A/N: Hello! This is my first fic, and I don't know how funny it is or what
everyone thinks! So R/R and let me know!
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Duh.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Big Scary Voice: Welcome to THE WEAKEST LINK, HARRY POTTER STYLE!
McGonagall: Welcome to The Weakest Link, A Hogwartian Special. I am
Professor Minerva McGonagall, your host. These 9 lucky contestants will now
proceed to work together as a "team" to attempt to achieve the highest total
amount of galleons by answering questions. They must also be prepared to
eliminate players who bring the team down. Let's meet the contestants!
-Harry: Harry Potter, 15, the Boy Who Lived, Gryffindor Seeker.
-Lucius: Lucius Malfoy, 36, Death Eater.
-Sevvie: Severus Snape, 36, Potions Master formerly known as a Death Eater.
-Fred: Fred Weasley, 17, Gryffindor Beater.
-Lily: Lily Evans, 36, mother of Harry
-Hermione: Hermione Granger, 15, Gryffindor Prefect.
-Voldy: Lord Voldemort, 79, the Dark Lord and Supreme Magic Dude.
-Sirius: Sirius Black, 36, Innocent convict, Unlisted Animagus, Dead sexy!
-Mrs. Norris: Meow, meow, meow-meow, m-meow.
Harry: *looks at Lily * Mum!
Voldy: Hey! *Points at Lily * I killed you ages ago! And you, *points to Sirius*
you kicked the bucket, too!
Lily: Ha! I came back to life to add interest to this fic!
Sirius: And I came back on popular demand!
All: Oh.
Fred: Uh, question? Why is there a cat here?
Hermione: Yeah, what's with that, Professor McGonagall?
McGonagall: Publicity reasons.
All: Oh.
McGonagall: Are you done?
Lucius: No! I haven't said anything so far except my brief bio!
Sevvie: Ditto!
Mrs. Norris: HISS!!
McGonagall: *ignores them * I hope you know all the rules, because I honestly
don't feel like going through them! But I suppose I'll explain the whole time
thingy.
All: Awwww…
McGonagall: Oh, shut up, all of you! Players will be asked questions. At each
correct answer your bank amount increases until you reach the goal, which is
10,000 galleons. If you pass or incorrectly answer a question, the chain
empties and it will start at zero. Saying "bank" at your turn saves the current
amount of money and the chain will return to zero. The fastest way to reach
your goal is by correctly answering 9 consecutive questions. At the start of the
round you will have 2 minutes 30 seconds to gain as much money as you can.
At the end of each round you must vote off the player you think is the Weakest
Link. The Sorting Hat has chosen who will go first, and it shall be Ms. Granger.
Hermione: Yay!
McGonagall: Start the clock! Hermione, what is the incantation for the
levitation charm?
Hermione: Wingardium Leviosa.
McGonagall: Correct. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, which evil wizard's name
was once Tom Marvolo Riddle?
Voldy: Uh, ME!!!
McGonagall: Correct. Sirius, in what city is the headquarters of the Order of
the Phoenix?
Sirius: I shouldn't say this, but what the hell, London.
McGonagall: Correct. Mrs. Norris, what is the one word that makes up the
Meow-Mix song?
Mrs. Norris: Meow.
McGonagall: Correct. Harry, who killed your parents?
Harry: Voldemort! *tear *
McGonagall: Correct. Lucius, what mark do Death Eaters have on their skin?
Lucius: Uh…oh, I know this, CURSE THIS BLOND HAIR! Uh…the Dark Mark?
McGonagall: Correct. Severus, where can I find a bezoar?
Sevvie: In the stomach of a goat.
McGonagall: Correct. Fred, what is the Weasley trademark?
Fred: Red hair and freckles, like every other Weasley in existence!
McGonagall: Correct. Lily, what's Harry's eye color?
Lily: Green! Like my sparkly peepers!
McGonagall: Correct. You have reached your goal of 10,000 galleons, but, I'm
supposed to criticize you, so…uh, you all suck.
Fred: That insult sucked!
Hermione: That was rude!
Fred: Since I'm not in school anymore, I can be rude and do what ever I bloody
well like!
Voldy: I wanna be the host!
All: NO!
Lucius: Uh, what happened?
Harry: You're such a blond.
Lily: Harry! Don't talk to adults like that! You're grounded!
Sirius: HELLOOOO!! Can't you see that Mrs. Norris is in no state to play? She's
a freaking cat!
Sevvie: Who cares?
Sirius: Why don't we just substitute her with someone else…
McGonagall: Fine, fine, let's bring in…*points her wand at Mrs. Norris and she
disappears, and in her place comes…
Ludo Bagman: *appears in his boxers, dancing * Do the funky chicken! *Looks
around * WHERE AM I!?
Lucius: MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!
Lily: *to Ludo* Don't worry; we'll get you some nice clothes! *points her wand
and turns his boxers pink*
Sevvie: Let me show you how it's really done! *Ludo sprouts feathers*
Harry: Step aside, armatures! *Ludo turns green*
Voldy: No, let me fix you some clothing!! *Ludo's ears start smoking*
Hermione: *sighs and turns Ludo back to normal, fully clothed*
((A/N: I got this idea from another author, props to whoever came up w/ it))
Ludo: …Where am I?
Harry: Well, we don't exactly know either, but I think we're on a game show.
Lucius: You think? You're the blond!
Lily: Don't talk about my baby boy that way! *Turns his hair greasy*
Lucius: *screams like a girl* No, now I look like Sevvie!
Sevvie: One, my hair is NOT that bad! Two, what's with this "Sevvie"
business!?
Sirius: Aw, that's such a cute wittle name, wittle Sevvikins!
Sevvie: Grrrrr…
Fred: Wait…the real Weakest Link host has red hair!
Lily: Yeah!
Hermione: How in the world do you know! None of us even know exactly
where we are!
Fred: Don't bring me down, Hermy!
Sirius: Well, Minnie certainly doesn't have red hair, what do we do?
Sevvie: *sees what Fred's getting at* Uh, no, it, uh, looks red to me!
Fred: The only way this game can continue is if me an' Minnie switch places!
We have to!
McGonagall: Minnie!?
Lily: What about me!?
Fred: You have to keep Sirius in check!
Sirius: *about to up a live carp in Sevvie's pants* I wasn't doin' anything!
Lily: You better watch it Sirius!
Sirius: *meekly* Yes, m'am!
Fred: Alright! I'm officially the new host! Off you go, Minnie!
McGonagall: *walks discontentedly back to Fred's place*
Voldy, Sevvie, Lucius: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone else: *groans*
Ludo: So…Someone want to tell me how to play?
Fred: Shove it, you skinflint! You stole money from me an' George!
Ludo: Skin-what?
Fred: *ignores him* Okay, we're supposed to vote.
Sirius: Vote? I think that's too hard for some blond people on this show…
Lucius: HEY!
BSV: Everyone is the strongest link, everyone answered their question
correctly.
Fred: Okay, Sirius is serious…ha ha! Sirius is serious! Ha ha okay, that was
lame…anyway, voting seems to be too confusing, being that everyone in that
last round answered every question correctly. So, start the clock!
Minnie: Mr. Weasley, you have to pick who goes first.
Fred: Well, this delicate procedure has to be done in the most scientifically
advanced way any of us have ever heard of!
Voldy: Hurry it up!
Fred: Okay, rock, paper, scissors!
*time passes*
Fred: Harry! You win! You get to go first! Start the clock! Harry, what is the
Thanksgiving turkey's real name?
Harry: Er-
Fred: Incorrect. Lucius, what's the difference between sleeping and slumber?
Lucius: Sleeping has -eeping and slumber has –umber?
Fred: Incorrect. Sevvie, why did the chicken cross the road?
Sevvie: What kind of stupid questions are these!?
Fred: Hey, I'm the host I'll do what ever I bloody well like!
Sevvie: Grrrr…
Fred: Incorrect. Minnie, what came first, the chicken or the egg?
Minnie: I must agree, these questions are preposterous!
Fred: Don't try to sound smart using big words like that; it just makes you look
ignorant.
Minnie: What?
Fred: I SAID, DON'T TRY TO SOUND SMAR-
Minnie: No, I heard what you said, it just did make sense!
Fred: Incorrect. Lily, why do needles have eyes when they can't see?
Lily: To be perfectly honest, I have no idea.
Fred: Correct. I like your honesty; it's the best policy. Hermy, what are
meatballs really made of?
Hermione: Well, if you look at the formulae 3/y +45x and 67/w=x, then, going
by the…
*Hours pass*
Hermione: …so clearly, meatballs along with dairy products, monkeys, and
sealing wax simply can't be comprehended by the wizarding world.
*crickets chirping*
Fred: Uh, I guess so, but we kinda ran out of time-
Minnie: You should have banked!
Hermy: I didn't have time!
Voldy, Sirius, and Ludo: But we didn't get a turn!
Fred: Don't care!
Female members of audience: HOW COULD YOU NOT CARE ABOUT SIRIUS?!?!?!?
*break out machine guns*
Fred: Okay, okay! Um--sorry. Anyway-
BSV: Lily is the Strongest Link, answering her question right. Hermione is the
Weakest link because she didn't bank.
Hermy: But I couldn't! I ran out of time!
Fred: Sorry, Hermy, you're the Weakest Link! The wheel's spinning but the
hamster's dead! The lights are on but nobody's home! The dog's barking but
no one's at the door! The-
Hermione: OKAY, OKAY! Fine, I'm leaving!
*Backstage*
Rita Skeeter: So, Hermione, what do you have to say about this game so far?
Hermione: Well, I just have to say, they're all going to FAIL MISERABLY
WITHOUT MY BIG, BEAUTIFUL BRAIN-
Rita: Thank you, that's all! Who will be next? Find out!
*Back onstage*
Harry: You know, It's gonna be a little boring when we get down to only a few
people…
Sirius: Lets bring in someone else!
Minnie: Okay…Here goes! *Minnie points her wand at Hermy's old spot and who
should appear but…
~~~~~To Be Continued~~~~~
BSV/Author's note: Who should appear? There are eight players left! Who will
be the new number nine? R/R! Any requests for the new contestant? Let me
know!
everyone thinks! So R/R and let me know!
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Duh.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Big Scary Voice: Welcome to THE WEAKEST LINK, HARRY POTTER STYLE!
McGonagall: Welcome to The Weakest Link, A Hogwartian Special. I am
Professor Minerva McGonagall, your host. These 9 lucky contestants will now
proceed to work together as a "team" to attempt to achieve the highest total
amount of galleons by answering questions. They must also be prepared to
eliminate players who bring the team down. Let's meet the contestants!
-Harry: Harry Potter, 15, the Boy Who Lived, Gryffindor Seeker.
-Lucius: Lucius Malfoy, 36, Death Eater.
-Sevvie: Severus Snape, 36, Potions Master formerly known as a Death Eater.
-Fred: Fred Weasley, 17, Gryffindor Beater.
-Lily: Lily Evans, 36, mother of Harry
-Hermione: Hermione Granger, 15, Gryffindor Prefect.
-Voldy: Lord Voldemort, 79, the Dark Lord and Supreme Magic Dude.
-Sirius: Sirius Black, 36, Innocent convict, Unlisted Animagus, Dead sexy!
-Mrs. Norris: Meow, meow, meow-meow, m-meow.
Harry: *looks at Lily * Mum!
Voldy: Hey! *Points at Lily * I killed you ages ago! And you, *points to Sirius*
you kicked the bucket, too!
Lily: Ha! I came back to life to add interest to this fic!
Sirius: And I came back on popular demand!
All: Oh.
Fred: Uh, question? Why is there a cat here?
Hermione: Yeah, what's with that, Professor McGonagall?
McGonagall: Publicity reasons.
All: Oh.
McGonagall: Are you done?
Lucius: No! I haven't said anything so far except my brief bio!
Sevvie: Ditto!
Mrs. Norris: HISS!!
McGonagall: *ignores them * I hope you know all the rules, because I honestly
don't feel like going through them! But I suppose I'll explain the whole time
thingy.
All: Awwww…
McGonagall: Oh, shut up, all of you! Players will be asked questions. At each
correct answer your bank amount increases until you reach the goal, which is
10,000 galleons. If you pass or incorrectly answer a question, the chain
empties and it will start at zero. Saying "bank" at your turn saves the current
amount of money and the chain will return to zero. The fastest way to reach
your goal is by correctly answering 9 consecutive questions. At the start of the
round you will have 2 minutes 30 seconds to gain as much money as you can.
At the end of each round you must vote off the player you think is the Weakest
Link. The Sorting Hat has chosen who will go first, and it shall be Ms. Granger.
Hermione: Yay!
McGonagall: Start the clock! Hermione, what is the incantation for the
levitation charm?
Hermione: Wingardium Leviosa.
McGonagall: Correct. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, which evil wizard's name
was once Tom Marvolo Riddle?
Voldy: Uh, ME!!!
McGonagall: Correct. Sirius, in what city is the headquarters of the Order of
the Phoenix?
Sirius: I shouldn't say this, but what the hell, London.
McGonagall: Correct. Mrs. Norris, what is the one word that makes up the
Meow-Mix song?
Mrs. Norris: Meow.
McGonagall: Correct. Harry, who killed your parents?
Harry: Voldemort! *tear *
McGonagall: Correct. Lucius, what mark do Death Eaters have on their skin?
Lucius: Uh…oh, I know this, CURSE THIS BLOND HAIR! Uh…the Dark Mark?
McGonagall: Correct. Severus, where can I find a bezoar?
Sevvie: In the stomach of a goat.
McGonagall: Correct. Fred, what is the Weasley trademark?
Fred: Red hair and freckles, like every other Weasley in existence!
McGonagall: Correct. Lily, what's Harry's eye color?
Lily: Green! Like my sparkly peepers!
McGonagall: Correct. You have reached your goal of 10,000 galleons, but, I'm
supposed to criticize you, so…uh, you all suck.
Fred: That insult sucked!
Hermione: That was rude!
Fred: Since I'm not in school anymore, I can be rude and do what ever I bloody
well like!
Voldy: I wanna be the host!
All: NO!
Lucius: Uh, what happened?
Harry: You're such a blond.
Lily: Harry! Don't talk to adults like that! You're grounded!
Sirius: HELLOOOO!! Can't you see that Mrs. Norris is in no state to play? She's
a freaking cat!
Sevvie: Who cares?
Sirius: Why don't we just substitute her with someone else…
McGonagall: Fine, fine, let's bring in…*points her wand at Mrs. Norris and she
disappears, and in her place comes…
Ludo Bagman: *appears in his boxers, dancing * Do the funky chicken! *Looks
around * WHERE AM I!?
Lucius: MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!
Lily: *to Ludo* Don't worry; we'll get you some nice clothes! *points her wand
and turns his boxers pink*
Sevvie: Let me show you how it's really done! *Ludo sprouts feathers*
Harry: Step aside, armatures! *Ludo turns green*
Voldy: No, let me fix you some clothing!! *Ludo's ears start smoking*
Hermione: *sighs and turns Ludo back to normal, fully clothed*
((A/N: I got this idea from another author, props to whoever came up w/ it))
Ludo: …Where am I?
Harry: Well, we don't exactly know either, but I think we're on a game show.
Lucius: You think? You're the blond!
Lily: Don't talk about my baby boy that way! *Turns his hair greasy*
Lucius: *screams like a girl* No, now I look like Sevvie!
Sevvie: One, my hair is NOT that bad! Two, what's with this "Sevvie"
business!?
Sirius: Aw, that's such a cute wittle name, wittle Sevvikins!
Sevvie: Grrrrr…
Fred: Wait…the real Weakest Link host has red hair!
Lily: Yeah!
Hermione: How in the world do you know! None of us even know exactly
where we are!
Fred: Don't bring me down, Hermy!
Sirius: Well, Minnie certainly doesn't have red hair, what do we do?
Sevvie: *sees what Fred's getting at* Uh, no, it, uh, looks red to me!
Fred: The only way this game can continue is if me an' Minnie switch places!
We have to!
McGonagall: Minnie!?
Lily: What about me!?
Fred: You have to keep Sirius in check!
Sirius: *about to up a live carp in Sevvie's pants* I wasn't doin' anything!
Lily: You better watch it Sirius!
Sirius: *meekly* Yes, m'am!
Fred: Alright! I'm officially the new host! Off you go, Minnie!
McGonagall: *walks discontentedly back to Fred's place*
Voldy, Sevvie, Lucius: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone else: *groans*
Ludo: So…Someone want to tell me how to play?
Fred: Shove it, you skinflint! You stole money from me an' George!
Ludo: Skin-what?
Fred: *ignores him* Okay, we're supposed to vote.
Sirius: Vote? I think that's too hard for some blond people on this show…
Lucius: HEY!
BSV: Everyone is the strongest link, everyone answered their question
correctly.
Fred: Okay, Sirius is serious…ha ha! Sirius is serious! Ha ha okay, that was
lame…anyway, voting seems to be too confusing, being that everyone in that
last round answered every question correctly. So, start the clock!
Minnie: Mr. Weasley, you have to pick who goes first.
Fred: Well, this delicate procedure has to be done in the most scientifically
advanced way any of us have ever heard of!
Voldy: Hurry it up!
Fred: Okay, rock, paper, scissors!
*time passes*
Fred: Harry! You win! You get to go first! Start the clock! Harry, what is the
Thanksgiving turkey's real name?
Harry: Er-
Fred: Incorrect. Lucius, what's the difference between sleeping and slumber?
Lucius: Sleeping has -eeping and slumber has –umber?
Fred: Incorrect. Sevvie, why did the chicken cross the road?
Sevvie: What kind of stupid questions are these!?
Fred: Hey, I'm the host I'll do what ever I bloody well like!
Sevvie: Grrrr…
Fred: Incorrect. Minnie, what came first, the chicken or the egg?
Minnie: I must agree, these questions are preposterous!
Fred: Don't try to sound smart using big words like that; it just makes you look
ignorant.
Minnie: What?
Fred: I SAID, DON'T TRY TO SOUND SMAR-
Minnie: No, I heard what you said, it just did make sense!
Fred: Incorrect. Lily, why do needles have eyes when they can't see?
Lily: To be perfectly honest, I have no idea.
Fred: Correct. I like your honesty; it's the best policy. Hermy, what are
meatballs really made of?
Hermione: Well, if you look at the formulae 3/y +45x and 67/w=x, then, going
by the…
*Hours pass*
Hermione: …so clearly, meatballs along with dairy products, monkeys, and
sealing wax simply can't be comprehended by the wizarding world.
*crickets chirping*
Fred: Uh, I guess so, but we kinda ran out of time-
Minnie: You should have banked!
Hermy: I didn't have time!
Voldy, Sirius, and Ludo: But we didn't get a turn!
Fred: Don't care!
Female members of audience: HOW COULD YOU NOT CARE ABOUT SIRIUS?!?!?!?
*break out machine guns*
Fred: Okay, okay! Um--sorry. Anyway-
BSV: Lily is the Strongest Link, answering her question right. Hermione is the
Weakest link because she didn't bank.
Hermy: But I couldn't! I ran out of time!
Fred: Sorry, Hermy, you're the Weakest Link! The wheel's spinning but the
hamster's dead! The lights are on but nobody's home! The dog's barking but
no one's at the door! The-
Hermione: OKAY, OKAY! Fine, I'm leaving!
*Backstage*
Rita Skeeter: So, Hermione, what do you have to say about this game so far?
Hermione: Well, I just have to say, they're all going to FAIL MISERABLY
WITHOUT MY BIG, BEAUTIFUL BRAIN-
Rita: Thank you, that's all! Who will be next? Find out!
*Back onstage*
Harry: You know, It's gonna be a little boring when we get down to only a few
people…
Sirius: Lets bring in someone else!
Minnie: Okay…Here goes! *Minnie points her wand at Hermy's old spot and who
should appear but…
~~~~~To Be Continued~~~~~
BSV/Author's note: Who should appear? There are eight players left! Who will
be the new number nine? R/R! Any requests for the new contestant? Let me
know!
