Since we've last met, James smote an evil minstrel with his Dime of Doom. Since then, he has also found the Penny of Peril and now enters the strange and mysterious..

"Woodview Apartments of Mystery! Bwahahahahahaaaa!"

------- CHAPTER 3 Hotdoggin' It -------

James: Is there anyone here? Shalt anyone reveal thyselves?

James walks up to the stairs.

James: Hello?

Suddenly, there's a deep, horrifying bass noise.

James: Demons stalk the corridors! I shalt beeth nimble liketh a cat in heat around them!

James creeps up to the place where the noise is coming from... The way to the pool in the center of the apartments. Across the area where James is is another door. He goes around the pool and enter the door. He goes up some stairs and finally makes it to the floor with the rumbling noise.

James: The foul spirits shalt not knoweth what hath hit them!

He finds the source of the sound and quietly opens the door, ready to face the horror inside..

"Oh yeah, oh baby, make sweet love at midnight.." plays a song from somewhere.

James: ???

A strange thing is laying on a bed wearing a strange helmet shaped into the form of a pyramid. In front of the bed is a pair of legs with another pair of legs melded into the top. The pyramid head begins to rub its legs.

Pyramid Head: Yeah baby, you know you want me!

Legs: Oh heady!

"Ooohhh lets get it on wooo ooohh ooohh"

Pyramid Head: Let me ask you something, baby!

Legs: ?

Pyramid Head: Do I make you horny, baby? Do I make you randy, yeah?!

Legs: Yes! YES!

Pyramid Head: Yeah, baby!

The pair of legs hops onto the pyramid creature and they twist and convulse into a strange shaking quiver of a form, moans emanating from it.

James slowly but surely creeps up to the form, Penny of Peril in hand. He arrives at a perfect angle, screams a warcry, then tosses the Penny at the form.

Suddenly, the form gets twisted into something else... It's twisting at a marvelous speed. Suddenly, it stops. The Penny has turned it into a balloon animal!

James: Thou hast been smote, foul demon!

Pyramid Head *muffled*: Mmmpmphh mmpphhm mphmhpmh?

Legs *muffled*: Mpphh mpmpmphmh.

James: Thou own screams and begging shalt not maketh me feel pity for thou sins!

James picks up the little balloon and screams -

James: I SHALT CALLETH THIS THE BALLOON OF... Er.. um...

Pyramid Head *muffled*: ?

Legs *muffled*: banana!

Pyramid Head *muffled*: bunny!

Legs *muffled*: brains!

James: THE BALLOON OF.. The.. The... THE BALL.. Bal... B..

Pyramid Head: OH COME ON ALREADY!

Grub: Well, my creativity has just jumped off a cliff everyone.

Pyramid Head: That's pretty obvious.

Grub: If it'll make you feel any better.. I'm not wearing any pants.

Pyramid Head: Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm straight.

Grub: You ar-- I mean, so am I!

Pyramid Head: Yeah, sure.

James: I'VE GOTETH IT! THE BALLOON OF BOOBIES!

Legs: What? That's it?

Pyramid Head: I've heard better names come from a Closer sphincter.

Legs: Wait.. I would love to know how you've come to experience a Closer's ass!

Pyramid Head: Hey baby, it was nothin'! Ain't no harm! I was just in school and the Closer came up and well.. I was young!

Legs: Are you still going out with the Closer?!

Pyramid Head: I WAS EXPERIMENTING!

James: Thou art all insane! INSANE!

Pyramid Head: 'least I didn't ice my wife.

James: Thou art insane! INSANE! INSAAAA-

*BAM* screams a pistol as smoke rises from the barrel. Grub puts away the gun.

Legs: Tha-

Grub: Don't mention it.

James: I.. Musteth.. Escapeth..

James crawls out of the apartment, Penny and Dime in hands.

Grub: You guys wanna go out for some Chinese?

Pyramid Head: Sounds good to me.

Legs: Me too.

Grub: Cool.

From a distance, James cries out..

James: THOU SHALT KNOWETH MY WRATH! er.. somedayeth..

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COMING SOON: Chapter 4 - Back to the apartments, also known as The Pizza Eating Contest.