"Niiick…"

Catherine leaned down next to the chair Nick was crouched down in, placing a gentle hand on his slumped shoulder.  She had already made several attempts to get him to speak to her, yet was unsuccessful.  Nick was a zombie, either unwilling or unable to talk. 

"Nick…honey, I need you to talk to me.  I need to know you are okay."  She spoke very lightly, her words sounding almost fragile enough to break.  She tilted her head, trying to see his eyes which were hidden behind his hands.

When he again made no answer she glanced over at Warrick, who was intensely talking to one of the nurses, his arms waving about.  Catherine couldn't hear exactly what was being said, but by the way the nurse kept shaking her head, she knew Warrick's attempts at gaining updated information on Sara had failed. 

When she first heard the news, she and Warrick were at the lab, filling out paperwork for a case. 

"Oh, no," Catherine gasped after hearing exactly who was in the hospital, after hearing what happened.  Gripping her cell tightly to her ear, she turned to stare at Warrick who had been sitting next to her.  He was watching her with anxious curiosity. 

For a few seconds after Catherine hung up she couldn't speak.   Shock briefly settled over her like a layer of ice.  A few moments later Catherine was able to relay the news to Warrick. Within five minutes, they were at the hospital. 

She rushed down the hospital's corridor, looking frantically for a familiar face.  When she saw the chief of police standing next to a few deputies she immediately hurried up to him.  Catherine and Warrick could only listen, then, as the chief related the horrors that had unfolded earlier that night.  As the chief spoke, confirming the ghastly details, she noticed the sternness and tightness to his voice.  His professional tone had bothered Catherine at first, making her wonder if he was the least bit distraught that one of his local CSIs was in such severe condition.  But when she was filled in on the entire story, she understood his uptight nature.  Sara had been shot.  Shot by one of his deputies.  It had been an accident, yet nonetheless the chief knew that he was going to have to take on many questions and criticism not only by his superiors, but the public media as well.  McMasters had been shot and killed as well, but only after the bullet meant for him, missed him and struck Sara.   

Catherine paged Grissom soon after, informing him where they were.  He told her he initially heard the news while on the field, and was already on his way to the hospital when Catherine got a hold of him.

Sighing, Catherine slowly stood from her kneeling position and moved up against an adjacent wall.  She'd give Nick space if that's what he needed right now, although the fact that he hadn't spoken a word since she and Warrick arrived worried her to no end.  As she reached her hand up to massage the back of her neck, she saw Warrick heading back over to them.

She raised her eyebrows in question to Warrick.  "Anything?"

He sadly shook his head.  He positioned himself right next to Catherine, leaning against the wall, and looked over at Nick for a long moment. 

He tilted his head to whisper to Catherine.

"Has he said anything yet?" 

"No.  I haven't even seen his face.  It's like he's ashamed to show us or something."  She replied.

Their heads both turned back to Nick at the same time, watching him with sympathetic eyes. 

After a long pause Catherine sighed.  "It's as if he's in another world right now…"

Warrick nodded slowly, still watching Nick. 

**********

His hands covered his face, his elbows resting on his knees. 

Barely aware of how he got there, he found himself on upstairs on the fourth floor—the surgical unit.  Waiting.  Hoping.  Praying for Sara to pull through. 

Despite the numbness that enveloped him, the events from the night incessantly flashed through his mind.

She was lying still on the ground.  Bathed in red. 

Immediately Nick rushed forward, dropping to his knees at her side.  A dry, raspy breath escaped her lips, sending a chill of fear through him. 

"Sara…"  He tore his shirt from his back and applied pressure to the gaping wound on her stomach.  Blood soaked through the shirt almost instantly.  Holding the shirt tightly with one hand, Nick brought his other up to Sara's head and gently caressed her matted and clumped hair.  She stirred quietly in his arms.

"Hold still.  Hold still."  He whispered as her body fell limp again.  Her eyes were glazed, blank and unfocused, flicking around as if she were so disoriented she didn't know where she was.  The way her eyelids sleepily drooped and then opened wide again told Nick she was giving way to unconsciousness. 

"Stay with me, Sara.  It'll be okay."

Her eyes fluttered briefly and then she looked directly into Nick's eyes. 

"I'm so sorry, Sara….You'll be okay…"

Slowly her eyes closed.

"We need an ambulance!"  Nick turned his head and yelled over his shoulder, his eyes bright with fear and rage as he slowly rocked Sara's weak form.

"We've got one on the way," A voice responded behind him.

Nick tightly closed his eyes.  Clenching his teeth, he was unable to hold the gasp that escaped his throat, revealing the emotion that was bursting through his body.  Anger and despair suddenly overcame him and he felt his eyes sting as suppressed tears began to form.  Burying his face into her hair he continued to gently rock her, talking to her softly even though it was obvious she could not hear him. 

**********

Grissom alternated between pacing the small waiting area of the hospital room and peering anxiously down the corridor.  Catherine reached over and yanked on his sleeve.

"Gris, will you come sit down please?"  She spoke firmly then lowered her voice.  "You're making us crazy."

"I can't sit down.  I need to walk."  He spoke with a touch of defensiveness in his tone.

Two hours had passed since the crew arrived at the hospital.  Nick, although still silent, had switched sitting positions more than once.  Conversations were not made.  Each mind was focused primarily on Sara, eager to know what was going on inside the surgery room not too far from where they sat.  Each time a nurse or doctor strode by their eyes anxiously followed them, wondering if this was the one to tell them Sara's fate. 

Warrick's relentless tapping of his foot on the tiled floor drew stares from Catherine, who with a mixture of fatigue and hunger along with desperation and worry made her in the worst way extremely irritable.  Finally she leaned back, inhaling sharply, and slapped her hands on her knees.  Turning to Grissom, who at the moment was standing upright, massaging the bridge of his nose with two fingers, she spoke. 

"Do you want some coffee or anything?  I can't sit here any longer.  This is just ridiculous…you think they would have told us something by now."  Catherine spoke, trying to sound normal, yet the hitch in her voice revealed her frenzied nature lurked just below the surface. 

Warrick, in response to her frustration, put a reassuring hand on her back.  He could feel the tension in her body, it practically radiated from her limbs.  She bit back her lip, unable to prevent the tears that slowly began to trickle down her cheeks. 

"God…this is torture."  She sniffed, brushing away her tears quickly.  Grissom cast a heartrending glance in her direction.  Though he was awkward at such things, he did try to comfort her.  After leaving briefly, he came back with a small cup of freshly brewed coffee and handed it over to Catherine.  She smiled weakly, warmly accepting the cup.  Grissom then moved over to the vacant seat next to Nick where his tired body came to rest. 

He glanced sideways at Nick who was staring blankly at the floor with empty, distant eyes.  Watching him with a mixture of sympathy and profound concern, Grissom took in his appearance.  His face was pale and drawn, his weak features exaggerated with the dried caked-on mud from earlier that night.  Hints of Sara's blood remained unwashed on his hands. 

"Nick," Grissom took on a protective tone.  "Maybe I could drive you home…get washed up.  I know Catherine and Warrick would call with any forthcoming information." 

An awkward silence loomed between them.

Nick leaned back, his jaw grim and firm, his eyes suddenly focused, and then looked directly at Grissom.

"I'm not going anywhere."  His words were cold, pained, as he spoke for the first time since arriving at the hospital. 

A bit taken back by his sudden voice, Grissom just stared at Nick.  And then, in complete understanding Grissom nodded, accepting his statement.  "Alright." 

Nick gritted his teeth and tried not to feel the eyes that gazed at him from the hallway.  He knew his co-workers were worried for him, he knew the random people that walked past probably noticed his gruesome appearance, but that, in his mind, did not give them due cause to stare at him.  It made him feel more alone.  It came to him very powerfully, that aloneness, as he sat there, aware of every second that passed.  Gnawing at his stomach was the very possibility that Sara would not make it out.  That she would die in the surgery room.   And it hit him with a harsh certainty—if Sara died, he would be alone.

Nick wished he could pretend that what happened that night to Sara was the worst thing he'd ever seen happen to anyone.  But he'd have been lying to himself if he thought that.  He'd seen people get shot before.  In much worse ways. 

But he could, without a doubt, say that what he witnessed that night was the worst thing he'd ever personally experienced in his lifetime.  Something about that moment between the brawl among Sara and McMasters, the loud gunshot, and the brief hush that followed, made him feel empty and powerless.  The scenario played through in his mind a million times.  Each time Nick felt like there had to have been a way to prevent what happened to Sara.  He could easily have jumped in, he thought, taken the bullet for her.  He hated himself for the missed opportunity, and if Sara did not make it through the night, he would never forgive himself and he knew he might as well be dead with her. 

At that moment, Nick's stomach churned and he thought he was going to throw up.  The antiseptic smells and the constant motion of the people in the hallway were all of a sudden too much for Nick to bear.  His raw reddened eyes burned more painfully than before, his head throbbed in a hard rhythmic motion.  He attempted to pull himself together, burying his face in both hands, his knees bouncing up and down as his mind tried to focus.  Fragments of noise entered his head and although he wasn't truly listening, he did hear the faint sound of conversation between his co-workers. 

Without catching the entire conversation, Nick heard the last bit of Warrick's words. 

"…she's a fighter.  She's got to pull through.  Somebody has to be able to save her in there."

There must have been something in Warrick's voice, some doubt and hesitation, for Nick, all of a sudden very alert, raised his head and gazed at him, studying his face. 

"You don't think she'll make it, do you?"  He frowned, his face becoming flushed.  "You don't think they'll be able to save her." 

"Now you wait a second," Warrick snapped defensively.  "I never said that…" 

But Nick wasn't listening.  His mind was already turning, quickly, spinning out of control…

Just then a portly older man with a stethoscope draped around his neck pushed through nearby doors and began heading past them.  A torrent of emotions surged through Nick as he bolted out of his seat and met the doctor head on.  The doctor abruptly came to a halt, almost tripping over Nick as he blocked his path.

"Sara Sidle…where is she?!"  He demanded loudly.  The doctor, caught off guard, tightened his grip on his files in hand and narrowed his eyes at Nick.

"Excuse me, sir?"  He asked, somewhat annoyed.

By this time the other three CSI's were on their feet, standing cautiously nearby. 

"I need to know what is going on with Sara Sidle.  She was taken into surgery with a gunshot wound nearly three hours ago." 

The doctor pursed his lips together and then looked squarely at Nick.  Something in his eye's told him that he was having a rough night and wouldn't appreciate anyone's adding to his burden.

"Are you family?" 

"What does it matter?  All I want to know is how she is."  Nick answered, his eyes never leaving the doctor's. 

The doctor took a moment to exhale deeply and then brought the file up, fingering through it. 

"Sara Sidle is being moved to ICU.  That's all I can tell you right now."  He said, closing his file and dropping his at side.

"Well, wh—what happened?  What's her condition?"  Nick argued, desperate for more information.

"Sir, I'm sorry…but that's all I can tell you right now."  The doctor added.

"Well, that's not good enough!"  Nick shouted and the doctor stepped back defensively.  By this time, Warrick had stepped in, standing just behind Nick and holding his arms in an attempt to restrain and hopefully calm him.  The doctor took advantage of this moment and walked past the CSI's, probably on his way to another surgery or patient, leaving Warrick and a heavy breathing Nick standing in the center of the hallway. 

"Listen, we are all scared for Sara.  But we have got to remain intact for each other.  We'll work through this together."

Warrick stared at Nick, whose gaze was fixed beyond Warrick's shoulder, as if deep in thought.  Then, suddenly, all the fury Nick was experiencing left him in a rush and he felt weaker than he ever had before.  Slowly he jerked his arms out from Warrick's hold, and wordlessly strode past Catherine and Grissom, who were watching him with suspicious eyes, all the way to the elevator where he stepped inside and allowed the doors to engulf him.

***************

A/N:  I'm so so sorry that it took me so darn long to update this story.  I had finals last week along with a research paper to write and that, unfortunately, had to take priority over chapter seventeen.  So, sorry, to leave you all hanging…but better late than never, right? 

Oh, and by the way, the comments/reviews were fabulous.  I don't know if I ever had so much fun reading them before as I did for last chapter.  Thanks!  You know I love them!  Keep 'em coming!

To be continued…