Disclaimer: *chuckles* Jossie's toys, my sandbox. Actually, the sandbox is a loan as well. My… sand?

Archive: yeah right! Want it? Take it. Just let me know so I can snort in disbelief.

Feedback: I'd beg but it wouldn't be pretty.

Dedication: This is for 'a very special cucumber' -yeh, that's a nickname- 'casue she made me a fanfic junkie and showed me the joys of watching BtVS.

Pairing: Aus/Darla and Spike/Dru. Aus/Wm-Spike- but not in a slashy kind of way.

Rating: PG-13 (?)

Summary: Spike needs a Sire –okay, it's not original but it'll have to do- 

Author Notes: You see how Joss keeps changing canon in an attempt to drive us fans insane? Well, it worked, I have no idea of who sired Spike, or when. Not even in this fic. *laughs in a hysterical fashion*. Oh! "Banging one's head against a wall" is not the real title of this fic; it's just what I had to do to get it out of my brain. Reviews may help me get over my concussion.

Title: Sire (An incredible display of creativity innit?)

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"I want you to stake that whelp"

"Aye"

"I mean it, he shouldn't have been made. I don't want a repeat of Yorkshire"

"Aye"

"Angelus!" The vampire finally looked up from his book and took a glance at his Sire. He placed the book on the desk and went to lie in the bed with her.

"Darla, you know we can't kill him"

"Yes we can, Drusilla could find herself another playmate, a smarter one. William is a blithering idiot" Darla looked at Angelus and knew she was fighting a lost battle, she turned on the bed, her back to him "If you're not going to stake him, at least teach him some manners…" She drifted off. Lately the boy had taken the annoying costume of calling her 'great-grandma'. Angelus had been amused until Darla informed him that he was referred as 'gramps'.

"I'll handle him tomorrow" Angelus faked a yawn and stared at his Sire's back "He's not an idiot" he said quietly "he just needs a Sire".

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"William!"

Angelus had been shouting for the last 10 minutes, but Spike was ignoring him. He had made clear that his name was not William anymore. So, if the big poof wanted to keep bellowing it was just fine. Besides, if Angelus really wanted to find him, the only thing he had to do was go upstairs, climb through the trapdoor to the attic, move two tables and open the not very visible door that led to the small room where he was *not hiding*.

"Damn it boy, get down here!"

Bugger, the voice sounded closer now, and he had run out of fags. Spike shrugged and went to the door. As soon as he had climbed down the trapdoor he felt a hand closing on his shoulder, Spike smirked at the tall figure standing before him. The master vampire was obviously angry; he should look down and pretend to be sorry for whatever reason…

"'ello gramps" he greeted cheerfully.

Angelus took a deep breath, not that it made any difference. The boy had become disrespectful, daring. Dru hadn't taught him anything about vampire hierarchies and he had no idea of how to address his elders. Angelus accepted that part of the fledge lack of manners was his fault. He had ignored the boy thinking that Dru, as crazy as she was could teach him the basics. Obviously he had been wrong. He grabbed Will by the back of the neck.

"Show me some respect lad" Spike shook him off and took a step back. He tried to remember if he was owed a beating. Angelus hadn't raised a hand to him since… Yorkshire, Damn! That was it then.

"Sorry your majesty" he said with an exaggerated bow. Angelus just stared at him "So, where are we going to do this?"

"Do what boy?"

"Don't call me boy" said Spike crossly "and cut the crap, this is about the tunnels isn't it?" he ran a hand through his hair. He thought Angelus had let that one go. He started to unbutton his shirt. Angelus just watched, his anger being replaced by amusement. "Glad you're enjoying the show". The young vampire turned around and dropped his shirt "poofter" he muttered and waited for the first blow. It never came. Instead Angelus made him turn around and slapped him, once. Then he threw him back his shirt. Spike looked at him in confusion.

"Watch your mouth *boy*" he motioned at the fledgling to follow him and led the way to his study. Once there he sat down on a small couch "sit" he ordered quietly pointing at the couch beside him and watched as the young vampire tried to figure out what was going on. After a few seconds Spike sat down and waited.

"Darla wants me to stake you" the statement was told as one would comment the weather. Spike didn't even blinked

"So what? I'm still here, so I take it you're not gonna do it"

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TBC…