Blank page is all the rage
Never meant to say anything
In bed I was half dead
Tired of dreaming of rest
I have kept many things from you, 'Moine, though you may not know it. Some of my biggest secrets I have hidden from everyone, including yourself. You have no idea how sorry I am, and will probably never know. But here, as I'm dying, I have decided to tell you everything.
I regret many things, ranging from not being able to save Cedric and Sirius, to disappointing the Order in our six year. But most of all, I regret not having told you I love you.
You may not know it, but I have loved you for a very long time now. Even when I was with Ginny and Parvati, I loved you.
You know when I kissed you in our sixth year, and how I told Ginny that it didn't mean anything, that it was just an accident? It really wasn't; I liked it, and I had wanted more from you. But you never gave it, and I decided to find someone new.
That's where Parvati came in.
Got dressed drove the state line
Looking for you at the five and dime
Stop sign told me stay at home
Told me you were not alone
You have no idea how much it pained me to see you with Ron. Even though you guys only went out on one date before he went onto Lavender, I was still extremely jealous. When I saw you guys heading towards Hogsmead without me, I was so envious, I thought I would bash Ron's face in.
But, of course, I was dating Parvati, pretending that I liked her more than I liked you, so I couldn't do anything.
And when you told me that you didn't like him like that, I wanted to jump for joy and give you a giant hug. But Parvati was standing right next to me, and I hadn't wanted to hurt her feelings. It hadn't really occurred to me that I should care more about my feelings instead of everyone else's.
Blank page was all the rage
Never meant to hurt anyone
In bed I was half dead
Tired of dreaming of rest
When I first started liking you , I was afraid. I was afraid because I was falling for my best friend, and there was nothing I could do about it. I thought I couldn't tell you; who knows how you would react? You might avoid me like the plague, or worse yet, tell me that you didn't like me like that.
You haven't changed
You're still the same
May you rise as you fall
I wish you the best, Hermione. Even if its with Malfoy, as long as you have someone to love you, I'll be happy. I'll be happy knowing that what I couldn't give you is being fulfilled by someone else.
You were easy you are forgotten
You are the ways of my mistakes
I should have told you long ago how I felt. Maybe things would be different, better or worse. Or maybe things would be the same that they are now; awkward and hesitant to talk. I have a good feeling that everything would be better, but you're such a reserved person, I never can tell.
I catch the rainfall
Through the leaking roof
That you had left behind
You remind me
Of that leak in my soul
The rain falls
My friends call
Leaking rain on the phone
My other friends tell me all the time what you've been up to, where they saw you, who you were with. Whenever I hear that you were with some guy, I become angry, and avoid everyone for weeks on end. But more than the fact that you weren't with me, it hurts me the most when I know that you didn't tell me about it.
Take a day plant some trees
May they shade you from me
May your children play beneath
Blank page was all the rage
Never meant to say anything
In bed I was half dead
Tired of dreaming of rest
I'm sorry, 'Moine So sorry that you will never know how much.
And I'm tired. Tired of dreaming, tired of berating myself and wondering how it could have been. But most of all, I'm tired of wising that you were mine, tired of wishing I that I could hold you and kiss you. And you've never been mine, and you can't be now.
Got dressed drove the state line
Looking for you at the five and dime
But there I was picking pieces up
There was a lot that I wanted to do, with you and otherwise. But now, I can't, and there's nothing I can do about it. I wish I could pick up all the pieces, and fix everything that I did wrong.
You are a ghost
Of my indecision
No more little girl
You were never mine, Hermione. And above all else, that what I wish I could change the most. I will always love you, 'Moine, and don't you ever forget that. Know that I'll be waiting for you on the other side.
Waiting for you, if you'll have me.
I'll forever be waiting.....
****
So yea. I heard this song yesterday, Blank Page, by the Smashing Pumpkins. It so dark, and I think it just suits so well.
I think I may have been rambling in parts though, so sorry if it makes no sense. I wrote this in a little while, so I think it might. Plus, I didn't send it to my beta, so yea.
I think this is enough of my brainless banter. Please review, and tell me what I can do better!
Peace
Melissa
