"I have to leave this mansion," Helena decided for herself the very next
morning. "I did not want to come here, and when I came to terms with being
here, this isn't what I wanted for myself." Like a wolf to a lamb. That's
what Logan was. It was a bit too stereotypically Harlequin romance for her
liking. He was gruff and alluding at first. Then he took a chance to get to
know her. She poured all her grief out onto him. Aww, now they're in love.
But she didn't love him. She didn't even know if she LIKED him.
And then the memory of her parents' rejection of her coming home sprung to mind. These days, she was attempting to get in touch with her old self. It seemed that girl was dead at the bottom of a lake. Helena wondered if she could ever swim to the surface.
She thought of Logan, and what had occurred between them the night before. He had said himself, as they walked toward her room, that she was basically still a student. Yet still, he had asked for permission before he kissed her, something she had more or less given to him. She had expected more from the whole experience.
Undoubtedly he would come to her room today, or corner her in some part of the mansion. He'd either want to talk about last night, or he'd try for round two. Helena suddenly became very nervous about leaving her room.
Her computer was turned on. It received the notification that her address had received an email. She had only to guess whom this was from. With a shaky hand and an unsure conscience, she opened her inbox. There was one message waiting for her. Her eyes scanned over the message quickly.
Helena, If I made you uncomfortable last night, I apologize. I would like to see you again , though. In private, not like how we usually see each other.
He hadn't even signed his name. He must have thought himself special, that he was the only man in her life that would have put her in a situation like the one they found themselves in last night. She wrote him back. As her fingers glided over the keys she noticed she had no idea what the point of the email would be. She told him to meet her at the gate of the mansion at noon.
But why? Here he was, this force that repelled her, yet she was willingly receiving him. Helena had to sit and think. Too many thoughts were crammed into her head. Was she going insane?
It came to mind exactly why she was in this position to begin with. Scoffing at her parents' ignorance, she next turned her thoughts to her community, the community that refused to accept her now that her dirty little secret was out.
Part out of wrath, part out of anguish, she picked up the lamp on her night table and sent it crashing against the farthest wall. Displacement. Helena wanted to scream. She was sweating, her heart was pounding. This was World War II, she was the Jew. Except. she wasn't. With a muffled scream, more various objects were destroyed. A baseball bat, conveniently placed under her bed, took out her computer. That computer was her parents, her neighbourhood, this mansion, destroyed. And what about Donny? She screamed. Loud and shrill. As she screamed, every little bit of stress eating away at her insides dripped from her body and evaporated. Nothingness. Serenity. What a wonderful world it was, Helena thought, finally closing her mouth and making no noise.
Someone knocked at her bedroom door. Of course it was Logan, saying he had gotten her message but it was half past noon and she hadn't been at the gate waiting. Then he surveyed the mess around him.
"What the hell happened?" He exclaimed, not so much looking for an answer.
Helena laughed. "I don't know, but I feel better now. Do you want to go into town? It's a nice day and I feel like walking around."
Logan, pleased that she had requested his accompaniment, followed her out the door.
But she didn't love him. She didn't even know if she LIKED him.
And then the memory of her parents' rejection of her coming home sprung to mind. These days, she was attempting to get in touch with her old self. It seemed that girl was dead at the bottom of a lake. Helena wondered if she could ever swim to the surface.
She thought of Logan, and what had occurred between them the night before. He had said himself, as they walked toward her room, that she was basically still a student. Yet still, he had asked for permission before he kissed her, something she had more or less given to him. She had expected more from the whole experience.
Undoubtedly he would come to her room today, or corner her in some part of the mansion. He'd either want to talk about last night, or he'd try for round two. Helena suddenly became very nervous about leaving her room.
Her computer was turned on. It received the notification that her address had received an email. She had only to guess whom this was from. With a shaky hand and an unsure conscience, she opened her inbox. There was one message waiting for her. Her eyes scanned over the message quickly.
Helena, If I made you uncomfortable last night, I apologize. I would like to see you again , though. In private, not like how we usually see each other.
He hadn't even signed his name. He must have thought himself special, that he was the only man in her life that would have put her in a situation like the one they found themselves in last night. She wrote him back. As her fingers glided over the keys she noticed she had no idea what the point of the email would be. She told him to meet her at the gate of the mansion at noon.
But why? Here he was, this force that repelled her, yet she was willingly receiving him. Helena had to sit and think. Too many thoughts were crammed into her head. Was she going insane?
It came to mind exactly why she was in this position to begin with. Scoffing at her parents' ignorance, she next turned her thoughts to her community, the community that refused to accept her now that her dirty little secret was out.
Part out of wrath, part out of anguish, she picked up the lamp on her night table and sent it crashing against the farthest wall. Displacement. Helena wanted to scream. She was sweating, her heart was pounding. This was World War II, she was the Jew. Except. she wasn't. With a muffled scream, more various objects were destroyed. A baseball bat, conveniently placed under her bed, took out her computer. That computer was her parents, her neighbourhood, this mansion, destroyed. And what about Donny? She screamed. Loud and shrill. As she screamed, every little bit of stress eating away at her insides dripped from her body and evaporated. Nothingness. Serenity. What a wonderful world it was, Helena thought, finally closing her mouth and making no noise.
Someone knocked at her bedroom door. Of course it was Logan, saying he had gotten her message but it was half past noon and she hadn't been at the gate waiting. Then he surveyed the mess around him.
"What the hell happened?" He exclaimed, not so much looking for an answer.
Helena laughed. "I don't know, but I feel better now. Do you want to go into town? It's a nice day and I feel like walking around."
Logan, pleased that she had requested his accompaniment, followed her out the door.
