The Animorphs Alternate-Universe Series

The Faith

Chapter 3 - Cowardly Anger

(Marco)

The last bell rang - thankfully - and there was a semi-mad rush to the door. Sarah, who shared my last class with me, hung back and waited until everyone except me had gone before gathering up her stuff.

"So what did you think?" I asked her, as she slipped a notebook into her bag. She gave me an odd look, and shook her head, but said nothing. "What's wrong?" Why was I getting the weird look? I hadn't done anything to her - that I knew of, at least.

"Jaiaiedetha," she murmured. "Not here, I will tell you when we are in a safe place." She cast a glance at the teacher's back, then slung her backpack over her shoulder and strolled from the room calmly, as if nothing was bothering her. But it was the "smooth" walk, what Tobias called the "Weapon Stalk". She was in a Weapon mindset, which was very intense to behold. But, beneath the ice cold looks she was giving people, she was… afraid. Afraid and I knew it, which caused me to be afraid. Why was I able to so easily sense when something serious was bothering her...?

She paused at her locker and I moved to her side, where the side of the locker would hide our conversation from some and the back of our heads hid the conversation from all the rest.

"The teacher is a Caster," she said flatly. "Him, and there is another, at least." I stood there, stunned, while she rifled through her locker. "Listen, I know it sounds insane, but… what if there are people here who knew all this time about the Casting in your people? At some point, someone's power had to awaken in a bad way."

"A bad way?" I repeated. "How so?" She gave me a level glance, as if I had asked the dumbest question known to man.

"Seharai raishai," she murmured, taking one notebook from her backpack and replacing it with another from her locker. "The sleeping soul. When a Caster's power awakens, it is the seharai raisha that begins to grow. Mine awakened quietly - as did yours, as did mi atala, Tobi'as. Mi itelane, on the other hand, threw me into the side of barn."

"Why?" Of all the stupid questions to ask, it seemed like the best at the time.

"Because it was jealous," she shrugged. "Seharai rashai are not like seharai nendei. The nendei are merely beings in a timeless existence, as Head Caster Hannah once put it. Seharai rashai are attached to humans and, therefore, feed off of human emotion. They are jealous of other Seharai raishai and will attack those that are weaker - which I was, and still am. But Emily's is now grounded, like mine, and is a part of her - controllable, useable, not wild and destructive."

"Okay, so wait a minute, are you telling me you think that there are people here, in this dimension, that can Cast - willingly?" She nodded. "How in the hell would anyone not know about this? Casting is kind of a big thing."

"Jaia, Marco, jaia," she said, shaking her head. "It does not have to be. It has small uses as well as big. "Attack" and "Heal" Casts do not make up more then half of the Castings known by the Academy. Many Casters make Art by manipulating seharai nendeai. Some cook, some build things, some weave, or do not even use their power beyond simple everyday tasks. I know I sound like I am making this up, but I know that teacher used a Cast. I do not know what for, but I sensed… a shift. You know what I mean by that." A shift, when the air felt different or when the ground seemed to move on its own or something to that extent. I had learned that, from Sarah, and from watching her Cast. Things changed when a Caster did their thing - the little guys that they used for their Casts were taken away from the spots they had been in since who knows when and used for something else and anyone with half an ounce of Caster in them can feel that change.

"Kithe mia," she swore lightly. "I should have asked Tobi'as if Alay saw anything…"

"Alay?" I repeated, confused. "Alay, who can't Cast her way out of a paper bag? Alay, who doesn't have even a tiny bit of Caster in her, just all psycho? That Alay?"

"That Alay," Sarah replied. "She is… kithe, what is the word…? Nendai nendei. She can see the seharai nendei, if she tries to. Very few people can do that - and no Casters can, not one. We can merely sense the changes. If I had asked Alay, she could have told me how many had gone and where… that would make this easy - easier, at least." I only nodded… Casters, people who knew how to Cast, in my world. How? Since when? And for the love of all things holy, who?

"So what do we do then?" I asked, surprising myself slightly by saying 'we'. Usually, I wasn't for anything involving school or danger and this had the flavor of both, which was bad. But Sarah only shrugged.

"Nothing for now, I guess," she answered. "There is nothing we can do, not until I know for certain that I really felt a shift and that I am not losing my mind. Although…" She gave a soft chuckle and shook her head. "Never mind."

"You can't be sure you haven't already." She paused and looked at me, then nodded slowly. I wasn't sure why but she looked… lonely. Beneath the fierce sapphire there was a pain. She felt like she was alone on this. "Sarah, you aren't…aren't… alone." My voice sounded weak, even to me, but Sarah paled slightly.

"I… do not know… what you are talking about," she said flatly, turning back into her locker. "Of course I am alone. There is no one else who has this Mission but myself."

"Sarah!" I grabbed her wrist and made her face me. "This isn't a Mission!" She made me angry, saying that. So angry… I didn't know why. There was so much I didn't know, then, but Sarah and her self-sacrificial attitude irritated the hell out of me. Why didn't she see she was needed for something bigger…?

"This isn't a Mission," I repeated, the heat my voice surprising me as it stunned her. "This isn't your world. We don't have Missions here." I barely remembered to lower my voice, since a school wasn't the best place to be getting on Sarah's case. "We have Yeerks, we have Horks, we have two new Controllers who are infested by Yeerks who play by the rules of this dimension. I know who they are to you and I know they're your Mission, but if you don't cut this crap and focus on winning the war in the bigger picture, than you can't help them. Visser Three's lost someone who can take down ten Hork-Bajir on her own, never mind the "Andalites" who are fighting him on Earth. He's not letting two who can control the Elements of friggin' nature get away as easily."

"Jaia, farae, you have a lot to learn." She yanked her wrist from my grip and gave me a glare that sent a chill through me. "Regardless of where I am or whose side I am on, my Mission is the most important thing-- Mi itelan -and- mi itala are the most important things. More important then saving your world, more important then my own life. If I die for them, then I have completed my Mission honorably. Besides, what would you know about Missions? You are not a Weapon. Na farae." She stepped back and shut her locker, quietly, not slamming it. "The only thing at stake for you is your life and you value that more then anything"

"You have no idea," I interrupted furiously. No one- no one had ever gotten me so angry before. "You're so wrapped up in your thing that you don't know anything about anyone. Because of you, I can't have a real conversation with my best friend. Because of you, I have to be careful around everyone, unless I want to risk accidentally Casting. And because of you, I can't go back to being normal, ever, not even after this is over. Ever." I felt a strange burning against the skin of my chest, under my shirt, but I ignored in favor of the burning anger that was surging through my veins. It was one thing for someone who knew me to call me a coward - most of the time, it was a joke. But for this… this girl who knew hardly anything about me, beside my name and the fact that I could Cast, to assume that I was a spineless… it made me angry. Furious. The lives of my friends were- are stake, my father's life, too. They were my family, all I had…

Then it clicked. Her reasoning… Why she was the way she was and why she acted like she did… because she was like me. Her heart was invested in the people who knew her and, trapped like she was, in a dimension that was the stark opposite to what she was used to, all she had were those who had come with her. The ones who played for the other team…

"My intention was never to destroy your life." Her voice was soft, solemn. "Ia… I am sorry, Marco." She slung her backpack over her shoulder and walked away, while I just stood there, sorting through the things I had realized. Sarah…

My anger was gone, but the burning at my chest remained. My hand went to the spot, even as Sarah disappeared through the doors at the end of the hallway. There was something… under my shirt, something heavy, something I didn't remember putting there.

I yanked the mystery item out of my shirt and held it tightly. Something on a chain… I never wore anything around my neck. And I hadn't put anything around my neck that morning…

I appoint you as guardian of my sister…

The dagger… the knife, that Emily had given me, that day in the clearing. Sarah's guardian…

"Well, doesn't that explain a few things." I gave a low chuckle and shook my head. The weird vibes, the whole understanding Sarah's mood thing… because of this little dagger. I didn't know what it was, but it connected me to her. The burning had been because of her anger. Now it was lukewarm, but holding it, I felt sick. Not to my stomach but just… sick. This was how Sarah was feeling… how I had made her feel.

My intention was never to destroy your life. I felt impossibly dumb, standing there, alone, in a school hallway, after school was out, holding a small knife and just… gaping. Talk about stupid. Of course she wasn't trying to ruin my life, she had been trying to save it by teaching me to Cast and, more than that, teaching me how to fight…

Crap… crap crap crap crap crap. … Crap. There was no other word for the hole I was standing in. I had to find some way to dig myself out and soon…