So not JK it isn't even funny.

Part Thirty-Eight:  My Father was a Death Eater

"I thought they'd never go," said Harry, exasperated.  "So, is everybody coming by tonight?  Don't forget, the party starts at eight o'clock."

"Yes, I'm coming," said Draco, nodding.  "Blaise and David said they were coming, too.  They're going to be a little late, though, because Ravenclaw has Quidditch practice tonight and David's filling in as Chaser because Vera Brownstone is in the infirmary with the flu.  Next week is the game against Hufflepuff and Terry's determined to win."

"How about you, Servius?"

Nodding, Servius said, "Of course.  You think I'd miss my precious cousin's birthday party?  Granted, I was with her last night with Uncle Sev, but there's no way I'd pass on being at two of her parties."

"Wasn't Ron down there with you, too?" asked Hermione.  "He wasn't in Gryffindor last night to my recollection."

"Yeah.  I think Uncle Sev is actually starting to warm up to the idea.  It bothers me."

"Bothers me, too," said Harry.  "Snape actually warming up to Ron.  Who'd have ever thought something that far fetched was likely to happen?"

"Not even in dreams," said Draco.  "Then again, who'd have ever thought something as far fetched as us dating was likely to happen?"

"Good point.   I'll meet you outside Gryffindor."

"Okay."

It was a Saturday afternoon, February twenty-eighth, and Harry had planned a surprise joint birthday for Kali and Ron that evening.  Harry had been wanting to do something for them both since that Tuesday evening when Draco had lost it and Kali and Ron had been there to help.  There weren't words that could express to them just how grateful he had been, especially considering the next day had been the first good one in a while for Draco.  Since Ron's birthday was March first and Kali's was February twenty-seventh, Harry had decided to squeeze the party in between.  It was his way of saying thank-you.

The day before, Kali's actual birthday, she had gone down to the dungeons and celebrated in Snape's private rooms with her father, Servius, and Ron.  Harry had been surprised to hear from Ron that the celebration hadn't gone badly at all, but rather was enjoyable at the least.  With Kali turning eighteen, Snape had combed the market carefully until he found her another invisibility cloak.  From the way Harry understood it, Servius was also expected to pay for half of what it had cost, a price that Harry didn't even want to fathom.

"So what happened last night?" asked Draco, picking at his food but not really eating, Harry noticed.

"I got there before they did so I was subjected to torture from Uncle Sev without anyone to defend me about being a Hufflepuff.  Then Kailah and Ron showed up and they joined Uncle Sev's side so I was being attacked from three sides.  I don't like it when they get along, especially when they're working against me.  Uncle Sev should not be getting along with Ron in any way, shape, or form.  I don't know what's gotten into him.  This is the first guy Kailah has ever dated that he's actual said something other than threats to."

"Everything's weird this year," said Draco, shrugging.  "Lee Jordan was walking around Hogsmeade in a diaper on Valentine's Day.  How much stranger do things get around here?"

"I'm sure they could get stranger," said Harry.  "I'm just glad we're done with the Voldemort war.  I have enough to worry about as things are.  I don't need to have to worry about that, too."

"Of course we don't have the war to deal with anymore.  You saved us, Golden Harry Potter, the bloody Boy-Who-Lived," quipped Draco.  "You're my hero."

"Shut up, Draco," said Harry, laughing.  "So anyway, I hear Kali got another invisibility cloak."

"Yes!" said Servius.  "And he's actually making me help pay for it.  I complained to my mom beforehand but she told me that I deserve it.  Somehow, she still thinks I need to be punished for trading.  I don't see what's such a crime about barter."

"Except you were using someone else's property," said Draco.

"I think you should help pay for it," added Hermione.

"Not you, too.  Come on, Mione, you're my girlfriend.  You're supposed to be on my side."

She shrugged.  "Sorry.  I agree with your mother."

"You would.  Women always band together against men."

"That's why I date men," said Draco, causing Harry to laugh.  "What?  I could never be straight.  Women are insane."

"We are not," protested Hermione.

"I kind of feel sorry for you, Hermione," said Harry.  "We persuaded you to be friends with Kali because you needed another girl influence but if she were here, she's agree with us that women are insane.  What do you do about something like that?"

"And she spends all of her free time with Ron," added Hermione.  "I'm not complaining, though.  Ron is such a great guy and I'm glad he's finally with someone who appreciates him.  We were such a disaster of a couple."

"Oh Merlin," groaned Harry, "just thinking about you when you were together gives me a headache.  Saying you were a disaster is like saying Voldemort was unhappy.  Slightly misplaced and extremely under stated."

"They were that bad?" asked Draco.

"Worse.  Ron was always complaining because Hermione never had enough time for him and Hermione was always complaining because Ron wouldn't give her enough time.  She claimed she was falling behind on schoolwork and he'd complain that she was far ahead enough to afford falling behind.  They'd get in these fights and Ron wouldn't come out of the dorm unless I went to check if Hermione was in the common room.  If she was there, he's refuse to come out.  They'd tell me to pass messages to each other.  I'm surprised they even broke up face to face.  Then, after they did, everything went back as if they had never dated in the first place.  At first, I thought it had been this really horrible, never-ending nightmare."

"We weren't that bad," said Hermione, sharply.

"Yes, you were.  I was so sick of you talking about how Ron didn't appreciate you.  Then Ron would say that Hermione didn't appreciate him.  I wanted to strangle them both.  I still think Ron's O.W.L. score had something to do with the fact that he was hiding in the dorms so much with only his schoolbooks to keep him company.  It was kind of helpful for me, though.  While they were fighting and not speaking to each other, no one realized that I was dating Caroline Walker."

"You were dating Caroline Walker?" asked Hermione.  "When?"

"See."

"Who's Caroline Walker?" asked Draco.

"She was a Gryffindor a year ahead of us," explained Hermione.  "You were dating her?  What happened?"

Harry shrugged.  "She was more into the idea of dating Harry Potter than into dating me."

"That's something you don't have to worry about with me," said Draco.

"No, the idea of dating Harry Potter is what would have kept you away," said Harry, laughing.

"Does this mean you didn't have a good time last night?" asked Hermione.  Servius shrugged.

"It was okay with the exception of everyone ganging up on me.  I thought I'd at least have a ally in Ron but I should have known he'd side with Uncle Sev.  That's the smart way to get in good with the girlfriend's father.  Insult his least favorite nephew."

"Are you his only nephew?" asked Hermione.

"He's my uncle, too," said Draco.

"I forgot you were related."

"I shouldn't have reminded you."

"Oh shut up, albino rat child."

"I am not albino, I'm part veela."

"Are you really?" asked Harry.

"Yeah.  My mother's grandmother was one."

"How about that.  No wonder I can't resist you."

Draco rolled his eyes.  "It's all because of my genetics."

"Perhaps.  You were the one who said it was strange that we were dating."

 "You're still albino," muttered Servius, provoking Draco to shoot him a glare.

"Must you fight all the time?" asked Hermione.

"It's okay, Mione," said Servius.  "We're related.  It's allowed."

"Does this make me the favorite nephew?" wondered Draco.  "I mean, we all know it's not Servius."

"I guess so," said Servius, "but there's only two of us.  It isn't like its a great accomplishment."

"You just say that because you aren't the favorite.  We need more kids in our family."

"I agree.  I need another cousin.  All of mine hate me."

"I don't hate you.  You just annoy me."

"Well, you annoy me, too.  You're just mad because I know you were a really ugly little kid."

"Sod off."

"That's enough you two," scolded Hermione, and Harry smiled at her from across the table.

~*~

Harry had nicked food from the kitchens with Draco for the occasion, causing Dobby to hide from Draco when they went down pre-party.  It took Harry telling Dobby that he and Draco were friends now for the house elf to stop cowering and cautiously assisting Draco with his requests.  Harry had to laugh when Draco thanked Dobby and the house elf looked like he was going to pass out from surprise.  Dobby even began to bang his head against a table when speaking ill of the Malfoy family and Draco had to pull him off the table and tell him he was free to say anything he wanted to.

The party that night had been a success.  Ron and Kali were touched that Harry had set it up for them, and his message of thanks had gone through loud and clear.  In fact, it had been such a success that Professor McGonagall had to come into the common room and yell at them before sending everyone to their beds.  The members of other houses were especially in trouble for not being in their common rooms and were sent back with warnings.

The next week in early March Ravenclaw won their Quidditch match against Hufflepuff and Draco left the celebration in the common room to spend the day with Kali and Harry in Gryffindor.  Ron had left for work already at Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes (or the Beacon of Love as Draco, Harry, and Kali now insisted on calling it).

"Good afternoon," said Harry as Draco came in through the portrait hold.  "Perhaps we should think about changing the Gryffindor password.  You keep coming in here without a Gryffindor."

"But I'm coming to visit a Gryffindor," said Draco, sitting down next to Harry.  "Hey, Kailah."

"Hey, Draco.  How are you today?"

Sighing, he shrugged.  "It's one of my bad days.  That's the most I can say."

"Sorry to hear that."

Draco gave a slight acknowledgment of her words with his head as Harry shifted behind him and took him into his arms.

"You just woke up and you were in a foul mood?" asked Harry.  Draco nodded.  "Is that why you came here?"

"I didn't feel like being alone today.  It's okay I'm here, right?"

"Of course.  You can come here whenever you need someone.  At least one of us should be around, and if we're not, you could just wait here.  We're always bound to return sometime."

"Thanks," said Draco.  "I don't know what it is.  I wake up and I'm depressed.  All these bad feelings are inside me and I don't know how to make them go away.  I don't like feeling like this."

"I know, love," said Harry, kissing his cheek.  "We should start a club, the three of us."

"What?  The 'I get depressed thinking about my dead parent' club?" said Kali.

"If that's what you want to call it."

"And Harry can be president because he has two dead parents," said Draco, weakly.  "You know what really scares me, Harry?"

"Hm?"

"Sometimes, I don't even know why I believe in people anymore.   I don't even know why I believe in anything.  I want to be normal.  I'm sick of being a Malfoy.  Everyone knows me before they meet me, and that's just the Malfoy reputation.  Once you put the Draco in front of it, everyone starts acting like they're walking on eggshells when they get around me.  Like if they say something wrong, I'm going to make a sudden and unprovoked attack."

"I can related to hating your name and reputation that goes with it," said Harry.  "Don't forget, I'm the bloody Boy-Who-Lived.  Hogwarts golden boy.  The school would fucking shut down if something happened to me."

"The whole wizarding world would shut down if something happened to you," said Kali.  "Why do you think I don't have my father's last name?  I have my mum's because it wasn't safe for me to have my father's.  We've talked about changing it, but I don't think either one of us can actually do it.  Keeping the Strauser is like keeping mum with us.  Neither one of us is ready to really let her go."

"My father was a Death Eater," said Draco, hugging himself.  "I thought about that last night.  I mean, I really thought about that for the first time.  My father was a part of all those murders that Voldemort planned.  He actually killed people.  Took lives."

"You aren't the only one who had a Death Eater for a father," said Kali.  "Believe me, I know exactly what you're talking about.  I've been thinking about it ever since I saw the Dark Mark on Daddy's arm."

"Not exactly a pleasant situation to think about."

"No," agreed Draco.  "Nothing is fair.  I went through my whole life with him being distant.  Everyone I met through him, all of his old school friends, they were all Death Eaters.  My friends when I was little were the children of Death Eaters.  When he would send me out of a room or not have time for me, it was because he was working on something for Voldemort.  Because he wanted to bring him back.  He pushed me aside for Voldemort and when I asked him to leave the circle, and he actually did it, he was ripped away from me.  Why wasn't I ever enough until the end?"

"So starts the topic of discussion in the 'I get depressed when I think about my dead parent' club," said Kali with a bitterness in her voice that was stronger than they had ever heard her use.  "I always wonder why my mother was taken from me only a few hours after I was born.  My Aunt Serena told me that she was weak and if it were today, she would have lived, but the potion that would have kept her alive was a recent development.  I think that thought haunts Daddy.  Only a few years after she died, the potion was discovered that would have saved her."

Sighing, Kali took a deep breath and continued, "My momma held me once.  When the mediwizard told her she was going to die, she wanted to hold me.  Aunt Serena wasn't there that day so she doesn't really know what happened when my momma died.  I've never had the courage to ask Daddy.  I know it hurts him just as much as it hurts me to think about.  I mean, he was actually there, holding her hand when she died.  He was still a Death Eater when it happened.  Momma never knew he became a spy."

"Is that why he came back to our side?" asked Harry.  "Your mother?"

Kali nodded.  "That's what he said.  And that's why I lived with Aunt Serena.  You know, when I was little, around four or five, I thought everyone's Daddy only came around for a few months out of the year.  Daddy came by a lot more when I was little.  He only started visiting me just in the summer and on my birthday when I turned eleven and started school.  Came as quite a nasty shock for me when my friends asked me who that man was that visited me and they told me that their daddies didn't live across an ocean."

"It came as a shock to me when I found out that some people's fathers didn't spend all of their time locked away in their study and refuse to make time for you," said Draco.

Harry shrugged.  "I always knew that the Dursleys making me sleep in the cupboard under the stairs was buggered up.  Then again, Dudley reminded me practically every day.  I hated primary school with him.  My after school activities involved running away from Dudley and his friends who were trying to see how badly they could break my body."

"That's just sacrilegious," said Draco, brushing his hand across Harry's arm.  "No one should be able to touch your body like that."

Kali laughed.  "Talk about nauseating couples."

They scowled at her and she excused herself, figuring the nauseating couple deserved privacy.

~*~

Harry could feel his body being pummeled from all different directions and his hazy mind tried to make sense of what was going on.  Reluctantly, he cracked open an eye to see a figure outlined at his bedside by the light from the window.  The heavy curtains on his four-poster were pushed back and the prodding and pummeling, he realized, were coming from the hands of the outline on his bed.

"I'm tired," moaned Harry.  "What time is it?"

"Just before midnight," replied a voice Harry thought may have been Seamus or Dean.

"Why are you waking me up?"

"Er -" said Seamus (as Harry knew it must be from the nervous laughter in his voice).  "I've been sent to wake you up."

"By who?"

"Now, Harry, don't panic . . ."

At these words, Harry's eyes flew open and he bolted up in bed.  "Who sent you to wake me up, Seamus?" he demanded.  "What happened?"

"I told you not to panic."

"Don't tell a person not to panic if you don't want them to panic.  By telling them not to panic, it tells them something bad happened that you think they would panic about and the panicking automatically starts and you still didn't tell me who sent you to get me.  What happened?"

"Er - I don't know what happened, but I do know that Draco's down in the common -"

That was as far as he got.  As soon as Seamus had said Draco's name, Harry was out of bed and out the door.  Twice he almost slipped rushing down the stairs in nothing more than his boxers and a thin t-shirt.  Some of the girls who were coming up to bed giggled when they passed him and he burst into the common room to see the back of Draco's head.  He was seated on the couch by the fire, his elbows on his thighs and his face in his hands.  His arms were shaking, his back heaving in what looked like a struggle at regular breathing.

"Draco?" said Harry, tentatively.  At hearing his name, Draco's head snapped up and Harry stared back into blurry, tear-soaked eyes.  "What happened Draco?"

Standing up from the sofa, Draco walked over to where Harry was standing, and reached inside his robes.  In one swift motion, he retracted his hand and stabbed a dagger into the table Harry had been standing beside.

"That's what happened," he said, miserably.

"I thought they took your dagger away," said Harry.  "I know they did.  I saw it."

Draco nodded.  "They did take it away.  I found that in my bag when I went to get my Divination book."

Harry was quiet for some time, and then he said, "Someone planted it in there."

"I know I didn't put it in there."

"Draco," breathed Harry, stepping forward and wrapping his arms around his shaking boyfriend.

"I was thinking about it, Harry," he said, soaking the shoulder of Harry's t-shirt with his tears, and shaking more violently than before.

"Thinking about what?  Calm down, Draco.  You need to calm down.  Tell me what's wrong."

"I couldn't stop crying, Harry.  I was thinking about it."

"What?  What were you thinking about?"

"Cutting myself," he whimpered through his tears.  "Using it.  I found it and I couldn't stop crying, Harry.  I already hurt so much today.  Maybe on another day . . . but I was having a bad day, Harry.  Talking to you and Kali about my father, thinking of him last night . . . maybe on another day I would have been okay."

"Draco, you need to calm down," said Harry, rubbing the small of his back and placing kisses on his neck.

"But I was thinking about it, Harry.  It would have been so easy.  It was sitting right there and I was all by myself.  I could have just done it and I'd never have to feel like this again."

"I love you, Draco," said Harry, now crying as well and not feeling like he was helping very much.

"I love you, too, Harry.  That's why I'm here right now."

Harry felt as if he couldn't breathe, like he was choking on his own tears, and he pulled Draco as close to his body as they could get.

"Why don't you spend the night here," said Harry, and felt Draco nod against his shoulder.  "Do you want to stay down here or go up to the dorm."

"Let's go up," said Draco, and Harry nodded.

When they got back in the dorm, it was eerily quiet and Harry wasn't sure if everyone was asleep or quiet because of their entrance.  He led Draco over to his bed, climbed under the covers with him, pulled the curtains shut, and put a silencing charm around the bed.  No one else needed to hear if Draco needed to cry tonight.

For the last time today, please forgive my errors.  I will be more scrupulous when posting chapter 39. You know, when I get back on a posting schedule.  Thanks for hanging in there.

Any questions or comments may be directed to angeldlsm00@hotmail.com.  So can any glaring errors that really frost your cookies.

Anyone wishing for update notification may email me at angeldlsm01@hotmail.com.  Put 'Falling' in the subject box and ask to be put on the mailing list.

And another note:  I know that Brits don't have graduation.  Is there going to be one anyway?  Yeah, there is.  I wrote it already and I'm not taking it out.  If you really have a problem with it, pretend that it isn't there (despite how glaringly obvious it will be).

One final note:  I was thinking about all the people who talk to each other on the internet, and I figured I can't be the only fan out there (besides my best friend and sisters) from this area of the USA who read here.  I was wondering if there are any people from around Pennsylvania who would want to get together one day this summer since I can't go to Nimbus 2003.  Just an idea.