Dead or Alive
by Chou

Chapter 3  - Never Drink Whiskey, Part 3

In retrospect, it had been running out onto the main street that had been the bad move.

A bar of gunmen, hey, that was bad, but it could be manageable. A town of gunmen was ridiculous.

For as long as he lived (which might not be much longer, admittedly), Gill Bastar would never forget the sight of every man, woman, and child on a busy town street pulling a gun on him.

"WHAT! THE HELL! IS WRONG! WITH! THIS! DAMN! TOWN!" Gill shouted as he ran as fast as humanly possible, bullets whizzing around his head. This was nuts! Who ever heard of an entire town trying to kill someone?

It took Gill a few minutes to register that he had run himself a good half-mile out of town. Panic had lent his feet wings. Around him, large plateaus rose to the sky. Gill started to climb one, for the safety and the high ground. When he reached the top, panting and exhausted, the only thing he could do was cover his face with his hat to block out the sun and drift into a deep, quiet sleep.

Which lasted roughly three second before a shotgun shell blew a chunk out of the ledge near his head.

"Gill Bastar!" one of the angriest female voices Gill had ever heard shot to his ears.

"Um, yeah?" he answered, drawing his six shooters but backing away from the ledge.

"Get down here! Now!" came the voice again. Gill was incredulous.

"Are you kidding me!? I don't wanna be shot!" he shouted back down.

"Shooting's too good for you!" this reply startled him.

"Hey lady, indulge me a bit and tell me just what the hell I did that the whole town is trying to kill me!? I mean, jeez! The whole town! I nearly got my ass shot off by a five year old with a derringer, not to mention that nun with the sawed off shotgun! What gives!?"

"We're a bounty hunter town, you nitwit! When a lucrative bounty strolls into town, we kill them and split the profits! But that isn't why I'm here! This is personal!" came the angry voice from below.

Now at least the town thing made sense…well, it explained why they were trying to kill him, but damned if a town of bounty hunters made any sense to him. And hey, he did have a pretty big bounty on his head…it wasn't his fault, but it was there. But what was this about whoever this girl was having a personal grudge?

"Um, excuse me lady, but exactly why is killing me a personal thing for you? I mean, I take it personally, but what's your motive here?"

"You trashed my bar." She said, in a voice like iron. "And" she added in a more indignant tone "you jumped me back in the bar, you pervert! Right on top of me! In the middle of a gunfight!"

Gill stood up and pointed down at her. "Hey, listen here! First of all, I didn't trash your bar! The guys shooting at me did! I wasn't going to stand there and get shot for booze! Second of all, I saved your life! I didn't shoot you, and I knocked you down so you wouldn't get hit with friendly fire! So will you please stop shoot…" He ducked just as she fired with both barrels.

"That was for knocking me down, you lout!" he heard her yell up. "And as for my bar…I guess it's not your fault."

Gill peeked over the edge, as carefully as he could. "So, does that mean you're not going to try and kill me any more?"

She considered this. "Well…that bounty would pay for a new bar…but the guys who trashed it in the first place…they're my top priority." She looked up. Gill looked back at her, noticing details for the first time. Shoulder length hair the color of a sunset, tanned, smooth skin. A nice rack…

"Hey! Stop looking at my chest!"

Gill shook his head, embarrassed. "I was not! Honest!"

He pulled himself up so that he was sitting on the edge. "So, anyway, what was that about the guys who really trashed your bar?"

She shrugged "Hey, I just joined a few weeks ago after their old bartender took a knife. So I'm not all that loyal to them, and besides, my dad was a bartender, his dad was a bartender, his mom was a bartender, her dad…well, spent a lot of time in bars, anyway. Bartending is my true love! Although…" she added with a wicked grin "I'm not too bad at shooting, either."

Gill coughed "I noticed. So…can I come down now?"

She nodded, and he climbed down quickly, jumping the last six feet to the ground.

"Shall we?" she said with a sweet smile. She slung her shotgun over her shoulder and started walking. Gill shrugged, sighed, and adjusted his hat before following. Together, they began the long walk to Whiskey, and whatever fate awaited them there.


It was cool inside the house, but the bounty hunters of Whiskey were still sweating. Their boss had that effect. So did rattlesnakes or any other dangerous animal. It was an easy comparison to make.

"You mean to tell me…not only did Gill Bastar escape…but that the bar wench we just hired has joined him?"

The bounty hunter the group had delegated for a speaker gulped and nodded. "Yuh-yes, sir, Mr. Tucoruco, sir."

"I see." The man they called Tuco Tucoruco said, thoughtfully. 'They' being his parents, by the way. Everyone else called him Mr. Tucoruco.

He was the mayor of Whiskey. Unlike most mayors, this hadn't been a title won in election. It had been won when the previous mayor had a foot long knife put in him by Tucoruco. He was good with knives. Some said he could throw them faster than most men could draw and fire their guns.  This wasn't entirely true.

The truth was, he could throw about three knives by the time most men drew their guns.

Needless to say, Gill Bastar was in for a lot of trouble.


Author's Notes:

Gill and Bonnie vs. Whiskey! Gill vs. Tuco Tucoruco! What shocking, amazing, or incredibly weird things will happen in our next exciting chapter?

Oh wait. I told you already, kinda, with all the vs. stuff.

Anyway, thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far. I'm glad to see everyone's enjoying this fic, since I enjoy writing it :)

Mango mentioned that this was a lot like Trigun, only Gill kills while Vash doesn't. Well, that's because the fic was conceived and the first two chapters written while I was on a Trigun bender. So yes, there's a lot of Trigunny elements to it, but hopefully, there's a good deal of Oda-sensei style in it too.

And Stacey-san, you're making me blush with those comments about my action scenes. And I too am mystified that you like Bonnie. The reason escapes me.

Bonnie is actually a mix of, off the top of my head, Makino, Nami, and a character in a webcomic I'm working on named Rose. Which explains why she's so bloody cool.

And finally, Tuco Tucoruco is inspired by the character of Tuco in The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly (he's The Ugly), at least in name. In character, he's simply a bad version of the knife thrower in The Magnificent Seven Samurai, er Gunslingers. Hey, come to think of it, the guy who played Tuco was in that flick too…