I'm updating sooner than I said I was going to because it's my birthday, I love my fans, and I'm feeling in a generous mood.  *sighs*  I'm finally eighteen and legal.  I'm so excited and I'm a dork.

Tine:  I don't know what to say to you that I haven't said before.  You leave me the best reviews and I love them so very very much.  Of course your story Perfect is on my favorites list.  I love the story so much.  I can't believe you said I was better than the writer who wrote 'I'm Not in Denial'.  *looks around nervously*  Every single Draco/Ron fan seems to love that story and I'm starting work on a Draco/Ron and I'm nervous about it because I think I made Draco too soft.  Ah well.  It's my story.  *grin*  As far as Draco being an ugly child, I can see it very well.  Some of the best looking guys were ugly six year olds.  At least in my opinion, anyway.  Kids are weird looking.

To those who read/review, thanks.

I'm skipping feedback on everyone else because I think you'd probably rather read the chapter.

Disclaimer:  I am not JK Rowling, I don't own Harry Potter or anything that has to do with it.  If you want to sue me, that's really mean to do to someone on their birthday.  *sticks out tongue and blows raspberries*

Part Eighteen:  I Was Going to Kiss You

The door shut behind Kali as she dragged Ron down through the dungeons and into her father's private rooms.  The poor boy had gone pale, almost waxen, and she pitied him for having to go through all this.  Perhaps, and most likely, she could have handled this situation a bit better than she had, but this was the way things went and she couldn't change it now.  Snape was getting her tea as he usually did when they came down here and she sat by the fire, pulling Ron down to sit next to her.

"Thanks," she said when he handed her the cup.

"Mr. Weasley?"

"His name is Ron."

"What?"  Ron looked up to see Snape staring down at him.  He shifted uncomfortably, suddenly very aware that he was sitting next to the mean old Potions master's daughter and even if he was Snape, he was still a father.  Probably a protective father at that if he sent his only daughter across an ocean to keep her safe from Voldemort.

"Tea?"

"Er - no thanks.  So . . . Kali, I guess this is where you disappear to, eh?"

"Yeah," she said, slightly blushing.  "When I disappear in the mornings and the evenings, I'm down here watching dad sneer at essays and angrily mark them with bad grades."

"And pester me about changing grades you believe to be unjust," he inserted.

"I only did that once.  Or twice.  And all I did was encourage you to grade fairly.  It isn't like I was persuading you to give out grades that weren't earned."

"Do you banter a lot?" asked Ron.

"Of course.  We even do so in class."

Thinking it over, Ron nodded.  There was rarely a Potions class that passed by these days without some sort of well selected insults passing between Snape and Kali.  He hadn't really noticed except that he thought it was a miracle that Kali didn't have a full-body bind on her and a month of detention.  In fact, he wouldn't have noticed it as much as he did if it weren't for Pansy Parkinson and her big mouth insisting that his girlfriend was shagging the Professor. . .

"That is so gross."

"What is so gross?" asked Kali, resting her head on Ron's shoulder.

"Pansy insisting that you were shagging Snape."

"Excuse me?" snapped Snape and Ron looked up to him.  "Pansy Parkinson is saying what?"

"Er -" said Kali.  "I didn't want to say anything to you.  It's not really something that I thought you needed to hear but - eh - it's a popular theory among the Slytherin girls that the reason I don't ever get detention when bantering with you in class is that we're shagging."  Snape's face contoured into something between horrified, amused, and ill.  "I know, right?  That's just wrong.  Remember, she was in the hall when I came to get you for Draco?  The fact I knew your passwords did not do much to abate her."

Shaking his head severely, Snape took a deep breath.  "I will deal with Miss Parkinson on this matter at another time."

"Please destroy that evil Pansy demon.  She must be stopped.  You would think she'd have backed off that theory by now, especially now that I've got Ron to warm my bed."

His eyes narrowed and his gaze flickered from Kali to Ron, the latter squirming under the intensity of the stare.  "I'm not," said Ron, hurriedly.  "Really.  She's just saying that.  We've never ever even slept in the same room at all."

"You lie," she said.  "We did, too, but it isn't like we were shagging.  Don't worry, Ron.  I drive him nuts like this all the time.  He hates when I insinuate that I'm having sex with you."

Ron turned a deep shade of scarlet and looked back and forth, horrified, between Kali and Snape.  "Kali, you're embarrassing me.  He hates me enough already, you don't need to add fuel to the flames."

"Kali?" asked Snape, sitting down in a chair by them.  "Are you still insisting on going by that dreadful name?"

"It is my name and sorry, Ron.  He doesn't hate you, but I won't do it again."

"It is not your name," said Snape before Ron could interrupt.  "Your name is Mikailah.  Kali sounds so . . . juvenile."

"I am a juvenile.  Besides, I like it.  It's cute."

"It sounds very Hufflepuff."

"It does not!  You're just saying that so I stop using it!"

"Kailah, dear, would you mind if I spoke with Mister Weasley alone?"

Kali's eyes widened and from between her and her father, Kali could see Ron looking faint, his eyes pleading not to be left alone with her father.  She didn't think he would do anything completely awful but she didn't trust him enough not to try and scare her boyfriend away, either.

"Why?  What are you going to say to him that you can't say in front of me?"

"Signs that I actually care about you.  Don't worry, Kailah.  I won't say anything to him that I haven't said to your previous boyfriends."

"That doesn't do much for my confidence level, Dad."

"Kailah, I promise you.  It will be much closer to what I said to Morgan Straker than what I said to Bryce Light."

"Morgan was a good guy.  Much better friend, however."

"I know that.  That's why it will be much closer to Morgan's than to Bryce.  Mister Weasley will be in one piece when I return him to you."

"His name is Ron."

"Oh all right.  Ron will be in once piece when I return him to you."

Biting the inside of her lip, Kali nodded ever so slowly and gave Ron's hand a light squeeze before letting go.  "I'm going to go back to Gryffindor tower.  Send Ron back when you're done with him."

"I will.  Kailah?  Come down tomorrow morning."

"Okay.  Love you."  Kali wrapped her arms around his shoulders and gave Snape a quick peck on the cheek.  "See you in a bit," she said to Ron, also bending down to give him a hug but choosing to skip the kiss in front of her father.  "Bye."

Ron watched with pleading eyes as Kali left the rooms and he reluctantly turned to see Snape sitting in that chair, staring at him and daring him to speak first.  Resisting the bait, Ron swallowed the rather large lump forming in his throat and clasped his hands in his lap.  Their eyes were locked and though Ron felt like he was beginning to sweat, he refused to look away first.  Sound seemed amplified, the slightest noise a thousand times louder in his own ears than it normally would be.

"Mister Weasley," said Snape, cool and icy as he pressed his fingertips together.

"Professor."

"I suppose this came as quite a shock to you."

"More or less."

"Kailah likes to have a large impact when it comes to matters like these.  Tell me, Ron, how long have you been acquainted with my daughter?"

Where the fuck was he going with this?  "Two months but we've been dating for three weeks."

"And how serious are you about this?"

"Er -"  Bugger!  Don't hesitate!  That's what he wants!  "Very, sir.  Kali means a lot to me."

"Do you love her?"  His voice was calm, smooth, and that silky voice he used so often when harassing Neville in class.  Ron sighed.

"Not yet."

"Good."

"Excuse me, sir?"

"That was the right answer.  Did Kailah prepare you for this?"

"No, sir.  There's a right answer?"

"Of course.  Had you said you were in love with my daughter, I'd have dismissed it as infatuation and told you to leave."

"Oh."

"Listen, Weasleys, here's the deal.  Kailah is my daughter and I love her very much.  As I'm sure you've noticed by now, she's a very special girl.  I don't care just how trite this is but if you hurt my little girl in any way, you will be in a great deal of pain.  You will wish you were dead because what I would do to you is far worse than death.  It will be like being in Voldemort's clutches, do you understand me?"

Ron nodded.

"Furthermore," he continued, "Kailah seems to like you.  I'd hate to say it, but I think her taste is improving.  Right now, I trust you with my daughter.  Don't do anything that's going to make me break that trust.  You will live just long enough to regret it.  This does not mean I like you.  Quite the contrary, actually, but I trust Kailah's judgment.  This does not mean I'm going to be civil to you.  This does not mean that I'm going to cut you any slack in class.  This does, however, mean that I'm going to have my eye on you.  Proceed with caution."

Ron wasn't sure if he had forgotten to breathe or if the new lump in his throat was blocking off his oxygen supply.  He nodded again and squeaked out, "Yes, sir."

"Very well.  You may go."

Snape watched with a smirk as Ron jumped up and rushed out of the room.

~*~

Walking side by side, Harry and Draco rounded a few hedges and headed in the direction of the light.  Neither one had yet to say a single word as they walked in silence.  The moon played rays and shadows off of Draco's platinum locks which had come somewhat loose over the hours of the Ball and were now partially hanging in his face.  If presented with a mirror, he would have had a fit and began to work his fingers through his hair while trying to tame it but there were no mirrors around, only he and Harry.  This was how it was supposed to be.  He'd get Blaise for coercing him into doing this.

"What did you want?" asked Harry as they got closer to the lake.

"I just . . . I wanted to talk if that's okay?"

"Of course it's okay.  About what?"

"Harry, my father . . . I blame myself most of the time," he whispered.  "I hate being back here this year.  Dumbledore has to let me get resorted.  I can't stay in Slytherin.  I came back here where it happened and everyone stares at me like a freak in the zoo.  Just the fucking suicidal boy and bugger off before he claws your face off."

"Draco. . ."

"Harry, what's it like to not have any parents?"

Words failed him as anything he previously intended to say stilled in Harry's throat.  "Lonely," he finally answered.  "The Dursleys are the only family I have but they don't really act like family.  We're related but we're worlds apart.  Literally," he added with a sardonic laugh.  "I often feel like I don't really fit in anywhere.  Not in the muggle world but when I come here, I don't feel like I really fit here anymore, either.  I've been trying to be everything they didn't expect for so long that I don't know who I am.  Classic case of rebellion but I got bit in the arse in the end."

"You certainly do have a reputation," said Draco.

"Yeah but it depends on who you listen to.  Rita Skeeter had me off my rocker before Cedric died. . ."  Harry bit his lip, sighing.  "I blame myself for that.  For Cedric's death.  I wish there was something I could have done.  Maybe there was.  My fifth year was really bad, most of that time was when I thought about killing myself.  If it wasn't for Ron and Hermione, I probably would have.  Then I found my escape with Carmen Harris.  You know, the reporter for Witch Weekly who started in on my wild, sex-driven nature.  I figured if that was what she was saying, I'd pretend to be like that.  It gave me a good distraction for a while.  The thing is, one of the few things I know about myself is that I'm not a virgin, but I'm not like that either.

"I guess I'm just looking for someone to really love.  No one can replace the void in me from not having my parents but I don't know how to explain because I've never had parents.  It's just always been there and I don't know any other way.  It's like asking me what it's like to have black hair.  It's just a part of me."

"I don't know which is worse.  I feel tortured because I had mine.  My father and I weren't especially close like I was with my mother.  Mother was so different when my father wasn't around but we both loved him.  He was always pushing me and I knew he thought he was doing what was best for me.  Sometimes, though, I wished he would die and thinking he didn't love me just got to be too much.  That was why I tried to kill myself the first time.  Death had to be better than the hell I was going through.  I just needed a release.  Then . . . he did love me and I did have my father.

"I didn't want him to turn himself into Azkaban but he told me he needed to.  Not just for me but for himself.  I wanted to see him before he left so he came and . . . the dementors were already starved from not being allowed in the castle.  Kind of like that time in our third year when they came to the Quidditch game."  Draco blushed and Harry wondered if he was thinking of what happened at the next Gryffindor game when Draco and company showed up dressed as dementors to throw off Harry's game.  "They weren't supposed to but they did.  Everyone keeps telling me he's not dead but he is.  My father is dead.  That thing up at Saint Mungo's is just an empty shell that looks like he did.  Mother's not the same and I blame myself."

"And that's why you cut yourself," finished Harry, lamely.

"Yeah.  It was the only way I knew to forget, but that didn't work."

"But you didn't die."

"I couldn't let my father die in vain."

Harry offered Draco the smallest smile.  He was faintly aware of Draco's fingers wrapping around his own, Draco stepping closer to him, the heat of their bodies mixing.  Grey disappeared as Draco's eyelids fluttered before shutting completely as he stepped closer to Harry, his lips slightly parted.

"What are you doing?" murmured Harry.

"Does one of us always have to ruin the moment?" retorted Draco.  "I was going to kiss you, what do you think I was going to do?"

"I thought you were going to kiss me."

"So what's the problem?  You tried to kiss me before."

"Don't, Draco."

"And why the bloody hell not?"  By now Draco had stepped back, ripped his hand away from Harry, and his voice seething.

"Draco, don't be angry.  I just . . . you're upset and I don't want you to kiss me just because you think it's what I want.  I told you before that I shouldn't have taken advantage of you when you were upset and vulnerable and I'm not going to now, either."

All the anger seemed to dissipate from Draco's face, humor now coming in instead.  "Is that why you're stopping me?  Because you think I was going to kiss you because I thought it was what you wanted?"

"Well . . . yeah."

"Harry, you are so adorably blind."

"Excuse me?"

Draco sighed.  "I'm gay, Harry."

"What?!  No you aren't.  I know you aren't."

"Yes, I am.  And don't go saying that I'm confused because you're attracted to me or anything."

"I don't want to be someone you want to settle a curiosity with."

"It isn't a curiosity.  I'm gay, Harry.  I've known I was gay for, well, now that I think about it, a year to the day.  Halloween must be my lucky day in acquiring boyfriends."

"What?"

"I had a boyfriend last year, Potter.  From about the day after Halloween to sometime in April.  He . . . he found out I was cutting myself and I got mad when he tried to get me to stop so we broke up."

Harry bit his lip looking for any sign of kidding.  Draco's face was set, serious as he had ever seen him.  The words turned over in his mind as he tried to connect them together when he felt realization wash over him.  "It was Blaise, wasn't it?"

Draco nodded, licking his lips.  "Yeah.  It was Blaise.  We're over and we aren't getting back together so there's no need for you to worry about that.  Right now, it's you that I want.  I've been dealing with this thing with my father alone for months.  It's not working.  I could use a boyfriend's shoulder to lean on."

"Are you even asking me or are you just telling me."

"That depends.  If I just tell you, will you be happy to comply?"

"In a word?  Yes."

Smiling, Draco wrapped his fingers around Harry's and took a step toward him.  Eyes shut on reflex, heads tilted, and Draco left out a small mewl as their lips touched.  Their mouths slightly parted, Draco ran his tongue along Harry's bottom lip before slipping it inside to glide across the flesh of Harry's tongue.  A small moan escaped Harry before they pulled apart and stared at each other.

"Does this make you my boyfriend?" asked Harry.

"Yeah, it does.  Sorry about that."

"No need to be."

"Er - I need to get back to the hospital wing before that Pomfrey bitch comes running out here like the hounds of hell are chasing after her."  Harry laughed.  "You can come back.  Spend the night.  You usually do, anyway.  I think Padma's supposed to watch me tonight but I'm sure she won't mind if you volunteer."

"Oh yeah," said Harry, sheepishly.  "You're still on Suicide Warning, aren't you?"  Draco rolled his eyes and nodded.  "Okay.  I'll come up and watch you but no sex.  Imagine what Pomfrey would say if I was supposed to be watching you and I was shagging you instead."

"At least you'd be keeping me alive."  Draco snickered.  "Seriously, that's fine with me.  I'd rather if we didn't.  I've been shagging people based on hormones for so long that I'd prefer to have an actual relationship."

"Fine by me.  I'll wait until you're ready again."

"Okay."

Hands locked, Harry and Draco headed inside to return to the hospital wing.

If you want to contact me, you can do so at angeldlsm00@hotmail.com

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Nineteen on Monday, I think.