Author's notes: Thanks to Stonedtoad for betaing.

This is my first attempt at getting inside the head of Jonas so not too sure how I did.


Well, it was grey.

That was the one thing I could really say about the place I was now living after doing the right thing and telling my government what had really happened.

General Hammond gave me a place to stay in the base and I was shown an office I was told I could use and study everything there.

Then I found out whose office it was.

Colonel O'Neill appeared at the door his face set in a blank expression. I'd tried many times over the past few days to speak to him but every time I got brushed off.

"Colonel," I said softly, "Can I help you?"

"Just here to pick up a few things," he replied sharply.

I watched him as he picked up a few pictures; one of them caught my eye.

"Who is she?" I couldn't stop myself from asking.

I stepped back slightly as he turned on me.

"'She' was Daniel's wife."

I felt all the colour leach from my face.

"Don't worry," the Colonel told me, "She died several years ago. You didn't make her a widow."

He looked at the other picture of Dr Jackson on a camel before looking at me again.

"It's nice to see you've settled in," sarcasm filled his voice, "By all means get comfy."

Thankfully after that he left without another word.

I didn't know how he managed to do it but every time I was around O'Neill I felt only a few inches tall. I couldn't blame him though; from what I've heard around the base Dr Jackson and Colonel O'Neill were each other's family and he blames me for that loss.

Major Carter, on the very rare occasions I've seen her has been polite but I'm not her favourite person in the world either.

Teal'c has spoken to me more than the other two, I think it's cause he was once in my position. An alien, for the first time in my life I'm in a place where I don't know anything. Back home I was top of my class, part of a group thought of as the top minds of our world and now…

Honestly I'm afraid of what's going to happen to me now. I don't exist in their world and I'm now a traitor on my own.

Sitting down and taking one of Dr Jackson's books I settle down to learn. This is my new home and I'm going to have to find a niche, find a way to help them, find a place for myself here.

If only I could find a way to do it.