Luigi Goes Postal
Chapter 2
Ye Olde Gun Shoppe
Luigi decided that in order to go postal, one needed an arsenal of weapons. So he decided to go to the gun store and trade in his vacuum cleaner. He walked down the historic section of town and arrived at the gun store and looked up at the sign.
YE OLDE GUN SHOPPE
EST. 1789
Luigi walked in.
"Welcome to Ye Olde Gun Shoppe. 'Where guns don't kill people, postal workers do.' How can I help you?" Said the owner in his southern accent.
"What can I get for this vacuum? I need to exact my revenge." Said Luigi. The owner howled with laughter.
"Ya want somethin' for that go to the pawn shop down the street. In here it's either cash, credit, check, or debit." Said the owner.
"This is all Nintendo would give me. I need an arsenal to exact my revenge on Mario and everyone else in the gaming world. There hasn't been a Mario Bros. Game since Super Mario World. I told Nintendo that-"
"Wait a minute!" the owner interrupted. "You're Luigi?"
"Yeah." Said Luigi
"I am your number one fan." Said the owner as he lifted his shirt to reveal a tattoo of Luigi on his gut. "Whenever me and my brother played Super Mario Bros. I always picked you. You were always better at jumping than Mario could ever dream."
"Thanks." Said Luigi.
"There's more. I tried to start a petition to get Nintendo to make a Super Mario Bros. Game, but only three people signed it. Nintendo said that that three wasn't good enough. If you want an arsenal to take on the video gaming world, I got your back." Said the owner. "I tell you what I'm gonna do. I give you my childhood idol discount."
"Meaning?" asked Luigi.
"Meanin' I get you anything in this store, no limit to how much you can have, all for that vacuum." said the owner.
"You're gonna give me an arsenal of weapons all for that sucky vacuum? Why?" asked Luigi.
"Like I said: I'm your number one fan. I got your back. And I've been without a vacuum since my maid died." The Owner explained.
"How'd your maid die?" asked Luigi. The Owner's eyes darted left and right.
"She fell down a staircase. Onto some bullets." said the owner.
"Okay. Now about that arsenal…" Luigi said.
"I take you in the back room. I got stuff in there you ain't never seen before." Said the Owner. Luigi and the Owner went into the back room. Luigi saw more firearms in there than an NRA rally.
"You name the weapon I got it. Excluding chemical and biological weapons, ballistic missiles, and nuclear weapons. Also I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell the ATF or UN weapons inspectors about this place."
"My lips are sealed." Said Luigi. The Owner pulled a gun off a seemingly endless rack of guns.
"12 gauge Auto Shotgun as seen in the game Goldeneye. Do you want it?" asked The Owner.
"Yes." Said Luigi. The Owner pulled another gun off the rack.
"MA5B Assault Rifle as seen in the game Halo. Fully automatic, fires a 7.62mm armor piercing round." Said the owner.
"Yes." Said Luigi. The Owner pulled a large weapon off the ceiling.
"M 19 SSM Rocket Launcher also seen in the game Halo. A portable shoulder launched weapon. The magazine contains two 102mm high explosive rockets." Said The Owner.
"Yes!" Said Luigi. The Owner pulled another gun off the rack.
"S2 AM Sniper Rifle also seen in the game Halo. It has a scope on it for supreme accuracy so you can score headshots from a distance" Said the Owner.
"YES!" Said Luigi.
"And to top it all off you need a mode of transportation." Said The Owner.
"What do you got?" asked Luigi.
"Y'know that thing on top of the roof? It's called a Banshee. It's an alien aircraft from the game Halo." Said the Owner.
"Show me." Said Luigi. The Owner led Luigi up a staircase leading to the roof. When they got on the roof The Owner introduced Luigi to the Banshee.
"The Banshee is the Covenant's standard ground assault aircraft. It's very fast and extremely maneuverable. Its primary weapons are two plasma cannons ideal for takin' out infantry. Its secondary weapons are two fuel rod cannons ideal for takin' out heavily armored vehicles. Its armor is completely immune to small arms fire; only heavy arms fire can damage it. I've added a complete stereo system and cup holder." Said The Owner.
"Does it play MP3s?" asked Luigi.
"No. That would cost extra." Said The Owner
"No matter. I'll take it." Said Luigi. Luigi hopped into the Banshee with his arsenal of weapons and flew off.
