If you want a disclaimer, seek earlier chapters.
I will get back to anyone who reviews in Chapter 24 on Monday. No need for preliminaries.
This is dedicated to those who read and don't review. As long as it's getting out there.
Part Twenty-Three: Christmas Plans
Draco glanced up through the pieces of his silvery blond hair that had fallen into his face. His fingers ran ragged through his hair, and he rested his elbow on the table, propping his chin up on the heel of his hand. On the other side of the Ravenclaw common room, a group of fourth years were playing Exploding Snap, and it was making it difficult for Draco to concentrate on his Charms essay. Brushing the hair away from his eyes, he looked up a second time, annoyed by the game and annoyed by his hair. When had he stopped taking the time to slick it back, anyway?
Slamming the book shut, Draco said, "I'm going to the library."
"Again?" asked Mandy, looking up from her playing cards.
"You've been there all week," added Lisa. "Don't you ever take a break from work?"
"I have to get this essay done and I can't concentrate."
"But it's Saturday," said Mandy. "Even Padma doesn't work this much. You should take a break. If you don't want to stay in here, I think David and Terry went outside. It's snowing."
"I would but I have to meet Harry in a half hour and I want to get more of this essay done before then. There's less than a month left before Christmas and I have tons of work to get through by then. I'll talk to you later."
"Okay." Mandy and Lisa watched with sympathetic gazes as Draco packed up his things and staggered out of the common room.
Trudging down the halls, Draco made his way to the library, and proceeded by Madam Pince to a back corner where he could often be found working. He was a regular here, now, and it sometimes bothered Draco to think that Madam Pince saw more of him than she did Hermione Granger these days. In fact, he was here so much that he thought Madam Pince was actually starting to like him. She certainly didn't give the wary looks of caution anymore that she had used when he first started doing independent work. Rather, she looked on him kindly, and sometimes asked him how he was doing. At least it was a step up from expecting him to knife himself right then and there.
Throwing open his book, Draco skimmed through the pages until he found what he was looking for (extensive information on locking charms) and began to read. It was too late. His concentration was shot, and Draco found himself rereading paragraphs over and over again just to get the idea. The letters were becoming blurry, and he rubbed at his eyes, causing them to water. Maybe he really was spending too much time in here.
"Good afternoon," said Harry, and Draco's head snapped up from resting on his parchment. "Er - Draco, you've got a bit of ink on your face." Draco groaned and wiped the side of his face with his sweaty palm. "Hate to tell you this, but that only made it worse."
"I don't really care right now," he mumbled, shoving his book and essay away, and allowing his head to fall back down to the table.
"Tired?"
"Not really 'tired'. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm edgy and everything seems to be setting me off. Sorry if I yell at you or anything. Just know that it's nothing personal."
"I'll keep that in mind. What's bothering you?"
"I really don't know. What do you do about that, Harry? I hate this so much. I feel so depressed and I don't know why. It's frustrating." Draco began to rub at his eyes with his index fingers and massage his temples with his thumbs.
Harry's brow furrowed as he stared at Draco, not sure what exactly to do. He hesitated for a moment, and then moved his chair next to Draco's, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend's shoulders. "How long have you been feeling like this?" he finally asked, hushed.
"I don't know," he said, miserably, wiping at his eyes. "A few weeks?"
"Why didn't you say something?"
"No one ever wants to hear you're depressed, Harry. Especially not from someone like me."
"What do you mean by someone like you?"
"I have a suicide record, Harry. When people hear that someone like me is depressed, they start to freak out. No one wants to hear you're depressed because it's a downer, and other people don't want to become depressed themselves. That's all there is to it."
Smoothing back Draco's hair, Harry kissed his cheekbone and hugged him tighter. "I promise I won't freak out, Draco. If it's going to help you to talk about it, then do it. Don't bottle it all up. That isn't going to help you."
Draco clenched his eyes shut and turned his head into the crook of Harry's neck. "I hate it so much. I hate everything. My life has turned to shit and all I can do is pray that I get through the day before I start to completely unwind. It's like that every day, Harry. I feel like I'm falling apart, and I don't know if I'll be able to keep myself together. Every day I wake it I know that it's going to be a long day. I feel like I'm in hell because nothing gets worse than this. The only thing I have that keeps me going through the day is you."
Harry let his fingers slip into the hair at the nape of Draco's neck and began to rub his scalp there. "I'm glad I can help. I don't know what to do for you, Draco."
"There's nothing you can do. Just be here for me."
Nodding, Harry said, "I can do that."
"Christmas is coming."
"I know."
"It's going to be my first Christmas without my father."
"That must be very difficult."
Draco made a noise that sounded like a cross between a snort and a laugh. "To say the least. Why did he have to go, Harry? Why did he have to go right after he finally broke down and told me he loved me?"
"I don't know, Draco. Things happen that we don't have answers for but there's reasons for them all. It's okay to get mad. Sometimes I get furious with my parents for dying and leaving me. A lot of the time I just get furious at my life for what it's dealt me. I'm only seventeen and I've been through more than I care to remember."
"I know. You have no right being as normal as you are."
Harry couldn't help but laugh at this. "Yeah. One would think that incident down in the Chamber of Secrets would be enough to drive me mad."
"Just seeing two faces on Quirrel would be enough to drive me mad."
"Then there's the Dursleys . . . those were the muggles I grew up with. Horrible, wretched people. Really, they were. Now that I think about it, you're right. I do have no right being as normal as I am and that's not even to mention I had to see Cedric Diggory die. That should have been me, not him. I should have been the one who died that night."
"You weren't supposed to die. Everything happens for a reason, right? You told me that about five minutes ago."
"I guess I did," said Harry, a small smile on his face. "All I'm saying is that it's okay to get angry about it, and if you want someone to be angry with, I'm here. I've got plenty to be angry about. And I don't want you to keep things from me. If you're depressed, tell me. I'm not going to freak out and I'm not going to go running to Dumbledore about it."
"Thanks."
Harry nodded, lightly chewing on his lip. "What are you doing for Christmas?"
"What?"
"What are you doing for Christmas?"
"I don't know. Mum and I didn't really make plans. She's probably going to go to my grandparents in France, which means that if I go home, I'll have to go, too. I was considering just staying here."
"Do you want to go home with me?"
"Really? I thought you stay here."
"That was before Sirius was acquitted. We live in Godric's Hollow and I'm going back there for the holiday."
"Doesn't that bother you living where - you know - it happened?"
Harry seemed to think this over before answering. "Actually, I like it. It makes me feel closer to them."
Nodding, Draco said, "I can understand that. Are you serious? You want me to go back with you?"
"Of course. I'd have to clear it with Sirius but I'm sure he wouldn't have a problem with it. I already wrote him and told him about us. He said he saw it coming when he visited me at the Halloween Ball. Professor Lupin is coming for Christmas, too. Would you want to come?"
"Beats all my other options. I'll have to write my mother and check, but I'd love to come."
"Good. Now stop looking so depressed. Things will get better, Draco. They just won't get better all at once."
"I know . . . I just hate the oscillating. One day things are really good and then the next day things are so awful that I don't think I'll be able to make it to bedtime. Just as things start to get good, things get buggered up, and they turn to shit again."
"I know," said Harry, softly. "I don't know what to tell you, Draco. There are times where I wish I were ignorant - well, more ignorant than I already am - because then I wouldn't realize that the world sucks."
"It's okay. It's nice to know I'm not alone."
"You're not." Draco's head fell to Harry's chest and they sat there like that for a long time in a dark corner of the school library.
~*~
"Where were you?" asked Ron, looking up from Magical Drafts and Potions as Harry entered through the portrait hole.
"With Draco in the library. I invited him to come back home with me over holiday."
Ron arched an eyebrow. "Taking a step forward in the relationship, eh? That's okay. Mum wrote me a few days ago. She wants me to bring Kali back for Christmas."
"Is she going?"
"Well, I asked Kali but she said something about wanting to spend the holiday with Snape. I wrote home and told mum that Kali wanted to be with her father over the holidays. Mum wrote back this morning. She must really want her there because she told me to invite Kali's father."
"You're kidding," said Harry, sitting down. "Does she know who Kali's father is?"
"No, so I wrote her back and told her who he is. I didn't tell Kali that Mum wrote back yet, just in case she retracts the offer."
"I doubt she would."
"Me, too. If Mum actually continues to insist Kali and Snape come back after knowing it's Snape, I may actually have to spend Christmas with him. That is if Kali can convince him to come. Something tells me that the Burrow is not Snape's first choice for holiday destination."
"Whatever gave you that idea?"
Ron feigned ignorance and shrugged. "I have no idea. So what about Draco? Is he going back with you?"
"He's going to write his mother and I'm going to write Sirius about it. We'll go from there, though I don't think Sirius will have a problem with it."
"Nah. He'd probably be excited."
"That's what I thought, so if it's okay with Draco's mother, he's coming with me. He got very excited when I asked him. I think he was touched. It was odd to see."
"I bet."
"So where's Kali?"
"With Snape. She didn't go see him at all yesterday and I think she's working on some extra credit project to make up for her awful potion skills in the first few weeks of class."
"How is that coming, anyway?"
"Really well. Honestly, once she applies herself, she's very talented."
"Sounds like someone else I know," said Harry, grinning.
"Who? Me?" Harry nodded. "You sound just like my mother, but I digress. She's coming along very well. Her grade is up to a 'B-' and she's caught up with the class. Apparently her old Potions professor was awful. He taught here at Hogwarts before Snape and he originally quit because he lost interest in the subject. I guess he got bored because he started teaching in America. From the stories I hear about him, it's amazing that Snape knows so much about Potions. He must have been terribly disgusted with him when he was in school."
"How are you adjusting to dating Snape's daughter?"
Ron visibly shuddered at this, provoking a laugh out of Harry. "It isn't funny, Harry. Spending time with him in Potions, even extra-credit Potions is one thing. Having to hear about him from Kali out of Potions context is quite another. Now he may be at my home for Christmas. It's not something one easily adjusts to."
"You seem to be doing a good job of it. Who'd have thought that Snape could have such a cool daughter?"
"I don't know. Who'd have thought such a cool girl would date Snape? I mean, how many stories are we hearing about Kali's mum? Sirius was one of her best friends. Your mum was her best friend and she dated Snape?"
"I agree. It's weird. Even Sirius thinks it was weird at the time. Then again, who would expect you to be dating Snape's daughter."
"Point taken."
"You really like her, don't you?"
Ron sighed. "There's an understatement if I ever heard one. She's so amazing, Harry. I love everything about her. She's honest, funny, and she actually likes me. No one ever notices me. Everyone's got this identity, but I'm just Ron, and she likes that. She's clearly crazy, but I'm not complaining."
"Your head is in the clouds," said Harry, laughing. "I think I can actually see your eyes glossing over."
"Shut up, Harry. I'm serious about this. Even the fact that Snape is her father doesn't scare me away."
"That is saying something."
"I know. She doesn't only have Snape genes, but she also has Malfoy genes. How did she end up so wonderful?"
"Hey, I'm dating a Malfoy."
"Well, I'm dating a Snape."
Harry and Ron paused, staring at each other in silence.
"I'm dating a Malfoy," repeated Harry.
"I'm dating a Snape."
"There's something very wrong about this picture."
"How did that happen?"
Harry bit the inside of his lip. "I don't know."
"Not only are we dating them but we care very much for them." Harry nodded. "I mean. . ." started Ron, finally voicing something that had been scaring him for at least a week, "I think I'm falling in love with Kali."
Raising his eyebrows, Harry said, "Really? Love? Are you sure?"
Ron held his breath for a long time and then, exhaling, he nodded. "I've been thinking about it nonstop for a little over a week now. I don't know what happened. One night we were sitting around my room studying and it just hit me. I don't think I've fallen yet but I'm definitely falling."
"Wow," Harry breathed. "That's big. I mean, I really care for Draco and I love him as a friend but I'm not there in the romantic notion yet. I can't believe . . . wow, Ron. You must be scared out of your mind."
"Thanks, Harry. That's exactly what I needed to hear."
"I'm sorry, Ron," said Harry, as his lips turned into a half-grin. "I didn't mean it like that."
"I know."
"I didn't realize things were that serious between the two of you. I mean, I knew you really liked her but I didn't know. . .wow. There's no other words, Ron. It's just wow. When are you going to tell her?"
"Not yet!" said Ron, eyes bugged at the thought. "I mean, I'd like to actually be in love before I tell her."
"Of course. Yeah. Wow. Sorry, Ron, I'm just so taken aback by it. I wasn't expecting you to say that."
"Well that much is obvious. Gods, Harry, stop it. You're scaring me even more than I already am."
"Wait until Fred and George find out!" said Harry, going into a small fit of giggles. "I wish I could be there when they find out. I really do. They'll go on about their ickle Ronniekins and how fast they grow up."
"I have to hear this from my brothers. Don't you go and start calling me Ronniekins, too. You know how much I hate that nickname."
"Yes, and I enjoy being Horny Potter," said Harry, cocking an eyebrow. Ron stared at him, unmoved. "Okay, so I do enjoy my nickname. In fact, I'm rather proud of it, but I couldn't think of anything else to say."
Both heads turned as Kali came entering through the portrait hole, her bag hanging over one shoulder. As soon as she was fully in the room, it fell unceremoniously to the floor in a heap, books spilling from the half-opened zipper. She crossed the room, grabbed the Potions book from Ron's lap, and tossed it to the floor before plopping down in his lap. Brushing the hair out of her eyes, she tucked it behind her ears and left out an exasperated sigh.
"He had me working all day on potions! Nothing else! On the positive note, I did get an owl from Aunt Serena and Servius signed up for the exchange program so he may be one of the exchange students."
"How is that positive?" asked Ron, glaring past Kali at Harry, who was watching them, smirking.
"Because if Servius comes to Hogwarts, he will drive Dad crazy. If you think I do a job on my daddy, wait until you see Servius. I mean, Dad has to like me. I'm his precious, and only, little girl. Servius is just a nephew."
"How did you do on your potion?"
"Well. I really think this extra-credit is going to give me a solid 'B' by the end of term. You know, if I do well on our exams. I'm not looking forward to taking it."
"Are any of us?"
"I suppose not." Kali frowned. "Harry, what is wrong with you? Ever since I've come in you've been looking at Ron and I rather curiously. It's been driving me mad."
"Yes, Harry," said Ron, harshly. "Knock it off. You're creeping me out."
"Really," added Kali.
Harry couldn't help but smirk at them. "Sorry. You know, I'm just going to be going. I think I'll grab Hermione and force her out in the snow. Is she in her room? You know what? I'll just go knock and find out myself. Bye."
"Bye," they chorused. Harry left, leaving a confused Kali and an embarrassed Ron in the common room.
There you go. 24 on Monday. Probably 25, too, now that I come to think of it.
