CHAPTER FOUR: The Pie, the Cheese, The Oro and The Fwee!
Pheer them. Pie, Oro and Fwee, this chapter is dedicated to you! XD
As for everyone else... I DATA DRAIN J00!
*attempts to Data Drain all, then dies on infection* X_x
Helba: NO DATA DRAINING FOR YOU! *smacks Bob with mallet*
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After spending five minutes at the author's poor attempt to Data Drain everyone, Riku kicked out all .hack//INFECTION evidence from the fic and resumed eating pie. The scared teens (Ansem: I'm a teen?) had ran into some clearing that was full of sunlight and chirping birds and lots of green. It was pretty.
"Riku, I think we should go back and pay for those pies..." Sora insisted. Riku glared at him and continued eating the pie. Ansem was next to him nibbling a piece like a crazed chipmunk. THE CHIPMUNKS CONSUME US!
There was a pie for Sora, sitting right in front of him. How delicious it was...
"NO! I WILL RESIST! YOU WERE GOTTEN BY ILL-GOTTEN GAINS! GO AWAY!" Sora screamed, kicking the pie. The pie bounced off, mentally screaming out to Sora.
"EAT ME!! EAT ME!!"
"NO! NEEEVVVAAARRR!! NOT... UNTIL... I... PAY... FOR... YOU... FIRST..." Sora resisted, hiding behind a tree. "Stupid Disney morals!"
Riku and Ansem stopped eating and watched this. It looked amusing. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a ghostly white girl hovering in the corner. Enraged, he grabbed the girl by the hair and threw her out of the fic.
"DAMMIT, THIS IS A KINGDOM HEARTS FANFICTION! NO .HACK//INFECTION PEOPLE ALLOWED!" Riku screamed, slamming the door of the fic shut. Aura hissed and floated over to her friend/enemy, Skeith, who was munching on a sandwich.
"Can I Data Drain him NOW??"
"Quiet, you, I'm sending him an encrypted e-mail with Sadako's cursed tape."
~~~
"DAMMIT!" Sadako screeched from within her well. "WILL THESE PEOPLE STOP HOTLINKING MY DAMN TAPE??"
~~~
Sarafina was still in the bushes. And now you, dear readers, will know why Sarafina is hiding in said bushes.
She is stalking Riku.
"Yes! And stalk I shall! MWAHAHAHAHAAAA!" Sarafina cackled. Birds looked at her and flew away in fear. The skies darkened and the sun retreated behind an approaching black storm cloud. There was rumbling.. Sarafina's black dog, Sirius, whimpered.
"Oh, come on, Sirius!" Sarafina giggled, hugging the dog. "Soon, I shall capture Riku! AHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!"
Sirius whimpered more.
~~~
"Guys, did you hear something?" Riku asked, looking around. Sora was still having a mental battle against the pie and Ansem was asleep.
"GAAAAAAHHHHH!! DIE, PIE, DIIIIIIIIEEEE!" Sora screamed, grabbing his keyblade and slicing the pie...
...into 8 separate slices. Sora sat down and grabbed one, eating as if it was his last meal. Riku laughed evilly on the pie's behalf. NO ONE COULD RESIST THE PIE!
"It looks like it's gonna rain..." Riku observed, staring at the sky. Then he took out a corndog and started munching. Sora looked on with envy. He wanted a corndog...why couldn't he have a corndog??
"Give me that corndog, Riku!" Sora growled, raising his Keyblade.
"NEVAR!" Riku spat, grabbing his corndog and jumping behind Ansem, using the boy as a human shield.
"ARGH! NO! DISNEY MORALS ATTACKING BRAIN! DAMN YOU, JIMNEY CRICKET!!!" Sora screamed, before collapsing on the ground, rolling around in agony. Riku laughed evilly and ate his corndog again.
Ansem yawned.
~~~
Little did they know, they were being watched!
~~~
"Actually, since you mentioned it, now we know we are being watched." Sora commented, further angering the Eternal Bob.
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Well... you don't know WHO is watching you!
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"Ah. Good Point."
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Anyway, before Sora rudely interrupted...
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"Hey!" Sora protested. "I was just making a statement!"
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WILL YOU STOP THAT?!
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"Stop what?"
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THAT!
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"What? What is that? ... Ohhh, you mean this? Heh heh!"
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YES, THAT! CEASE AT ONCE!
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"Make me."
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DO NOT ANGER ME, THE ETERNAL BOB!"
~~~
"I would be scared, but since you are a guy, you can't have PMS anymore."
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TH-... Wait... OH MY GOD, HE'S RIGHT! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
~~~
"Hahahaha! Sucker..."
~~~
Meanwhile, somewhere up in Plot Land...
IT WAS THE POLYGON OF DOOM!
PIE, CHEESE, ORO AND FWEE!
AND-
~~~
"Sora!" Kairi yelled at the author, shaking her fist.
~~~
What NOW?
~~~
"She is asking what significance this has to the plot." Selphie explained.
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They are... VERY SIGNIFICANT!
~~~
"Sora!" Kairi protested, frowning deeply. "Sora, sora sora sora, Sora Sora Sora!"
With those words, the scene was reverted back to the Gummi ship. And Bob was angry. Oh so angry.
The Gummi Ship had been happily blasting through hyperspace for about three chapters now. It's only a matter of time before they run out of fuel.
"I think we ran out of fuel, Kairi."
Yep.
The Gummi Ship screeched to a halt, and proceeded to fall straight down. The force of the fall caused Selphie and Kairi to smack up into the ceiling of the ship whilst screaming their heads off.
The ship smashed through meteor, a giant cheese block, and crash-landed into the very world Sora and Riku were in, but only on the other side, in a dense forest. Then it blew up in a spectacular explosion. Of course, because the author decided that Kairi and Selphie were supposed to have much value to the plot, they were saved by the blessings of the Pie, the Cheese, the Oro and the Fwee.
"Sora..." Kairi muttered before she blacked out.
A bird pecked her head.
~~~
"Mwahahahaha! Mission complete!" Ultimecia cackled, hiding behind a tree. Kuja sat next to her, idly brushing his hair.
"Kuja, get the cell phone!" Ultimecia barked. Kuja blinked and grabbed a pair of Chuck E Cheese connected with string. He handed them to Ultimecia, smiling stupidly. Ultimecia just stared back.
"Kuja, that's a pair of cups with string. Where's the cellphone?" She barked.
"A little kid with greasy hair stole it." Kuja reported.
"DAMN YOU, KUJA! CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT?"
"Hey, I'm just the useless mascot." Kuja retorted, going back to brushing his silvery hair.
~~~
"Good boy, Snape!" Brenda cackled. The Zidane plushie on her shoulder cackled with her and sneezed, falling off and smacking into the concrete floor. Snape grabbed it and started gnawing on it while the plushie screamed.
Hastily, Brenda dialed 1-800...
"C-A-L-L A-T-T!" Some random guy with an afro yelled, rudely grabbing the phone. The buttons down the center turned a magical blue color and he pointed to them. "Just dial down the center! Free for you, cheap for them!"
"HELL NO!" A blonde yelled. She karate kicked the poor guy in the nuts and grabbed the cellphone. "1-800-COLLECT!" She commanded, thrusting the phone in Brenda's face.
Snape blinked and ran away screaming, because Brenda's hand was inching towards her green backpack. And when it did...
BOOM! -- cheesy sound effect
~~~
*phone rings*
"Hello, chi-er, Bob's house."
"Don't give me that shit, chibi, I know you're there! How come Brenda got a part and I didn't?"
"Uh... Bob no comprehend!"
"Yeah right."
"YOU KICKED MY DOG!"
"...What?"
"You kicked my dog, I'm calling cops now."
"Chibi, you don't have a dog."
"I'M NOT CHIBI, I'M BOB!"
"Nu-uh! This is chibi's house!"
"WHO ARE YOU?"
"You don't have to scream..."
"WHO ARE YOU? I'M CALLING COPS, YOU KICKED MY DOG."
"CHIBI!"
*click*
"Well..." Becci huffed, slamming the phone down. "That didn't turn out well."
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I used to hate this chapter. Now I love it. YAY INSPIRATION! *dances around and gets shot*
