Chapter Two: Two Princesses Too Many!

by Shade

Disclaimer: Do not adjust your screen.

I control the font.

I control the type.

I control the spellcheck.

You are about to enter a world where sanity has no place...

You are about to enter...the Fanfic Limits.

~~~~~~

A ship was heading toward a small insignificant

planet that orbited a run of the mill yellow star.

While this event had absolutely no repercussions

for the normal people that inhabited this dull little

mudball, for one Ranma Masaki this night would

change his life forever.

For a spaceship this one was rather unusual. It had no

visible means of propulsion and bore a faint resemblence

to the old Viking warships that had dominated the Earth's seas

a few centuries earlier. In fact the entire ship looked like it

had been carved from a tree. This astounding blend of

science and nature was a Royal Juraian Battlecruiser, one of the

the most powerful vessels in the renowned Jurai Space Fleet.

Possessing enough firepower to reduce a small city to ash

in the span of a few moments, it was a work of art. The lines

of the vessel had been carefully designed to give anyone who

viewed it the impression of a great dragon or sea monster

when they first beheld it. It seemed to fairly radiate an aura of

quiet authority and subtle menace, a impression that the Juraians

had used many times in their negotiations with others.

This particular ship's name was the Ryuu-O, the personal flagship

of Crown Princess Ayeka of Jurai. Though technically her mother

Queen Misaki was in control of Jurai's military, as the eldest

remaining heir to the throne the princess was expected to prepare

for her future role as ruler of the vast Jurai Empire by learning the

future responsibilities she would have bear *before* she was coronated.

As the seventh most powerful class of ship in the known universe

(eighth if you counted cabbits) there was practically no need for an

escort of smaller vessels to protect the Ryuu-O. So when the majestic

craft approached the third planet of the star known as Sol, it came alone.

And given Princess Ayeka's formidable natural abilities and two loyal

Guardians it was of little surprise that aside from herself and her sister

there were no other people on board.

As she came out of stasis the crown princess had only the utmost

confidence in her mighty tree-ship. It would take her to her

long lost brother Yosho and finally allow her to take revenge

against the evil space pirate Ryoko. The possibility of losing

and getting stranded on this third rate backwater planet never

even crossed Ayeka's mind for a moment, it was simply inconceivable.

Ah, the innocence of youth.

~~~~~~~~~~

-On the dull mudball

"YOU!!!"

He was quite ready to wake up

from this nightmare now.

Any second now...

Any second...

Wake up already!!!

"Mmm hmm."

Ryoko sat up and gave him a long leisurely look

normally associated with big *hungry* cats and

thick juicy hunks of steak. The fact that she already

had a rather feline quality to her helped convey the

illusion quite nicely. Ranma actually patted himself to

make sure his clothes were still on, so unnerved was

he by the smouldering sultry gleam in her golden irises.

Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. End result...

{I'm screwed.}

Well, it might not be such a bad way to go.

That traitorous thought was subsequently lynched

by the calm reasoning side of his mind.

"Time to put that sword of yours to some good use."

{Eep!}

The sultry double meaning left the poor Masaki boy

stunned and helpless as the wicked space pirate

started to advance on her cornered prey.

"Oh Ranma..."

Then the Ryuu-O's energy signature came within her detection range.

{Damn! Why now of all times?! I was just getting to the good part!!}

So much for a little fun first, it was time

to get her jewels back and make tracks

before *she* arrived.

"I want your balls please."

The sounds of the crickets chirping

outside could be heard for a long moment.

"...OVER MY DEAD BODY!!!"

"You numbskull! I meant the gems in your sword."

"Oh. In that case...wait a second,

what do you want those for?"

"I need to call Ryo-ohki."

"Ryu-ohki?"

"The other demon in the legend."

"Wait a second, you want to call

*another* demon?!!"

"Got it in one schoolboy."

Ryoko gave him a saucy wink.

"Forget it! One of you is trouble enough,

two is absolutely out of the question!!"

"Are you sure? Because the one

coming here is a lot worse."

He gave her a blank look, not

understanding what the heck she

was talking about.

"Who's coming here?"

A serious look appeared on

her exotic face.

"She's the devil."

"What?!"

Ranma found himself distracted by the finger that

the shockingly sexy demon was running along his chest,

somehow she'd managed to corner him on the bed again.

"She's mean like a devil, she'll fire on us

without even giving you a chance to talk."

He opened his mouth to make an intelligent reply.

"Uh..."

~~~~~~~

-High Earth orbit

The Crown Princess of Jurai sneezed.

"Haven't you found her yet?"

"Um...there appears to be a problem."

Azaka wished that he could be anywhere else

in the Universe at that moment. Princess Ayeka

tended to react violently to bad news and being

the one who brought it to her wasn't very

conductive to one's health, even if that someone

happened to be an advanced artificial construct

designed to serve as both an assistant and personal

defense system.

"What?"

"Well...it seems that..*mumble**mumble*..."

"Speak up!"

"Yes Ma'am! According to Interstellar Law the

Galaxy Police file of the Space Pirate Ryoko

will expire on stardate 00432. Which will be

in about five seconds."

"WHAT?!"

A screen showing a picture of a smirking Ryoko

along with her long criminal record popped up on

the main viewer. A large red digital readout

accompanied it.

'5'

"How can this be?! Why is that demon not chased and

hunted for all eternity?!"

'4'

"The statue of limitations is set by the Holy Council of Planet Jurai..."

'3'

"That's not what I'm asking!! I want to

know why that pirate hasn't received the

maximum measure of justice!!"

'2'

"The statue of limitations..."

'1'

Ayeka stared helplessly at the

smug picture of her hated adversary

as the lines of text that recorded each and

every crime that Ryoko had commited in

the past 5,000 years were erased in the blink

of an eye.

'File Deleted'

"What are your orders Princess?"

For a long moment she said nothing, her royal

head hanging in defeat. Ryoko was a free woman

now, her record as clean as a new born babe. By

the Goddess, it was just so unfair! To have come so

close and only to find that her quarry had slipped through

her fingers. Now she would have to return in failure,

while the pirate would no doubt be celebrating her

good fortune.

Well it would be a cold day in the Nether-hells before

a member of the Royal House gave up that easily!

"Azaka! Kamidake!"

"Yes, Ma'am!"

"Take us down, We're going to question

Ryoko about my brother's whereabouts."

"But contact with this planet is strictly

forbidden by Jurai's High Council."

"Are you questioning my orders?"

The two Guardians shivered. They did

not want to end up as royal lawn ornaments.

"No Ma'am!"

"Then begin Ryuu-O's descent."

"Right away!"

~~~~~~~~

"C'mon, give them to me."

He held a hand up to block her advance.

"Wait! Let me think about it."

It proved to be a less then stellar

idea when she kept on coming anyway.

"Gimme!"

Ryoko knocked him back onto the bed and

reached over for the sword hilt, in the

process she wound up straddling Ranma's

hips as she stretched out. It was quite

a compromising situation, but the poor sap

(much to the horror of Ryoko fans everywhere)

was in no mood to appreciate it.

"Hey! Get off of me!!"

This was starting to get frustating

for the space pirate. What was she doing wrong?

Wasn't this how Earth people got together?

"You know, a lot of guys would love to be in

your position right now. So just lie back and

enjoy the ride."

"No! Let go!! Help!!!"

Ryoko paused for a moment as

a sudden thought hit her.

"Say, you wouldn't happen to be..."

Ranma's face reddened angrily as he

figured out what she was asking.

"I AM NOT GAY!!!"

~~~~~~~~

-Outside the window

Noboyuki perched precariously on

a stepladder as he prepared to record

his son's entry into manhood (among other

things).

"Oh glorious day! My wife in heaven, you'd

be so proud of our boy. Ranma's finally

brought a girl up into his room!"

And lo, there was light!

"Achika? Is that you?!"

The response blew him away. Literally.

"RYOKO!! RYOKO!! COME OUT AT ONCE!!"

~~~~~~

The crown princess was feeling rather

silly since nobody was responding.

Had her guardians made a mistake?

"Is this thing on?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Oh, never mind! Fire a warning shot."

Matching sweatdrops materialized on

the backs of Azaka and Kamidake.

"But you said we weren't going to..."

"That's an order!!"

"Ye-yes ma'am!"

Oh well, what was the worst

that could happen anyway?

~~~~~~

Although the actual energy discharge

dissipated harmlessly a few meters

above the planet's surface, the

resulting shockwave from several

cubic meters of air being vaporized

was enough to shatter windows for

six blocks in every direction.

*BOOM*

It also sent Ranma flying straight

toward Ryoko. Fortunately for him,

his landing was well cushioned.

He was so shaken by the explosion

that for once he didn't notice at

all that he'd landed in yet another

compromising position with her.

"She's shooting at us!!"

The demon's devious smile now stretched from ear to ear.

"I told you so."

Even Ranma wasn't crazy enough to think

he could take on a Giant Alien Spaceship

With Really Big Guns(tm).

"We've gotta get out of here!!"

"If I had my gems we could escape on Ryo-ohki."

Decision time. The Evil he knew or...

With a small sound the rest of what had once

been his bedroom window fell to the floor

and shattered.

Decision made!

"Okay! You win!! Just get us out of here!!"

Victory!

Her excitement temporarily getting the

better of her, she glomped onto him.

"Arrggghh!!!"

Oopsie.

~~~~~~~

"You've got a twisted sense of humor, old man."

The greatest wizard in the Forgotten Realms smiled

and blew a circle of blue smoke from his pipe.

"Age does have its advantages."

Rowan turned back to the pool.

"I wasn't complaining."

~~~~~~~

As soon as Ryoko released him he was

able to still the reflexive panic that

her impulsive action had sparked. He

would have time to freak out later.

Assuming of course that there *was*

a later...

"So what am I supposed to do again?"

"Just point the sword towards

me and wish for my gems back."

"That's it?"

Somehow he thought there should be

more to it then that. After all in

"Lost Neon Saber Successer Tenchi 1/2"

the ritual to restore the magical

grav-cores to the Evastalis units

had taken a long and complicated

ritual of chanting and dancing in

formal kimonos while the Happo-dolls

were cermonially sacrificed to appease

the Four Goddesses of Feminity.

"Yup."

Then again, never look a gift horse in the mouth.

He did as directed, aiming the gem end

of the sword toward the cyan haired demoness

and closing his eyes in concentration.

Ryoko clasped her hands together in front of her.

She felt the beginnings of a familar tingle,

one that signaled her long lost power was

finally being returned.

A wave of sheer pleasure swept over her

as the first gem materialized on the bottom

of her left wrist.

Then it stopped.

She was puzzled at first,

then concerned, and finally

the anger hit.

"HEY! You only gave me back one gem!"

"I know."

Ranma gave her a look that seemed to say

"How stupid do you think I am?".

The demoness at least had the grace to look a little sheepish.

"Oh. Well that's okay."

Deciding to make the best

of things she began to call

her long lost partner to her.

"Come Ryo-ohki! Come!!"

~~~~~~~

In the Masaki Valley, a slumbering

presence long submerged beneath

the lake started to stir itself

to full wakefulness.

{MiiiyyaaAAA!!}

Scattered crystals inside the

heart of the ship arose from the

floor and swiveled into place as

the main systems came back online.

The surface of the lake began to

churn and froth as the ancient

ship arose from its watery grave

to serve its mistress once more.

Ryo-ohki was resurrected.

"MiiiYYyaaAA!!"

~~~~~~

-Run Away! Run Away!

"We are picking up another ship

headed toward this area. It's Ryo-ohki."

A screen popped up showing the approaching vessel.

"There you are, you heinious criminal battleship!"

Needless to say, Ayeka was less then pleased to see it.

"Open Fire!!"

You might even say she was *royally* pissed off.

~~~~~

-B-A-K-A

{Why is this happening to me?!}

That one despairing thought kept

echoing over and over in his head.

{I always wanted a little excitement

in my life, but not like this!!}

He was in a spaceship that "meowed".

He was with a girl that had just

tried her best to kill him a few

hours earlier.

And to top it all off, some lunatic

with some kind of score to settle

with his companion was chasing after

both of them and apparently trying

her very best to make them both very,

*very* dead!!

"I'd like to wake up now!"

A distracted Ryoko tossed

something square and flat

at him.

"Could you hold this for a sec?"

"Uh, sure."

Ranma looked at the object in question.

Two seconds later he realized exactly what it was.

"MY HOUSE?!!"

"Sorry about that, didn't have

any time so I just shrank it and

brought it along. You don't mind,

do you?"

There was even a tiny squished 2D

figure lying on the front yard.

"Dad?!!"

Desperately trying not to break down into

a gibbering wreck from the multiple shocks

to his system, the naive Masaki broke the

first rule of the "Anime Laws Of Stupid Things

Not To Think About In A Crisis".

{Well, at least things can't

get any worse then this.}

~~~~~~

-Things Get Worse

The running battle between the

two warships continued as Ryo-ohki

climbed through the upper atmosphere

in its quest to reach the safety of

deep space.

The Ryuu-O bombarded the smaller battleship

with hundreds of brilliant blue laser blasts

from multiple log turrets that sprang out

of the vessel's outer hull.

This destructive volley was wasted on

Ryo-ohki's advanced armor, in return

the pirate ship unleashed a powerful

strike of six enormous red energy beams

from its central core at the Juraian

Battlecruiser.

The resulting explosion nearly

knocked the First Princess off

her feet.

"Why you...!"

That did it, the gloves were off now!

Focusing her ire on the pirate vessel

they were chasing, Ayeka activated her

magical forcefield, the one that looked

a lot like a bunch of silly logs floating

in midair. It looked pathetic, but it did

bring Ryo-ohki to a complete halt.

{VENGENCE IS MINE AT LAST!!}

"Go Azaka, Kamidake! Capture the Demon!!"

"Yes, Ma'am!"

"Yes, Ma'am!!"

The two wooden Guardians arose

from the floor and teleported out.

~~~~~~

-You Rang?

Ryoko swore silently as her ship came

to a sudden and complete stop.

{Damn! Stupid Power of Jurai!!}

The space pirate angrily gritted her fangs and

began concentrating her energy, trying to break

Ryu-ohki through the barrier that was holding

them both captive. Her efforts were in vain, and

a powerful field of electromagnetic force began

to develop around Ryoko's body.

When Ranma reached out a hand to her

she screamed a warning at him.

"Stay back!!"

He froze, his fingers

inches away from her

hand.

It was just as well that

he did, as an instant later

she was surrounded by a barrier

of blue energy with more then

enough power to render him extra

crispy.

Drums started beating.

{Oh that's just great.}

"Guardians...of...Jurai..."

She was in real trouble now.

Those logs had her but good

this time. With only one gem

the pirate lacked the energy

to defeat their combined power.

{I'm in trouble!}

The blue symboled one began pulling

her into its subspace interior.

"Hey! Let her go!!"

She turned her head to see

Ranma charge at the Guardian

imprisoning her. It was a

touching gesture, but futile.

A second Guardian with a red symbol

on its front intercepted the boy

before he took more then a few

steps and sucked him into a stasis

field.

Ryoko grimaced as she watched him

get captured. Things had not gone

at all according to her plans today.

{Heh, guess I've lost some of my

edge after 700 years, never would

have fallen for something like this

before...}

Darkness descended.

~~~~~~

-Hello! I Must Be Going!!

Ranma awoke to find himself imprisoned

inside a small clearing. Surrounding him

on all sides were alien trees that formed

an effective organic prison.

"Where am I?"

Then he noticed someone was missing.

"Ryoko? Ryoko! Where are you?!"

Frantically he looked all around him.

Funny how things changed so quickly, an

hour earlier Ranma would have been happy

to have been rid of the violent pirate

demon. But now her absence was enough to

send him into a fit of worry.

{Is she alright? Where could she be?

And most importantly, how am I supposed

to get back home without her help?}

~~~~~

A pair of unseen eyes twinkled with innocent

mischief as they watched the young man begin

to panic.

This promised to be so much fun!

-To be continued