*RedMetalCross*
This is something I decided to write up after watching an episode of Maury. Don't ask me what evil spirit forced me into writing this because I haven't figured it out myself. If you like it, I might add on.
The Maury Show
Topic: " Mommy, Who Is My Daddy?" Part I
(Maury walks on stage. He smiles to the camera and waves to the audience.)
MAURY: " Good morning ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the show. Today, you will be witness to live DNA paternity tests. Three guests have come onto the show and are trying to find out who the real father of their child is. And we are going to help them find out the truth!"
(The audience claps their hands. Maury notices that the audience is mainly composed of women. He has a sudden bad feeling about the show.)
MAURY: " Before we get to those women, I have another guest to introduce you too. He's a young man, in his mid-thirties, which has grown up his entire life without ever knowing his Father. His Mother has brought him on the show. She has also given us a name of a man who possibly could be the man's Father. We have also invited him on the show. First thing's first, do you what to meet the boy and his mother?"
AUDIENCE: YEAH! (They clap their hands loudly. Some are beginning to whistle.)
MAURY: (He smiles.) " All right then. Bring on out Ganondorf and his mother, Koume!"
(Ganondorf and Koume walk down the steps and shake Maury's hand. They sit down in front of a large television screen.)
MAURY: " Nice to meet you, Ganondorf. And your mother, Koume."
KOUME: " Actually, I'm his surrogate Mother. His actual Mother died during labor."
AUDIENCE: Awwww.... (Some women say, " Poor baby.")
MAURY: " I'm really sorry to hear that, Ganondorf. I know it must be tough losing your Mother and on top of that, not knowing your Father."
GANONDORF: (He nods his head.) " Yes it has been Maury. Today, I hope to at least accomplish the task in finding my real Father. It really hurts living your life and not knowing who created you. Who loved your Mother enough to invest the time? It...it creates a loud of anger and frustration inside and...and makes me want to lash out at everyone."
MAURY: (He laughs.) " I guess I understand why you try to take over the world. That aggression inside must burn a hole in you."
(Ganondorf nods his head again. Maury changes his attention to Koume.)
MAURY: " So Koume, you have told us that you have an idea who the father is."
KOUME: " Yes. I don't just have an idea, I definitely know who it is."
MAURY: " You do! Who is it then?"
KOUME: (She faces the camera.) Ganondorf's father is...the King of Hyrule!"
(The audience gasps.)
MAURY: " The Royal Highness himself?! I'm very surprised. Koume, can you tell us anything that you know about the relationship between the King and Ganondorf's Mother?"
KOUME: " The King was a frequent traveler to the Gerudo Valley. But at one point, he actually lived there among the Gerudos for about a month. I believe it was because he had a big fight with his wife, the Queen. When he stayed for that month, the King lived with Ganondorf's mother. Needless to say, their relationship was very intimate. When the Queen finally cooled down, he went back to the castle. She became pregnant shortly after that."
MAURY: " Koume, did Ganondorf's Mother ever contact the King and tell him about the pregnancy?"
KOUME: " Sure she did. She went over to the castle personally and told him. But the King flatly denied it and had the castle guards escort her out. He then disallowed her to ever step outside the valley or she would be killed."
(The audience grumbles. Some women lift up their purses. Maury hopes that there aren't any bricks inside.)
KOUME: " She didn't want to have the baby after that but Kotake, her other surrogate Mother, and I convinced her to have it. Unfortunately, she didn't survive. Now it's thirty-five years later and I want the King of Hyrule to live up to his past and admit that he's the father of Ganondorf!"
(The audience claps loudly, screaming to bring out the King. Ganondorf has said very little. He sits silently in his chair.)
MAURY: " I guess it's time to meet the King. But before that, we asked the King what he thought about the idea of Ganondorf being his son. We videotaped his reactions."
(The television screen behind them lights up. On the screen were the King and his daughter, Zelda.)
THE KING: " Maury, you asked me what I thought about Ganondorf being my son. You know what I think?! I think it's the stupidest thing I have ever heard in my life. I mean, look at him! He looks like a fucking dried up pickle! Ganondorf looks nothing like me and may I say, is ugly like a piece of shit! He cannot even compare to royalty such as my daughter and myself!"
ZELDA: " That's right Father! Ganondorf! I know you're listening and I want to you to know that you're the most disgusting man on the planet! The only reason you claim that my Father is your Father because you want a piece of our pie! Well, guess what?! It's not going to happen! Daddy would never sleep with a slut and that was what your Mother was. A dirty, worthless slut! A bitch who slept with every man in Hyrule!"
THE KING: " Today, I'm going to show you, Ganondorf, that you're not my son. I'm going to show the thousands of people watching The Maury Show how much of a whiny bitch you really are!"
(The television screen clicks off. The audience is too stunned to speak. Ganondorf doesn't react while Koume is flipping out. Maury gets up and goes over to the steps.)
MAURY: " And I thought this was a family show. Where the hell are those censors. Oops! Sorry! Anyway, your Highness. Zelda. Please come out."
(The King and Zelda step out and shake Maury's hand. They sit down about ten feet away from Ganondorf and Koume. Maury sits back down.)
MAURY: " Now, your Highness. Give everyone here a good reason why you think that Ganondorf isn't your son."
THE KING: " Maury, take a good look at Ganondorf. He looks nothing like me. Obviously, whoever the hell his mother was, must have had a fetish with frogs or something because I've never seen a person turn out green before. Plus, I never left my wife's side. We have been happily married for forty years."
(Koume couldn't take it anymore. She gets up and runs toward the King. She screams wildly at him, waving her arms around.)
KOUME: " You fucking bastard! You fucking bastard! You know you had sex with Xenera! You know she's fucking became pregnant because of you! Don't lie! Don't lie you bastard!"
ZELDA: " Shut up old woman. Shouldn't you be six feet under by now, you fucking senile bitch."
(Maury gets up and grabs Koume. He drags her back to the chair and attempts to comfort her. The audience is really getting into it. They begin calling the King vulgar names.)
MAURY: " It's okay, Koume. You can't just verbally attack someone, no matter what. That's why we're here. To prove he is Ganondorf's father. (He turns to the audience.) Lucky for us, we had the King take a paternity test. (He picks up an envelope.) And here are the results."
(The audience cheers. Maury sees one woman take a brick out of her purse.)
MAURY: " Okay, I'm ready to open the envelope. These moments are always exciting because not even I know the results. (He opens the envelope and pulls out a slip of paper.) Before I read, I want to ask Ganondorf something. (He looks over to him.) What do you plan to do if he is your Father?"
GANONDORF: " I don't really know, Maury. I don't want any of his riches like the paranoid whore Zelda thinks. I'm already a King so money means nothing to me. I just want to be able to talk to him and find out things about him and the brief relationship with my Mom."
THE KING: " Sorry to disappoint you, Ganondorf. But I guarantee that I'm not your Father. There's no chance in hell that I'm going to be your Dad so stop playing this stupid charade and go home! I bet my daughter's virginity on that!"
ZELDA: (She gives the King a sideways look.) " Ahem, it's kind of too late for that..."
THE KING: " What? Who?!"
ZELDA: " With Link of course."
THE KING: " That dumb piece of fuck! What did I tell you about feeling sorry for commoners? They only screw you for money!"
ZELDA: " Daddy! Link and I are getting married next month!"
MAURY: " Okay, okay. Calm down, you two. I'm ready to read the results.(He briefly read the paper.) Ahem. When it comes to thirty-five year old Ganondorf, your Royal Highness...you...ARE the Father!"
THE KING: " NOOOOOOOOO! I KNEW SHE SHOULD HAVE JUST GIVEN ME A BLOWJOB!!"
(The audience goes wild. Koume jumps back up and starts screaming again at the King. Zelda has a very angry look on her face.)
MAURY: " Zelda? What are you thinking? Ganondorf is your half-brother."
ZELDA: " I...I don't know what to say. I...I'm sorry for being so rude. Daddy..."
THE KING: " Yes precious..."
ZELDA: " You lied!"
THE KING: " I...I didn't mean to. I mean, that Gerudo bitch had a pussy like you couldn't believe. I'm sure if you tasted it you would agree."
(The audience boos the King. He glares at them.)
MAURY: " So your Highness. What do you plan on doing with your relationship with Ganondorf? Are you going to try and patch things up or what?"
THE KING: " Let me think...hell no! He still looks like an ugly toad to me! I would never be seen in public with the bastard!"
(One of the audience members stands up.)
AUDIENCE MEMBER: " You son of a bitch!" (She throws a brick and it connects against the King's head. He falls unconscious on the floor.)
(The audience member rips off her clothes and reveals herself. She looks a lot like Koume.)
KOUME: " Kotake! I thought your were running the shop back at home!"
KOTAKE: " Heheheh! I knew that son of a bitch would do that so I came. Prepared!"
MAURY: " Okay...I think that this is the end of this segment. (He looks at the audience.) We have to take a break now. Please come back and see our next guest and witness the shocking story she has to tell!"
(Audience claps their hands. A janitor comes in and sweeps the King's unconscious body of the stage. Zelda leaves quietly. Ganondorf and his two surrogate Mother's disappear in a cloud of smoke. Screen goes black.)
*Part I is finished. Tell me how it is! *
This is something I decided to write up after watching an episode of Maury. Don't ask me what evil spirit forced me into writing this because I haven't figured it out myself. If you like it, I might add on.
The Maury Show
Topic: " Mommy, Who Is My Daddy?" Part I
(Maury walks on stage. He smiles to the camera and waves to the audience.)
MAURY: " Good morning ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the show. Today, you will be witness to live DNA paternity tests. Three guests have come onto the show and are trying to find out who the real father of their child is. And we are going to help them find out the truth!"
(The audience claps their hands. Maury notices that the audience is mainly composed of women. He has a sudden bad feeling about the show.)
MAURY: " Before we get to those women, I have another guest to introduce you too. He's a young man, in his mid-thirties, which has grown up his entire life without ever knowing his Father. His Mother has brought him on the show. She has also given us a name of a man who possibly could be the man's Father. We have also invited him on the show. First thing's first, do you what to meet the boy and his mother?"
AUDIENCE: YEAH! (They clap their hands loudly. Some are beginning to whistle.)
MAURY: (He smiles.) " All right then. Bring on out Ganondorf and his mother, Koume!"
(Ganondorf and Koume walk down the steps and shake Maury's hand. They sit down in front of a large television screen.)
MAURY: " Nice to meet you, Ganondorf. And your mother, Koume."
KOUME: " Actually, I'm his surrogate Mother. His actual Mother died during labor."
AUDIENCE: Awwww.... (Some women say, " Poor baby.")
MAURY: " I'm really sorry to hear that, Ganondorf. I know it must be tough losing your Mother and on top of that, not knowing your Father."
GANONDORF: (He nods his head.) " Yes it has been Maury. Today, I hope to at least accomplish the task in finding my real Father. It really hurts living your life and not knowing who created you. Who loved your Mother enough to invest the time? It...it creates a loud of anger and frustration inside and...and makes me want to lash out at everyone."
MAURY: (He laughs.) " I guess I understand why you try to take over the world. That aggression inside must burn a hole in you."
(Ganondorf nods his head again. Maury changes his attention to Koume.)
MAURY: " So Koume, you have told us that you have an idea who the father is."
KOUME: " Yes. I don't just have an idea, I definitely know who it is."
MAURY: " You do! Who is it then?"
KOUME: (She faces the camera.) Ganondorf's father is...the King of Hyrule!"
(The audience gasps.)
MAURY: " The Royal Highness himself?! I'm very surprised. Koume, can you tell us anything that you know about the relationship between the King and Ganondorf's Mother?"
KOUME: " The King was a frequent traveler to the Gerudo Valley. But at one point, he actually lived there among the Gerudos for about a month. I believe it was because he had a big fight with his wife, the Queen. When he stayed for that month, the King lived with Ganondorf's mother. Needless to say, their relationship was very intimate. When the Queen finally cooled down, he went back to the castle. She became pregnant shortly after that."
MAURY: " Koume, did Ganondorf's Mother ever contact the King and tell him about the pregnancy?"
KOUME: " Sure she did. She went over to the castle personally and told him. But the King flatly denied it and had the castle guards escort her out. He then disallowed her to ever step outside the valley or she would be killed."
(The audience grumbles. Some women lift up their purses. Maury hopes that there aren't any bricks inside.)
KOUME: " She didn't want to have the baby after that but Kotake, her other surrogate Mother, and I convinced her to have it. Unfortunately, she didn't survive. Now it's thirty-five years later and I want the King of Hyrule to live up to his past and admit that he's the father of Ganondorf!"
(The audience claps loudly, screaming to bring out the King. Ganondorf has said very little. He sits silently in his chair.)
MAURY: " I guess it's time to meet the King. But before that, we asked the King what he thought about the idea of Ganondorf being his son. We videotaped his reactions."
(The television screen behind them lights up. On the screen were the King and his daughter, Zelda.)
THE KING: " Maury, you asked me what I thought about Ganondorf being my son. You know what I think?! I think it's the stupidest thing I have ever heard in my life. I mean, look at him! He looks like a fucking dried up pickle! Ganondorf looks nothing like me and may I say, is ugly like a piece of shit! He cannot even compare to royalty such as my daughter and myself!"
ZELDA: " That's right Father! Ganondorf! I know you're listening and I want to you to know that you're the most disgusting man on the planet! The only reason you claim that my Father is your Father because you want a piece of our pie! Well, guess what?! It's not going to happen! Daddy would never sleep with a slut and that was what your Mother was. A dirty, worthless slut! A bitch who slept with every man in Hyrule!"
THE KING: " Today, I'm going to show you, Ganondorf, that you're not my son. I'm going to show the thousands of people watching The Maury Show how much of a whiny bitch you really are!"
(The television screen clicks off. The audience is too stunned to speak. Ganondorf doesn't react while Koume is flipping out. Maury gets up and goes over to the steps.)
MAURY: " And I thought this was a family show. Where the hell are those censors. Oops! Sorry! Anyway, your Highness. Zelda. Please come out."
(The King and Zelda step out and shake Maury's hand. They sit down about ten feet away from Ganondorf and Koume. Maury sits back down.)
MAURY: " Now, your Highness. Give everyone here a good reason why you think that Ganondorf isn't your son."
THE KING: " Maury, take a good look at Ganondorf. He looks nothing like me. Obviously, whoever the hell his mother was, must have had a fetish with frogs or something because I've never seen a person turn out green before. Plus, I never left my wife's side. We have been happily married for forty years."
(Koume couldn't take it anymore. She gets up and runs toward the King. She screams wildly at him, waving her arms around.)
KOUME: " You fucking bastard! You fucking bastard! You know you had sex with Xenera! You know she's fucking became pregnant because of you! Don't lie! Don't lie you bastard!"
ZELDA: " Shut up old woman. Shouldn't you be six feet under by now, you fucking senile bitch."
(Maury gets up and grabs Koume. He drags her back to the chair and attempts to comfort her. The audience is really getting into it. They begin calling the King vulgar names.)
MAURY: " It's okay, Koume. You can't just verbally attack someone, no matter what. That's why we're here. To prove he is Ganondorf's father. (He turns to the audience.) Lucky for us, we had the King take a paternity test. (He picks up an envelope.) And here are the results."
(The audience cheers. Maury sees one woman take a brick out of her purse.)
MAURY: " Okay, I'm ready to open the envelope. These moments are always exciting because not even I know the results. (He opens the envelope and pulls out a slip of paper.) Before I read, I want to ask Ganondorf something. (He looks over to him.) What do you plan to do if he is your Father?"
GANONDORF: " I don't really know, Maury. I don't want any of his riches like the paranoid whore Zelda thinks. I'm already a King so money means nothing to me. I just want to be able to talk to him and find out things about him and the brief relationship with my Mom."
THE KING: " Sorry to disappoint you, Ganondorf. But I guarantee that I'm not your Father. There's no chance in hell that I'm going to be your Dad so stop playing this stupid charade and go home! I bet my daughter's virginity on that!"
ZELDA: (She gives the King a sideways look.) " Ahem, it's kind of too late for that..."
THE KING: " What? Who?!"
ZELDA: " With Link of course."
THE KING: " That dumb piece of fuck! What did I tell you about feeling sorry for commoners? They only screw you for money!"
ZELDA: " Daddy! Link and I are getting married next month!"
MAURY: " Okay, okay. Calm down, you two. I'm ready to read the results.(He briefly read the paper.) Ahem. When it comes to thirty-five year old Ganondorf, your Royal Highness...you...ARE the Father!"
THE KING: " NOOOOOOOOO! I KNEW SHE SHOULD HAVE JUST GIVEN ME A BLOWJOB!!"
(The audience goes wild. Koume jumps back up and starts screaming again at the King. Zelda has a very angry look on her face.)
MAURY: " Zelda? What are you thinking? Ganondorf is your half-brother."
ZELDA: " I...I don't know what to say. I...I'm sorry for being so rude. Daddy..."
THE KING: " Yes precious..."
ZELDA: " You lied!"
THE KING: " I...I didn't mean to. I mean, that Gerudo bitch had a pussy like you couldn't believe. I'm sure if you tasted it you would agree."
(The audience boos the King. He glares at them.)
MAURY: " So your Highness. What do you plan on doing with your relationship with Ganondorf? Are you going to try and patch things up or what?"
THE KING: " Let me think...hell no! He still looks like an ugly toad to me! I would never be seen in public with the bastard!"
(One of the audience members stands up.)
AUDIENCE MEMBER: " You son of a bitch!" (She throws a brick and it connects against the King's head. He falls unconscious on the floor.)
(The audience member rips off her clothes and reveals herself. She looks a lot like Koume.)
KOUME: " Kotake! I thought your were running the shop back at home!"
KOTAKE: " Heheheh! I knew that son of a bitch would do that so I came. Prepared!"
MAURY: " Okay...I think that this is the end of this segment. (He looks at the audience.) We have to take a break now. Please come back and see our next guest and witness the shocking story she has to tell!"
(Audience claps their hands. A janitor comes in and sweeps the King's unconscious body of the stage. Zelda leaves quietly. Ganondorf and his two surrogate Mother's disappear in a cloud of smoke. Screen goes black.)
*Part I is finished. Tell me how it is! *
