Part one of what shall be a little story that plays whenever I hear "Boys
of Summer". Which, thanks to the Ataris, is all the freakin' time. No
complaints - I love the song, but I need to get this visual down on paper
before it drives me batty.
This is just a prelude to the main chunk of the story. Pre-song, I guess. I'll write one for each verse, if I ever get off my butt.
Yah right.
I had more of this fic, but it saw the garbage can pretty quick 'cause it sucked. Oh, how it sucked. So now I must start anew.
I wanna finish it . but someone needs to poke me to get it going. Send me a review-poke if you think I should finish this piece of lonely sap. And now . on with the show!
Pain of Love
Irvine hugged me closer, holding me tight to his chest. I stiffened as he buried his face in my hair, hands running over my chest.
He wrapped his hands around my face from behind and turned me to face him. He grinned, nuzzled my cheek, and kissed me, not hard but definitely not gentle. I felt his tongue press against my lips; I habitually let him enter my mouth.
Irvine's hands moved to my shoulders and grabbed the lining of my jacket and turned me bodily around. I moved so I was straddling his lap. He held me closer, muttering some nonsense I couldn't decipher into my mouth. He pulled me up and whispered into my ear:
"Squall, baby ... I love you..."
My stomach churned painfully.
Before he could say anymore, I pulled back. He struggled against my movement, lips brushing my cheek as his hands wrapped in my hair.
"Irvine," I began, turning my head in an attempt to break his hold on me. "Irvine, we ... have to talk..."
I was gonna throw up.
"'Bout what, love?" he continued to paw at me, one hand pushing under my shirt, gliding up my skin he knew so well. His other hand grabbed both my wrists, pinning them against his thigh. He kissed my ear gently, nipping down my jaw line.
"Irvine, please..."
Stop that.
He took my plea as one of desire, pressing our lips together again. I moaned against his mouth, the sound reverberating between us. He had my shirt yanked up to my collarbone. He was tickling my bare chest lightly.
He suddenly flung himself down backwards in the nest of his bed sheets, dragging me with him. I fell on top of him with a light groan.
Grinning up at me, the cowboy hooked his hands around my neck, simultaneously grabbing my hips between his thighs.
I was caught.
My chest suddenly tightened in a way it always did when Irvine ... got too comfy with me.
I wanted him.
I probably needed him.
We were perfect for each other, bringing out each other's good when all seemed wrong.
I ... love him.
I feel sick.
"Irvine..." I breathed, trying again while I still had my resolve.
He just smiled and planted a chaste little kiss on my nose. His violet eyes flashed as he pulled my face further down.
"Yes ...?" he drawled, lips brushing oh-so-purposefully against mine.
I couldn't move, so I too talked against his lips. "Let me up." It was an order, but he shook his head stubbornly, eyes still locked with mine. He was challenging me.
He looked so...
I rolled my eyes to the side, looking hard at the tangle of sheets next to Irvine's head. I continued, "This'll be harder in this position."
"Oh, babe," he said slowly, pausing against my lips with each syllable so each was a kiss. "Nothing's hard in this position." He laughed a little to himself, teasing me with his breath. "'Cept me, of course!" To accentuate this point, he raised his hips a little to mine.
Yup. Hard.
And he wasn't the only one.
Fuck.
I felt myself slipping into his warmth, the warmth I longed for with everything I had; but with the warmth always came the empty pit in my stomach, deep and painful...
"Let me up, Kinneas!" There. Commander mode.
I was almost surprised when he did let me go, hands sliding down my back as I sat up.
It took some work to get myself unlodged from between his strong legs, but I was determined.
My stomach felt weak; I'd be lucky if I didn't throw up.
I fixed my shirt and sat next to Irvine, head nestled in my hands. I felt Irvine sit up. He reached over for me, fingertips brushing my jacket, but I pulled out of reach.
"Love? What's wrong?" His voice held so much tenderness and worry as he moved to kneel in front of me, careful as not to touch me.
He always knew what I needed.
"What's up, Squall?" he pressed.
I leaned my elbows on my knees and rested my chin on my clenched fists. I turned to the side, the weight of Irvine's stare almost too much. I swallowed thick and looked down at my thighs. I could see the edge of Irvine's soft suede coat in my line of sight. My eyes focused on my own black leather legs, but my mind was on that soft coat.
And the warm body inside it.
"I need a break." My voice was weak, forced.
"Huh?" Irvine questioned.
Still looking at my pants, I said, "You. A-and me. I need some time." I looked up to him, his face softened with ... oh, Hyne, what was I doing! "I think we need to break things off," I whispered. "For a while."
Irvine looked shell shocked under the shadows of his hat. I gulped down a choke as my traitorous mind replayed scenes of that damn hat: perched like the cherry on a sundae on his naked body, hard and sweaty and all mine ... being flung off to the side in one of our moments of carelessness, only to be followed by a frantic, squealing Irvine seconds later ... how is smelled like his shampoo and just generally felt like him ...
Fuck.
"Irvine. I..."
He shook his head, seemingly waking up. "No, Squall I -- I understand." He looked up at me again, tilting his hat back on his head. I saw him swallow and had to look away.
Can't cry.
Can't feel.
Gotta leave. Now.
I felt worse than I had. Glad I didn't eat breakfast.
I moved to stand, but Irvine was too close. And it just didn't seem right to touch him now. Not right, certainly not fair. For either of us.
As the dreaded 'awkward silence' peaked over us, he stood up. To my surprise, and maybe his too, he reached out a hand to me.
More surprises, I took it.
He took a step back, turning to the side. He still held my hand. He looked down and asked, more to his feet than to me, "Why?"
Oh. I wasn't really prepared for that one...
"I'm not sure," I answered in all honesty. "I think ... that's what I need to find out." He nodded and gave my hand a light squeeze and let go.
"Okay." He turned to me.
"I still love you," I blurted out.
Ah! Idiot!
"I'll always love you, Squall."
Shit. I had to leave. I was gonna cry.
With my face flushed and eyes burning, I awkwardly turned to leave. I paused with my hand on the doorknob, then hurried out as tears welled in the corners of my eyes. They didn't start falling until I collapsed against Irvine's door in the middle of the dark, empty hallway.
My knees gave up holding me and I slid down the dark wood of the door and crumpled on the floor. My jacket was bunched up around my neck, but I didn't care.
I just broke up with Irvine.
My cowboy.
I buried my head in my arms, body wracked with silent sobs.
This is just a prelude to the main chunk of the story. Pre-song, I guess. I'll write one for each verse, if I ever get off my butt.
Yah right.
I had more of this fic, but it saw the garbage can pretty quick 'cause it sucked. Oh, how it sucked. So now I must start anew.
I wanna finish it . but someone needs to poke me to get it going. Send me a review-poke if you think I should finish this piece of lonely sap. And now . on with the show!
Pain of Love
Irvine hugged me closer, holding me tight to his chest. I stiffened as he buried his face in my hair, hands running over my chest.
He wrapped his hands around my face from behind and turned me to face him. He grinned, nuzzled my cheek, and kissed me, not hard but definitely not gentle. I felt his tongue press against my lips; I habitually let him enter my mouth.
Irvine's hands moved to my shoulders and grabbed the lining of my jacket and turned me bodily around. I moved so I was straddling his lap. He held me closer, muttering some nonsense I couldn't decipher into my mouth. He pulled me up and whispered into my ear:
"Squall, baby ... I love you..."
My stomach churned painfully.
Before he could say anymore, I pulled back. He struggled against my movement, lips brushing my cheek as his hands wrapped in my hair.
"Irvine," I began, turning my head in an attempt to break his hold on me. "Irvine, we ... have to talk..."
I was gonna throw up.
"'Bout what, love?" he continued to paw at me, one hand pushing under my shirt, gliding up my skin he knew so well. His other hand grabbed both my wrists, pinning them against his thigh. He kissed my ear gently, nipping down my jaw line.
"Irvine, please..."
Stop that.
He took my plea as one of desire, pressing our lips together again. I moaned against his mouth, the sound reverberating between us. He had my shirt yanked up to my collarbone. He was tickling my bare chest lightly.
He suddenly flung himself down backwards in the nest of his bed sheets, dragging me with him. I fell on top of him with a light groan.
Grinning up at me, the cowboy hooked his hands around my neck, simultaneously grabbing my hips between his thighs.
I was caught.
My chest suddenly tightened in a way it always did when Irvine ... got too comfy with me.
I wanted him.
I probably needed him.
We were perfect for each other, bringing out each other's good when all seemed wrong.
I ... love him.
I feel sick.
"Irvine..." I breathed, trying again while I still had my resolve.
He just smiled and planted a chaste little kiss on my nose. His violet eyes flashed as he pulled my face further down.
"Yes ...?" he drawled, lips brushing oh-so-purposefully against mine.
I couldn't move, so I too talked against his lips. "Let me up." It was an order, but he shook his head stubbornly, eyes still locked with mine. He was challenging me.
He looked so...
I rolled my eyes to the side, looking hard at the tangle of sheets next to Irvine's head. I continued, "This'll be harder in this position."
"Oh, babe," he said slowly, pausing against my lips with each syllable so each was a kiss. "Nothing's hard in this position." He laughed a little to himself, teasing me with his breath. "'Cept me, of course!" To accentuate this point, he raised his hips a little to mine.
Yup. Hard.
And he wasn't the only one.
Fuck.
I felt myself slipping into his warmth, the warmth I longed for with everything I had; but with the warmth always came the empty pit in my stomach, deep and painful...
"Let me up, Kinneas!" There. Commander mode.
I was almost surprised when he did let me go, hands sliding down my back as I sat up.
It took some work to get myself unlodged from between his strong legs, but I was determined.
My stomach felt weak; I'd be lucky if I didn't throw up.
I fixed my shirt and sat next to Irvine, head nestled in my hands. I felt Irvine sit up. He reached over for me, fingertips brushing my jacket, but I pulled out of reach.
"Love? What's wrong?" His voice held so much tenderness and worry as he moved to kneel in front of me, careful as not to touch me.
He always knew what I needed.
"What's up, Squall?" he pressed.
I leaned my elbows on my knees and rested my chin on my clenched fists. I turned to the side, the weight of Irvine's stare almost too much. I swallowed thick and looked down at my thighs. I could see the edge of Irvine's soft suede coat in my line of sight. My eyes focused on my own black leather legs, but my mind was on that soft coat.
And the warm body inside it.
"I need a break." My voice was weak, forced.
"Huh?" Irvine questioned.
Still looking at my pants, I said, "You. A-and me. I need some time." I looked up to him, his face softened with ... oh, Hyne, what was I doing! "I think we need to break things off," I whispered. "For a while."
Irvine looked shell shocked under the shadows of his hat. I gulped down a choke as my traitorous mind replayed scenes of that damn hat: perched like the cherry on a sundae on his naked body, hard and sweaty and all mine ... being flung off to the side in one of our moments of carelessness, only to be followed by a frantic, squealing Irvine seconds later ... how is smelled like his shampoo and just generally felt like him ...
Fuck.
"Irvine. I..."
He shook his head, seemingly waking up. "No, Squall I -- I understand." He looked up at me again, tilting his hat back on his head. I saw him swallow and had to look away.
Can't cry.
Can't feel.
Gotta leave. Now.
I felt worse than I had. Glad I didn't eat breakfast.
I moved to stand, but Irvine was too close. And it just didn't seem right to touch him now. Not right, certainly not fair. For either of us.
As the dreaded 'awkward silence' peaked over us, he stood up. To my surprise, and maybe his too, he reached out a hand to me.
More surprises, I took it.
He took a step back, turning to the side. He still held my hand. He looked down and asked, more to his feet than to me, "Why?"
Oh. I wasn't really prepared for that one...
"I'm not sure," I answered in all honesty. "I think ... that's what I need to find out." He nodded and gave my hand a light squeeze and let go.
"Okay." He turned to me.
"I still love you," I blurted out.
Ah! Idiot!
"I'll always love you, Squall."
Shit. I had to leave. I was gonna cry.
With my face flushed and eyes burning, I awkwardly turned to leave. I paused with my hand on the doorknob, then hurried out as tears welled in the corners of my eyes. They didn't start falling until I collapsed against Irvine's door in the middle of the dark, empty hallway.
My knees gave up holding me and I slid down the dark wood of the door and crumpled on the floor. My jacket was bunched up around my neck, but I didn't care.
I just broke up with Irvine.
My cowboy.
I buried my head in my arms, body wracked with silent sobs.
