The
doctor had come a couple hours later - a couple hours of squirming
in wait, knowing I could do nothing else. The nurse, in the meantime,
had got my clothes, ragged and bloody as they were, and I'd gone
home.
If you
could call the traveling caravan home, I suppose.
A change
of clothes, though, as well as a shower, did nothing to alter my
mood, and after pulling myself together, I pulled something out
of the hotel room dresser.
A simple
journal, leather bound. It was nearing the end of its pages, but
perhaps had room for a single entry more.
So I
write.
I
don't know what went wrong. I don't know why I couldn't do things
the way I'd intended, without becoming tangled in a web of deceptions.
We all told lies then, and we know it.
But I'm sorry.
I want you to have this, the journal that caused my heart to blaze
for the vengeance I've finally followed through on. I just wish
you hadn't been involved.
I can't stay here, and while I'll miss you, maybe it's for the best.
Don't try to find me, it's not worth it.
I sigh softly, feeling more tears
splash down my face, onto the paper, blurring ink.
I'm sorry I never told you I loved you back.
Fingers carefully closed the
book, gingerly placing it into my purse.
The drive to the hospital is
excruciatingly long, the walk down the hospital corridor even longer.
Finally, though, I stop at the door, pausing only to keep my composure
as I gaze in on him.
Sleeping. Tied to a million
different hospital gadgets, yet looking so unconcerned. Almost
arrogant in his obliviousness.
Arrogant. Like I'd seen him
before.
After a few moments, though,
I step into the room, silent as not to wake him. The book is placed
on his nightstand, and I lean over, fighting back tears, to press
one gentle kiss to his forehead.
A wordless goodbye before I turn
and walk out the door.
The drive away hurts the most,
but tomorrow, I start over. Tomorrow, I change my looks, if only
with a cheap box of hair dye and colored contacts. Tomorrow, I
change my name.
Hailey Beckford will no longer
exist; the pretty blonde with captivating eyes died the moment she
left that hospital room.
Hannah's a pretty name though,
a new start. Hannah Elizabeth, I think. Hannah Elizabeth Orton.
While
I will never be there to see him again, I won't forget.
I never do.
