There's a certain mystique about someone new, someone who seems to breeze
in from parts unknown and never say a single word about her past, never
giving more than her first name to anyone who asks. Yes, there's been some
skepticism over my reluctance to say too much, but...
I notice the stares, the unrelenting pursuit of eyes over me, the taunts of the door being almost open - I doubt it'll be this easy once I get in the door, as circles are far more close knit than I'd assumed. People watch each other's backs here, even if they all have their own motives.
It's almost frightening, forcing myself to be as unattached as I am, unaffiliated - friends would be a valuable thing to have here, as violence seems to tear through everyday occurrances, unexpected and unpredictable...
I could hold my own, maybe, but - it's the doubt that's starting to creep over a heart stoic with dreams of vengeance, logic sliding into a mind delirious with desires to right wrongs committed - years before.
I had no part in what had happened when I was younger, as I keep telling myself. But - it has affected things, has changed everything I'd ever had.
Thoughts were lost, money, stability - a hundred things I'd had as a child had been ripped away with a single blow, a ridiculous show of fury and strength, something that hadn't needed to happen, but...
Merely to show someone. Merely to show the world how badass someone could be.
Barriers of trust hadn't been broken - the trust a little girl had of the outside world, the naivety I had, was supposed to have, had been stolen away.
To be wary of the entire world was the price I had to pay - a life of looking over my shoulder and calculating revenge.
I've caught him looking, though - caught him and his little cronies peering at me with eyes clouded over with more than just innocent admiration fo the female form. You could almost hear them betting who would bed me first - because they were so confident that it would happen.
Hell, maybe all three would get their chance. Depending on what needed to happen, how desperate I was to worm my way in. Of course, I was going to start with the pretty one - if I had to look at someone, let alone fuck them, I was going to at least try to make it somewhat nice for me. Not that this is about pleasure-seeking, anyhow. Simply...
A calculation. He's the prettiest. Youngest. Possibly naive, under all that vanity.
It's certainly a start. Now, only to make a move on it.
I only hope I'm ready.
I notice the stares, the unrelenting pursuit of eyes over me, the taunts of the door being almost open - I doubt it'll be this easy once I get in the door, as circles are far more close knit than I'd assumed. People watch each other's backs here, even if they all have their own motives.
It's almost frightening, forcing myself to be as unattached as I am, unaffiliated - friends would be a valuable thing to have here, as violence seems to tear through everyday occurrances, unexpected and unpredictable...
I could hold my own, maybe, but - it's the doubt that's starting to creep over a heart stoic with dreams of vengeance, logic sliding into a mind delirious with desires to right wrongs committed - years before.
I had no part in what had happened when I was younger, as I keep telling myself. But - it has affected things, has changed everything I'd ever had.
Thoughts were lost, money, stability - a hundred things I'd had as a child had been ripped away with a single blow, a ridiculous show of fury and strength, something that hadn't needed to happen, but...
Merely to show someone. Merely to show the world how badass someone could be.
Barriers of trust hadn't been broken - the trust a little girl had of the outside world, the naivety I had, was supposed to have, had been stolen away.
To be wary of the entire world was the price I had to pay - a life of looking over my shoulder and calculating revenge.
I've caught him looking, though - caught him and his little cronies peering at me with eyes clouded over with more than just innocent admiration fo the female form. You could almost hear them betting who would bed me first - because they were so confident that it would happen.
Hell, maybe all three would get their chance. Depending on what needed to happen, how desperate I was to worm my way in. Of course, I was going to start with the pretty one - if I had to look at someone, let alone fuck them, I was going to at least try to make it somewhat nice for me. Not that this is about pleasure-seeking, anyhow. Simply...
A calculation. He's the prettiest. Youngest. Possibly naive, under all that vanity.
It's certainly a start. Now, only to make a move on it.
I only hope I'm ready.
