Just a note: Still not JK, and refer to one of the many chapters before this one for the many reasons (besides the obvious) why.
Part Thirty-Seven: Professor Kay-Lay
Harry looked up from his seat near the back of Potions class to see Pansy Parkinson enter with Millicent Bulstrode and Amelia Nott flanking her, looking much like a female version of the group Draco used to head. They sat in the row behind him where Crabbe and Goyle already were and he sighed, looking to Hermione and rolling his eyes. She shrugged and grinned.
Professor Snape was already at the front of the room despite the fact that class was supposed to start in ten minutes and he usually never spent more time with his students than absolutely necessary. Ever since Saturday morning, Snape had been scaring students more than ever. Harry figured it had something to do with the fact they just didn't know what to make of him when he didn't have it all together. A scary and menacing Snape is expected but this new mess of a man was a complete enigma. Without realizing it, Snape was getting a strange new power over his students. Some of them were even beginning to see him as human.
"I can't believe he even comes to class anymore," said a voice behind him that Harry placed to Pansy. He looked sideways to Hermione, who also seemed to have heard it. Their eyes connected for a brief moment before she went on. "If I were Zabini, I think I'd just go home, don't you?"
Harry could imagine Crabbe and Goyle nodding stupidly. How they managed to make it into their seventh year, Harry would never know. He imagined it must have something to do with the connections their fathers had. In fact, he had never heard either one speak a full, intelligent sentence until just this year.
"And look at Professor Snape," seethed either Crabbe or Goyle (their grunting sounded alike to Harry) with a great deal of disgust dripping from his words. "I'm ashamed to have him as our head of house. As soon as that Gryffindor slut of his shows up, he falls to pathetic pieces."
"I completely agree," said Pansy. "It's embarrassing to be a Slytherin with Snape as our head of house and having that cock-fucker Zabini. That's not even to mention we had Malfoy, another fucking faggot. I think all those suicide attempts made him devoid of a brain. For some reason he actually thinks he deserves to live."
"And he's dating Potter," said Crabbe or Goyle.
Hermione had started to turn around but Harry had already been unable to stop himself.
"Yes, Draco is dating me, and he does deserve to live. Why don't you leave him alone? He didn't do anything to you, and neither did Blaise. There's no reason to cause unnecessary trouble."
"Can't you ever keep your nose in your own business, Potter?" sneered Crabbe.
"Draco is my business."
"Maybe you should just knock it off," said Millicent. Pansy and Harry stared at her, dumbfounded.
"Maybe Draco should just die and then we'll get off it," said Pansy.
"Get off this tangent where you're trying to get him to hurt himself," said Harry. " He isn't weak enough to fall into it."
"I seem to remember him making a hobby out of cutting himself," said Goyle.
"And I seem to remember kicking your arse."
"Everyone, SETTLE DOWN," commanded Snape, now standing up at his desk and wavering slightly. Harry could see how the younger students were becoming even more scared than they had before. The mad glint he got in his eyes when he was trying to focus was nothing short of terrifying. Slowly, he lowered himself back into his chair and stared out across the room at the students. "Twenty points from Slytherin and Gryffindor."
"For what?" asked Kali.
"For being too goddamn loud."
That shut her up.
"But, Professor," Pansy began to protest.
"Twenty-five more points, Miss Parkinson, and if you don't shut that abnormally large mouth of yours, it will be fifty." Snape covered his face with one solitary, weary hand. "Kailah?"
Kali's brow furrowed as she looked around the room, feeling very out of place. He usually restrained from calling her by anything other than 'Miss Strauser' during class. From the looks on the faces of the other Gryffindors, they were as surprised by this sudden lapse as she was.
"Yes, Daddy?" she asked, tentatively.
"What day is it?"
Frowning, she answered, "Tuesday."
"What happened to Monday?"
"You slept through Monday, Daddy."
"What about my classes?"
"There was a substitute."
"There was a substitute?"
"I'm sure they didn't ruin anything, Daddy."
"What about Sunday?"
"You were sick and passed out for most of Sunday. You should cut back on the alcohol, Daddy. Madam Pomfrey is sick of seeing me."
"I was with Poppy?" She nodded causing Snape, who was watching her through a part in his index and middle fingers, to groan. "At least I was passed out for that."
"Do you remember Saturday?"
"I remember Saturday morning and the sudden need to get drunk. I'm sure you know why. All of Hogsmeade knows why. Why a Weasley, Kailah?"
Kali gave a nervous glance to Ron. "It still could have been Harry, Daddy."
"But Potter doesn't have two highly annoying brothers who announce my pain to Hogsmeade."
"This is true," Ron muttered.
"Are we talking about Kali shagging Weasley?" said Pansy, apparently talking to her Slytherin friends, but Snape's head snapped up and he glared at her from across the room.
"Miss Parkinson, I believe I told you not to speak for the remainder of the lesson. Perhaps you think that because you are in my house you are above the other students and that punishment will not reach you. I am not at all sorry to inform you that you will be treated just as any other student. Fifty points from Slytherin and get - out - of - my - classroom."
"Where do you want me to go?" she demanded.
"I don't care where you go, just leave, and if I hear you speaking to me in that cocky tone of voice again, it will be one-hundred points."
His voice had sunk to a low growl and Pansy began to clumsily shove her things in her bag under a glare that would make even grown men cower. Once her things were in her bag, she began to scurry out, occasionally looking back to see if Snape was still glaring at her. The door banged shut with her exit and Snape sighed, grabbing a large container on the side of his desk and taking a big swig of it. The last time Harry had seen Snape in such a mood was when Sirius had escaped from Hogwarts on Buckbeak and Snape lost the promise of the Order of Merlin.
"Are we actually having a class today?" asked Kali, the only one who was brave enough to do so.
He grimaced as he swallowed whatever was in the bottle and nodded. "I want the Gryffindors to make the hangunder potion and Slytherins to make a headache potion. Any headache potion."
"We've already done those, Professor," said Hermione. From beside her, Harry shot her a dirty look.
"I know that, Miss Granger. Does it appear that I care whether you've already made them or not?"
"No, not especially, sir."
"Then get to work," he commanded, causing the students to jump in their seats. "Except for you, Longbottom. Go to the library. Have a free period. My head can't tolerate your pathetic attempts at failure today."
Neville turned a bright shade of pink as he, too, began to clean up his supplies.
"It's okay, Neville," whispered Kali. "I suspect it's only a matter of time until he says the same thing about me."
"And Kailah?"
"You see," she whispered, and then she said, louder, "Yes, Daddy?"
"Come up here."
She swallowed a lump that had formed in her throat as she studied him. "Why, Daddy?"
"I'm not going to kill you, Kaliah. Come up here."
Ever so slowly, Kali stood from her seat and made her way up to the front of the class. He gestured for her to take a chair next to him. Sitting down, Kali was expecting the worse when he fell over in her lap, shut his eyes, and, by the looks of it, passed out. Biting her lip, Kali patted his head, smoothing back his hair, and looked out to the class, watching her expectantly.
"Well don't look at me!" she said, shrilly. "You heard Professor Snape. Get to doing your potions!"
"But he just passed out," said Amelia Nott.
"Does that give you a right to just stop doing your potion?" She sighed, looking down at Snape. "Daddy?" There was no answer. "Fine. He told me to come up and I'm his next of kin so I guess that puts me in charge. Just call me Professor Kali."
"You are going to be in charge?" sneered Goyle.
"Sure. I'm a Snape. I can do it. Mister Goyle! Don't just sit there and stare at me with a vacant expression! Ten points from Slytherin! Miss Granger, you know-it-all! Put down your hand, silly girl! Mister Potter, I hate you because I am petty and you get on my nerves! Twenty points from Gryffindor just for existing!"
"She does a good job," said Ron, offhand.
"Who told you to speak, Mister Weasley? Is there something you want to share with the class?"
Ron stared at her, thunderstruck.
"A Weasley at a loss for words. There's a big surprise," she drawled before scowling at him.
"Okay, Kali, that's just creepy," said Seamus. "I mean, the family resemblance really comes out when you do stuff like that and it scares me. Please stop it."
"But I really am very good at this! I should become a professor and all the kids would love my class! They'd be like, 'Oh yeah, Professor Kay-Lay!" She bobbed her head back and forth, punching the air, and then began to go into what Hermione knew as muggle dancing from the waist up. Poor Professor Snape's head was lolling around on the top of her lap.
"This is the sorriest excuse for a class," muttered Crabbe and Kali snapped her head in his direction.
"Mister Crabbe! Er - what kind of name is Crabbe, anyway? There's this muggle cartoon I used to watch called 'Spongebob Squarepants' and there's this really greedy crab . . . Oh my god! You're Mister Krabs!"
Hermione began to chuckle, being the only one besides Kali who actually watched muggle cartoons. A big smile came across Kali's face.
"Ten points to Gryffindor for laughing at my joke!"
"She's power mad, I swear," Ron said to Seamus. Seamus, who saw Kali watching them intently, shook his head.
"I think she's doing wonderful."
"Thank you, Seamus. Apparently, Mister Weasley does not like my teaching methods. I thought he would support me but alas . . . perhaps we should hook up."
Seamus winked at her, causing Lavender to swat him on the arm.
"We were just kidding, Lavender," said Seamus. She sighed, still looking bitter with him.
"I was joking," said Kali. "You can't take me seriously, especially when I'm talking about muggle cartoons and calling myself Professor Kay-Lay. Besides, Seamus isn't my type. Look at my man and look at your man. I'd have to be crazy to ruin what I have for Seamus."
"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Seamus.
"Nothing," she said, casually. "Mister Zabini!"
"What did I do?" he asked, looking up from his potion.
"Nothing. Ten points for being cute and studious."
Shrugging, he grinned and said, "Thanks."
"And fifty points from Slytherin!"
"For what?" sneered Amelia.
"Because Mister Goyle is staring at me curiously and it makes me uncomfortable."
"This is great, Kali," said Harry.
"That's Professor Kay-Lay to you, Mister Potter, and twenty points for not addressing me properly."
"I've got to hand it to you, you really are a Snape. Your father would be proud."
"Thank you, Harry." She cocked an eyebrow as he eyes landed on Ron, bent over his cauldron and muttering something under his breath as if he were chanting. "Mister Weasley, what are you talking to yourself about."
He looked up at her and formed a weak smile. "I was just reminding myself that I love you."
Kali's expression softened. "That's so sweet," she said. "I hate being a girl! You can't just say something sweet like that to a girl in front of a whole bunch of people. We get emotional, us girls. Embarrassingly emotional." She looked down at her father's head resting in her lap and she began to run her fingers through his hair again. "Oh, Daddy. I'm sorry." Bending down, she placed a kiss on his forehead.
"That's just creepy," said Seamus.
She gave him a quick glare and then said, "Class dismissed. Go. Faster! Go away! I need some time to wake up my poor daddy."
Everyone began to pack up and Ron placed a kiss on her cheek before leaving her alone with her father.
~*~
After Kali finally got Snape up and functioning properly (the vial had contained a dreamless sleep potion), it was already halfway into dinner. She made her way to the Great Hall and, joining her friends at the Gryffindor table, learned that Draco had heard all about her spectacle in Potions class. It was the first time that he missed being in Slytherin and having Potions with Gryffindor since he had been resorted.
"I wish I could have been there," said Draco, laughing, after Blaise told him about Kali speaking in various American accents. "Instead I was stuck in History of Magic. Binns is no more amusing in Ravenclaw than he had been when I was in Slytherin."
"Why does Dumbledore even let a ghost teach here anyway?" asked Servius. "I used to love History of Magic back at Chivington."
"You just say that because our teacher was a blonde in her twenties with good legs," said Kali. "I hate that bitch."
"You just hate her because she does have good legs and yours aren't."
"I think Kali has very nice legs," said Ron.
"You would. Oh, Kailah, by the way, I just thought we'd tell you . . ."
"And everyone else," added Hermione.
"Right. Well, we took your advice and - er -"
"You two are finally together?" asked Blaise. They nodded. "Its about damn time. And we thought Kali and Ron took a long time."
"Maybe it's a family thing," said Harry. "Draco took a long time with me, too."
"Oh sod off," said Draco, laughing. "Our family isn't slow. We do things right."
"Perfection isn't easily obtained," Kali pointed out.
"Or never in your case," said Servius. Kali grinned at Harry as she smacked her cousin across the head.
"Hermione, are you still coming with us to the library or are you going to stay with Servius?" asked Harry.
"Library?"
"Oh gods," breathed Ron, "she's forgotten about the library. You know, Hermione. It's the place with all the books."
"I know what a library is, Ron. What about the library?"
"We were supposed to go there tonight to start studying for the N.E.W.T.s," explained Draco, "but you don't have to go. In fact, I think it would be best for your health if you did take off for a night. Be with Servius. You're a new couple. New couples should be together and Servius is lucky not to have to take his N.E.W.T.s until next year. You don't want to bring him down."
"Well," she said, carefully, as if very torn between her studies and Servius, "I did study last night. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to take one night off."
"Not at all," said Ron. "You two kids have fun."
"In that case, we're going to be going," said Servius, grabbing Hermione's hand and dragging her away from the Gryffindor table and out of the Great Hall.
"They nauseate me," said Draco once they had gone.
"You, too?" asked Harry. "I suppose they're entitled to it. They're a new couple. I'm willing to bet we were nauseating when we first got together and Kali and Ron are still nauseating."
"We aren't the only ones, Harry," said Ron, winking.
"So, if Hermione isn't going, does that mean we actually have to study?"
"Harry, of course we have to study," said Draco. "These aren't easy exams. Hermione's right about starting to study already. You won't have nearly enough time to cram it all in when you're going to want to start. You need someone to make you work."
"I have no discipline."
"Then let's give you some." Draco grabbed Harry by the arm and wrenched him out of his seat, where he had been protesting he was still eating despite his empty plate he hadn't touched for ten minutes. "Are you guys coming?"
Kali sighed, nodding, and they stood to follow Draco and Harry out of the Great Hall.
~*~
For two hours Kali, Ron, Harry, and Draco had been sitting at a table in the back corner of the library trying to quiz each other and study for their Charms N.E.W.T. but Kali's concentration was shot. She didn't seem to be the only one as Draco was constantly going off on some random tangent that had nothing to do with Charms. Shoving his book aside, Draco buried his face in his hands and let his elbows fall to the table top.
"Are you okay?" asked Ron, looking at Harry for some guidance, but he seemed to be just as lost.
"What's wrong, Draco?" said Harry, placing an arm around Draco and letting his chin fall to rest on Draco's shoulder. "Is there something wrong or is this one of those moments?" Instead of reply, Draco nodded, and Harry let out a small laugh. "That doesn't clarify much for me. Is it one of those moments?" Draco nodded a second time and Harry released a long sigh.
"One of those moments?" asked Ron.
Running a hand through his hair, Ron noticed that Draco's hands were shaking as the strands slipped between his fingers in ragged rakes. His eyes were shut tight, his lips slightly parted and there was broken breath coming between them.
"Are you going to be okay?"
Holding either side of his head, Draco nodded. "I have a tendency to get hit with sudden bouts of depression," he said.
"And it makes you get like that?"
Harry, looking at Ron miserably, nodded.
"Did anything happen today I should know about?" asked Harry.
"I hate myself," Draco whimpered, trying to pull out of Harry's grip. Refusing to let him go, Harry shifted his chair and pulled Draco closer, allowing his head to rest on Harry's chest. "Why do I get like this? You're probably all going to hate me, now, too. Why do I let myself fall apart like this?"
"It's not your fault, Draco," said Kali, before Harry had a chance to reply. Shoving back her chair, she walked over to where Draco was seated, knelt down on the floor beside him, and wrapped her arms around his waist. "No one here hates you, either. We all love you."
"She's right," said Harry, kissing the top of Draco's head. "We all love you. Some more than others." Glancing over at Ron, Harry was sure his eyes should have fallen out of their sockets. Ron's eyes were misting and he walked over to them. Standing opposite of Kali, he bent over and wrapped Draco in a third hug. "See. Even Ron."
"Yeah," said Ron, "even me."
"You're a fucking idiot, too," said Draco. "I've been absolutely horrible to you for years. Both of you."
"We were kids," said Ron. "Kids do stupid things."
Accepting this as an answer, Draco nodded.
"Did anything happen today I should know about that brought this on?"
Draco shook his head. "It's been happening more and more lately. Everything's getting to me. I don't know why. Every day seems to be a bad day and I try to make it a good day but nothing ever wants to go my way."
"I know, Draco," said Harry, closing his eyes in pain. "I know."
