Nobody Said it Was Easy

- Guinevere -

A/N: Sorry for the long wait for an update, but I've been extremely busy. So, I want to know: should Jess be a part of their lives or not? Also, do you want the baby to survive? I'm just asking 'cause these ideas are running through my head and I want to know what you all think. So anyway, enjoy and please review.

Disclaimer: I do not own anyone or anything.

~*~*~

- 5 - Yams, Fitzgerald and The Starting Line

Jess Mariano sat beneath a tree in Washington Square Park. November was by far his favorite month of the year; not quite winter, but fall had certainly departed with its warmer temperatures and falling leaves. The trees were barren and the winter coats came out of moth balls while Jess bundled himself in two heavy sweatshirts and a wool hat to spend the day rereading Fahrenheit 451. And why would he reread such an unforgettable classic when he could instead be experiencing On The Road again? Because he had a paper due in three days and he wanted to do well on it.

Jess wanting to excel on a term paper was certainly an anomaly. But unbeknownst to all but his mother, Jess was taking classes at NYU. This was not to say that he was a full-time student, because he wasn't, but he was attending class regularly while holding down a job at one of his favorite bookstores in the City. He had told Rory that he wanted to be a better person, and he was on his way to achieving that goal.

But Jess was disappointed in himself, even with his recent successes. He had told Rory, the only girl he had ever truly loved, that she and he had been a mistake. Had he known that his life would spiral out of control so soon after they had committed the act, he never would have made love to Rory. But that was in the past now and all he had left was a child in an old girlfriends' stomach, not a situation he wanted to be in.

He was currently trying to find support for his theory that Clarisse was simply a figment of Montag's imagination, a clear example of his conscience, but all he could think about was Rory and how real she was. He realized how badly their last conversation had really gone, and now he had to right more wrongs than he could count. He dog-eared the page he was reading, pulled out a leather notebook and flipped through to find a blank page.

He didn't know exactly what he was going to say, but he knew that as soon as the pen hit the paper, the words would pour out

~*~*~

"Rory!" Lorelai called to her daughter who was in the library reading Flora Tristan while listening to The Starting Line. "Airmail!" she yelled as she tossed a letter in Rory's direction. "I'm going out to the grocery; you want anything kid?"

"Um, just don't buy anything with peanut butter – the smell is starting to elicit my gag reflex, if you know what I mean."

"Got it, no P.B. and J. I'll be back in an hour."

Lorelai left Rory to inspect the red-white-and-blue trimmed envelope in her hands. It was postmarked Manhattan, so that could mean only one thing: Jess. She ripped off the far edge and pulled out the thin sheet of paper and began to read.

Rory,

You probably could care less about what I have to say, but I need to get it off my chest. I never meant to imply you should have had an abortion; I'm glad you didn't, but at the same time, I'm caught, wondering what two eighteen-year-old kids are supposed to do with a child. I'm certainly no great role model, but you are, and so is your mother, so that's why I think our kid would be better off not knowing me – everything I touch seems to turn to crap.

I'm going to school now, at NYU, so maybe I'll escape the Danes-Mariano family tradition of employment in food service, though I think Luke is the exception to the stereotype. I know that's not much, and it's probably not what you're looking for from me, but I think it's a start.

I want you to know that I did love you, as much as one could, having known them for as long as I knew you. Don't misunderstand what I'm saying though, because I think I still love you, but you and I were bound to end sometime; I'm just sorry it was the way it was and that now you're having a baby. So there, I'm sorry. I think that says it all.

- Jess

Rory reread the letter, trying to take it all in. And instead of overanalyzing his words to the nth degree, she folded the letter, set it beside her on the table and returned to her reading. There was no more use in trying to get anywhere with Jess.

~*~*~

Jess hadn't heard anything from Rory since he sent the letter over two weeks ago, though he hadn't really expected to. Now, his bus was pulling in to Stars Hollow for Thanksgiving and a long-awaited reunion of his mother and Luke.

Jess grabbed his bag, followed his mother off the bus and the two made their way to the diner. This early in the morning on a holiday, Jess had expected the streets to be bare in town, but this was no ordinary town and these were no ordinary people. Taylor and a group of his cronies were busy hanging a banner exclaiming that this was the town's 350th celebration of the Indians and the colonists dining together. Lane and her parents were having an argument on the front lawn, obviously something to do with Dave who was anxiously standing by her side. Dean, Lindsey and Clara were building a snowman near the gazebo while Kirk critiqued their progress. Miss Patty was leading a troop of little girls dressed as turkeys to her dance studio, and Sookie and Jackson were pushing a stroller, perhaps carrying their newborn child, toward the market.

Jess was no longer a part of this town, and that pulled a little on his heart. He felt as though he was a bystander, seeing Stars Hollow as if it were a snow globe of bizarre perfection he wanted to be injected into. But then, had he ever really been a part of this town? No, not really, but Rory had made him acceptable to the townsfolk by her association with him. And he had to go and ruin that too.

Liz and Luke were exchanging strained pleasantries as Jess entered the diner. "Hey," he muttered with a wave to Luke, not sure where he stood with his uncle.

"I'm going to go up and use the bathroom, if that's okay," Liz told Luke, then started up the stairs leaving the two men by themselves.

"So how's it going?" Luke asked, trying to be polite, himself unsure of what the right thing to say would be.

"I'm going to NYU part-time, working at a bookstore," Jess told him with a feeling of pride.

"That's more your thing, bookstores I mean," Luke offered as acceptance, an approval of sorts.

"Kind of, yeah." Jess sat down at the counter and picked up a salt shaker. He studied it, twisting the bottom.

"Don't take the cover off then set it back down, okay? That stuff is a pain in the ass to clean up."

"Wouldn't dream of it," he set the shaker back unharmed.

"When you were younger you always took the covers off the salt and pepper shakers at Thanksgiving."

"Really? Good to know. Look, Luke, I know you aren't proud of me, and I know you could basically care less what happens to me now, so I figure the sooner we get that out of the way, the better."

"You're going to school, holding down a job – how could I not be proud of you? My problems with you are resolved, as far as I'm concerned. You and Rory, well, that's your business. Sure, I would have liked for you to graduate, and I would have had no qualms about you even staying another year if need be, but I just can't see why you picked him over me."

"Who? Jimmy? Come on, he's my dad, I had to know. But you are right, I never should have left the way I did, and I'm sorry."

"Now that we've finally got that out of the way, I thought you might like to see this," Luke pulled a piece of paper out from under the counter and slid it over to Jess. "She faxed it to me so the quality isn't so great, but it's okay."

Jess examined the sheet, intent on figuring out what exactly he was looking at when it dawned on him that the picture was the sonogram photo of his son. "So that's him?" he said aloud, but to himself.

"As of a few weeks ago, that's J.D.," Luke replied.

"And Rory's good?"

"Yeah, or so Lorelai tells me, although she seems to have developed an allergy to peanuts, peanut butter specifically." Luke found this particularly amusing, so he added the requisite grunt-laugh. "Have you spoken to her recently?"

"About a month ago, but I sent her a letter a few weeks ago and she hasn't called or anything."

"Not to sound like a nagging parent or anything, but what are you going to do? As in what do you see as your responsibilities?"

"I feel like a broken record, but I don't know what to do. Me? A father? No offense, but I'd be a worse father than you times fifty." Jess considered what he said, then added: "I mean, you are actually a pretty good dad, as far as being sent to live with uncles in the boondocks goes. Do you honestly think I am capable of raising a child?"

"I think a lot of people aren't capable, but they grow into it. You can't just leave Rory to do it all alone."

"I think she and her mother would do perfectly fine without me." And he truly did believe this was true.

"But do you want J.D. to have the problems you have? Resenting his father for leaving him and his mother for not being enough of a parent?" Luke had given this some thought and was worried himself.

"I guess I never though of it that way. But maybe Rory and Lorelai can make up for my absence. I mean, Rory turned out fine for not having a father there all the time."

"Newsflash: Rory is a girl. She turned out fine because she was raised by her mother, also a girl. Boys are different; they don't always turn out completely normal without a father."

"Since when are you Dr. Laura?"

"I prefer Dr. Phil," Luke deadpanned, then, "but it is true; a boy needs a dad just as much as he needs a mom."

"I'll be the first to admit that I have not grown up as much as I should have; if anything, I've regressed to a fifteen-year-old idiot, so I can't raise a kid. That's it, that's all there is to it."

"Jess, you've got a lot to learn, sure, but what about your son? And what about Rory?"

"I loved Rory, but I just haven't been able to figure this all out yet. Can't we just have a normal Thanksgiving full of grunts and family feuds?"

"You better figure things out, and soon. Now go pull the yams out of the oven."

~*~*~

"Grandpa," Rory called toward the parlor where he was sitting with her grandmother and mother.

"Yes Rory?" he asked upon joining her in the library.

"Did you know that Great-Grandmother has a first edition of The Scarlet Letter? And look, I actually found Catch-22 in Italian, Aesop's Fables in German and The Great Gatsby in Russian," Rory showed her finds to her equally thrilled grandfather and the two began a heated discussion of the demerits of translating a masterwork. In the other room,

Lorelai and Emily spoke quietly.

"When do you think dinner will be?" Lorelai asked her mother.

"Well, considering Thanksgiving is not a celebrated holiday over here and the kitchen staff rarely cooks for more than two, I'd say it would be at least three," Emily estimated, checked her watch, then nodded.

"So should I eat lunch before then?" Lorelai pondered aloud. "'Cause that means dinner is a good five hours down the road, and you know how I am on Thanksgiving."

"Ah, yes, last year was the year of four meals, wasn't it?" Emily had heard the stories.

"Well, yes, but neither Rory nor I could eat four entire meals, so we went with the best of each meal, and by the end of the day we'd had a complete feast."

"Speaking of which, do you think it's the least bit odd that Rory has eaten macaroni and cheese for the last four meals?"

"She's been talking about it for the least three weeks for some reason, so no. Don't you remember my penchant for artichokes when I was pregnant?"

"That slipped my mind, but now that you mention it, I do remember eating a lot of artichoke hearts for those nine months. So she's really decided on J.D. for the baby?"

"By now, she's gotten so used to it, I don't anything or anyone could sway her on it. James or Jack, are in the running, but so far, she hasn't picked a middle name."

"And do you think this is the best possible decision?"

"Mom, how can you ask that? Look how Rory turned out, and I was only sixteen, and decidedly not as worldly as Rory is."

"Yes, but you had the courage enough to leave and make a life for the two of you. Rory depends on you so much; I'm worried that she won't do the things she has always wanted to do."

"She'll find a way. And if she comes to rely on me so much that it jeopardizes her future, I'll fix it."

"You're sure about that?"

"Yes."

"Mom," Rory entered the parlor with her grandfather on her heels. "I think there's something wrong," she said cautiously.

Lorelai looked up and saw her daughter clutching her side and her father with eyes full of alarm. "We need to go to the hospital," Lorelai said slowly rising from her seat. "Now."

~*~ To Be Continued ~*~