Disclaimer: The rumors are true, they're not mine…thus is life. *sigh*
Thank you muches and $5 gift certificates for McDonalds to(no, not really peoples!):
Jen: Rain soaked Nick? Read on girl, and keep a pillow near you this time! :o)
=): All the way from Sweden? Wow, that's really exciting..for some reason that means a lot! Thanks for your encouraging reviews!
MissyJane: I feel ya, I've been having problems as well on here…however, I'm just glad that you replied at all. Thanks!
skyler: Aww, Nick wasn't too harsh, just hurt… ;-) Thanks for the compliment!
drvvh: Yay! I'm psyched that you enjoyed the whole angsty moments of last chapter…read on my friend!
pdhtgal: Thank you for taking the time to write that…it made me smile!
adpi24: Sorry if I'm killing you, that was never my intention…well, ok, maybe I did want to leave a little question mark hanging there at the end! *grins mischievously*
cRaZyPiXiE: Yes, Sara does have heavy emotions in this fic…many a tear in her system. Thanks for your comments!
A Bloom: I'm crossing my fingers with ya! Heehee
pyro666: Haha…well, uh, if my stories were making me any money I'd drop school in no time…however, its just not going to happen. Got to get me edumacated. But I'm gonna keep on writing for ya!
Lynn: Tense? Good, that's what I wanted to portray…thanks for your encouragement!
The comment meant much!
Diana: Thanks a bundle…I appreciate it!
Rya: hehe, read on…
MsCassy: Ok, I won't leave ya hanging….here you are…
Cindy Ryan: Thanks so much! I really do enjoy writing this…its why I do it!
Dealing: Chapter Seven
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It had been two hours since Nick and Sara arrived back at the lab. They didn't speak as they parted, Nick going to grab his belonging at the locker room, Sara heading immediately for her car. Although at first Nick wanted to warn Grissom that Sara might plan on going out to the crime scene alone, he went against the idea. He wasn't one to tattle and more importantly, deep down, Nick knew she wasn't going anywhere but home anyway.
Nick grabbed his belongings out of the locker room and left the lab. He considered driving home, yet somehow entertained the idea that driving around would help clear his head of the warped notions invading it at that moment. So Nick drove aimlessly around the city, no destination in mind. The roads were winding and dark. His mind wandered involuntarily back to Sara every time he thought he'd gotten her out of his head for good.
The sound of rain hissed under his tires. It seemed as if the weather was reflecting Nick's wavering mood. The rain would let up for a while, and then come back down in large erratic drops. The cacophony of thunder crackles, rain sputter and motor vehicles sounding around him for some odd reason allowed Nick to calm down. The anger was soon draining out of him, and he found himself thinking rationally again.
He wanted to forget about Sara. He had been angry with her, really angry with her at first. In fact, he felt every emotion possible that night. He was mad that she had lied, confused when she didn't offer any explanation for it, compassionate when he realized she was still being plagued with nightmares, and then angry again at himself for even trying to be anything more to Sara than just a partner on a case together. He felt foolish that he put himself out there for her, only to be lied to and altogether ignored. He wanted to erase all the images in his mind, all the intense feelings that he had been developing toward her. But it was impossible.
Nick realized that he may have been slightly harsh earlier, however, and that it wasn't necessarily his place to hold a grudge against her, especially considering she purposefully didn't welcome him into her personal life to begin with. She didn't want his help; Nick figured she'd made that pretty clear. But just as it was in his dream, he was drawn to her.
Which is what brought him there now, parked in front of her apartment.
He stared at the windows for a minute, wondering what it was Sara was doing at that precise moment.
And then, despite the rain, Nick got out of his Tahoe and moved slowly up to the building's overhang.
At Sara's door, he raised his right hand and, after only a moment's hesitation, rapped lightly with his knuckles.
After a moment's pass, Nick began to panic, realizing he didn't know exactly what to say if she did answer the door. What am I doing here?
Nick took in a sharp breath as the door clicked and then opened.
In the eyeblink before Sara realized who was at her door, Nick registered the graveness to her features, the red-rimmed eyes and worn look. Sara wore the same jeans she had on earlier and had replaced her button up camisole with an oversized blue sweatshirt. Beautiful, Nick thought and then mentally kicked himself, knowing that that's not why he intended on coming in the first place. He came solely to apologize to her for being short and anything but understanding with her earlier. Or at least that's what he kept telling himself.
Sara blinked, taken back, and her eyes narrowed a little in confusion.
"Hi," he said simply, quietly.
"Hi." Her voice was weak.
Silence.
"I, uh…" Nick cleared his throat. "Can I come in?"
Sara nodded and opened the door further, pulling herself back, to allow Nick room to enter. He looked as uncomfortable as a person could look at that moment. His dampened clothes clung to him and his shoes squeaked with water. Dark wet strings of hair hung in his face. Sara figured he had not yet been home since their confrontation in the rain.
"Can I get you a towel?" She asked quietly.
"Uh, no, I'm good."
"Nick." She said in a slightly condemning tone.
"Ok." He quickly gave in.
Sara walked to a pantry full of bath towels and tossed him one as she made her way back to him. As she did this, Sara studied his presence. His face was serious and chiseled, the jaw line strong, the mouth sensitive...
Sara quickly looked down and drew her hand up to the back of her neck, massaging it.
"Thanks." He said after drying off his hair and face. He awkwardly handed the towel back to her, not knowing what else to do with it. Sara flung it over a chair in her small kitchen, and then turned back to Nick.
She stood there, surveying him, and it clicked with Nick that he hadn't yet explained his being there.
"So, you are probably wondering why I'm here, huh?"
"I presume it's not to work on the case." Sara spoke.
"Yeah, I didn't come to talk about the case." He confirmed. Nick ran through his head exactly what he wanted to say. He didn't know how to begin. His eyes danced around the apartment, in hopes of stalling, and then stopped on an opened bottle of Merlot next to a Styrofoam cup.
"Merlot, huh?" He motioned toward the bottle.
Sara turned to her kitchen counter and nodded. "Yeah, I opened it as soon as I got home. I kind of have this tradition with Merlot and rain…." She half sighed/half giggled while brushing her fingers through the air. "It's kind of a long story."
"Oh."
"Can I offer you a glass?" She began walking towards the bottle.
"I'd love one."
She stood on her tip toes as she reached into a high cabinet, and came out with another Styrofoam cup. She let out an embarrassed chuckle and her face flushed a little as she wiggled the cup in her hand.
"I know I offered you a glass of Merlot, but will you settle for this?" She asked innocently, eyebrows raised. "I kind of always planned on getting wine goblets, but never actually acted on it. All my others glasses are dirty, which is, like, all three of them." She giggled, despite herself. Nick couldn't help but smile at how attractive this embarrassed shyness made her look.
"I guess that will have to do." Nick joked and calmly made his way over to the couch, plopping down, trying to look as easygoing and natural as possible.
As Sara poured a second cup of Merlot she watched Nick, his back turned to her, take a seat on the couch. He was motionless as he sat there, and immediately Sara wondered what he was thinking…why he was there. She felt terrible at the way things ended earlier, and was uneasy at the fact that, although the confrontation was still very fresh and obviously on her mind, they pretended like everything was okay. Pretended like they didn't, just hours before, have this intense situation occur between the two of them. Is he still angry with me? Sara nervously wondered.
"How are those clothes of yours?" Sara attempted to break the unnerving silence, walking over to him with both cups.
"They're drying."
"On my couch?" Sara teased. Nick said nothing, just laughed.
She handed him his cup and they both took a sip of wine at the same time. Nick then placed the cup on the coffee table before him and brought his hands close, fidgeting his fingers together. His breath was ragged and nervous. He tried to suck it in and let it out evenly, so that Sara wouldn't notice.
"I came here to talk to you, Sara." He blurted out, eyes on his shaky hands. "I didn't enjoy the way things ended earlier. Or the way they came about in the first place." He put mildly.
Sara swallowed hard, feeling very guilty. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings," she responded.
"My feelings aren't hurt." He quickly retorted. But they were.
"Oh."
"Well," Nick sighed. "I guess I was a little hurt that, you know, you lied to me….more than once." He confessed, his voice just above a whisper, almost as if he were afraid of waking someone up.
Sara lowered her head, nodding, and pursed her lips together. She didn't know what to say. The truth is, she wanted so badly to open herself to Nick, she always had. But her instinct never allowed her to trust anyone more than she needed to. And she always wanted to believe that whatever it was that life threw in her direction, that she was capable enough to handle it on her own.
"I don't know, maybe I did leave myself too open to the whole thing. My mom has always said I wear my heart on my sleeve." He grinned, not whole-heartedly.
Sara eyed him. "Did she also ever mention anything about wet leaves?"
Nick abruptly looked down at his shoulder, and sure enough, a small, wet, brown leaf clung to his shirt. "Wow, that's embarrassing." Nick uttered, grinning, peeling off the soggy leaf and resting it on a napkin.
Sara laughed and he laughed with her, but his eyes were watchful.
"Sometimes you look so serious." He spoke softly, sincerely, looking at her.
Sara met his eyes. "Well, some things in life are serious."
"I know, but I find it easier to just brush it off. Not let it get to me." Nick leaned his head back against the sofa, tilting his head at Sara. He watched her reaction. He didn't want to force her to talk to him, he just wanted her to know that it was ok if she wanted to.
He prayed that she would.
"How are you feeling?" He finally asked, reaching over and touching her arm after she sat there silently, looking distracted and far away. Her arm tingled.
Tired, light-headed, confused. "I'm fine." She spoke aloud, allowing Nick to see the doubt in her eyes. Sara lowered her head and sighed heavily. "I don't know, Nick, there's just all this stuff going on in my head. I don't know what to think anymore. I'm trying not to let all this get the best of me, its just…I don't know…I mean, life's not fair, but I've never implied that it was so this is all just—," She blurted out all these thoughts, struggling through her words.
It wasn't until Nick touched her cheek that she realized she was crying.
"Its okay, Sara. Just slow down…I want to help you but I've got to figure out what you are saying first." Nick spoke very, very gently.
Sara eyes moved upwards, as if she were searching through her thoughts. Pools of tears rested on her bottom lids.
"The truth is, Nick, I'm scared. I say I'm trying not to let all this get the best of me, but it has. My anxiety, my dreams, they have gotten the best of me."
Nick's heart ached for Sara.
Sara gave a little shrug, wiping her eyes. "I don't know." It was all she could say. She didn't want to sound any more pathetic and incapable than she already did. She leaned back the same way Nick had moment's before, resting her head on the sofa, yet stared forwards. Her body was exhausted.
"I want to let you know that there is nothing you could say to me right now that would change the way I feel towards you." Nick was glancing at her sideways.
Sara's heart did a little flip. What does he mean by that? She wondered, startled that he felt anything towards her.
Sara pulled her legs up toward her body, allowing her feet to rest on the couch while she hugged her knees.
"Are they loud?" Nick asked. Sara's brow creased in confusion of his question. "Your dreams." He clarified. "Are they loud?"
Sara remembered that she had told him about her nightmares already…about the explosion.
"Yeah." She recalled images of a waterfall of glass and immediately her arms were covered with goose bumps. "Yeah, they're loud."
Sara pushed her hair self-consciously behind her ears before she went on. "I haven't been able to sleep, Nick. I'm so tired, and so completely sick of all this. I just don't understand why this haunts me the way it does. And Nick…" She turned to face him, her head resting on her knees, his still upon the couch. "I really wanted to call you last night. I almost did." She quickly glanced away. "I don't know, I guess I'm just afraid that you'll think differently of me, look down on me. I hate having this helpless image of myself." She sniffled. "I guess I think you'll think I'm crazy…but that's what crazy people do, you know, obsess about something that's already over and done with…"
"You're not crazy, Sara. I promise you, you're not."
Sara let go of her legs and let her feet rest on the floor once again.
"Sara, I've never thought of you as anything but this independent, strong-willed, dedicated person. I've always admired you…" Nick began.
"And now?"
"I think you are independent, strong-willed, dedicated, and I admire you even more." His voice was gentle but firm.
Sara felt a burning in her throat and let more tears fall. She tried to brush them quickly off her face.
"I'm sorry." She cried, apologizing.
"For what?"
"For being so….so—,"
"Human?" He interrupted.
Sara connected eyes with him briefly, and then smiled forcedly.
If only he could get into her dream, he thought. If only he could somehow fight it away, ward it off; keep it from ever disturbing Sara's sleep again.
"I hate that you are going through this Sara, in fact, I hate it more than anything I can think of right now. I wish I could tell you that it's all going to be great and go away just like that…but I can't. That doesn't mean that I don't wish it though…with all my heart." Nick edged closer to her. He was being drawn, once again. "Sara, I want to tell you that I'm sorry for the way I acted earlier, I'm sorry for the foolish way I blew up at you—,"
"Nick…" Sara interrupted, her tone soft.
"No, Sara, I wasn't being understanding. I was not in my right frame of mind and I acted purely selfishly. I didn't mean to be so rude…it's just…" Nick leaned towards her a little more. Sara intentionally would not connect eyes with his. Her heart beat rapidly and her mind was going a mile a minute. "Sara, you make me crazy." He breathed out. She couldn't help but turn towards him, surprised at his words.
He was close, so close she felt his breath near her face. She watched him as his gaze dropped down to her mouth. Sara self-consciously glanced to the side, and when she turned back he was still gazing at her, his eyes dark, almost black, and mysterious. Nick's lips parted slightly. Sara's heart raced crazily. He looked so long and so steadily at her mouth that her cheeks grew very warm, feeling as if they were on fire. She literally felt his eyes on her lips. She felt as if his eyes were kissing her.
Closer.
Closer.
Sara leaned in, wanting so badly to see what his lips felt like on hers….
Closer.
"Oh my gosh!" She yelped out as she accidentally kicked over the Styrofoam cups right off the coffee table. Wine rapidly spread all over the table and immediately began dripping off the side, onto the rug. Nick quickly reacted by picking up the cups and standing them upright as Sara got up and rushed into the kitchen to grab a handful of paper towels. When she returned to the table she dropped to her knees on the floor next to Nick who was already humbly attempting to sop up the spill with the small napkin coasters. He reached for some of Sara's paper towels and began gently dabbing them onto the table, as did Sara, making an effort to prevent any staining. Sara giggled nervously.
Their arms crossed each other a few times before Sara began to notice the gentle slowness of Nick's arm. He dabbed closer towards her hand, very meticulously until finally stopping, and that's when Sara felt his eyes on her once again.
Don't look at his eyes, Sara
"Sara…" He whispered, inching closer.
Looking into his eyes made it difficult for her to speak. She tried to convince herself they were just deep brown eyes, but whenever she looked into them she felt as if she were going into a free fall. That is when Nick reached up and touched Sara on her face. He spread his fingers, letting them get tangled in her hair. Before Sara even knew it, she was connected with his eyes once again.
She knew she was looking at him too long. But she couldn't turn away.
He was holding her captive with his eyes.
Nick allowed his hand to travel to the back of her head and pulled Sara closer. As reluctant as Sara was a few moments before, she closed her eyes, willing his lips to touch hers.
As soon as he felt her kiss, an intense fire spread throughout Nick's entire body. She immediately brought her hands up to his face as they knelt there, allowing the wine to soak into their clothes, and kissed passionately as the rain rhythmically pattered against the roof above them.
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A/N: Alright, I know that I've begged before, and that y'all are probably irked to death at me right now, but you gotta, you just gotta comment on this. I really want to know what you think….good? Not so good? Let me know, please! Oh, and thanks in advance for reading and replying! You are the greatest, really! ;-) More drama to come…
