Disclaimer: I don't own Tolkien characters, and sadly I never will. I am just borrowing them for my own pleasure and hopefully for yours…Mel is mine though…
A/N: Dy (you're so sweet!), Maverick Girl (btw - I'm reading your story now – it's good!), Corrina, elanor (I was so touched by your words), Dragon, samus, and all the other faithful readers who are kind enough to grace my little box with their reviews. Keep up the feedback, it's great to know what you think!
~ 7. Precious Memories ~
It was not long before Aragorn and Legolas found out about my conversation with Gandalf and about my fading memory. I avoided them both the next day, afraid to even glance in their direction lest I saw pity in their eyes and lashed out at them in reaction to my own weakness. I must have appeared terribly immature to them but I dealt with it the only way I knew how, and that was to keep quiet and isolate myself. It occurred to me that I must have done that a lot in my past life since it came so naturally. I started referring to my world as my past life since I was beginning to believe that going back there was as likely as being literally thrown back into a previous existence.
Mercifully, they all respected my space and left me alone.
We made camp a little later than usual that night and I wondered why. Throughout the day, both Aragorn and Legolas had glanced around apprehensively, concentrating on every sound, exchanging looks as if fully expecting some sinister force to pounce on us. A feeling of unease was slowly creeping into my heart but I refrained from asking what caused their concern.
As the camp was set up for the night, Legolas and Aragorn left us once more, dashing off in opposite directions. With increasing alarm I watched them as they donned more weapons before disappearing into the hills. It was clear enough that this was no hunting session. Scouting, more like it.
'What's happening? Why….' I began to ask but the words froze on my lips as Gandalf gave me a look of admonition.
'We might be followed' the wizard muttered under his breath.
By whom? And why? I wanted to ask but bit back my words as I followed the wizard's eyes that rested on Gollum. He had been acting strangely all day. I had not paid much attention to him yet if I had to think about it, it was precisely his unusual silence and lack of complaint that was so bewildering. It was almost like he wasn't with us at all, so trouble-free and quiet had the day been.
We had not spoken since I had given him water, yet as we walked he would often fall in step with me, as much as his bonds allowed and sought my eyes. His behavior was bizarre at best and he remained an enigma to me.
Aragorn and Legolas returned after a short while.
'Nothing' Aragorn reported to Gandalf 'Still…' he shook his head, unsure of what to say and visibly troubled.
'I have a dreadful feeling.' Legolas said, his smooth face intent and worried. His keen eyes searched the hills and the rock face under which we had made shelter, not able to detect whatever he was looking for. This seemed to unsettle him greatly and for the first time since the beginning of our journey shadows of exhaustion marked his finely chiseled features.
'There is something foul in these hills, something that does not belong here.' He continued. 'I fear that before long we will discover who or what it is that is following us.'
This exchange took place some distance away and I realized that the three wanted to be out of Gollum's earshot. What was it about Gollum that made them act so guarded?
In spite of growing exhaustion, I was denied sleep again. If in the beginning I had spurned sleep for fear of not waking up, soon the refuge of slumber became a cherished activity and I strove to empty my mind of the day's turmoil, as I lay wrapped in the blankets that Aragorn dutifully arrayed for me every night. I did not want to stir or attract attention, much as I sought to quell my demons. I could not shake the feeling of dread as my three companions were worried about some impending danger that I could not see, a knowledge that they would not share freely.
I wished I could stroll around the camp, but I wanted to avoid talking to Legolas. It was his turn to keep watch and I did not want to explain anything to him about my memory loss.
Tossing and turning, I caught a glimpse of the elf sitting by the fire, still as a stone carving. I strained my eyes to get a better look and to my utter surprise, I realized that Legolas was sleeping. I had long ago learned that elves do not close their eyes when they sleep, seeming forever awake, yet his glassy, vacant look left no room for doubt: he was in deep slumber. It had never occurred to me that elves could be overcome by weariness to such an extent.
So I decided to sit next to Legolas and watch the best I could. I would wake him closer to the time when Aragorn was supposed to start his watch. Although I had offered to keep vigil, they had courteously declined; stating that they would be uncomfortable sleeping while a lady guarded them. Besides, their senses were infinitely sharper than mine.
To my slight annoyance, soon after I had settled cross-legged by the fire, enjoying the solitude of my own thoughts, I heard a throaty hiss behind me.
'Missstresss…'
'What do you want, Gollum?' I tried to sound harsh and irritated, which in fact I was. I did not want him or anyone else intruding on my contemplation.
'We can help mistress…' Gollum continued in an urgent, pleading tone.
'What do you mean?' I asked doubtfully. How could this creature possibly help me, except exasperate me to death?
'Can't …mistress must come closer' Gollum said, his voice clearer and devoid of its familiar hoarseness.
'All right.' I sighed as I rose and padded across to the spot where he was tied. I hoped he would not try to talk me into untying him - again.
'Now' I said as I sat closer to him, yet at what I judged to be a safe enough distance 'you better tell me what you mean, or else…'
I resented the sudden nastiness in my voice. Surely this abject creature felt lonely to some extent, in spite of being corrupted and essentially despicable. After learning his story from Gandalf, I believed he was more of a victim than anything else. Besides, I had no illusion that given enough latitude he would not hesitate to inflict great harm on us all, still I just could not bring myself to abuse him, even in words.
'I didn't mean that' I said a tinge apologetically.
'Mistress…' he began, but I interrupted swiftly.
'Don't call me mistress. My name is Mel.'
His huge eyes blinked fast several times as he stared at me, pupils wide in amazement.
'Mel.' He repeated. 'My name was…' he hesitated, ' …is… Smeagol.'
~~
I lay absently studying the stars scattered on the summer sky, the constellations clearer than I had ever seen before. It felt like all I had to do was stretch my arm and they would fall right into my palm. It was only their positions that seemed a little odd. The Middle-Earth sky was an inverted mirror image of the sky in my world.
But now my mind was not troubled by the twinkle of misaligned stars.
Gollum's words only a few hours before, the revelations he had made rang in my ears again and again with ruthless intensity.
'Smeagol' I said, trying to sound gentle yet unwavering ''I told you before I cannot help you. Whatever you are hoping to achieve by trying to tangle me in your schemes is not going to work.'
'I was going to ask no such thing' Smeagol said, his protest still a rasp yet fluent and articulate.
His enormous eyes seemed to occupy more than half his face, the pupils so dilated that blue was only visible at the tinges. No hatred was mirrored there, only an odd kind of curiosity.
'They lie to you, Mel. They lie and they deceive you, they treat you no better than they treat me…only you don't know it.'
'What do you mean?'
'They speak of purpose, yet they know…yes, they know.'
'What purpose?' I was growing impatient with Smeagol's little games and his version of the truth yet I had to pry it out of him before the others became aware of our conversation. A mere stir from any of them would undoubtedly be enough for Gollum to clam up permanently.
'They need you. They think you are their one chance to destroy evil.'
'You're delusional, Smeagol. I have no idea what you are talking about let alone how to destroy evil. Let's say I'm not exactly qualified.'
'Oh, but you are!' Gollum countered his voice now above a whisper. For a moment I thought that the others would wake, in fact for a brief instant I hoped they would, just so that someone would put an end to these riddles Gollum delighted in.
I wondered where he was going with this and could not help but feel my skin crawling at his proximity. I had the distinct feeling that I was at the mercy of a madman.
'No more games, Smeagol!' I demanded, frustration and annoyance plain in my voice. 'Out with it!'
Gollum cowered and again I had to control myself. Surely he could not be scared of me. I was not about to hurt him and I thought he had understood that.
'They wanted to know about my cave, yesss, precious' Smeagol began.
'What cave?'
'The cave I was hiding in for many years…when…when…' his voice faltered and he clutched at his throat, battling to breathe. 'When we.. ssstill.. had… it…' he stammered his voice progressively becoming a whisper again…
'Had what?' impatience was getting the better of me. And Gollum's little act was taking a disturbing turn.
Gollum glanced furtively around before forcefully jerking the rope that bound him; seeking to inch closer to me, even as the elven cord cut viciously into his wrists and I plainly saw, in the half-light of the fire, dark red blood oozing from freshly scraped skin.
Rooted to the spot, I watched him in fascination and revulsion, until he was straight in front of me, eyes riveted on mine, his small body rigid into a froglike posture while one injured hand balled into a fist, as if holding something.
'Had what? Smeagol?' I repeated.
'My Precioussss…..' he hissed and for the briefest of instants I believed he would attack me.
In a flash of red light, Gollum's face disappeared from my sight and was replaced by a blinding circle of fire irresistible in its brilliance and crushing in its simple beauty. Yet so familiar… I knew exactly where I had seen it before…at the bottom of the lake, where I had almost drowned. It was gone in a split second and Gollum's colorless eyes were level with mine again.
'Get away from me!' I pushed him aside not caring if I was brutal as the contact with his skin and blood sent waves of nausea through my body.
'You're insane.' I barked trying my hardest to gather my wits. I wanted to put as much distance as possible between me and this creature that was infecting me with its dreadful sickness.
'Yesss, yessss, we're mad,…' Gollum countered unabated while his whole body shuddered fiercely, my own aggressiveness ignored 'the Precious made uss so…yesss..we wants it… IT'S HERE… THEY have it… one of them has It…we can feel it….we wants it….' He choked, making strange gurgling sound and then howled 'we hates it….we needs it, precious…Mel, Mel….please… let us see it, just once…we wants it so bad….'
'Get a hold of yourself, Smeagol! I can't give you anything, I don't have it!'
He was in the throes of a self-induced seizure and for a moment I panicked thinking he would seek to hurt himself or possibly even me.
It struck me that through all this, not one of my companions had even stirred in their sleep. The silence around us was unnatural, sepulchral almost.
Was this a nightmare? I hoped that it was and that I would wake up screaming rather than have to live with the knowledge that all this was real..
Yet I had to find the strength to somehow persuade this possessed creature to finish his story because I had a feeling it would prove to be crucial to my situation.
'Smeagol…' I began, trying to sound comforting and hide the horror I felt. 'Please, calm down.'
After a few moments, Gollum's thrashing subsided and was replaced by racking sobs.
'Mistress,…Mel,..' he was incoherent and he had to start again 'We cannot help it, no… not when the Precious is.. so close.'
'I understand, Smeagol' I lied, only to appease him. I would never even come close to understanding this wretched soul, so consumed by this appalling lust …'Now tell me! What cave-'
'You understand, Mel… I know you do…' Gollum whispered, his eyes gleaming coldly and mad with desire. 'You saw it too…the circle of light….the Ring?'
'How did… you…. know?' I choked on my words. Before I could protest or even form another thought searing thirst gripped me with the force of an iron claw clutching my throat. I had to drink something before I could even draw another breath…I groped for my water pouch but my vision darkened and I saw that what I was in fact achingly stretching out my hand for was the dreadful circle of light, so close yet just out of my reach.
Gollum's voice came from far away.
'I know…because it is also in my mind….all the time…'
I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut until it hurt, refusing to be part of this collective hallucination. Whatever was happening, I wanted no part of it. I opened my eyes. There was nothing there but Gollum and me. The vision was gone, the only remnant of it mirrored in Gollum's feverish stare.
'Smeagol, please,…' I implored with misery creeping back in my voice. 'You were telling me about your cave, many years ago..?' I offered helpfully.
'The cave, yes….and the waterfall….' Gollum stared right through me, envisaging a place that no doubt meant a great deal to him 'We spent many years wondering about that waterfall, didn't we, precious,…was it true?…that the waterfall was…'
Please, don't stop now, I prayed. I knew with certainty now that whatever Smeagol was about to say would change everything
'It was a….' Gollum's trance ended abruptly, his eyes went dark, the image gone and once more his eyes rested on me. He must have noticed the keen, pained look on my face because a shadow of malice crossed his features.
'Please, Smeagol' I begged. 'Don't let it do this. Just this once…'
Smeagol lowered his gaze and started pawing at my feet the same way he had done the first time I saw him. He finally spoke, his tone muffled and defeated.
'It was a gateway,…. A passage to another world…'
To Be Continued
A/N: Hope you liked this one, even more explanations to follow in the next chapter, oh, and yes, it is going to get worse…in case you were wondering. Any suggestions??? I am also striving not to make this sound Mary-Sue-ish since I really like flawed characters and hopefully I've depicted Mel as a real person. But don't let me go on boring you with this. Better review this chapter lol!!!
