Really Really Bad Eggs

Anne Parkington

Review replies:

Darkangel2216- Thank you!!

Elf-Vulcan- Ohh yeah! Lost muse posters!! That'd work!! You're brilliant!!

Mountainlion-Ohh, I dunno, I liked the first one better two, but I'm gonna try to make this one good too. . .^^

Lyra Belacqua-I lie awake. . . I drive myself crazy, drive myself. . . ::catches self:: oops. . . I mean, NO MORE CHEESECAKE!!!! Ahhhh!!! :throws stuff and runs away:

AppleJuiceMaker-You are so smart!! Or you think like me. . . :ponders: that'd be frightening! :pause: YAY!!!

Slowbum360- Yeup! A hedgehog, and unfortunately I hold the rights to it. :grumble: stupid thing. It pees in my underwear drawer and hogs the covers. Its not even like a muse or anything! It has no purpose at all!

Hedgehog] Squeak!

Oh no, you don't stupid thing! Don't you go being all cute so people will like you. They shouldn't! You're evil!

Hedgehog] .;cocks head and rolls on back:. Squeak!

Taylor] Aww! It's so cute, Anne, how could you call it stupid!

When did you get here?

Taylor] Amanda let me in! .:pets hedgehog:. What's its name?

Reminder to self: Make Amanda peel 16 more bags of potatoes.

Taylor] What? You don't like me being here?

No! That's not it, its just that. . I told Amanda no visitors. And you're not even in the story!

Taylor] Yeah, but I gave you an idea! Governor Swann dance!!

I don't think that would work into what I'm doing. And besides, I couldn't write the tune so no one would be able to fully appreciate the beauty of The Governor Swann dance.

Taylor] Yeah, okay. Whatever. Freak.

.:Grumps:. It's grumpin' time.

Taylor] ::rolls eyes::

Whatever. You know. . . now that Rocky's gone I'm having a terrible time with this whole writers block thing.

Taylor] Who?

My muse. He ran away. HEY! I know away you can help! And that stupid hedgehog too!

Taylor] She's not stupid! Her name is Isabelle!

Uhh, Tay, that's a boy.

Taylor] ::ignoring:: Isn't that right! You're sooo cute! :pet pet:

Fine, whatever. Take 'isabelle' and go put up these lost muse posters. .:hands over big stack of papers and hands a roll of tape to isabelle.

Taylor] oooh goodie! Errands! .:they run off:.

LAST TIME ON REALLY REALLY BAD EGGS!:

.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.

"Don't you sass me, young lady or I'll take 30 points from. . . er. . . whatever house you're in. Now follow me!"

.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.

"WHERE'S THE MUSIC?!"

.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.

"OY! Let go of me!" She cried, trying to pry his hands away. "Your hands are rough! They're hurting my face!"

.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.

"They stole our clothes!" Jack complained.

.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.

"We're getting Jack back for killing us, and wrecking havoc! Bwahahah! Havoc! HAVOC! HAVOOCCCCCCCCC!!!!"

Amanda blinked.

"Riiight."

.::.::.::.::.::.::.::.

"well, you can't really die again, can you?" Snape asked, his eyes glittering dangerously. Elizabeth took this into consideration and downed the vile. Then she turned into a hedgehog.

"Oh my. That wasn't supposed to happen. . . " Snape said with mild interest.

Wow! I'm so ecstatic about this episode of Really Really Bad Eggs! I think I'm going to wet myself!!!

Ohh, please don't Mr. Big announcer voice.

.:straps on depends:. All set!

I'm so proud. :rolls eyes:

Chapter 3 [The spittin' image]

"Please just. . . just turn me back!!" Elizabeth the hedgehog pleaded, jumping on her little feet. Snape looked at her with amusement. He had placed her on the table to get a better look at her, and now she was looking tentivly over the edge.  Snape scratched her behind the ears while he thought.
"Well, to tell you the truth, this wasn't supposed to happen. So I don't know how to reverse it."
"WHAT?! Well, what was supposed to happen?"
"Well. . . . I . . . I don't know. Actually I just like mixing things around a lot!!
"Oh. Well. That's lovely." Said the hedgehog, starting to cry. "Now I'll never get out! I'll never be able to see Will again, or my father, or Jack! I hate to say this but I will miss Jack as well!!" She sobbed.
"Aww. . . here! I'll toss you up through the grate, and you can go get God to turn you back, okay?" He said, picking up the squirming animal in his hands.
"Thank you so much!" Elizabeth said, before she was grannie tossed up through the grate.
Finally. She thought as she landed on a near by cloud. She made her way down a random hall way, not really knowing where she was going, and walked into a room. She suddenly felt a squirming sensation in her stomach and felt like she was going to be sick. Instead she sprouted back into her normal Elizabeth self, and spin around in joy, hugging herself.
"Are you new? Did you drown too?" Came a voice. Elizabeth turned around, and came face to face with. . .
"Will!" She cried happily. She ran towards him and threw her arms around him.
"There there. . . " Will said uneasily.
"But darling, whats the matter?" She asked, pushing away from him. She took in what she saw. It was definitely Will, but he had a few earrings, and his hair was longer and randomly styled. Sort of like Jack's. There were a few dread locks, and a few braids, all pressed down under a leather hat.
"Will, sweetheart why are you dressed like this?" She smirked and took off his hat. She couldn't help but laugh at his appearance.
"I. . " Will started to explain, but his mouth was soon enveloped in a passionate kiss. Not sure what to do, he did the only thing he knew to do in a situation like this. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her back.

. . . Meanwhile. . .

"Give me my bloody clothes ye looney!" Jack yelled at Kate.
"Nice robe!" Lizz said tauntingly. Marty's eyes narrowed, and his cheeks flushed.
"Yeah, too bad you don't have nice clothes like we do!" Melissa yelled at them. They had barricaded themselves behind a wall of heaven rocks and had their weapons pointed at them. Well, actually Kate was pointing the gun and Melissa was wielding the sword. Lizz was waving her fist, but since she was so tiny (4'11'') it didn't intimidate them much.
"JUST GIVE US OUR CLOTHES BACK!!" Marty screeched.
"No way! We stole them fair and square! You're a pirate, Jack. You should understand this.  Jack made a face.
"Damnit. . . they have a point, Marty."
"To YOU maybe, but I'm NOT a pirate!!" Marty sneered, running at the barricade. He jumped over it easily and stood in front of the girls in a gallant stance.
"S-s-tay away!" Kate said, the hand she was holding the gun in shook a little.
"What are you going to do, Shoot me?" Marty asked amused.
"Yeah!" Kate said angrily.
"And I'll die. Right? Cuz I'm not already dead." He snapped. Kate thought about this, and sighed.
"Give us our clothes back." He said. Melissa started to undo her shirt reluctantly, when Will came running up to them.
"Have any of you seen Elizabeth, or know where she is?"
"Uh. No!" Lizz lied. Will looked forlornly around. "I've lost her." He said. Amanda ran up behind him looking very guilty.
"We'll go look for her!" Melissa cried, raising her hand.
"Yeah!" The girls screamed a little too loudly. Will jumped and looked shiftly from Jack to them. Is everything okay?
"NO! He was going to violate me!" Melissa said, her eyes getting wide and pointing at Marty. Will fumed.
"What did I tell you! They're only children!"
"No we're not! I'm 15 and a half!!" Kate snapped, stamping her foot.  Will rolled his eyes.
"But they have our clothes!!" Marty whined.
"Oh grow up!" Will snapped, punching him in the face. He flew back and landed on Jack and the two of them rolled down the hill in a ball of robe and manly ness. The girls stared.
"Mmmmm Sparrow." They all crooned at once. Will raised an eyebrow.
"Right. . well, I'm off to find Elizabeth. I'm meet you back here in a little while." He said, running off. Amanda trailed behind him.  Kate Lizz wandered off as well, looking for Will's fiancée.

. . . Meanwhile. . .

"Oh Will, I love you so much!" Elizabeth chirped, resting her head on his shoulder. Will raised an eyebrow and looked at her.
"Aye. . . indeed." He said. He was extremely confused about this strange woman, and had no idea where she came from.
"Our wedding will be spectacular, and that idiot Norrington will die of jealousy! Bwahahaha!" She said giggling.
"O-Our wedding, l-luv?" Will said, suddenly getting panicked.
"Of course! Our wedding! I will finally be, Mrs. Will Turner."
"Oh. . . " Will took out a flask from inside his coat pocket and took a swig.
"But what's pestering me, is that you don't seem to recall at all, or even know who I am! I mean. . . you seem so distant."
"Well, to tell you the truth luv, I don't really know who you are."  
Elizabeth's mouth fell open.
"I'm Elizabeth Swann! You're fiancée! We've known each other since we were 8! My ship found you on the crossing from England! Oh Will!" She said kissing him softly. "You have amnesia!"
"I-I do?!" Will looked at her fearfully. She nodded.
"Yes!" She buried her face in his chest and started sobbing.
"Oh, there there. I'll. . . . I'll try to remember you some how." Will said, patting her on the back. She looked up at him and smiled. He grinned back and dipped her back, kissing her ferociously, as she giggled madly.
"Will, I didn't know you were like that she said in a mock scandalized tone." He smirked.  If she only knew. He thought. Suddenly a very familure figure burst through the door.
"Elizabeth!" it cried.
"Will!" She said, her eyes getting wide. She looked from the man she was kissing, to the man in the door way and screamed.
"Who are YOU?" Will asked, his eyes flashing menacingly.
"I'm Will Turner. . . " He said, looking confused. "And you are?"
"Will Turner." Will said, studying the man's face. "Father?!"
"Son?!" Will (or shall we say, Bootstrap Bill) cried, dropping Elizabeth and embracing his son.
"Ew, man, that's his DAD!" Amanda laughed, and pointed at Elizabeth.
"Oooh! You're that vile wench that threw me in the dungeon!" Elizabeth screamed.  Amanda's face dropped.
"That wasn't me." Amanda said, looking around for back up. But Will and Bill were already catching up on all the years they missed together, not really caring that Bill was halfway to snogging Will's gal.
"Come here you!" Elizabeth screamed, chasing after her. Amanda let out a girlie scream and ran out the door. Elizabeth chased her down the hall, and into the main area, where Kate, Melissa, and Lizz were still looking for her under rocks and stuff.
"Elizabeth!" Kate said tackling her, and letting Amanda escape! "I'm so glad we found you! Where were you!?" She said in fake interest.
"Making out with Bootstrap!" Amanda cried, running even further away. Kate looked at Elizabeth with disgust. "That's his Dad! That's your soon to be father-in-law! That's icky."
"I didn't know. I thought it was Will. . . " She said sniffing. Just then God walked down from his office.
"How is everything? Good good I hope?"
"No! Not good good, God! Elizabeth made out with her father-in-law!"
"ew." God said, his nose wrinkling. Will and Bootstrap came strolling by, talking animatedly, with Marty and Jack walking dejected behind them.
"Will, er. . .Wills. . . I just wanted to say.  ." Elizabeth started, but-
"Ieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!" Amanda screamed running up to Elizabeth with a sword.
"Woa! Amanda!" Lizz squealed with excited delight.
"Uhh, where did you get that sword?" Melissa asked.
"I found it in some rock out side the pearly gates."
"Uh oh." God muttered.
"You know what that means!!" Kate said her eyes like coins.
"ooh, coins." Jack muttered to himself, looking at her eyes.
"She's the queen of America!" The girls cried.
"You fool, there's no Queen of America!" some random passerby yelled.
"That's cuz no one pulled out the sword yet!" Kate yelled back.
"What have I done!?" God asked, running away.
"I challenge, YOU Elizabeth Swann. . . oh look it's glowing!" She said, holding the sword aloft. It started glowing, you know like the kinda wam, wam wam, glow. Only it didn't make wam wam wam noises, it's just glowing.
"Ahh! It's radioactive!!" Lizz yelled. The girls screamed, and ran behind Jack.
"Give me my clothes ye swab!" he growled. They stuck out their tongues at him.
"Anyway, I challenge you Elizabeth Swann!" Amanda said, holding the sword like a baseball bat. Elizabeth stared in fear. "D-d-on't I get a weapon too?" She asked meekly.
"Here. Take this!" Kate said, grabbing a que tip out Melissa's pocket and handing it to her.
"Hey! That's mine!" Melissa said. Elizabeth snatched it and held it up to her face.
"This is IT?!" She asked, outraged. The girls snickered behind Jack.
"Fine. . . " She said, and without warning she shoved the q-tip in Amanda's eye.
"Ah!" She said, holding her eye, and pulling out the cotton swab. "Owie. Oh god, damn that hurts! My contact! Ahh!" Amanda's tall frame came crashing to the ground, still holding said sword in hand.
"I won?" Elizabeth asked. The girls grumbled, and Will beamed proudly.

-Wow, short. But. . .more madness coming up!! Such as:

Governor Swann and Norrington get a little help from Harry Potter.

And

A 'like woa' moment!