Dealing: The Conclusion
**********
"Mhhm…"
Catherine, with little strength, lifted her head from its resting position on the cafeteria table. Narrowing her eyes at Greg, she watched as he shoveled what appeared to be mashed potatoes into his mouth.
"Okay, this has got to be the best food I've ever had," He spoke, mouth full.
"Well, then I feel sorry for you." Catherine muttered. "How can you even eat right now? My stomach is a bundle of nerves. Just the sight of food is making me nauseous. In fact," Catherine eyed Greg's plate beside her and pushed it away from the both of them. "Get that away from me."
"Hey," Greg defended, reaching to grab his plate back, "I have to keep myself preoccupied with something. It's helping take my mind off of Sara…and not to mention, your frazzled self."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Exactly what I said."
Catherine rolled her eyes good-naturedly as Greg shoved a spoonful of peas into his mouth.
Minutes later Greg finished his plate of food and leaned back in his chair, patting his mouth with a napkin.
"So, is Nick still here?" He asked, his face serious.
Catherine nodded. "I haven't seen him, but my guess is yes. Visiting hours have been over for awhile, but I'm thinking somehow Nick has managed to keep himself in Sara's room."
Greg looked down at his watch, fidgeting with it nervously at the same time. "How much longer until I can see her?"
"The next visitor hour is at 7 a.m. Not long at all."
Greg nodded and paused for a long moment before looking back up at Catherine, his eyes full of deep sadness.
"Um, when…" He took a second to clear his throat. "When Sara pulls through from all this…we, uh, we should give her some sort of honorary ceremony. You know, for what she did for Claire."
Catherine replied with a sad smile. Her chair creaked as she shifted forward, resting her hand lightly on Greg's shoulder and giving it a reassuring squeeze.
"Yeah," Her voice was husky with emotion. "I think we should."
It wasn't Greg's suggestion that made Catherine want to cry at that moment. It was his confidence that Sara would pull through. "When" was the word he used. But she knew as much as Greg did that it wasn't a matter of "when" but of "if."
***********
As he dozed, Nick was still aware in some distant, dreamy way of the sounds of the hospital all around him. He was fading in and out of sleep, lulled by the steady beep of monitors, the faint hissing of the respirator, and the quiet sound of whispered voices and feet, scuffing by in the corridor.
The doorknob clicked and opened with a drawn-out creak. Nick, suddenly awake and alert, lifted his head to see Catherine and Greg enter, followed by a elderly nurse. The nurse studied him with a confused expression, probably wondering why he was in there before visiting hours. However, her apparent confusion didn't seem enough to keep her in the hospital room. She whispered something to Catherine before turning and heading back out, closing the door gently behind her.
"Hey." Catherine whispered ever so lightly to Nick as she and Greg moved further into the room. Nick simply nodded in response.
Greg, unable to tear his eyes from Sara's limp and bruised body, cautiously walked up to her bed and sat on the edge.
"Hey, Sara," he said quietly, reaching out to touch her arm. He suddenly shivered and drew back, his eyes turning to Nick. "She's so cold," he whispered.
Nick tightened his lips together and resisted the urge to close his eyes. Instead he allowed his gaze to become fixated on the linoleum hospital floor.
Catherine cleared her throat, desperate for words to break the unnerving silence. "I, uh, spoke with the doctor a few minutes ago. He said they successfully removed the bullet from Sara's abdomen with no further damage to tissue. He believes it's only a matter of time before she wakes up."
Catherine, already having been with Nick most of the night, seeing him go through a torrent of emotions, spoke those words to comfort Nick. And even though what she said was mostly true, the doctor mentioned that the longer Sara's stay in her unconscious state, the worse her chance of pulling through. Catherine made a mental note to keep that part of the discussion to herself.
"You know, I heard once that it's good to talk to people during their comatose state. Some people believe they can actually hear you." Greg spoke.
Catherine nodded. "I've heard that before."
Slowly Greg turned back to Sara. "Sara, it's me, Greg…"
Catherine met Nick's solemn eyes over Greg's head. They held hers for a moment, then turned away, saddened.
"Listen, Sara," Greg continued. "We are all going crazy here without you. You're giving everyone at the lab quite a scare right now. We need you to come back to us. You're a fighter, Sara, and if anyone can pull through this, it's you." Greg then smiled weakly before continuing. "Besides, how else will you be able to meet my girlfriend who you've been teasing me about?"
Staring up at the ceiling with her tear brimmed eyes, Catherine let out a shaky breath and smiled at Greg's sincerity. She took in a deep breath before moving towards Sara. Greg moved over slightly giving Catherine room.
"Hey, honey," She began, taking in Sara's shallow breathing, her blue-tinged complexion. She gingerly took Sara's hand in hers, squeezing her motionless, cold fingers. "You need to hurry back to us. The earth just isn't the same without your smiling face. So, wake up soon. We will all be here for you. We'll stay with you as long as…" Catherine swallowed hard. "As long as it takes, honey."
Nick watched closely, clinging to all hope, eager to detect a movement from Sara. A blink of the eyelids, perhaps a twitch of her lips, even just a slight change in the rhythmic rise and fall of her breathing.
There was nothing.
After another hour or so Catherine and Greg left the hospital, confirming to Nick that they'd be back as soon as possible. Nick considered leaving as well, but only for a moment. He was tired, and felt that his being at the hospital was almost useless. But after giving it little thought, he knew that if he were in Sara's place, the one face he would want to see when he woke up would be hers. He could only pray that she would feel the same way.
************
Nick remained at Sara's bedside for days on end when visiting hours would allow. Even at times he was able to stay past regulated hours. He returned home only to briefly shower and change clothes, and sometimes he would grab a quick soda or protein bar to quench his hunger. The days became a blur, molding into each other, remarkable only in their similarity. At times Nick was overwhelmed with despair, with hopelessness, when no sign of improvement was seen. But yet, he sensed that Sara was fighting it. That deep inside her, there was an awareness of self, and it was that belief that he was clinging to desperately.
He talked to her constantly, as Greg and Catherine did days before. He would fill her in on all the latest with the people they worked with back at the lab, updated her on new cases, read to her, told her stories about himself, even allowed himself to share things with her never spoken aloud to anyone before, hoping that somewhere she could hear him and know that he was there for her.
Grissom, Catherine, Warrick, Greg and others from the lab made frequent visits to the hospital to see Sara and to be updated on her unchanging condition. Greg, like he promised, came twice with his girlfriend, Lena, who although did not know Sara personally, brought her a basket full of goodies, including a hairbrush and makeup for when/if Sara woke up in the hospital, a collage of newspaper clippings telling of Sara's heroicness, and various snack foods that Greg knew Sara would enjoy.
Nick sat by himself on a Monday morning at Sara's side simply watching her. He remembered a time, rather a few times, when he and Sara had fought over something…something so meaningless now that it made him wish he could go back and change everything about those moments. Sara was stubborn and wouldn't talk to Nick about her nightmares. Nick had been selfish in wanting her to share everything about her personal life with him. Arguments followed and bitterness loomed. And now, those arguments were something that had wasted time, time looked upon as precious only now that Nick was not guaranteed any more encounters with Sara. He regretted the fights. He regretted not expressing to her how he truly felt. He regretted not doing everything in his power to make them work.
The cardiac monitor hummed the only sound in the pale hospital room. For a few minutes, Nick just sat quietly, his mind full of melancholy thoughts.
He then brought his eyes back to Sara. He lifted a shaky hand and lowered it until his fingertips touched her forearm. His hand then traveled up her arm, along her shoulder, traced her ear until finally reaching her face. He ran his fingers along her jaw line, his heart being filled with an immeasurable desperation as he realized just how crucial every second was that passed them. He closed his eyes needing to absorb the moment.
After several seconds he then rested his warm palm against her cold cheek, softly calling her name.
"Please come back to me," he added. "I need you."
****************
She had been struggling for what seemed like a thousand eternities, hearing the same voice that called to her, desperately trying to respond. But now, everything slowly began to take shape, the words forming clearly, the voice growing louder. It was a familiar voice, a voice she heard almost everyday for the past several years. And now, hearing it made her heart ache. Hearing it made every cell in her body willing to cry out to the voice.
"I need you."
****************
Nick, deciding to retire for the night, pushed back his chair. He gave Sara's hand a final squeeze and rose from his seat, about to head home. He turned toward the exit door in Sara's room but then froze. Did he just imagine that sound?
He looked behind him at Sara's motionless body and peered fixedly at her form. Then, he turned back to her and moved ever so slowly, hopeful, wishing for a slight movement, wishing it wasn't just in his imagination that he heard a faint rustling in her bed. He didn't dare take his eyes off her.
"Sara?" He whispered.
Right then, Nick's breath caught in his throat.
Sara's eyes fluttered open to the fluorescent lights and she winced against the glare. Her expression was dull, her eyes a blank. Nick held his breath.
Finally a consciousness flashed in her eyes and they finally focused on Nick, meeting his desperately intense stare. Nick began to breathe again.
"Sara, can you hear me?"
Her mouth moved slightly. "Nick…" She finally breathed out.
"I'm here..."
Wild emotion surged through Nick and he reached for the call button on the side of Sara's bed.
"The doctor is coming. You're going to be fine."
He clasped her hand into his and then reached out to stroke her hair. "You're going to be fine," he repeated aloud, reassuring not only Sara but himself as well as she grimaced against the pain in her body.
*************
It was Tuesday morning. The day after Sara officially became alive again.
Burrowed deep beneath her pure, white sheets, Sara stirred, blinking as she slowly became aware of the world around her. Her eyes were barely slits, yet the first thing she noticed was the open window and the flowing curtains which were made alive with the gentle wind outside. Sara took in a deep lungful of fresh air.
"Well, look who decided to wake up," Warrick spoke, his tone lighthearted, happy.
Sara, still groggy from sleep, hadn't realized the people crowded in her hospital room. She turned to them, giving them a sheepish look. Everyone was there…at least, everyone she cared deeply for: Catherine, Grissom, Warrick, Greg (another female who Sara presumed to be Lena, Greg's girlfriend, the one whose gift basket she vaguely remembered sifting through the previous night in a sort of drugged out haze).
And then there was Nick. He stood next to Catherine to Sara's left, looking about as confident as a shy little boy.
"We thought the pain medication would hold you out for at least another few hours." Grissom spoke. "But then again, we are dealing with Sara Sidle here. Nothing seems to keep you down for too long," he added with a wink.
Nick looked up from the ground and tried to read Sara's expression on her face. There seemed to be a bit of sadness there, though a tiny smile played around the corners of her mouth.
"How are you feeling, honey?" Catherine asked, her concerned eyes trained on Sara.
Sara sighed before speaking. "I'm tired. But I'm feeling good. Really."
Catherine smiled, nodding.
"I'm glad you all are here. Though, I have to admit, I'd probably enjoy this moment a lot more if I wasn't stuck in this thing." She said, referring to her bed.
"Give it a day or two. You'll be outta here in no time." Greg confidently remarked.
"I hope so…" Sara's voice trialed off as she looked downwards, an almost embarrassed expression sweeping across her features. "By the way," she lifted her head in Lena's direction. "Thank you for the basket. That was great of you to go to all that trouble."
"Oh, please," Lena immediately replied, her hand waving away Sara's statement. "It was the least I could do. Don't think of it."
Sara took a breath and glanced around at her friends once again, a little overwhelmed with their presence. Her eyes settled on Nick. She thought a couple of times Nick looked as if he was going to say something, but each time his expression turned thoughtful again, and he remained mostly silent. The others were quick to pick up on this and gave each other silent looks that spoke volumes without words.
Finally, Catherine made the first move to leave. She moved forward to Sara with a sincere smile on her face. "We're glad you're awake, sweetie. We missed you." She squeezed Sara's hand and gave her a peck on her head before turning around and winking at Grissom.
"Yeah, and as soon as you heal up, I want you back at the lab," Grissom added with mock firmness and then his expression softened. "It just isn't the same without you." He, too, turned and followed Catherine out of the room. Warrick, Greg, and Lena followed suit, expressing their joy at Sara's progressive recovery and reassuring her that they'd be back to see her soon. Sara watched each leave and when all were gone she slowly glanced back to Nick. Nick looked down at his shoes a few times, each time appearing more vulnerable when his eyes would travel back to Sara.
Sara shivered and Nick took a step forward, concerned. "You want me to close the window?"
"No, please don't. It's too beautiful outside." Sara replied.
Too beautiful, Nick repeated in his head, his eyes now focused on Sara.
Sara smiled, although it looked as if it took her great strength to do so. Her smile was pained.
Nick, suddenly feeling foolish and self-conscious about him being there spoke up, "I can leave if you'd like."
"I don't want you to leave," Sara answered, her voice quiet, yet matter-of-fact.
"Okay," Nick gently answered and walked closer to Sara, pulling a chair close to her bed and sitting down. He reached in his pocket. "I almost forgot," he said while tossing a pink envelope in Sara's lap.
Sara squinted her eyes at Nick, furrowing her brow. "What..what is this?"
"Open it."
Sara slowly picked up the envelope and pulled out a small letter, unfolded it and began reading. It was a note given to Nick to give to Sara. The note was a "thank you" from Claire. Despite how frail Sara seemed, how tentative her every motion, a light danced in her eyes as though she had a new energy coursing through her as she read. Her smile was gentle as she finished and began refolding the note, placing it back in the pink envelope.
"Claire." She nodded, explaining to Nick who wrote the note.
"You're her hero."
Sara swallowed and closed her eyes when she did it, as though that simple act hurt her. When she opened them again, however, and looked at Nick, the sparkle had not left her eyes.
"I'm glad she's doing well," Sara added and then hesitated, turning serious again. "I, uh, heard that um….McMasters…." Sara paused, not being able to bring herself to speak of the man.
Nick, knowing where she was going with her words, nodded in reply. "Yeah…he's gone."
Sara looked down at her stomach, the area where a large bandage was placed. "So, I guess he nicked me pretty good, that officer." She spoke with a small laugh. "It's sort of like a permanent badge of honor, you know?"
It lifted Nick's heart a bit to hear her humor. "Yeah, sort of." He replied, praying for her healing, thanking God for her safety.
He paused. "You know, you gave me quite a scare there, Ms. Sidle."
"Nick Stokes doesn't get scared." She joked half heartedly.
"Oh yes," he nodded, his tone serious, his eyes not leaving Sara's. "Yes he does."
She met his gaze, and was a little surprised when he reached for her hand, gently intertwining her fingers with his.
"So, how are you really feeling?" he asked.
"I already said I'm good."
"I know what you said."
"You think I'm lying?"
"Are you kidding? I can read you like a book." Nick replied, his tone soft.
Sara took a long pause, allowed her gaze to become fixated on the window behind Nick. Her eyes welled up, but she continued to stare, unblinking.
Nick gave her time.
Finally, her breath came out in a single, audible hitch. "I'm sorry."
He felt a sharp tug at his heart.
Nick recognized the tone. It was a tight, controlled, I-don't-want-to-cry sound and although he'd heard it from Sara before, it still held the power to stir up emotion in him. It scared him.
"Sara?" He whispered, willing her to look at him.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled again. "I'm a little overwhelmed right now. I mean, it's like everything came to a head and now I'm left with a bullet wound, scars, and the possibility that my nightmares will not only not go away, but grow more intense."
"No, I don't believe that at all. Yes, you have wounds, but they'll heal. You did something so amazing that night that most people could only dream about being so heroic. You saved a life that night, Sara, can't you see that?" He pleaded.
Sara looked up at him through blurred vision.
"And as for your nightmares. I don't know what to say about that except I will be there every second of the day for you. We'll get through this…together." Nick squeezed her hand for emphasis.
Not for a second did his eyes leave hers when he spoke and for the first time in a while, Sara truly believed every word he uttered. In fact, a relief washed over her and her tears began to dry.
She opened her mouth to say something but was interrupted when the hospital door swung open. They both looked over to see a nurse walk in holding a tray with both hands.
"G'morning, Ms. Sara." The nurse nodded, walking over to a metal stand and placing the tray atop. "Hello, Mr. Stokes." She smiled towards Nick and Sara suspiciously narrowed her eyes at him. Nick grinned sheepishly.
The nurse then poured a mixture together inside a cup and stirred it with a small stick. While stirring she took a second to turn towards Sara.
"I just want to add, if I may, that I've never seen someone spend so long waiting for someone at the hospital before. Night and day, day and night, that boy was here. You must be something special, Ms. Sidle." She winked and then grabbed the cup, along with two rather large pills and headed to Sara's bedside. She reached her hands out to Sara and Sara took both the drink and the pills.
"I know it's gross, but you have to take them. I've left you an extra cup of water on that table to wash it down with."
Nick smiled at the nurse and she turned to leave the two alone. Before closing the door behind her the nurse added, "And as much as I'd love to let you spend every waking moment with her, Mr. Stokes, I can only allow you another fifteen minutes. I've already bent the rules enough with you."
"I know. Thank you, Dolores." Nick called out as she softly closed the door.
"Well, it looks as if you've made a friend." Sara raised an eyebrow at Nick.
Nick chuckled and then shrugged. "She sort of reminds me of my grandmother."
As she lifted her hands to look at the pills she wrinkled her nose. "They're like horse pills."
"They help with the pain. You need them."
"Yeah, and you know how they help with the pain? They knock you out for like ten hours so you can't feel a thing. They might as well give me a tranquilizer shot."
"C'mon, Sara. You're a trooper…just take them." Nick urged gingerly.
He then watched as Sara popped in both pills, taking a sip of the thick liquid medicine in between, cringing all the while.
"Alright," he coached. "Good job."
Sara laughed lightly, feeling silly. Nick then reached for her water and after taking the empty medicine cup from her, handed her the new full cup. "Here, this will be refreshing."
Sara sipped lightly and then turned to Nick with a smirk on her face.
"Don't start this protectiveness thing, alright?"
"With you? I've never been able to do it before, why start now?" Nick replied, watching her expectantly. She blushed a little, falling silent for a moment.
"So, you've been here a lot, huh? You were here for me when I was unconscious…" Sara let the words hang in the air as a sincere look spread on her face.
Nick nodded humbly, looking down at the ground.
"You know I heard you. I can't even explain how, but I feel like you drew me back." Sara shook her head slowly, remembering. "I heard you, Nick," she whispered.
Nick closed his eyes, recalling the nights he spent at the hospital, willing everything in his body to bring her back.
Sara with sad eyes watched Nick, his head down, his presence so vulnerable and weak all of a sudden. She reached out to touch his cheek and Nick leaned into her hand, closing his eyes. She closed her eyes as well.
"I was so scared, Sara. I thought I'd lost you for good," he whispered. Nick then gently took her hand with both of his and kissed it lightly, then used her fingers to brush the tears from under his eyes. "I'm not going to let you go this time."
"Promise?" She asked, her eyes still closed, taking in the moment.
"Yeah, this time…we'll do things right." Nick replied, his voice low.
Sara opened her eyes and they locked on his. The kiss that followed was soft, Nick being careful with Sara's weakness. But it expressed the emotion that had been welling up inside them both. It was perfect.
Nick slowly sat back in his chair, taking Sara's hand into his once again. The corners of her mouth were turned upward, resulting in a glowing joy illuminating from her face. Her eyes blinked heavily and Nick knew she was slowly losing the battle with the medication. She looked very much drained and as she sighed, it looked as if was just a chore to do so.
"Go to sleep," he whispered. He ran his thumb along her cheek and she blinked several times before allowing her eyes to finally close.
The moment was precious, sitting there, watching the woman he was falling in love with sleep peacefully after such a traumatic experience for the both of them. Never did he experience such liberty. The last month of turmoil they shared together slipped away like a fading musical chord, floating off into the realm of the irretrievable past.
Nothing mattered.
Nothing mattered at all but this moment.
Just him and Sara and the future.
It was truly bittersweet.
THE END
*Okay, so apparently I shouldn't do a "thank you's" page because I don't want to run the risk of getting yanked off by ff.net. So, for all of you out there who ever wrote me a review I want to give my sincere gratitude! You rock! And, if you could, please leave your e-mail address on the next review…who needs a 'thank you' page when you have e-mail!
And yeah, if you feel the need to write a review (in my opinion, if you ask me, YES YOU DO FEEL THE NEED, okay, ahem, sorry…anyways) write one. I look forward to it! Thanks!
