…. though actually there is no excuse for it.

A/N: *Okay, I know that what I'm doing now is really pathetic and none of those nice readers who have kept faith with me, deserves this. But as you might have noticed, it's been a long time since I've last worked on my fic. The reason is as easy as bad: I'm stuck. Totally. Not like Miss Orrico, though the despair corresponds somehow. I know this sounds sooo melodramatic, but I just can't help myself. Actually the story's already finished, the last chapter's written, but I just can't think of the last but one, which has to be written, because otherwise the end wouldn't make sense (if the fic ever did).

The second problem is, that I decided to write a sequel to 'Control'. It's called 'Life Is A Game' and as I already wrote at its beginning it was never meant to be written, but unfortunately while writing 'Control', my 'first Death's Design' didn't work any longer n so I had to change lots of things.

After having a long fight with myself I nearly decided to leave the fic like it is, without any end, then I thought that if I'd write the end first, the rest would come, but obviously it didn't. Seems as if I overestimated my skills. Not that I ever thought me being a great author, but that I'm even unable to finish that, really makes me think!

So here I am, stuck, sad and left without any self-confidence concerning my writing. I'm not quite sure what to do now, but maybe I will really only give you the last chapter and try to explain in a few words what should have happened in the 10th chapter.

Once again: I'm sooo sorry and believe me, no one has to tell me how pathetic this is for I know damn well and only thinking about my bloody stupidity painfully turns my stomach. So if nobody is willing to read any further, you have my fullest sympathy.*

A/N, 2nd *After hours of trying to find a solution I decided, to give myself one last chance. I'm gonna watch FD tonight with my best friend (no matter how tired we are, Sherry, this time we WILL do this! lol) n then try to write the damn chapter and if I don't succeed I will …. see what to do then.*

*Big thanx to Lara for her nice review; I'm really looking forward to ur fic ('I know, we are, we are the lucky ones, dear.' Bif Naked: 'Lucky') Well, further I have to admit that unfortunately I didn't watch FD last night, but it doesn't make much difference. I gotta consider the fic finished and since I've been warning you constantly that it's gonna be really sad and stupid and clipped, on with the story.*

The scene seemed to be part of a horror movie. But it was reality. Their reality. Something they never would have thought could come true, a long time ago. Where had all those problems gone they had considered being so important and that appeared so little compared with what they were going through now? Before the plane crashed down, a normal day in school had been so easy for them. Five days a week going to school, listening to stupid boring stuff, most of it would certainly never be of great use afterwards. The unbearable long lessons until finally the bell rang and set them free. A normal day in their lives had been like:

For Carter Horton: trying to get as many dorkhead's asses kicked as possible – especially Alex Browning's, Tod Waggner's and Billy Hitchcock's – (30%); making out with his girlfriend (60%); being pissed off (70%).

For Alex Browning: trying to escape the school jock with his best friend (60%); pissing the jock off (basically 100%, because he simply disliked his existence); praying for a world in which Carter Horton was their personal slave (40%), trying to find a girl to make out with (100%)

Clear Rivers: not really caring whether school was out or not for her life at home wasn't that much better (40%); hoping that one day people would stop joking about her name – especially calling her Queer Rivers – (20%); creating strange sculptures of the secret love of her life (70%)

And now it seemed that their only purpose in life could be reduced to one simple word: survive.

Right now once again each of them wished that the final class never had been allowed to travel to Paris. Well, on closer examination, they hadn't.

*****

The sirens were still wailing and the surroundings were bathed in flickering red and blue light. The clouds of smoke still hadn't been lifted and gave the light a somewhat mysterious touch. The destroyed machine lay on the ground like a defeated monster out of a fantasy novel; it's torn and sharp edges pointing in the air like an admonishing index finger. The screams had finally ceased and for a moment there was an eerie silence until the fire brigade took up their clear-up operations again. The more time passed the less hope was left to find more survivors. Even the toughest among the mass consisting of firemen, police officers and paramedics were obviously shocked by what they saw; since the two trains had crashed into one another with full speed, none of the engineers able to stop their wagons in time for there hadn't been any warning on their screens that would've told them about the oncoming train.

The four usual survivors were standing on top of a hill, hidden by some trees so they could watch what was going on down there without being seen themselves. Clear sat on the ground and Alex who had put his arms around her, could feel her shiver though it was a quite warm night. Liz leant against one of the trees, her arms folded and peered through some leaves and branches, while Carter had an eye on the surroundings so they wouldn't be surprised by some unpleasant visitors. He felt as if a part of him was still sitting in the train, trying to decide on what he wanted to have for dinner. Two days ago they had decided to go to New York, back to the place where everything had begun. Maybe they would be able to find out more there.

"A fucking safe place, such a train, isn't it?" Carter said, turning to Clear, whose idea it had been to go by train instead of taking the plane. "And just that much faster."

"Horton, shut your mouth!" Alex fumed.

"What is it? I was just asking a simple little question, Mr Overprotective."

Alex rolled his eyes.

"Another one", Liz mumbled as she saw one of the first-aid attendants cover a body that was streaming with blood in the spin of the red light. It must be hundreds of victims. "Why aren't we dead?"

"If u feel like, just go down n die as well", Carter proposed.

"We're not even hurt this time."

Without any warning, Carter gave her a slap on the back of her head, a littler harder than he had wanted to. "Are u fucking crazy?!" she yelled and Clear and Alex could just get up in time to prevent her from going for him. "What was that for, you asshole??" she asked furiously, trying to get free off Clears hands.

"I just wanted to make sure we are still alive!" He claimd as if it was absolutely normal to hit someone out of no reason. "You know, ghosts – no matter – no real body – just air and …."

"The word you're searching for is ectoplasm, u airhead!!" Liz grumbled, gritting her teeth, as she rubbed her head.

"After all it's reassuring to know that we are still alive."

As soothing as that fact should have been, in Alex' eyes it was more than disturbing. And even more disturbing that he was starting to understand it. It was completely sick, but he could see the structure. Finally he seemed to have found out Death's design for this time. Once revealed he couldn't understand what had taken him so long from getting it. It was so simple, cruel, but simple. Last time Death had created a more complicated plan. It didn't matter whether they understood it or not for it had been sure to get them all anyway. This time it was part of the new plan that they understood. And he did. Unconsciously he shivered.

"Alex, you okay?" Clear asked quietly, again leaning against him.

He nodded. "It's just the wind", he lied.

"Oh yeah the wind. A real hurricane." Carter eyed him suspiciously for not even a tiny little breeze had moved the leaves, but Alex didn't notice as he looked down the hill. He couldn't tell for how long they had been standing here, to escape the police and the reporters with all of them questions. They wanted to avoid being mentioned in connection with this since they didn't attach importance to refresh their acquaintance with two certain FBI agents, who surely would be called as soon as their names were mentioned again. To be honest he wondered why they hadn't shown up last time at the restaurant where the police had taken down their particulars.

"Let's go home, I 'm starving to death", Carter required, being the only person to able to think about food right now. "Alex, can we??"

Alex nodded, still standing with the back to him. He hesitated before he turned around and followed them to the car, slightly nodding again as if to confirm a silent agreement with someone they couldn't see.

****

"Man helloho", Carter grumbled as they were waiting for the elevator to get them down. It was late at night and they had just left the big apartment they both shared with Clear. Alex and Clear would've never been able to even rent such a huge downtown loft, but Carter's father owned several apartments and houses in the city and allowed his son to use one of them. And since they had decided that it was the best not to live too far away from each other, and Carter had refused to live elsewhere (e.g. in a small dwelling house that didn't meet his high private requirements), they were forced to move in as well, paying a nearly ridiculous rent. But the loft was huge enough to get out of each other's way and though Carter was the owner he was absent most of the time, like he had always done, so the thought of 'living close to each other' basically lost its sense. Living in two different apartments really started to annoy Carter for he had to drive constantly from one to the other to get his stuff. And especially at that night, once home he had preferred not to leave again, but he had to get some more stuff since his last packed back was burnt in the train accident only hours ago. They had already booked a flight to NY for tomorrow evening. The crash had merely made them all the more determined to go there.

"Could you come?"

Alex eyed him suspiciously. "You and the elevator are close friends?"

"Shut up, Browning, or you gonna take the window."

Him rolled his eyes. "Oh fear, fear, where art thou?"

Impatiently Carter pushed the button again.

"It won't come faster that way", Alex commented, but his friend just slammed on the button again and a loud 'bing' was heard. Carter smirked self-satisfied as the doors opened a second later, then his grin froze. He put a hand onto the pocket of his jacket and sighed. "What did I tell you when I threw my purse n my cell at the bed?"

Alex, who was standing between the doors to keep them open, first frowned, then a grin spread across his face. "Remind me of it?"

Carter grimaced and started walking back to their apartment, cursing Alex for his forgetfulness, and grumbling something like Alex could go and get his damn phone himself which was lying beside his.

Him laughed and entered the elevator without thinking of waiting for Carter. The metallic door gave a strange 'clack' and stopped, then fully opened, before beginning to close again. It was already too late as he heard the sound of steel cables ripping. Instinctively, Alex tried to grab hold of a bar at the sidewall, as the huge lift gave a heavy jerk downwards and then stopped, sending him onto the floor.

"Browning?? Fuck, you okay??" He heard Carter's voice through the thick metal.

"I guess so", he called back.

"You gotta get outta there!"

"Oh really??" he mumbled back at his friend's 'helpful' comments, standing up again, as another jolt ran through the construction.

"Push the alarm-button!"

Alex leant forward to do so, but nothing happened. "It doesn't work!" he informed Carter - both of them not very surprised – who was trying to open the doors from the outside. Always having preferred to own the only apartment on the floor, he now regretted it for the first time. He didn't dare to leave to get some help, the last time he had done so, three people had died and though he knew that it hadn't been his fault, he stayed. Under different circumstances he would've gone – even after years he still wouldn't be completely able to explain why he didn't.

Fucking high tech. The doors hardly moved, but after a few minutes of biggest exertion he managed to open them about far less than one foot wide. The elevator jerked dangerously as he leant forward to try and help Alex get out. "C'mon", he stretched out his arm, but Alex shook his head. "I'll never be able to get through this small gap."

"But maybe we can open it, if we try together, otherwise you gonna – "His eyes widened in disbelief as he watched Alex taking a step back, slightly shaking his head again. "No."

"What the fuck are you doing??" The steal cables dangerously shrieked. He didn't like the look in Alex' eyes, he didn't like it at all. It was strange, final. Terrifyingly final. Like that day –

The elevator dropped more and Carter had to get down on his knees, for half of the door had already disappeared out of sight. Again he reached his hand towards his friend. "Alex, if you don't take a step forward, take my hand and get out I swear I'll beat the shit out of you once more!! Alex!!"

But still he denied and took another step back.

"This is useless –"

"No, it's not", Alex responded. "This is how we can beat it. You remember what we talked about that day in Liz' apartment? She was right. It's all about me. I am the connection and it won't stop until I'm dead. And Clear-"

"I don't believe in that fucking stupid new-life-theory if you're hinting at that, this is bullshit!! You –"

"It's not about new life. It's about death. My death." Alex gave a little laugh and Carter deadly wished to be able to pull him out of that elevator to smash his head at one of the walls as long as it would take until this stupid thoughts finally left his insane mind.

"Since when do you think that shit?"

A faint smile crossed his face, "I guess a part of me knew ever since …. I was just willing to believe you guys, that it wasn't the truth."

Carter stared at him, refusing to accept what he had just heard. He took a deep breath. "Okay, you know what? I don't give a fuck! We gonna find another way out, this just can't be it!! So fucking help me open the doors!!"

As a comment to what he had just said, an ear piercing screech filled the floor.

"Get the fuck outta there!!" Carter yelled as the machine gave another jerk. The steel cables had become pretty thin and it was literally only hanging by a thread. "Alex, don't –" Just in time he was able to pull his arm out of the danger zone, though still not fast enough, so he felt an intense pain as part of the metal left a deep scratch on it, as the last cable finally ripped and the lift crashed down to the ground. Carter stared at the black hole of nothing behind the gap, unable to move while listening to the screaming metal on it's a way to - only seconds later he heard a heavy crash as the elevator hit the ground, and the impact seemed to shake the whole building. He felt his knees getting weak, but he ignored it and stumbled forward, towards the direction of the stairwell, running down, trying to drive away the images and scenes that played in his mind, knowing they had already become reality down there.

****

Clear was crossing the room again. She just couldn't sit still. Something had happened, she felt it. She had tried to reach her friends on their mobiles, but nobody had picked up. Liz did her best to calm her, but even an overdose of sedatives wouldn't have been able to soothe her now. Finally the phone rang and suddenly the stone inside of her stomach seemed to weight a hundred pounds more, making her unable to move. She stared at the receiver, and only lifted it after the third ring. "Alex?" she asked hopefully though she already knew it wasn't him. There were various sounds in the background at the other end of the line, but she couldn't assign them. Close to the mouthpiece she could hear someone breathing. "Hello?" she asked again, but still didn't get an answer, instead of it sounded as if that person was clasping the receiver tighter. "Carter? Is that you?" Was that a snuffle? No, that couldn't be, if it was him, he never would – She tried to swallow the lump in her throat. "Where are you?"

She could hear him taking a deep breath. "Lincoln Memorial Hospital …. Come here."

"Where's Alex?" She almost didn't dare to ask the question.

"Just com here –"

"Carter, tell –"

"Just – come here", he repeated self-controlled and hung up.