Dance dance dance leap dance dance dance move right quick dance dance leap left arupt halt turn dance dance dance move back back back leap and dive and get the hell outta the way.

Seras grunted as she repeated those steps in her head as she danced with her partner. The heavy Halcannon was light in her hand as she danced and shot at her partner, destroying many trees in the process. Her partner threw blades and seemed to have stolen her routine, for he always was on her, and again and again slashed out at her feet and dancing form.

Back back back....wait. Dance to the right and lift.

"And the contrary is in thee from other women in thy whoredoms, where as none follweth thee to commit whoredoms: and in that..."

Her partner paused and she felt the blade hit the side of the Halcannon with a clunk. Her cue to dance and to sing like a bird.

" Thou givest a reward and no reward is given unto thee, therefore thou art contrary."

Her partner nodded and backed off, pleased at her quick learning of the passages. She then took her chance and shot at him again, and he leaped out of the way.Casually tossing a few blades at her to heighten her senses, he continued.

"Wherefore, O harlot, hear the word of the Lord: Thus saith the Lord God; Because thy filthiness was poured out and thy nakedness discovered through thy whoredoms with thy lovers, and with all the idols of thy abominations, and by the blood of thy children, which thou didst give unto them;"

A pause. Another cue. She knew it not.

"Um.....Be...Behold...therefore...um..."

A sigh. A stop. A wave of hand.

"Come here."

Seras gritted her teeth, and shook her head.

"No."

"Come here little girl."

"You're only going to hurt and be cruel to me."

"Who is?"

"You are."

"And who am I?"

She glared at him with burning eyes.

"Who am I little girl?"

"My...Master." Seras ground out.

Anderson sighed again, and before she blinked,had her by the collar of her uniform.

"Behold, Therefore I will gather all thy lovers, with whom thou hast taken pleasure, and all THEM that thou hast loved, and with all THEM thou hast had; I will even gather them round against thee, and will discover thy nakedness unto them, that they may see all thy nakedness."

"HOT DAMN! I want to be part of that!"

The priest swirled around, letting go of her collar.

Pip waved cheerfully at the pair as he hung upside down from a charred tree branch.

"Seras! Baby! Miss your old buddy old punching bag pal?!"

"Damnation!" Alexander swore under his breath as he quickly stepped away from the young vampire.

"Hey it's Father Scruffy McDuff!Howya doing Scruffy you old insane bastard?" Pip swung down from the branch, and walked over to Seras, quickly wrapping his arm around her waist. He chucked her chin, and leaned his cheek against hers.

"Ain't trying to steal my girl are ya?"

For once, Seras felt overjoyed at the sarcastic boy's presence. SHe smiled, and wrapped her arms around Pip's neck.

"How's my snuggle poo poo wuzzy fuzzy?" she cooed into his ear.

"Eskimo kiss!" The two rubbed noses, giggling all the while like a pair of high school girls who got their first glimpse into the boy's showeroom.

Anderson, all this time, grimaced at the disgusting over cutesy scene. He hastily tucked his blades away in his coat, glaring at the pair of gigglers. After all that work...and still a foolish child.

"I will be expecting you in your quarters after the meal tonight Miss Victoria." he said coldly. "And may God help you if you're one minute late! And you, young man, should be attending to your duties instead of acting like a lovesick clown....and I hate clowns with a passion, especially ones with hair only fit for a woman."

Seras and Pip ignored him, tickling and giggling. The priest groaned in frustration as he stomped away through the forest, mumbling a string of profanities that would have made Hitler cry.

Seconds later.....

"Okay, he's gone. Now get the hell off me!"

Seras jumped away quickly from the scowling captain, and brushed herself off as if he was covered in dandruff.

"Ech! Pip cooties!"

"Don't sweat it baby....remember, I still get something out of this."

Seras rolled her eyes, and threw her hands up in the air.

"I know I know......two weeks of pretending to be my boyfriend equates you not being ratted on to Sir Hellsing about all the beer and porn you stashed with the military supplies. Yea, I know."

"You're forgetting one weeny little thing babe." he squeezed two fingers together, smiling wickedly.

"Oh? And that would be what?"

"You know what it is."

"It better not be me dressed up in a Cathlic schoolgirl's uniform like you suggested last time."

"Close but no cigar babe. I want you to steal Sir Hellsing's bra."

"....please tell me you're only drunk and need to go jerk off under the stairs."

"The boys are demanding it! They need to see proof that she's really a chick, what can I say? It's not as if it's MY choice that they want to see a woman who's damn good at hiding her gender's bra."

"It's perverse and disgusting."

"You obviously don't know men very well."

"I should know" she shot back "I've been surrounded by dumb males my entire life."

"Like me?"

"Like you."

"I feel so honored." Pip swooned, and fell onto the ground. Seras groaned, and placed a hand over her eyes.

"You are such a idiot."

"Thanky."

"Okay.....but remember, you have to keep your promise."

"Boyfriend for two weeks... gotcha. But what if he comes after me ready to chop my dick off?"

"Why would you ever think that?!"

"YOU didn't see his face when we were Eskimo kissing. If my dick gets chopped off, you have to sew it back and make it work again."

"You're sick."

"Once again, thanky."

Seras shoved him away, and lugged her Halcannon onto her shoulder.

"Hey! HEYYYY where're you going?!'

"To lunch!"

"May I join you and stare into your eyes full of the fake lighting???!!"

"NO!"

"Well this sucks. " Pip murmured as he stood up, watching the vampiress melt away into the foliage. Looking around, he began to follow the path from which he had taken to the Hellsing manor.

"Jerk off, watch TV, jerk off, watch little more TV, smell panties, jerk off with panties over head, sleep, take a shit, eat sandwich, jerk off...man, good day today."

A sudden crackle next to him snapped him out of his thoughts, and he nervously pulled his gun from it's strap.

"Crazy priest may be attacking at three o'clock..run like hell and ......run some more." He said to himself as he crouched down among the leaves.

The crackling came closer...and closer....Pip aimed, and squeezed.

"Gotcha."

Released.

"YOW! What the fuck?!?"

Pip looked, and smiled.

"Looking up pissed off hottie's dress at three o'clock and one minute...pissed off hottie wants to shove cross into ass at three o'clock and two minutes....operation run like hell."
-------------------
Author's notes:
I know....it's a shortie...but it's late.
:P
If Pip is OOC, just say so. I tried to keep him as what I have seen of him... vulgar and loud.
Special thanks to Docky, BP, Serena, Rachel and all the others!