CHAPTER SIX: ... Sora...

I have become... A SORA FANGIRL!

Readers: ... *silence*

... the .hack//SIGN Sora, that is.

Readers: _O EEEWWWW!!

_ shut up, I like Green Haired Annoying Under aged Idiots...

*screams and starts beating the shit out of Skeith*

This chapter is short. School was drained my brain of inspiration.

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Errr... OK, enough about that. Back to the KH2ness.

Anyway, the red beam of death that Sarafina had fired at Kairi was just about to hit aforementioned target's head, when she spotted a shiny stone on the ground.

"SORA!" Kairi cheered, bending down and picking it up. The laser beam flew over her back and into the moon, where it exploded in millions of pieces that rained death and doom down on the planet.

Well, everywhere but where Kairi and Selphie were, anyway.

The yaoi fans hung their heads in utter sadness. This fic was doomed to be Sora/Kairi.

"Whatcha got there, Kairi?" Selphie asked, poking Kairi. Kairi gleefully showed Selphie the extremely shiny rock she found.

~~~

Whilst the girls were admiring the shinyness of the rock, a moon rock that was intending to smash into the head of one Kento Ikeda suddenly stopped. It could not explain why (and even if it could, it couldn't speak, for it was a ROCK!), but it had the strangest desire to seek out a redhead named "Kairi" and embed itself in her skull.

The Kairi bashers cheered and egged the rock on.

The moon rock was pondering this, floating around in circles above an Intersection in Portland, Oregon. Hmmm... it could go on to bash Kairi on the head... it certainly seemed like it would make a bigger impact than destroying some nobody's brain in Portland.

Making up its mind, the moon rock sped straight for that isolated section of the fic where Kairi and Selphie were.

~~~

Anyway, after reading through a few old chapters, the author realized that this was getting farther and farther away from the realm of KH2ness and more into the realm of random stupidity and cheese.

"NOOOOOOO!" Linnet hissed. "I... MUST... RETURN... TO... THE... KH2...NESS..."

~~~

And so, she did.

For Sora, Ansem, and Riku found themselves in Hollow Bastion, for no apparent reason. Sora and Riku blinked stupidly and tried to figure out how they managed to get to a world, which was on the other side of the World Map via an abandoned highway in Texas.

But indeed, it was Hollow Bastion. The trio were standing on the water, which was flowing uphill in its special gravity-defying way. just above them were the floating rocks, held by some unimaginable magic force. Well, actually, very strong magnets held them.

Science Magic.

"Bwahahaha, yes, admire my brilliance!" Ansem proudly stated, crossing his arms smugly. Riku grabbed the chibi by the hair and slammed his face down, trying to drown Ansem (and failing).

Whilst all this violence, Sora wandered to a nearby phone booth that had replaced the save point. No, this has nothing to do with the Matrix. Inside the pretty phone booth were one of those weird phones from Pokemon that allowed the user to see the other person on the line.

Next to Sora were a list of numbers, detailing the usage of aforementioned phone:

Press

1- Save your game

2- Get up to the castle if one does not possess Mad Jumping Skeelz

3- Summon Ape Overlords to rule over us pathetic humans

4- Do not push this button. It's the red button.

5- Warn "it"

6- Run for California Governor

7- www.chibilinnet.net (SHAMELESS PLUG ALERT!)

8- Download illegal mp3s

9- Show off your DDR skillage

0- .Data Drain Sora. This Sora. The other one is too hot. MINE *hugs* @_@

#- Watch "The Tape"

*-Explode

Sora blinked, and edged away. Strange phone booth.

"Soooora!" Ansem whined, escaping from Riku's homicidal clutches. The terrified/traumatized chibi scampered over to Sora and hid behind him.

Sora shot a nasty glare at Riku as aforementioned Sephiroth Clone stomped up to Sora. Riku was very angry, because his plan to drown Ansem didn't work. Stupid Square-Enix Child Protection Act...

"Riku, what did I tell you about traumatizing children?" Sora lectured. Riku just hissed and pushed past the two into the phone booth of doom. Without taking a care to read the list, he just leaned on the dial pad...

And his elbow hit *

~~~

"Aerith? Did you hear something?" Leon asked, lifting his head up. Aerith looked over her shoulder from where she was grilling delicious tasty brain meats and shrugged..

"No... not at all."

~~~

The remains of the phone booth soared up to the sky. Ansem, who for some reason didn't get hit, watched with mild interest while Sora and Riku were flung up into the sky, screaming and yelling. They stayed suspended for a moment, then were pulled down still screaming and yelling by the unforgiving force that is gravity.

And he laughed when they slammed into the ground. Then he remembered they just blew up the only way to get back into Hollow Bastion.

For, you see, Ansem did not possess Mad Jumping Skeelz.

"DAMMIT!" The chibi cursed.

~~~

Meanwhile, the moon rock was still soaring. It had just about reached the area where Kairi and Selphie were, still admiring the pretty shiny rock of doom. Even the Enigmatic Ferret was entranced by the shinyness of the rock, a relic Linnet had gotten in Otakon 2003.

"..." They stared in silence and awe.

The rock spotted its target and cackled evilly, as it raced down, preparing to end its miserable life by concussing the girl.

Of course, it's life ended prematurely when Kairi bent down again.

"SORA!" She said, determined. The rock screamed in anger as it smashed onto the ground behind her. It had failed!

The Kairi bashers hissed and began to light their torches. A few began sharpening pitchforks. If you wanted something done, it had to be done yourself!

The object that Kairi had found was a small crap of notebook paper. Scrawled on it was a message written very quickly, with what seemed to be dried blood.

"To anybody:

HELP ME!! I'M STUCK IN THE DOMAIN OF THE AUTHORESS! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SAVE ME!! NOOOOOOO!!!"

Kairi blinked.

Selphie blinked.

The Enigmatic Ferret blinked.

"I don't think this has any importance to the plot." Selphie firmly decided. Selphie plucked the note out of Kairi's hand and crumpled it. Little did she know, Selphie just stopped the author's pathetic attempt at creating a KH/.hack crossover. Those were overdone anyway.

Kairi hung her head sadly. They had been stuck in this scene for a chapter now and they didn't know where to go. If only there was a sign or something, that would help lead her to the one she loved...

"Come, Kairi, we must go and search!" Selphie chirped, trying to lift the girl's spirits up. They trudged along the dirt path quietly, Hyper Girl, Girl who can only say One word, and Ferret.

If they just turned around to examine the rock, they would have found a sign that read "SORA: 45 miles".

~~~

"I wanna brush his hair!"

Sarafina hissed and yanked the brush out of Brenda's hand. Brenda hissed and leaped upon the brunette's head, where she began gnawing to reach the tasty brain meats concealed inside.

Sarafina realized that the rabid redhead was gnawing on her head and she ran around screaming.

"THIS IS MY CHANCE! MINE!" Linnet cackled. Linnet ran forward to snatch the prize, but alas! Brenda's Zidane plushie had sunk its plushie-like fangs into her leg. Linnet screamed in pain and rolled around, trying to pry the plushie off.

Meanwhile, Sora, our lovable, yet disturbed, Player Killer from .hack//SIGN was cowering in the corner, unsure of why there were three rabid fangirls fighting over him.

"First I get data-drained and now high school girls are fighting over me." He moaned, curling up into a ball. "Why me?? WHY ME??" He sobbed, wishing he could log-out. Alas, no, he was doomed to stay his sexy (older) online self.

Beside him, a figure emerged from the shadows. Sora meeped and scooted aside. The shadowy figure leered at the fighting fangirls and took its place beside Sora. The two watched each other in silence, and finally, the shadow grinned, revealing pretty fangs.

"Hello." Becci grinned.

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Yes. Along with your bi-monthly dose of stupid KH-ness, you get to see the backstage story of the rabid fangirls fighting over Sora-kun @_@

And anyone who doesn't admit he's sexy, I will smite _O HE IS SEXY, DAMMIT... though not as sexy as Crim... Mmmmm... Crim...