Disclaimer: I don't own any of Tolkien's characters or locations. Mel is mine though!

A/N: I begin this again with thanks to all those who reviewed: Maverick Girl, samus, dancingfae, sheshomarru, corrina. The reason why there haven't been any updates in two weeks is because I'm currently on holiday and I've also been busy writing a new fic (it's called "Memory of Trust', if you have time, please check it out).

I hope you enjoy what's coming. I will say this: Mel thought she had problems….

~ Chapter 8 - Desperate Choices  ~

The next day's march seemed to go on forever and for the first part of the day I hoped the others didn't think I was slowing them down. After awhile, I stopped caring altogether since I felt numb and completely lost to the world around me. 

In a twisted way I was grateful to Gollum. He forever devised something to distract my companions and push them over the verge of irritation. For my part, I tried to ignore him as best as I could except now and again I felt his eyes pierce the back of my head.

After endless sniveling and belligerent behavior, Legolas held Gollum down while Aragorn gagged him. It was hardly the end of our troubles. Once gagged, Gollum thrashed about so much that it was impossible to make him walk. If we wished to a mile further that day, he would have to be dragged along or carried. And since none of the others was willing to do that, Aragorn grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and plunked him on a horse. The animal reared like bitten by a snake and sent Gollum flying straight into a rock face. Again I heard the awful crunch of bone as body and stone collided.

Aragorn immediately gave me an anxious look, and it almost made me laugh. He remembered our little exchange in Lothlorien and my reaction to his mistreatment of Gollum. Except now there was little I wished to share with any of them. Mixed feelings waged war inside my mind and at that particular moment wrath had the upper hand. With great effort, I managed to control myself and not spit out harsh words I would surely regret later.

'Miserable creature!' Gandalf blurted out in frustration as he stood over Gollum 'What will it take to have you sit still!'

'Cruelest humanssss' Gollum hissed 'You will burn, yes, precious, burn you will, .. When the orcses catch you…'

The silence that fell amongst us was so deep I doubted anyone actually breathed and it occurred to me that my three companions were weighing Gollum's words carefully.

'What does he mean?' I asked no one in particular.

Aragorn wrenched Gollum off the ground and shook him violently as if he expected the answers to fall out of him.

'Speak, you wretch.' He spat, 'Who is behind us and how did they pick up our trail?'

Gollum cowered on the ground and lowered his eyes, yet made no sound.

'Are we being followed? How Many? Since when?' all three asked their questions at the same time yet Gollum remained silent.

'We can make you talk and you know it' Aragorn threatened and there was no doubt that he meant it. Aragorn did not strike me in the least as the violent type, yet it was obvious that a lot was at stake now. The warning hit home and Gollum raised his eyes, fear and a memory of some old torture mirrored in them. He shrunk to the ground, folding his arms across his chest and pawing at the purple whip marks on his back. Then he raised his eyes and they were filled with spite again. I was expecting him to lash out and snarl abuse at Aragorn, but he didn't.

He just glowered at the Ranger then slowly, agonizingly turned his head towards me and caught my eyes. He could probably read the aversion I felt for him yet he did not seem fazed by that.

'Mistress hasn't told you, has she?' he pointed one of his long wiry fingers accusingly at me.

'Oh, shut up, Smeagol..' I blurted out and immediately knew that I had sounded like we shared some foul secret.

Calling Gollum by his long-forgotten name elicited surprised and uneasy looks from my companions and I felt peculiarly guilt-ridden.

'Mel?' Legolas questioned gently but disbelief and uneasiness mingled in his voice.

'What is he talking about, Mel?' Gandalf asked, a tinge of asperity clear in his tone.

I bit my lip in an attempt to find the right words. I had resolved to tell them about my conversation with Gollum only once the creature had been safely delivered to the realm of Legolas' father. But Gollum's revelation about enemies following us had given a whole new meaning to the word 'urgency' and indeed I was quite positive that our plans, and direction of travel for that matter, were about to change drastically.

Aragorn stared blankly at me and I was relieved to more surprise than distrust in his stern gray eyes. What was it that the Ranger knew?

'Well-' I began hesitantly.

'We have no time for explanations now' Aragorn interrupted swiftly. 'We don't know how many are on our trail. We should get away from here as soon as possible.'

In less than five minutes, we were on our horses, galloping away. Aragorn had strapped a squealing Gollum in the saddle directly in front of him and, with immense effort, had managed to prevent the horse from tossing them both.

'We'll take the shortcut through the Forest. It will give us an advantage of three days' he said and from the look he got from both Legolas and Gandalf I deducted it was a desperate choice. I had no time to wonder why, when Legolas physically lifted me off the ground, effortlessly, as if I weighed nothing and settled me on his horse.

'Ride with me' he breathed 'we'll travel faster that way.'

I was no fast rider, I agreed but, fear and uncertainty aside, I felt uncomfortable and slightly aggravated at being treated like a helpless child who needed constant protection and supervision.

We rode for hours until I grew so tired that any feeling of dread or awkwardness I might have had melted away. We stopped at dusk, the horses tested to their limits.

The cave where we took shelter for the night was damp and chilled me to the bone. I had had time to consider and had decided that the best course of action was to tell my companions all about my conversation with Gollum the previous night.

~~

Legolas and Aragorn took turns inspecting the surroundings, again reporting nothing when they returned. But worry and apprehension clearly marked their features and for the first time I saw something else: doubt. Did they doubt they were ever going to accomplish that which I now knew was a mission crucial for the survival of their world?

When we had settled, they began interrogating Gollum. For all their harsh tone and threats, the creature remained obstinately silent, sharing nothing of what he knew.

'You leave us no choice, Gollum!' it was clear that Aragorn was seething, his anger barely masked. 'We may yet be gentler than the orcs of Mordor who tortured you senseless, but you WILL talk before the end. By Elbereth, it gives me no pleasure to do this to you, but I'm asking for the last time: who is following us? How did they manage to stay concealed from us for the length of our journey??'

'I might be able to answer that' Gandalf said unexpectedly. The wizard had been studying the skies all day and had been silent all along. Now he glanced at us gently yet mournfully and he seemed like a parent who had to tell his children that every last one of their hopes and dreams had been shattered. Gandalf looked old, care-worn and stooped by enormous responsibility.

'You don't mean…' Legolas whispered, his face and lips turning gray.

'I think he does, Legolas.' Aragorn replied not taking his eyes off Gandalf's face.

'What is it?' I was tired of riddles and the reaction of my companions had caused inexplicable fear form in the pit of my stomach. Could this situation get any worse that it already was?

'Nazgul. Ringwraiths…' Gandalf explained looking at me 'closest servants of the Dark Lord… and orcs following….'

'That is what I felt' Legolas agreed. 'Yet I cannot see them anywhere.'

'Yes, they must be at least two day behind us.' Aragorn agreed.

Legolas's keen eyesight could see depths and distances that most telescopic sights could not even come close to. Thanks to that quality, we found solace in the knowledge that the enemy was not upon us. Not yet.

'I should ride ahead and ask my father to send out a company of soldiers to meet us, for protection.' Legolas offered. 'It will take me five days to get there. In the meanwhile you change course and head for the Misty Mountains and we shall meet halfway in about seven days from now.'

'Our great advantage lay in anonymity' Aragorn disagreed 'We cannot tread through these woods with a company of soldiers protecting us, it would be too plain that we have something of great value to protect.'

Aragorn glanced in my direction uneasily and I glared right back at him. Gandalf frowned at us like at a pair of rival siblings. Clearly this was not the time for a confrontation.

Before any of us could utter a word, Legolas cut in.

'We need more protection, Aragorn. You know it as I do. What use will secrecy be when the Enemy rushes us and we are outnumbered twenty to one?'

'Legolas is right' Gandalf concurred. 'What hope we had in secrecy is now gone. We need help and we need it as soon as we can get it. Continuing onwards to Thranduil's realm is sadly no longer an option for us. We will have to change our course towards the Misty Mountains and meet a week from now.' The urgency and resolve in the wizard's voice left no room for argument.

Aragorn nodded, albeit reluctantly. His dignified face was lined with fatigue like never before. In fact our whole group looked pitiful. We were filthy and worn out from the hours of galloping, our horses frothing at the mouth. The only horse fit to travel was mine, since I had ridden with Legolas and spared the beast the burden of my weight.

'We expected this when we set out, after all' Aragorn reflected wistfully. Then he raised his head and locked eyes with Legolas. It seemed to me like he was making his most dire choice yet.

'Go, then, Legolas.' Man and elf grasped each other's arms in a display of brotherhood 'Ride like the wind, and don't look back'*

Legolas bowed briefly to Gandalf then did something unexpected. With infinite gentleness, he touched my face with his palm and traced the outline of my lips with his thumb.

'I hope to see you again, mellon nin. Namarie' he said and his face displayed boundless sorrow and a glimpse of vulnerability I had never imagined he possessed. In that moment, perhaps because of the severity of our situation or because of the closeness we had formed, I felt defenseless and exposed like never before.

I fought back tears and gazed closely at him, longing to halt time and lock his image inside a protected portion of my brain where the icy claws of this progressive amnesia would never reach.

I could not shake the feeling that it was the last time I would ever see him like that.

He was gone in an instant, swiftly and silently as a ghost and I was grateful that he had not lingered to hear what foolish words I might have said.

I must have been staring fiercely at the darkness that had engulfed Legolas for Gandalf touched my shoulder protectively and bid me to sit by the fire.

'I think the time has come to shed the mantle of secrecy between us.' He said softly yet firmly and I knew the truth had to come out.

'Very well' I agreed. I looked Gandalf in the eye and felt justifiably intimidated by the pools of wisdom in the wizard's yes.

'I know about the Ring.' I said unemotionally yet inwardly fighting a losing battle to keep calm. 'I know that one of you has it and I know what you mean to do with it.'

I scanned their faces for a reaction. Gandalf had expected it, as had the Ranger. Aragorn nodded his head with a sigh while Gandalf continued to smoke his pipe impassively.

'You should have told me about it' I said while sudden bitterness gripped me. 'Instead of lying to me and filling my head with tales.'

I felt perfectly justified to vent my anger at being lied to and used.

'My purpose, that's what you all proclaimed. My purpose that was going to be revealed before long' I scoffed 'You told me stories, you used the fact that I was lonely and scared and knew nothing of your world. But all along you had a clear plan of action. But Gollum told me about it. You never counted on that, did you??'

A fresh surge of wrath welled up inside me and I let it carry me away with a feeling of irrepressible elation.

'I told you that I was losing my memory,  Gandalf, and you encouraged me to find some hope in it...! You even got Legolas to spend time with me and keep me distracted. That' I spat, 'was despicable.'

'If we lied to you, you must know it brought us no pleasure. It was for your protection. And Legolas did not…' Aragorn began in a conciliatory tone but I interrupted rudely.

'Protect me? From what? From the Ring? From myself? Did you actually think I would want to take It?' I heard my own laughter sounding shrill, hysterical almost at the utter madness of the thought. 'What would I ever do with the Ring? Rule the world? Your world?? Don't you understand? There is nothing I want here.'

'Everybody wants something, Mel' Gandalf said quietly.

The wizard's sensible words yanked me back to reality. My heart threatened to jump out of my chest and my eyes burned agonizingly. A splitting headache throbbed around my temples. I had worked myself up into a state of near-hysteria and it bothered me a great deal since that was not in my character. I willed myself to steady my breathing and to clear my head of this inexplicable rage that had taken me over, against my better judgment.

The words I spoke were barely a whisper yet they rang in my head with the might of a thousand thunder-rolls.

'I want to find my way back home,...'

The reality check set in, the cloud of madness was lifted from my eyes, unmistakably revealing my outburst for exactly what it was.

Why had I been so disturbed by their lack of trust? I wasn't one of them, after all. They could not have entrusted the knowledge of the Ring's existence to me. I had been tested all along…

Gandalf nodded, no doubt perceiving what I thought, his gaze dismal yet supportive.

"The Ring gnaws at our innermost desires. You crave neither to overpower nor to rule, Mel.  Your only wish is to find safe passage back to your world. The Ring robbed you of your memories, of your will to go on and find a way back to a world you can no longer recall. It is the one thing in you it can strike at.'

'The Ring is working its evil, barely discernible to us yet to deny it would be folly.' Weariness and a strange resignation were mirrored in the old gray eyes as he continued. 'We can only see how it changes others, how they are becoming less and less themselves and how they are overstepping their normal boundaries. It is happening to every one of us, without exception.'

Not to you, Gandalf, I thought but instead asked 'How did you come by it?'

'It was kept for many years by a trusted friend of mine, Bilbo Baggins, a Hobbit of the Shire, who in turn found it in Gollum's cave almost 60 years ago.** But it was becoming too hazardous for him to keep it. The Enemy had caught Gollum and through torture, they pried the truth out of him. The Ring was no longer safe in the Shire so Bilbo gave it up to my safekeeping, albeit with great difficulty since he himself had grown too fond of the trinket. To cut a long story short, it was decided that the Ring should be destroyed'

'Around the same time, chance made that Gollum was let loose from Mordor, no doubt to track the whereabouts of the Ring, and Aragorn caught him in the Dead Marshes. He sent word that we should meet in Lorien and decide on our course of action. And at the same time, you came to us. A stroke of good fortune? I think not-'

'There is an ancient belief that a Messenger would open the gateway to another world' Gandalf went on 'It is a prophecy few even of the Istari knew about yet it has been made more than two thousand years ago, although in the beginning it was believed to be more of a legend. It spoke about a doorway in the Misty Mountains, an entryway to another world that lay under the waters of a fountain with healing powers.'

'So where does Gollum fit in there?' I asked.

'Gollum kept the ring for five hundred years in that cave. All the time we thought that it was the Ring who had prolonged his lifespan so unnaturally yet it wasn't only the Enemy's tool that was at work. The underground lake in Gollum's cave has incredible healing and life-prolonging powers. He promised to tell us how to get there quickly in return for leniency and a comfortable prison.'

'And you believed Gollum?' I struggled to grasp the magnitude of the desperate gamble these wise people had taken.

'We had no choice but to believe him.' Aragorn explained 'We were going to deliver him to Thranduil's care then journey across Mirkwood to the Misty Mountains where the cave is. If Gollum's words proved to be true, his wish would be granted upon our return.'

'But surely you are making a huge detour, crossing the whole of Mirkwood.' I protested. Legolas had shown me maps of his home and I knew how much shorter our journey might have been.

'That is true, we were going the impossibly long way around' Gandalf replied stoically, 'and that was mostly because we could not trust Gollum. While he was imprisoned, we would be safer on the road with him away from the Ring's lure and knowing that if anything should happen to us, he would be facing death.'

'And once you get to the cave, assuming you do find it…what then?' I asked knowing full well what would follow.

'We were going to try and send the Ring into your world...' Gandalf replied.

 '..and you needed someone from the other world to take the Ring across.' I completed the thought.

'That is the gist of it, yes.' Gandalf concluded.

He held my gaze for a moment and a sad smile creased his features. Him and I understood each other very well it seemed.

'No one, and I mean absolutely no creature or spirit in Middle-Earth can cross the gateway into your world and live to tell the tale.'

'But I crossed into yours.' I objected 'What makes you think that it cannot work both ways?' 

'The gateway will only open to someone like you, a messenger from another world, whether sent here with purpose…or lost, much like yourself. And after you cross, the gateway will never open again. It is said that once the messenger passes through it, the waterfall will turn to stone not to be opened again until the ages of Middle-Earth are spent'

Please, I thought, I am no messenger… But to change their minds about what they believed my purpose was seemed to be an impossible task so I resolved to ask about the one thing that still bothered me

'What if I take the Ring across? How can we be sure that it will not endanger my world?'

'In your world the Ring will have no meaning. It embodies Sauron's evil alone. And even if it is undeniably powerful here, its evil will cannot transcend Middle-Earth. Without its Master's spirit it will be no more than a trinket, a memory to you, if indeed you remember anything.' Gandalf's meaning was not lost to me or to Aragorn. What he had meant to say was 'if you ever wake up again'

'If you think about it carefully, you will know in your heart that I speak the truth. We cannot hope to bring peace into our world by passing evil on to another…The Ring will present no danger to your world'

'I don't know how you can place reliance on a total stranger with something so obviously important.' The words 'waiver of responsibility' flashed through my mind and I wondered if that was a remembrance of my past existence. It had to be. 'What makes you think the gateway will open up to me in the first place? How can you be sure that I will not betray your trust, or try to bail out at the last moment or be too scared to go through with it? I myself am not sure of that.'

'The Lady Galadriel has the gift of seeing inside people.' Aragorn replied 'She told us all we needed to know about you.'

I shook my head in disbelief. Believing Gollum was one thing, but this was even crazier…

Shock settled in while the stillness of the cave was disturbed only by the soft sputter of the flames. Every second seemed to last an eternity as my mind tumbled over itself with possibilities.

'What about the healing powers of the water?' I returned to my own selfish motives. 'Can that help me in any way? I mean, would that be enough to wake me up from the coma in my own world?'

'That we do not know' Aragorn said ruefully.

Yeah, I thought bitterly, no guarantees, as usual….

I was asked to decide on a course of action that would enable me to get back home, yet Tamara had told me in no uncertain terms that to return there could mean absolute darkness.

'Mel' Gandalf touched my hand lightly and it felt so warm compared to the chills that passed through my own body. 'We cannot ask you to do this. It must be your decision.'

Reverse psychology, the thought was strangely amusing.

'Indeed' Aragorn warned with a grim expression 'you must consider carefully. I would rather try to take it across myself and die in the attempt than live with the knowledge that I have sent you into oblivion. I will carry the guilt of not having tried hard enough you for the rest of my days. We know that to pass through the Gateway will not harm a Messenger in any way. But whatever happens after that is beyond our ken. There is a good chance that the water will do nothing to help you regain consciousness in your world.'

'I realize that' I whispered.

Suspended between two worlds for all eternity, with only the Ring for company… that sounded like Gollum's ultimate fantasy. Did I actually laugh out aloud?

'I wonder, what if I had chosen to stay in Lothlorien? Who would have opened your gateway then? Or were you so sure that I would go with you?'

Gandalf smiled.

'That is what your friend Tamara told Galadriel.'

Tamara again, dearest, faceless, friend….

'She said you would not relent until you found a way back to your normal life. She also said that letting go was something that you hadn't learned yet, in spite being a grown woman. That happened to suit our purposes, callous as it may sound.'

It didn't, strangely enough. Congruence of goals was something I understood well. Except the reality was that, if I agreed to take the Ring, I would be most likely hurled into darkness and oblivion. If the Ring stayed, sooner or later the fierce spirits that pursued us would catch up and whatever fate awaited us would certainly be worse than death.

For a moment I was thankful for no longer remembering my past existence because, when I finally crossed over, I would not be resuming my life. I would be walking with eyes wide open into shadow and nothingness, perhaps never to regain consciousness again. How different was that to dying?

On the other hand, my other choice was to take this whole world down into ruin with me. It did not take much common sense to understand that such a thing could not be allowed to happen, if there was the slightest chance that it might be avoided. No matter if it was a computer generated anomaly or a parallel universe.

And maybe there was some hope in those miraculous waters after all.

'What if I say no?' I taunted, more out of curiosity since my decision had already been made, even long before I had consciously acknowledged it.

Gandalf spoke, no anticipation or reproof in his voice. 'Then we shall have to find such ways as we can to try and destroy the Ring or at least delay its return to its master's hand.'

I knew what that meant. Before long the enemy would strike and take possession of the one item their master coveted. It would be a matter of time before darkness engulfed everything….

'I hope you know what you are doing' I told Gandalf and Aragorn 'because I certainly don't.'

A/N:

* I couldn't resist using the line Aragorn used with Arwen in "Fellowship of the Ring". Of course, the circumstance was different, but it just happens that I adored it and the feelings it evokes: despair, doubt, the feeling that everything is gambled away on one flimsy possibility…But enough of this. I hope to get more reviews this time so I feel motivated enough to continue… smiles. Anyway, the sentence belongs to the scriptwriters of FOTR script, and not to me, of course.

**I know I mixed up the chronology a little, Gollum was caught in the Dead Marshes long after Bilbo left the Shire for Rivendell, but this is fiction, after all so please don't be too, too upset.