in order."
"What, I'm supposed to thank you for not telling me? It's not like you were the one who set us up. If I had to thank anyone, it would have to be Zooey." Xander wouldn't mind thanking Zooey. He wouldn't mind anything involving Zooey. "All you had to do was tell me what was going on: Xander, there's a girl who would like to meet you' Would that have been so hard?"
"I was afraid you'd get scared and chicken out."
"Since when have I been scared of women who wanted to date me? Even when they were life-sucking mummies or giant insects."
"Willow told be about the praying mantis. Rather adorable, the whole virgin sacrifice thing. Not to mention the hot-for-teacher subtext. Like Van Halen and Stravinsky rolled into one." Xander didn't quite get the reference to Stravinsky's "Rite Of Spring," which was about an ancient Russian virgin sacrifice ceremony. As an ancient pagan, Anya had actually seen the real thing.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be such a grumpy bear. It's early, I'm cranky, I walk in on my ex-fiance with another man. So I'm a wee bit frazzled at the moment. I am glad you took me to the Bronze. I had fun last night. Probably not as much fun as you had, but you were right. I needed to get out and meet new people."
As she rode in the car, Anya could feel something. It was vengeance. An extremely powerful thirst for vengeance. And she sensed that she was moving towards the source.
Xander and Anya met Buffy at the water tower. She took then to the cave, which was about 200 yards away. "Xander, would you like to walk with me into the cave?," Buffy asked. Xander didn't see why not. Then he hit the forcefield. Xander was a bit surprised. Buffy picked up a stick and gently tossed it into the cave. It bounced off the invisible barrier.
"Six demons fled from me into this cave last night. It looks like only demons are able to enter. I'd like to know what's going on in there. Anya, your demonness, care to walk in and tell me?"
"Okay Buffy. First, can I talk to you alone? Over there? In private? Girl stuff."
Not quite knowing what was going on, Buffy walked with Anya. When they were a safe distance away from Xander, Anya began. "Buffy, what's wrong?"
"The anti-demon forcefield. You saw it."
"I mean, what's wrong with you. Don't think you can hide it. You're giving off signals a vengeance demon could pick up from a thousand miles away. As vengeance levels go, you're off the charts. Is it Spike? It has to be. He must have done something very bad to you."
"It's over. We're over. That's it. End of story. Not like I really cared for him anyway."
"Buffy, you can't hide it from me. I feel what you're going through. It's painful. Like a volcano of rage just waiting to blow its top. To hurt that much means you must have loved him. I know what it's like. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here for you."
"I wish - "
"Hold on Buffy. Before you make any wishes, you should think it through. I'm not saying you don't deserve vengeance. You do. And I'll give it to you, as long as it's reasonable and doesn't alter the time-space continuum."
Buffy rolled her eyes. "I wish you'd leave me alone. I'm just not ready to talk about it. Go check out the cave."
"Sure, of course, sorry. By the way, if you do want to talk, I won't be available today. Lemme just check out this cave and get back to bed."
"Yeah, you probably want to get back to sleep," Buffy told Anya.
Anya was about say she wasn't going to bed for sleep, but for once she knew candor would be inappropriate. She didn't want to say anything to upset vengeful, emotionally-wounded, super-powered Buffy. Anya walked through the cave opening. The morning sun shone into the cavern, so she could see what was there. There was nothing there. No demons. It was small and empty. She realized there was a hidden door in a section of the walls. She could sense it. It felt like a dimensional portal. She reached her hand out to touch it. Her arm straight through it. It wasn't a portal. It was just a door to an adjacent room.
She walked through. In the center of the room was a four-wheeled cart. At the front of the cart was a yoke, connected to the front axle by a very large knot. Anya tried to touch the cart. She couldn't. Some sort of forcefield protected it. She ran her hand along the outside of the cart, trying to figure out what it was, and what was protecting it. Anya noticed there were gradations in the strength of the field. It seemed to emanate from a focal point centered at that knot. There didn't seem to be any more hidden doors or portals. Anya believed she had seen all there was, and walked out.
"What'd you find?," Buffy asked eagerly.
"Very interesting. Not quite worth dragging me out of bed, but definitely not like anything I've seen before."
"Any idea what's causing the forcefield?," Buffy wondered.
"Whatever it is, it's not from this world. And it's not being done by a demon. It's some sort of higher – or lower – power. Something major. Inside the cave there's a secret door. Actually, it might be a door and/or portal. The door led to another room in the cave. In that room there's a cart. The cart's protected by some otherworldly forcefield emanating from the knot connecting the cart to the yoke. Your demons were missing. Maybe they were taken by that door-slash-portal into another dimension."
"Any clue why this suddenly appeared?"
"I don't know. Maybe it's a puzzle. The gods like to play games. It's definitely not the end of the world."
Buffy went home to tell Willow what Anya had found. Xander dropped Anya off, then headed home and went back to sleep. Anya entered her apartment to find Sterling dressed. "Why aren't you naked? What are those clothes doing on you? Get out of them now!"
"I thought you were busy, so I was going to leave."
"No your not. We have 25 hours and 32 minutes until you leave town, and until then you're not setting foot out of this apartment."
"What about your store?"
"It's Sunday. It's a day of rest. No one will notice. Now march yourself back to the bed and lose those clothes, pronto."
"I'm not the sort of man who likes to argue with beautiful women," Sterling said as he did what he was told. Anya ripped out the phone plug from the wall, just in case Buffy tried to call. Then she locked her door and pushed the dresser in front of it, just in case Buffy or anyone else tried to get in.
Spike woke up. His clock read 10:30. But what day was it? He flipped on the television. Some sort of religious service was on. So it was Sunday. One day before the tour. But what happened Saturday? Spike didn't know. All he knew was that he was very hungover and his face hurt. He looked in the mirror and saw a bruise under his right eye. He wasn't sure how he got that bruise.
After he showered he went over to Buffy's and entered the foyer. Buffy was in the dining room. She heard the door open and walked into the hallway. "What the hell are you doing here? You got a lot of nerve coming back. Willow told me what you did."
Looking at Buffy and hearing Willow's name triggered Spike's memories. In a matter of seconds, it all came flooding back. He realized he was doomed. "The biggest mistake you ever made was thinking you could trust me. You thought I could be good. You thought I had something to offer you besides pain. Well sorry. You were wrong. I can never be what you need. I could never make you happy. Goodbye Buffy. You're finally free of me."
Spike turned and left. Buffy was furious. But he was gone before she had the chance to tear into him. At that moment, Buffy didn't just feel angry. She also felt lonely.
After stumbling through the portal, the two vampires and four demons found themselves in an expanse of darkness. They realized they had leaped into another dimension. They could make out a very faint light in the distance, and walked towards it. They walked in the dark for many hours. During this time, they got to know each other. Mostly, they confirmed what each of them already suspected: they were all in search of the same object, and had all been drawn to that cave from hundreds and even thousands of miles away.
The four demons were each of a different species. They met for the first time a week ago in Vegas, and quickly realized they were heading off on the same quest. The strongest and smartest of them, a tall demon named Yagos with small horns which shot out horizontally from his temples, became their leader. He had taught them how to work together to escape the Slayer.
Finally, they reached a wall where there were six lit torches. Each of them took a torch. They heard the rumblings of an approaching monster. It was a six-headed hydra. Each of them had brought along a cutting implement – a short sword, a dagger, or an ax. But these weapons seemed miniscule compared to this mighty beast. At first each demon attacked one of the monster's heads. Yagos used his ax to cut off a head. It grew right back.
Ascher had anticipated this. He also realized they couldn't kill the monster with brute force alone. He ordered Oliver and one of the demons to go round behind the hydra. Its heads could not turn all the way around, and this meant the hydra was vulnerable if simultaneously attacked from in front and behind. All of them had noticed that the fire on their torches helped keep the hydra heads at bay. Ascher remembered the story about Heracles slaying the hydra by cutting of each head and then cauterizing the wound to keep the head from growing back. That seemed too time consuming. He thought of an easier way.
The hydra was angry about being stabbed in its tail and back. It tried ever harder to kill the four demons in front of it. When it swooped one of its heads down to eat Ascher, he grabbed onto its neck. The hydra raised its neck back up. Ascher hung on for the ride. Then Ascher threw his torch into the hydra's mouth and down its throat. He then let go and dropped back to the ground.
Just like Ascher had hoped, the hydra was slowly burning from the inside. As this weakened the beast, three of the other demons cut off three of the other heads and threw their torches down the beast's throats. Those heads grew back, but the heat intensified. As the Hydra roasted, the demons and vampires gleefully hacked away until the creature was dead and mutilated. They walked on towards the light source, and soon found themselves back in the cave, in the inner room. And there was the object they had been searching for.
Anya had provided ample information for Willow to use as a starting for her research. Early in the process, Dawn blurted out "I bet Spike knows what it is." Willow and Buffy glared at her. "Okay. I get it. Spike's a jerk again. Fine with me. Just tell me what the party line is each week, and I'll follow it. No problem."
A few hours later Willow had good news for Buffy. "I think I found your magical mystery cart. This book talks about something called the Lodestone of Arete. You cut the knot, you get the stone, you become some sort of Demon King. It doesn't say what that means. All it says is the stone makes the demon very powerful and causes other demons to flock to its side."
"So it's like that invincibility decoder ring?"
"It's sounds a lot different from the Gem of Amara. First of all, it's not just for vampires. Demons can also use it. And there's nothing in here about invincibility. Though they do use the word unstoppable a few times."
"Invincible, unstoppable, same thing."
"I don't this it's not that simple. The two ideas – super power, leader of demons – are always mentioned together. It seems that is the power. Like a positive feedback loop. You get powerful, this causes some demons to follow you, which makes you more powerful, which causes more demons to flock to you. It's a snowball effect."
"So if someone gets this we nip it in the bud," Buffy proposed. "Two vampires, four demons, we can take them down, no sweat. It just sucks that I can't get in there."
Dawn had an idea. "Clem could get in there. He's a demon, so he could get in there, right?"
"He can't take down all those guys by himself."
"But he could help us figure out what's going on, with the portal and all."
Buffy figured it was worth a shot. No matter what happened, the vampires weren't leaving the cave until nightfall. She had to find something to do before then, something that could help her figure out what she would be facing.
Dawn went to Clem's crypt, formerly Spike's crypt. He was glad to see her. "Clem, Buffy wants to see you."
He was not happy to hear this. Not after what Bede had told him. "Uh, Dawn, did she happen to mention why? She's not mad at me, is she?"
"Why would she be mad at you?"
Clem gulped. He worried he was sounding guilty. "No reason."
"She wants your help. I'll take you to her."
"How has Buffy been lately? Is she doing alright? Does she have a death wish? Oops. Golly me. I don't know where that came from."
"She's been better. She's also been a lot worse. Why do you think she has a death wish? Maybe she used to have a death wish. But she's over that."
When Clem saw Buffy at the cave, he was nervous. But she looked normal. She certainly didn't look like she had lost the ability to distinguish between friendly demons and evil demons. Now he was less scared of Buffy, but more scared of going into the cave. After all, he didn't want six demons ganging up on him. Plus, the threat of being sucked through a trans-dimensional portal was something he did not take lightly. But finally he decided to enter. After all, that's what Buffy told him to do, and he didn't want to make Buffy mad.
He walked through the cave entrance, looked around, and then walked back out a twenty seconds later. "That was it? That's all you'll do?," Buffy asked, dismayed by Clem's apparent cowardice.
"That's all I need to do. The forcefield isn't there to protect demons. It's there to protect humans. Protect them by keeping them out. It's a trap. A trick. But it's definitely not the end of the world."
"Are you saying nothing will happen if one of the demons gets the Arete?"
"No. If one of them gets the stone, bad things will happen. But it's not the end of the world. You'll defeat them, Buffy. They'll be dead by the end of the night. Only question is how many innocent people they take with them. Maybe a few dozen, maybe a few hundred. Like I said, definitely not the end of the world." Clem calmly walked away. He was highly sensitive to trans-dimensional energies, far more sensitive than Anya. But her, Clem realized someone was playing a game. And a fun, witty game at that.
