*
But That's Ridiculous
Chapter Seven: Sweeter than Sixteen
Harry's sixteenth birthday fell on a Wednesday, but his party took place on the following Friday. There were two reasons for this: Harry's custody hearing was the same day, and it also meant that more of the Order members could be at the party. Remus knew exactly how many birthday parties Harry had had in his life and he was therefore determined to make this one the most memorable event in a memorable life, although he knew it couldn't quite compare to facing Voldemort.
Harry's hearing was at one in the afternoon in one of the newer courtrooms. To no one's surprise, Dumbledore was granted custody of Harry, and they quickly returned to number twelve, where the guests had been assembling for over an hour. Most of the Order members were there, plus Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Fred, George and Arabella Figg. Harry blew out the sixteen candles on his enormous birthday cake and was heartily embarrassed when he saw how many presents there were to be opened. He was mostly finished when they all heard the front door open and close. A few minutes later the kitchen door opened and there stood Sirius Black, sixteen years old, dressed in his Hogwarts robes. He was so incredibly good-looking that Ginny let out a small "wow." He looked at Harry and said, "I thought I'd missed your birthday."
"You did," Harry said. "It was Wednesday." He looked as though he'd never seen Sirius before in his life.
"Who are you?" Hermione said shrilly. "You aren't in Gryffindor and you aren't a member of the Order."
"Don't you know me, Hermione?" he said.
"No," she said, "I don't."
"Well, you're wrong," he said, grinning. "You do know me and I am in the Order. I'm Sirius Black." He took her hand and kissed it. Hermione looked horrified. Ginny said "wow" again.
"Perhaps," said Dumbledore, "you would like to tell us how you came to be here?"
"I am a memory of myself as a sixteen-year-old," Sirius said. "Or I was. I'm very much alive now."
"And are you going to tell us where you got that life from, exactly?" Remus said. He was amazed at the degree of hate in his voice. Sirius looked at him coolly.
"From Peter Pettigrew," he said to the rest of the room. "The traitor is dead, and I have his confession –" he pulled a roll of parchment from his robe pocket – "right here."
"You took that from me," Remus said. His hands were shaking.
"You'd do well not to leave important documents lying on your desk," Sirius said. "You never know who might pick them up."
"Peter repented, you know," Remus said, trying to make his voice sound as though he were discussing the weather. "He was sorry for having done what he did."
"He deserved to die for betraying James and Lily," said Sirius.
"That was fifteen years ago," Remus snapped. "If you can't forgive him after all this time, then you're not going to find your second life much easier than your first."
There was an awful silence. Remus noted with pleasure that Sirius seemed not to know what to say. Then Remus had a horrible thought. "Sirius," he said, "what did you do with Peter?"
"Left him there," Sirius said. "I figured he could wait until I found a wand."
"How did you get here?" Remus said.
"Apparated," Sirius said.
"Oh, that's right."
"But you can't," Hermione said. "Not until you're of age."
"You can," Sirius corrected her, smiling. "You just can't be caught doing it without a license. And as James and I discovered, you can't Apparate or Disapparate on Hogwarts grounds."
"You're talking to the only student at Hogwarts who knows that," Hermione said.
"Have you learned to Apparate, then?" Sirius said keenly.
Before Hermione could answer, Remus said to Sirius, "I'm leaving, and there had better not be anything missing from my room when I get back." To Harry he said, "I'm sorry for ruining your party."
Harry shook his head mutely, but Remus didn't have time to wonder what he meant. He strode over to the fireplace, put a handful of Floo powder in his pocket so he would be able to return, and left to bury Peter.
When he returned to number twelve, everyone had left except for Sirius, who was sitting at the table eating a piece of cake. He looked up when Remus emerged from the fireplace.
"I explained everything to Harry," said Sirius.
"Did you?" Remus said savagely.
"He just left with Albus to go back to the Dursleys'," Sirius continued, licking his fork. "I expect he'll be in touch with you soon."
Remus didn't even ask why. He just looked at Sirius and felt briefly as though he was sixteen again.
"By the way," Sirius said, "I need to go to Diagon Alley. Would you mind taking me?"
"Why can't you go by yourself?" Remus said.
"Because I can't Apparate into Diagon Alley, and I can't get there through the Leaky Cauldron without a wand," Sirius said patiently.
"Right, okay, I'll take you to Diagon Alley."
"And could you lend me some money?" Sirius said. "I really need to get some better clothes."
"You have an entire wardrobe full of robes upstairs," Remus said, and realized with a shock that he sounded exactly like his own mother, or worse, Molly.
"I'm the one who gave you my money in the first place," Sirius said.
"You mean when you died?" Remus said.
Sirius winced. "Please," he said. "I'd rather not talk about it."
"It's not one of my favorite topics either," Remus said.
Sirius scowled. "Wait here," he said, "I'll be right back." He went upstairs and returned without visible difference. "Okay," he said, "let's go."
Their first stop was Gringotts, where Remus took out some money from Sirius's vault and Sirius got his father's wand from the Black family vault.
"It won't be quite as good as mine, of course," Sirius said, feeling its balance, "but that one's gone for good. Wish I'd thought to toss it to Harry," he added, scowling.
Next they went to Gladrags, where Sirius bought five new robes and Remus wandered around staring at everything. As they were leaving, they spotted Hermione in the witches' section inspecting something small and lacy that she dropped as soon as she saw them.
"Hello, Professor Lupin," she said, blushing. "Hello, Sirius."
Remus opened his mouth to remind Hermione that under wizard law, he was no longer allowed to teach anywhere in Britain, but before he could, Sirius said, "What're you doing here?"
"I thought as long as I was in London, I might as well do some shopping," Hermione said. "I see you've bought the place out," she added, indicating the bulky parcel Sirius was carrying.
"That's right," Sirius said, beaming at her. "New clothes for a new life."
"What are you planning on doing now that – I mean now?" Hermione said.
"I intend to have as good a time as I possibly can," Sirius said.
Hermione frowned and looked about to say something when Sirius took her hand and kissed it, not taking his eyes from her own. She went furiously red.
"Lovely to see you," Sirius said and left the store, dragging Remus, who managed a faint goodbye before they were out on the street.
"God, I love being sexy again," Sirius said gleefully.
"I don't think Hermione likes you," Remus said, straightening his robes.
"Didn't you see her face?" Sirius said. "She looked like no one had ever kissed her before, which let's face it is probably the truth."
"She was more likely annoyed with you," Remus said. "She thinks you're an immature, irresponsible git. Or didn't you know that?"
"Usually that doesn't make any difference," Sirius said. "What am I doing wrong, Remus?"
"Don't ask me," Remus said, alarmed. "What do you say to a sundae at Florean Fortescue's?"
They sat down at an outdoor table and had their sundaes, which Remus paid for, albeit with Sirius's money. Afterwards Sirius insisted on going to Quality Quidditch Supplies, and Remus reluctantly accompanied him, now carrying the package of robes.
A recently released broomstick called the Streetsweeper was on display in the front window, and Sirius dragged Remus up for a better view.
Behind them, Remus heard someone say, "Mother, my birthday is coming up and my other broomstick is practically in splinters." Remus recognized the voice. He turned around and saw Draco and Narcissa Malfoy.
He and Narcissa stared at each other in silence until Draco said, "Oh, is it Lupin? I'm surprised you haven't starved to death yet."
"Be quiet, Draco," said Narcissa sharply. Sirius heard, and turned around.
"Who's this?" Draco said. "He's obviously no relation of yours, Lupin –"
"Sirius?" said Narcissa. She looked like a first year that had seen a ghost.
"Hello, Narcissa," said Sirius, grinning.
Narcissa fainted.
* * *
Draco had taken them all back to Malfoy Manor, even Remus, who although he was a werewolf was also the only one of them legally able to do magic. He had laid her on a couch in the magnificent drawing room and, with several house-elves hovering nearby with cold cloths and glasses of water, restored her to consciousness.
Narcissa opened her eyes and immediately closed them when she saw Sirius.
"I don't believe your son introduced me," Remus said cheerfully. "I'm Remus Lupin, and I taught Defense against the Dark Arts a couple years back."
"Narcissa Malfoy," she said, opening her eyes so they could shake hands. "I remember Draco never could find much to complain about with you."
"Mother, please," Draco groaned.
Narcissa glanced at Sirius, who had looked as though he was about to introduce himself. "No need to ask your name," she said.
"I suppose you'd like to know how this happened?" Sirius said.
"Yes, please," Narcissa said.
So Sirius explained. It was only the second time, but he was already improving. To their credit, Narcissa and Draco heard Sirius out in silence.
When he had finished, Narcissa said, "So Pettigrew is really dead?"
"Really and truly," Sirius said.
"I buried him," Remus added.
"Any more easy questions?" Sirius said.
"How do you preserve yourself in a diary?" asked Draco, who had listened to Sirius's story with rapt attention.
"Maybe I'll show you sometime," Sirius said, winking.
"Why did you come back to life?" Narcissa said.
Sirius appeared to consider the question. "I suppose because I couldn't accept that my life was over," he said. "I left so many things undone."
"Like what?" Remus said.
"Well," Sirius said, looking thoughtful. "Do you remember when I swore an oath to run Mrs. Norris through with a blunt sword?"
"So did I," Draco said. "Can I help?"
"Sirius," said Narcissa, "where are you going to live now?"
"I hadn't thought about it," Sirius said. "Number twelve is too gloomy and I don't have enough money to rent anything. I guess I'll have to go back to my house, but it's so boring there."
"Would you like to live here?" Narcissa said. "At least until you decide what you're going to do."
"Say yes," Draco instructed.
"Yes," Sirius said. "I'd like that a lot."
"Excellent," Narcissa said. "Draco, would you please let Sirius pick out a spare room, and then get some house-elves to clean it."
"We have a regulation-size Quidditch pitch out back," Draco said to Sirius.
"Oh, wow," Sirius said.
Sirius and Draco left the room. Remus and Narcissa tried not to look at each other.
"How're you feeling?" Remus said at last.
"Fine," Narcissa said. "Shall I show you to the door?"
"Thank you," Remus said. He followed her down a dark hall that led to the foyer. Narcissa opened the door for Remus, then she followed him out and closed the door behind her.
"It's never safe to assume you aren't being overheard inside the manor," she said.
"Why did you offer to let Sirius stay here?" Remus said.
"Many reasons," Narcissa said. "Draco is a lonely child and it would do him good to have some companionship. I want to see my cousin again. I haven't seen him since we both left Hogwarts. I was hoping Sirius might let me into number twelve, and that you might return to see him."
"I'm sure you can understand why I might feel uncomfortable having him stay here," Remus said.
"No harm will come to him," Narcissa said.
"The Ministry thinks he's dead," Remus said. "Suppose they find out otherwise."
"There is nothing to be gained by telling them," Narcissa said. "He is not a reliable witness to Pettigrew's death."
"No, I suppose not," Remus said.
"Will you be coming back to visit Sirius?" said Narcissa.
"Yes," Remus said.
"Soon?" she said.
"I don't know."
"When you do, you will be welcome."
"Thank you," Remus said. He turned and walked away down the lane. He did not hear the front door open or close.
Back at number twelve, Dumbledore and Minerva were sitting at the table playing Exploding Snap. Only Dumbledore looked up when Remus came in.
"Where's Sirius?" said Dumbledore.
"At the Malfoys'," said Remus. He looked reflexively in the pantry and remembered that no one had bought any firewhisky for a week. He took three butterbeers instead.
"What business has he there?" Dumbledore said, apparently intent on the game. Remus knew he was not and the man's matchless calm irritated him.
"He's staying there," Remus said.
"Sit down," Minerva said sharply to Remus. "You're making me nervous. And tell us what's going on."
Remus sat down, making rather more noise than necessary, and told the story of their encounter with the Malfoys.
"Finish this hand, if you would," Dumbledore said to Remus. "I'm leaving."
"They're not going to do anything to him," Remus said.
"He has committed murder," Dumbledore said. "I think he needs to be reminded of it."
He left by the fireplace. Remus sat down across from Minerva and took up Dumbledore's cards.
"Can we please not play this ridiculous game any more?" Minerva said.
"Sure," Remus said, throwing down his cards, which promptly exploded, causing her almost to jump out of her chair. "Minerva," he said, "are you worried about something?"
"Well, yes," she said.
"Something you can tell me about?"
Minerva sighed. "I might as well," she said. "You're going to hear about it tonight at the meeting anyway, when Severus gives his report."
"No one told me there was a meeting tonight," Remus said.
"We were going to, but you weren't at home," Minerva snapped. "Now do you want to hear about it or not?"
"Fine, let's hear it."
"Well," she said, "Voldemort has captured Deirdre."
"What?"
"Oh, you know Deirdre, she –"
"I know who Deirdre is," Remus said, "but what does Voldemort want with her?"
"Didn't she tell you what she did for a living?"
"No," Remus said, "all she told me was that she lost her job when the anti-werewolf legislation went through."
"She was a specialist in cosmetic magic, which is exactly what Voldemort –"
"I see," Remus said. "Clever of him, to pick someone the Ministry will never go looking for."
"Tom Riddle was nothing if not clever," said Minerva.
"Did you know him?" Remus said.
"I went to school with him," she said shortly. "We used to wonder why he never showed up at reunions."
"I guess when you're going after immortality, that sort of thing just isn't a priority," Remus said.
"He always did think he was better than anyone else," Minerva said bitterly.
When Dumbledore returned, he looked weary but not quite irritated. Neither of them had to ask what happened.
"He's staying," Dumbledore said, sinking into a chair next to Minerva. "He did promise to be careful, but knowing him, that means he won't drink anything he doesn't recognize."
"Do you think he'll be safe?" Minerva said.
"He'll be fine unless someone from the Ministry drops by," Dumbledore said. "Of course, he might still fall off his broomstick and break his neck."
"Did you tell him not to use any magic?" Minerva said. "If Mafalda should detect something –"
"He can do all the magic he wants," Dumbledore said. "Lucius paid the Ministry well to lift the restrictive wards on the manor."
"Charming family, the Malfoys," said Remus.
"And what will happen if he can no longer stay at the manor?" Minerva said. "Should he perhaps stay at Hogwarts until he is of age?"
"He could stay at Hogwarts," Dumbledore said, "but he will never be of age."
"He will be sixteen forever?" Minerva said.
"That's correct."
"You mean he doesn't even have to get old?" Remus said.
Dumbledore fixed Remus with a withering look. "With age comes wisdom," he said.
"Well, there was never any hope of that."
"So there's nothing to be done," Minerva said.
"I did what could be done," Dumbledore said. "I told him that he was no longer a member of the Order because he is not of age, but I mentioned there would be a meeting tonight. He might choose to attend anyway."
"And if he does?" Minerva said.
"Then I will decide what to do," Dumbledore said.
But Sirius did not come, and Remus grew tired of explaining to the Order members where Sirius was and why. When the meeting was over, the dishes washed and everyone else gone, Remus went into the Leaky Cauldron for a glass of firewhisky, since Molly had apparently taken it upon herself to purge number twelve of any beverage stronger than butterbeer. He sat down at the bar next to a woman with blonde curly hair and jeweled glasses, and gave his order to Tom.
"Hello there," said the woman next to him. "I know you – you're Remus Lupin."
"I'm afraid not," Remus said. "I'm his twin brother, Romulus."
"Oh, I'm so sorry," the woman said. "By the way, I'm Rita Skeeter, reporter for the Daily Prophet."
"I haven't seen anything of yours in the paper for a while," Remus said.
"Oh," Rita said. "I was on sabbatical for a year, but I'm back and reporting again."
"That's good," Remus said vaguely.
But nothing more she said could convince him to give an interview about his twin, the mysterious and alluring werewolf.
* * *
"What's in the paper today, darling?" Lucius said to Narcissa, who was accepting the paper from a petite house-elf. "You there, get me some more eggs."
The house-elf scurried off as Narcissa unrolled the paper and read from the headlines. "There's an article about the shortage of wand-wood this season – one about Fudge's speech on the WWN last night – and one about Remus Lupin, the mysterious and alluring werewolf."
"What?" yelped Lucius, Draco and Sirius, more or less at the same time.
"He is not," Sirius said. "Alluring, anyway."
"He is too," Narcissa said, and blushed.
* * *
Unimportant Note: Wow, Narcissa's really got herself in some deep doo-doo this time, hasn't she? But don't worry – work on chapter 8 has already been completed.
^^^
