Obsidian Empress:  I did keep writing and I will continue to keep writing.  You don't need to order me.  A swift kick in the butt comes fairly often from my sister.  I emailed you.  I hope you get it.

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Deedee:  Thanks for the Life Left Behind praises.  I don't know if you saw it, but I posted an A/N about a sequel.  My sister does have to wait for the next chapters.  She just doesn't have to wait as long.

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Disclaimer:  I am not JK Rowling.  You can tell this because there is no naked mud wrestling in cannon.  She is a goddess and I am not worthy.  You could sue me but all you would get is a collection of Alan Rickman movies.

Falling Chapter Six

Draco's eyes flickered for a moment, before shutting them again into blackness. When he tried to open them a second time, a double image of Blaise floated before him before combining into one. He tried to groan, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Blaise looked so concerned and Draco partially felt guilty for putting him through so much. The smile that graced his face wasn't as forced as Draco had expected it to be, and when Blaise wrapped his arms around Draco's torso with some hesitation, it turned into an outright grin.

"What happened?" Draco croaked out, still in Blaise's embrace. The arms were familiar, the scent as well, and Draco sighed as he turned his head slightly into the crook of Blaise's neck. Once he realized what he was doing, Draco pulled his face away but allowed Blaise to continue to hold him.

"I'm not really sure. I forgot my Transfiguration book and I saw that we needed it so I was coming back and you were going to the Great Hall. All of a sudden you looked weak and I barely got to you when you started to collapse. I knew you wouldn't want to go back to Madam Pomfrey, so I decided to bring you back here. You took a total of about eight steps before passing out completely. Luckily that new girl, Kali, was around and she helped me bring you back here."

"Kali?" said Draco. "The Gryffindor?" Blaise shrugged, nodding. Draco couldn't help the groan this time. "Potter's friend?" Blaise nodded a second time. "Why her of all people?"

"Dunno, but she was bloody helpful. Made it a lot easier to carry your fat arse back here." He meant it to be funny, but Draco's face contoured with such despair at the full realization of how sickly he did look that Blaise immediately regretted his words. "Are you alright?"

"Not fully, but I guess I will be. Thanks for not taking me to Madam Pomfrey."

"No problem." Blaise's lips took on a soft smile as he looked down at Draco stretched out over the sofa. Their eyes met and locked; Blaise lifted a hand, trailing his fingers along Draco's jaw line. Draco turned his head into the touch, his eyelashes fluttering, but when Blaise's fingers stilled, Draco's eyes became set again.

"Please don't," he said, barely above a whisper, but Blaise heard it and he moved his fingers away immediately. "Blaise, I'm sorry, it's just. . ."

"I know. It's over. We're over. I know. Don't say it again."

"Okay."

"Oh -" he added as an afterthought, "Kali. I told her about . . . last year. I thought she should know the real story instead of hearing it through gossip." Draco nodded. "I guess the way I tell it . . . well, she figured us out. Me out, anyway. She knows about us. Or the us there used to be."

Draco was silent but he nodded anyway. "Okay."

"I thought you should know."

"Yeah. Okay. Thanks, Blaise."

"Sure. Er - I have to go. I would stay here if I could but breakfast is almost over and I'm going to be late for Transfiguration if I don't go now, and you know how McGonagall can be."

"Sure. Yeah. Go."

Blaise snatched his Transfiguration book from a nearby chair and paused to stare at Draco. "Take care of yourself, Draco. You look like shit." With that, Blaise left the common room and the only sound left inside was the ringing of Draco's dead laughter.

~*~

Hours had passed and Draco still lay on the couch looking at his schedule but not really seeing it.

She knows about us. Or the us there used to be.

Draco couldn't help but snort as that sardonic laughter filled the air, polluting it, making it dirty. Every time Draco laughed like that (the way a madman laughs when he's just committed a murder) it made him feel like he was contaminating the air about him. Just by doing it he was beginning the process of an infestation and soon, everyone would be infected and laughing like a loon. The thought of the word 'loon' made Draco burst into a second fit of laughs.

There wasn't anything that was particularly funny about the situation. He supposed his laughter was the only way Draco knew how to deal with someone you don't even know learning the biggest secret that you've ever tried to hide. Draco would sooner tell every last person in Hogwarts down to the first year Hufflepuffs that he cut himself, starved himself, and suffered from severe bouts of insomnia before he'd admit that he was gay. Not curious, not even bisexual, but flat out gay.

In his fourth year, Draco had gone to the Yule Ball with Pansy Parkinson. Over the summer, his father continued to tell him what a good family Pansy had come from, even if it wasn't the best looking. When he got back to school, Draco and Pansy had become a couple. He was never attracted to her but he figured that she just wasn't pretty enough, so on the side he began to get intimate with other girls. Draco even went to the extent with sleeping with some of them but he always felt dead, like he was only going through the steps.

The entire fifth year was spent trying to find a girl who would make his mind and heart soar. His sixth year started in the same fashion but it was only Halloween when, in an inebriated state, he had stuck his tongue in Blaise Zabini's mouth and finally felt alive. If memory served correctly, and it may or may not have considering the alcohol consumed, he stuck his tongue in other places of Blaise's anatomy that night as well. They skipped out on the feast and instead, Draco and Blaise had a rather brutal shag on the common room floor that resulted in bruises for them both. Blaise ended up saying they had a feast of their own sort. That had always made Draco blush, but he never disagreed.

The next day when Blaise confronted him and they were considerably sobered up, Draco had tried to excuse his emotional reaction as a side affect of the alcohol. Blaise was, apparently, trying to tell himself the same thing. They sat side by side in an old and forgotten part of the dungeons trying to convince themselves and each other that there were no feelings.

"We drank a lot," Draco said to Blaise, watching how the dust would scatter when Blaise made abrupt movement with his hand.

"I've never been that drunk in my entire life," Blaise concurred. "Not that it means much because I've never been drunk before period but still. The sentiment is still the same."

"Right," said Draco, smaller this time. "Well I have been and that was the drunkest I've ever been. I don't even really remember what happened. Just that we . . . er - I believe there was shagging."

"From the bruises on my legs and the faint pain in my ass, I'd have to agree with you."

Draco's lips twitched at Blaise's words and he ran a hand over his legs thinking of the faint splotches on his own legs and knees. "Rather vulgar, don't you think?"

"If your ass hurt because someone stuck their dick up it, you'd be vulgar too."

No response Draco could come up with that felt right.

"I'm not gay, you know," said Blaise. "I've been with plenty of girls."

"You aren't the only one," Draco snapped. "I've been with plenty of girls myself. Plenty."

Blaise was silent for some time before saying, "I don't know if I'm trying to convince you or myself more."

Maybe it was the tone of Blaise's voice, so stripped and honest that Draco couldn't lie to him, or maybe it was the fact that Blaise's words hit so close to home. Draco wasn't really sure. He had been so close to calling Blaise a queer and leaving it right there, but Draco just couldn't do it. He thought of how he would feel if their positions were reversed and he was the one who had admitted the thought first. Draco thought of how he would feel if Blaise called him a queer and left it at that, and knowing the way it would feel kept Draco from doing it. There were times when he could be cold but the earnest tone in Blaise's voice would not allow this to be one of those times.

"Me too," he admitted, softly.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Maybe. . ." Blaise started but he never got to finish because his words were cut off by Draco's mouth covering his own. Both mouths were hesitant at first, their eyes shut tight as if they couldn't bear to see what they were doing. Figuring Draco had made the first move, Blaise slightly pressed his lips against Draco's only to have Draco press back. A few minutes later, they had wrapped their arms around each other and were pressed chest to chest.

"You were saying?" asked Draco, abruptly pulling away.

"Maybe. . ." he stammered. "I was going to say - well - maybe we should kiss and find out . . . but- er - you beat me to it."

"And?"

It seemed like an eternity. Draco stared at Blaise and Blaise stared at Draco. Their mouths were set with uncertainty, their eyes fleeting and refusing to meet for longer than ten seconds. Draco felt his lips twitch and he shifted in his seat.

"Maybe. . ." Blaise started again. "Maybe - just maybe - I liked it."

Draco was quiet for a long while, Blaise wanting to run away screaming because Draco hadn't liked it, but then, so quite that Blaise barely believed his ears, "Me too."

They had become a couple after that. Draco finally came to terms with his sexuality, admitting to himself that he was what he was, and there was nothing to do about it. Blaise had many of the same problems that he did, and he was more than willing to oblige when Draco requested that they remain a complete secret. Dealing with it personally was one thing. Dealing with it along with the rest of the school was quite another. In fact, both Blaise and Draco were still dealing with it and now that new girl, the Gryffindor, Potter's friend of all people, knew. It was his biggest secret and Potter now had access to it. It was almost too much to think about and so Draco dropped back on the couch, staring at his schedule but not really seeing it. He had Charms in a half hour. It would prove to be the best distraction possible so he waited for the time to come to go to class.

~*~

"I told McGonagall that you weren't feeling well so you stayed behind for the first period," said Blaise sitting down beside him.

"I know. Must you sit with me?" snapped Draco. "Just leave me alone."

He had gone to Charms like he promised himself he would and spent lunch with McGonagall going over his Transfiguration class with her. She had been kind, having heard that he fainted this morning before class and was rather helpful in his progress through the lesson. Ever since the moment he cracked, everyone including the teachers were being extra careful around him. No one wanted to set him off and no one wanted him to be found two weeks from now, mutilated by his own hand, and dead as stone.

Classes that afternoon had been simple for Draco to deal with. Blaise had been there but because Lupin, who returned as the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, and Trelawney had rather intense (or as intense as classes for Trelawney could get) lessons, Blaise had no time to confront Draco. Dinner was proving to be different and Draco continued on playing with his food, his focus being on eating exactly a third of what he had piled on his plate. So far, he was up to one-tenth and Blaise was throwing off his concentration.

"Draco? Look, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For whatever I did that seems to be pissing you off."

"Your mere existence is pissing me off. If you could fall off the face of the planet that would be really nice."

It seemed as if Blaise's entire face fell and he glared at Draco. "I can't believe there was once a time when I was happy around you. I tried to do something nice for you today and all you do is throw it back in my face. I always try to help you and you always throw it back in my face. It happened last year and it's happening this year, too."

"Shut up," hissed Draco. "You're drawing attention."

"I don't give a fuck if I draw attention. You attacked me last year and you're attacking me this year, too, and I'm sick and tired of being attacked. Knock it the fuck off, Draco, before you don't have anyone who cares about you anymore. I know that you loved your father, but the best of you died when the dementors sucked his soul away."

"Shut up, Blaise. I don't want to fucking hear it."

By now the entire Slytherin table was staring. Most of the hall was focused on the two as well.

"Well you're going to fucking hear it anyway. I know what happened to Lucius was terrible. We all know that what happened to Lucius was terrible."

"Shut up, Blaise."

"The dementor's kiss is pretty bad shit but it didn't happen to you and you act like it did."

Draco covered his ears with his hands. "I told you to shut up."

"You're upset and that's expected but you can't push everyone away, because pretty soon you're going to have no one, and you're going to end up back on the floor in our common room without Ruby being around to find you. What would your mother do? She can't lose her husband and her son."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING PRICK!" Draco screamed before lunging himself at Blaise and grasping him around the throat. He was vaguely aware of Blaise's hands clawing at his wrists and fingers, some of the many hands trying to pry Draco off, but all he could feel was rage trying to escape through a physical outlet.

A pair of strong arms wrapped around his waist and Draco was yanked off Blaise. He could distantly see the headmaster and most of the teachers rushing over in their direction. Professor Snape was the one restraining him, he could now see. As the anger drained from him, Draco's muscles went limp, his vision coming back to order, and Draco could see that Blaise was coughing and sputtering, clawing at McGonagall who held him up while he gasped for air. His skin was returning to tan from the sickly purple it had been and the redness was slowly receding from his bloodshot eyes. Around his neck were the red imprints from where Draco had been strangling him. Just the sight of those prints made Draco's entire stomach lurch, as it begged to empty the little contents it contained. Their eyes briefly met but Blaise's held no love or understanding. Draco knew it wouldn't be there but it still felt like he had just been kicked in the balls at seeing the loathing (fear) and something else he couldn't quite distinguish.

As he was led from the Great Hall by Snape, he could see McGonagall up ahead with Blaise. It looked like they were both being taken to the hospital wing and Draco cringed at the thought. He didn't want to be there and especially not under these circumstances. He had fainted this morning and Blaise had been the one who took care of him. He had so many problems last year and Blaise was the one who had held him, stroked his hair, and told him that everything would be alright. Was this how he repaid him for his efforts? Throwing himself at Blaise and trying to drain the last of life out of him? Draco had never felt more filthy in his life.

Madam Pomfrey had looked at Draco with disappointment as if to say, Well this is a fine mess you've gotten yourself into, and led him to one of the beds where he was to stay the night. Blaise, also, was to stay but Draco felt rabid, like a criminal when McGonagall request that they be kept at separate ends of the room and a charm was placed so that Draco couldn't go near him. He blinked back the tears, he couldn't, wouldn't allow himself to cry, now that he had done what he had done. He hadn't meant to hurt Blaise. He had been angry, too angry, and Blaise was staring at him from across the room with a look Draco had only ever seen once before on Blaise Zabini's face. It was broken, disappointed, and deeply hurt. Draco cursed himself for putting it there a second time.

"Draco?" said Blaise, rolling over on the concrete floor to wrap his arms around his lover's stomach.

"Mmm?" he replied almost asleep.

"Look at me," he softly commanded and so Draco opened his eyes to look down at Blaise. "I love you."

Draco's jaw slightly slacked but he made no reply. Not even so much as an exhalation escaped between his lips at the admission. For a brief moment, Blaise's face was filled with that hurt as if Draco had just scarred him deeper than Draco scarred himself. The guilt built in the pit of his stomach, Draco was urged to say anything to fix the damage he had done, but it was gone as suddenly as it had appeared.

"It's okay," he whispered. "I knew you didn't. . .I mean, I hoped, but I knew. . ." Blaise paused and Draco took a deep breath but Blaise started back in again and the courage he had to speak forever fleeted. "It's just - I do and I thought you should know."

Words caught in his throat and all Draco could do was nod while a lone, silent tear rolled down Blaise's cheek.

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