Chapter 6 – Cho's Fall
Harry felt sick, nauseous from the overwhelming guilt. The Teachers had rushed the unconscious body of Cho to the medical wing and were refusing to let anyone see her or tell anyone how she was doing. He had stopped having feelings for her a long time ago, but the thought that she had suffered serious physical injuries to her head because of him made him want to shrivel up and die. He had wanted the snitch so badly that he had put her in danger, and now he felt responsible.
As he lay in his bed staring at the ceiling, his mind kept playing and replaying scenes of the game in his head. He couldn't concentrate on anything; all he could think about was her body lying in that pool of blood. He wanted to runaway, but at the same time he didn't dare leave Gryffindor tower. What on earth would the Ravenclaws think of him now? How would he ever be able to live with it if she suffered a permanent injury? Before he could release his anger by smashing his fists against the brick wall professor McGonagall came in with a sympathetic expression on her face.
'I thought you ought to know that she's going to be just fine. She has a concussion, half a dozen broken bones, and she lost a lot of blood, but madam Pompfrey says she'll make a full recovery. She'll need to stay in the hospital wing for the next week of course, but by tomorrow she should be able to have visitors.'
'Thank you professor' he said gloomily. He was relieved she wasn't permanently disabled, but he had still caused her serious injuries.
'I hope you're not blaming yourself Harry, we all saw what happened and it certainly wasn't your fault.'
Harry looked up at her and saw a rare smile on her face. She had never called him by his first name before, and that would have seemed important at any time other than this.
'I tricked her into the dive; she wouldn't have been hurt if I hadn't pushed her so hard.' He said.
'Did you forget how she tried to use a Wronski Feint on you? This is part of the game Mr. Potter, and you need to realize that this happened through no fault of your own. I will see you in class tomorrow. Goodnight.'
He lay in bed for hours, unable to sleep. The anger he had felt last summer was in him again, all the memories floating in his mind, torturing him. Why did everything bad always happen to him? It was dark outside now and he wanted more than anything to leave his dorm again. He grabbed his cloak and map and snuck out of the Gryffindor dormitory. Perhaps a walk on the Hogwarts grounds, some fresh air would, make him feel better; it certainly couldn't make him feel any worse.
Carefully watching the map so he could avoid meeting anyone he walked past the edge of the forbidden forest and next to the lake. He looked up and saw the stars, particularly bright tonight, and tried to make out the constellations. He watched the ripples in the lake, reflecting the light of the moon; reminded him of his second triwizard tournament task. He was about to get up when he saw something moving ahead of him, and he put the cloak over himself and tried to stifle his breathing.
As it got closer he saw that it was a man. A very large man. Hagrid! He took of the cloak and walked towards him.
'Hello Hagrid'
'Blimey 'arry! You scared the livin' bejeezus outta me! What are ya doing wandering out at night?'
'I could ask the same to you, but to answer your question; I couldn't sleep.'
Hagrid gave him a sympathetic smile
'Got a lot on yer mind have ya?'
'How did you guess?' Harry said sarcastically.
'No need ter get touchy. Well come on then, let's go have a cup 'o tea' and he put his large hand on Harry's shoulder and dragged him to his cabin.
Harry sipped from his giant tea cup and looked around the cabin; it reminded him of better times during his first year here
'So Harry, anything you wanna talk about?'
'No.'
Hagrid looked at him for a moment with his eyebrows raised and then nodded
'Alrigh', I'll do the talkin' then.'
He told Harry all about Grawp and how he was becoming very good at English. He also talked about Madame Maxime, who he said he was 'gettin' ter knew quite well'.
Talking to Hagrid, or rather having Hagrid talk to him, made him feel better. He listened for several hours to Hagrid talking about various things when all of a sudden Hagrid raised his eyebrows.
'Merlin's beard! Look at the time, yer best be off now. Go on, and don't yer be sneaking around the forest anymore at night!'
He went back to his room under the cloak and crawled into his bed. Though he was feeling less frustrated now, his mind was still too guilty to fall asleep. He took out the book hidden underneath his pillow and began reading.
'Harry wake up!' Ron shouted as he shook Harry
'Huh? What time is it?'
'It's five minutes before class! Throw your robes on and let's go!'
They ran downstairs and into the transfiguration classroom, where Hermione gave them a patronizing stare.
'Thank God we made it here so fast, McGonagall hates it when we're late' Ron said as they walked to their seats.
'Not fast enough Mr.Weasley' said a stern voice behind them, making Ron gulp
'Sorry professor, I overslept' Harry said miserably.
'Very well, I will overlook it this time. Take your seats.'
As they walked in everyone was staring at him. Like people who slowed down to look at accidents on the highway, he supposed they couldn't help it. It made him angry, and he wanted to yell out at all of them.
To make matters worse, Harry was the worst student in the class today. He couldn't focus on the spell he was trying to do, and he quickly grew frustrated and gave up.
'It's no good' he said angrily to Ron, 'I can't concentrate on anything'
'Yeah mate, I understand' he said sympathetically; 'tell you what, after class we'll get on our brooms and fly around a bit. That'll take your mind off it.'
'No, I don't really feel like flying actually' he said coldly
'Oh, right, err sorry. How about a game of chess then? Or exploding snap?'
'Yeah alright' he said gloomily.
Even though Ron played lousily, probably on purpose Harry suspected, he was still soundly trashed three games in a row.
'So how are things between you and Hermione? She told me your date was awkward, but you still had a good time.'
Ron turned bright red
'Well it is awkward you know, I mean I've been friends with her for over five years.'
'So have you kissed her yet?' Harry grinned
Ron turned bright red
'Well, no … we've just been spending time together, you know'
'Yeah right, I bet you've been snogging all over the castle' said Harry, still grinning.
'No I haven't' he said, and there was now a tone of annoyance in his voice.'
'Sorry, look my life isn't that great so the least you can do is let me live vicariously through you.'
'We're just taking things slow, that's all.'
Ron looked at Harry, and then quickly looked down.
'Well to be honest, I … I'm waiting for the right time to kiss her. I mean, it's not as easy as it sounds.'
Harry grinned again
'You know Ron, I reckon the sorting hat put you in the wrong house, you're really a Hufflepuff I think.'
The next moment they were both slamming each other with pillows, and when Dean and Seamus came in a few moments later they joined in too.
He stayed in the tower for lunch that day, since Ron and Hermione were nice enough to bring him some food from the Great Hall. Even though they were going out, the three of them could still act like friends among each other. When Hermione saw how miserable he still was she told him to snap out of it.
'Easy for you to say, you didn't nearly kill someone' he said grumpily.
'Well why don't you just go see her? Honestly, go tell her you're sorry then and see if she blames you. If she does then at least you'll know, and if she doesn't then no one else should either. It does no one any good if you're sitting in the Gryffindor room sulking '
'Alright, alright, I'll go!' he said with an annoyed tone.
He hadn't said a word to Cho since last school year. Occasionally they would pass each other in the corridor and make eye contact, but that always ended with them both looking awkward or embarrassed. He didn't have any romantic feelings for her, he was sure of that, but he didn't resent her either.
With heavy feet he walked to the other side of the castle, thinking of what he would say to her.
'Sorry about making you fall off your broom and cracking your skull open' he thought to himself sarcastically. If only he had Hermione whispering words in his ear, she always knew what to do or say.
He reached the hospital wing and paused outside the doorway. 'Ok here goes' he thought to himself, 'just tell her you're sorry and ask if there's anything you can do to make her feel better. That's it. And whatever you do, don't turn bright red.'
He took a deep breath and walked in, and the very first thing he did was turn bright red.
On the bed was Cho who looked shocked when he walked in, and sitting on a chair next to her was her friend Marietta.
'Err Hi, err …'
'Get a grip Harry' his inner voice said
She was looking at him with a look of surprise, while her friend had a frown on her face.
'Err sorry I didn't mean to intrude … I wanted to tell you how sorry I was, and I was wondering if I could do anything to make it up to you.'
'Oh thanks, I'm fine really. I … I certainly don't blame you for what happened, so there's no need to be sorry.'
'Oh, right. Well, um, I'll leave you alone then. um. Hope you feel better soon' and he turned around and walked towards the door. His face was so bright red it would have stopped traffic on a street.
'Real smooth' he thought to himself
'Harry wait!'
He turned around and saw her friend looked even more annoyed that before now.
'Could you … could you do me a favor and come back tomorrow? It gets really boring here, with no one to talk to.'
'Oh um, yeah sure. Well, um, see you tomorrow then.'
He walked out the door and wanted to kick himself for acting like such an idiot. 'Good job of not turning red' he thought to himself
'Yeah it was more like purple this time' his inner voice said sarcastically
He felt better that evening though; at least he knew that she didn't blame him. His guilty conscience had been abated and he could concentrate on his work again. He pulled the book out from under his pillow and began reading it again.
The problem with direct attack spells is that a competent adversary will have no problem blocking them with the appropriate spell. One must either use an unblockable spell, or use a spell that can surround your enemy.
Yes he thought, he had seen that before. When Dumbledore and Voldemort had dueled, they had used strange spells against each other. Dumbledore had used fire to surround Voldemort and he had also made the water in the fountain into a type of cocoon. Voldemort had attacked Dumbledore with an unblockable spell while at the same time making the snake attack him. He had to learn how to duel more effectively if he was going to stand a chance. With determination he forced himself to stay awake as long as he could and continued reading deep into the night.
He couldn't remember how long he had stayed up, but he felt exhausted when he awoke the next morning. He forced himself out of bed and went down to the great hall. When he entered he quickly made his way to the Gryffindor table so as to avoid stares. Surprisingly few people seemed to take notice however; even the Ravenclaw table wasn't giving him angry stares. He sat down next to Ron and Hermione and grabbed himself some muffins
'Mornin' 'arry' Ron said to him with a mouth full of bacon.
'Oh Ron that's disgusting' Hermione snapped.
Ron swallowed and then grinned; 'sorry' he mumbled as he cast her a grin.
'So how did it go last night Harry? Did you talk to her?'
'Oh yeah, err, her friend Marietta was there so I just said I was sorry and left.'
Hermione frowned, 'so that's it?'
'We'll I wasn't going to stick around with her there too, I don't think she approves of me at all.'
'Yeah don't blame you mate', Ron jumped in; 'I wouldn't want to hang around with that sneak there'
'Oh Ron' Hermione said reprovingly, 'you can't really blame her, she must have been under a lot of pressure if her mom worked at the ministry and was loyal to Fudge'
'My dad works at the ministry! You don't see me ratting other people out!'
'But you dad wasn't exactly pressuring you either. Look I'm not trying to defend her, but she's been punished enough by my jinxing I think'.
'No arguments there dear' he grinned
'Dear?' Harry laughed, 'please, I'm going to throw up.'
Ron turned red again but Hermione didn't seem to care, she was still looking at Harry.
'Anything else happen Harry?'
'Well….nothing much' He looked at Hermione and then at Ron, and she understood immediately.
'Ron, could you do me a favor? I need a book from the library but madam Pince kicked me out for eating in there earlier on.'
'Oh yeah, no problem, I can get it for you after my first class'
'Could you get it for me now sweetheart? I really need it' she said sweetly while fluttering her eyelids, 'I'll be so grateful that I'll …'
Harry couldn't hear the rest because she whispered it in his ear, after which Ron's eyes opened widely and he mumbled 'On my way' before running off.
When Ron had left she turned back to Harry and after seeing the look on his face she said 'don't ask.'
'Alright I won't' he grinned. He then proceeded to tell her everything that happened last night.
'I'm not sure I want to go back there, you know, it's bloody embarrassing. Every time I'm near her I turn into a bumbling idiot'
'Well you can't be worse than Ron, and he's found a way to talk like a normal person again.' She paused for a moment as she thought, and then said 'well almost.'
'Well I did tell her I would come, so I can't back out now.'
'It's only awkward in the beginning; once you two get talking it'll be fine.'
At that moment Ron came back with the book and they all left for class.
That night he went to see her immediately after dinner. He felt his feet getting heavier with each step again, but he knew there was no backing out and forced himself on.
As he walked in he saw that she was having dinner, but she looked delighted to see him.
'Harry! Come in, have a seat. I'm so bored!'
'Not disturbing dinner am I?'
'No, No, Don't worry; this stuff' - she said as she made a face at the food '- is horrible'. I'm not supposed to eat regular food because my body is too weak, but I'd give anything for a decent meal.'
Harry felt really guilty again
'Look I'm really sorry about what happened, I feel really awful you know' he said meekly
'Oh no, I didn't mean it like that! It wasn't your fault at all, I should never have tried that spectacular diving turn you made, I'm not nearly as good as you'
'It was just my broom, it was nothing special' he added feeling slight warm now.
'Just your broom? Are you kidding? That was a spectacular move' she grinned. 'You should definitely go professional when you graduate'
'Oh you think so?' he was turning red again, and that made her turn red too.
'Have you thought about what you're going to do when you finish?'
'Well I thought about being a teacher you know, but it's a lot of work.'
'You mean at Hogwarts? That would be cool; I'd love to stay here forever'
'Oh no, I'm not good enough to teach here' she said quickly, 'I thought about teaching little kids; Perhaps a daycare or an elementary school. What about you? Any plans besides being an international quidditch star?
'Well I thought about being an auror, in fact I'm working very hard to become one.'
'That's a great idea too; I wish I was good enough to be one. It's so unfair that the people who do these horrible things might never be caught and punished' she said with resentment in her voice.
Harry nodded; he had used the cruciatus curse on Bellatrix last year. He knew how she felt.
'I … I read about what you did at the ministry. I wish I could have helped you.'
'It was stupid of me to have gone there, I' - but he couldn't finish his sentence.
They were silent for a few minutes, neither able to look the other in the eye.
'You would have gone?' he asked
'Of course! After what happened to Cedric –'
She paused for a moment, and a tear rolled down her cheek.
'I know you don't want to talk about it, but … but …' she fell silent again, unable to finish the sentence. Harry had never been able to talk about Sirius's death to anyone, but he felt less awkward recounting Cedric now.
'I can't really tell you anything else about what happened that night; I said everything that happened in the interview I gave.'
He thought for a moment before continuing
'He was a very honorable person, he told me about the second task and he insisted I take the cup before him. If I had listened he would still be alive' he said bitterly.
Harry talked for over an hour. He recounted everything he remembered about Cedric during his fourth year, and she listened, occasionally asking a question.
When it was over they were both silent for a while, and finally Harry spoke.
'I can't bring Cedric back, but I'm going to kill Voldemort for everything's he's done. I promise that.'
She gulped at Voldemort's name, but the look in her eyes was concern.
'Harry … I know he killed your parents, but … it's better to stay out of his way. Leave it to Dumbledore; he's far more powerful than you.'
'I wish I could …' he mumbled
'Why does it all have to fall on your shoulders? Haven't you been through enough?'
He wished he could tell her, but it wasn't safe. Telling people would just put them in danger.
'It's hard to explain ok? There's a reason why all this stuff happens to me; we're tied together by this scar.'
It looked like she was about to start crying again, but at that moment Madam Pompfrey came in.
'Are you still here? Out! She needs her rest now.'
'Right, err well I'd better get going. I hope you get better, I guess I'll see you around.'
'Oh … you're not coming back?'
'Come back? I mean, you want me to?'
'Oh only if you do' she said quickly.
'Well it's just that, err, I don't seem to, err, cheer you up much.'
'Oh! Oh I'm sorry, look if you come back I'll promise not to cry.'
'Well I'll try anyways' she said with an afterthought.
'What about your, err, boyfriend? Michael Corner isn't it?
At this question Cho turned bright red
'Well I err, broke up with him about two days after he asked me out. I was just – oh dear, I'll … I'll tell you some other time ok?'
She looked thoroughly embarrassed,
'Well ok, I'll err come back as soon as I can then.'
'Thanks Harry, for dropping by and talking to me.' She said eagerly
He was walking back to his dorm thinking about everything they had talked about. At least she wasn't mad at him for nearly getting her killed, and the accident had gotten them to talk to each other again. He stopped halfway to the Gryffindor tower, thinking about something, and then changed direction and headed downstairs. He found his way into the kitchens and saw all the elves hard at work.
'Hello, excuse me?'
'HARRY POTTER!'
A second later Dobby nearly knocked him over as he tried to hug him.
'Dobby wondered when he'd be seeing you again! Dobby is so glad to see you!'
'It's great to see you too Dobby, do you have time to sit down and have tea with me?'
'Of course sir! Dobby always has time for Harry Potter, such an honor it is.'
Immediately half a dozen elves brought them tea, a table, and two chairs.
'So how are you Dobby?'
Dobby looked at him with his big watery eyes, and smiled at him.
'Dobby is great Sir, Dobby has been saving his money and he has got a lot now!'
'Oh what are you saving for?'
At this question Dobby leaned closer to Harry and lowered his voice
'Dobby wants to free other elves Sir; he has been saving to start a movement.'
'Oh really? I thought most elves didn't want to be free?
'Dobby admits it is not going to be easy, but Dobby is not going to give up.'
'Well err, good for you Dobby. That's very noble of you'
Dobby beamed at him, and then raised his voice to normal again.
'Dobby heard about what happened at the ministry Harry Potter, Dobby wonders if he can do anything to help?'
'Well actually that's why I came down here, I was wondering if you could do a favor for a friend of mine.'
'Anything Sir!'
'A friend of mine is in hospital you see, and she doesn't like the food.'
Harry now lowered his voice too, even though the other elves were working hard he had the suspicion that they were trying to listen.
'I was wondering if you could sneak her some nice food, without anyone seeing you.'
Dobby giggled at this
'Of course Sir' he whispered, 'Dobby would be happy to sneak some food to Harry Potter's friend. He will personally bring her the best food!'
'Great Dobby, well I should go now, but don't forget to come and see me for Christmas, I have to get you a present for helping me.'
At this Dobby started crying again
'Presents for Dobby again? Harry Potter is the greatest wizard Dobby has ever known!
'Err thanks Dobby, well goodnight'
As he left the kitchens and went to his dorm he felt confused. Did she still care for him? He wasn't sure he was interested. It seemed that all she did was depress him even more and he didn't want to hang around with someone like that. Nevertheless he had promised to come back, and since she was in the hospital wing because of him, he owed it to her.
He slept a lot easier that night than he had in a long while. He tried to stay awake again reading his book as long as he could, but due to the lack of sleep the last few nights he dozed off much earlier than usual. When he woke up the next morning he felt refreshed and energized, and he used his last hour before class to brush up one last time on his potions homework. Thanks to all the work he had been doing in the summer, and the extra effort he was putting in for his potions class, a very annoyed Snape had found little to criticize him about. Care of magical creatures was always an enjoyable lesson. Hagrid never gave them much homework and his lessons were interesting to say the least. He looked around for Hermione after class but she was nowhere to be found. Neither was Ron. Maybe he is a Gryffindor after all, Harry grinned.
He had dinner with Dean, Seamus, and Ginny, who were all talking about their match against Hufflepuff in February.
'Hey Harry we're going fly around a bit after Dinner, why don't you join us?' Ginny asked him.
'Oh thanks, but I have to be somewhere, sorry.'
'No problem, some other time then' she said, but Ginny kept staring at him as if she was trying to read his mind.
After dinner he walked slowly to the medical wing. He wondered if he was doing the right thing. If he had no interest in her then it was wrong to keep spending this time with her. But all of a sudden he wasn't so sure anymore …
When he walked in she was grinning at him.
'Thank you for asking Dobby to bring me some food! That was really nice of you.'
'Don't mention it, I hope he wasn't too weird, he's a bit funny even for a house elf.'
'Oh no he was great! I invited him to sit with me and we talked for almost an hour.'
'Oh? He didn't … say anything about me … did he?'
'You mean like Harry Potter is the greatest wizard in the world, that sort of thing?'
She said while still grinning at him.
'Wonderful, that's just great, and I was really hoping I wouldn't be embarrassed today.'
'He really adores you, you know? He said he wants to work for you someday for free, even though he's getting paid now. He also showed me the socks you gave him about four different times.'
Harry grinned back
'Remind me to buy him ten pairs this Christmas; I owe my life to him.'
They talked for a while about how he had met Dobby, and how Dobby had saved him several times since then. They talked just like friends, the awkwardness seemed to disappear for a while and he was actually enjoying her company. She told him about her parents, they talked about their friends, their courses. When they finished talking about everything they could think of they sat in silence for a moment.
'Harry? Madam Pompfrey is letting me out on Friday, she said I should be fine by then.'
'Oh that's great, take it easy for a while though.'
'There's a hogsmeade trip coming up …I was wondering …'
'Oh'
'Well do you want to do something?' she asked, her hands shaking slightly.
'Well, what about Michael? Are you sure I'm not coming in between the two of you?'
'Oh dear, um look this is really embarrassing, but there's something I have to tell you; I think you have a right to know.'
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.
'Ok here goes, I went out with Michael to try and make you jealous. Obviously it didn't work because you didn't seem to care one bit. I also fell off my broom because I was trying to impress you at quidditch. I knew I couldn't really do that turn in the back of my mind, but I wasn't going to look weak in front of you. Ok it's all out on the table now, I feel like I could die of embarrassment.
'Oh, err wow … I mean, err I don't know what to say, err, I'm really flattered?'
'This is awkward isn't it? Well, since I'm telling you everything, can I ask you something?'
'Sure, let's get it over with.'
'Do you like Hermione?'
'What?! No way! I mean I like her, she's my friend, but not like that!'
'Oh really?' She seemed even more embarrassed but relieved at the same time.
'I've never liked her you know, and she's never liked me. She's going out with my friend Ron now.'
'Well I feel really stupid now … so do you want to?'
He was about to answer her when Madam Pompfrey came in.
'You again Potter? Get out, and stop keeping her up so late!'
'Just a few more minutes, Ma'am' he begged
'No! Get out now, there's nothing that can't wait until tomorrow' she snapped at him.
He wanted to answer her but he was being dragged out physically by Madam Pompfrey and she wasn't going to change her mind.
'Well, see you Harry' Cho said with a disappointed tone
'Err yeah bye' but as he was about to be thrown out he lip-synched 'I'll be back later' to her.
He went back to his common room and sat down on his bed. He felt extremely confused; he had been sure just last week that he felt nothing for her, yet after talking with her so much he was feeling something again. He knew he had no choice; he had to go back and talk to her tonight. He grabbed his cloak and map and headed back to the medical wing.
'Cho?' he whispered
'You came back!' she whispered back delightedly.
'I said I would, but why are we talking in the dark? Lumos.
He tried to partially cover the light with his cloak while they talked in quiet whispers.
'So do you want to go to hogsmeade with me this weekend?' she asked eagerly.
'Oh sure, I mean I don't see the harm. Maybe we could go with Ron and Hermione'
'Oh … well yes, I suppose, I'd like to get to know your friends, but I wanted us to go alone.' She was turning red again now and the awkwardness had returned.
'Oh …'
'You know Harry, if you want to ask me out, I'll say yes' she blushed
He looked down at his feet uncomfortably, unable to look her in the eyes.
'Look, it's not that I don't want to, but I really don't think it's a good idea you know? People around me keep dying off' he said miserably'
She looked at him a moment as if she was about to cry, but then her voice became more assertive
'So that's what's been stopping you? Don't you think it's my choice if I want to risk my life?'
'You don't know what it's like to lose someone; I never want to feel that again.'
He stared her in the eyes now, he felt full of bitterness. He would give anything for a normal life like everyone else.
'I don't know what it's like?' She said incredulously. 'How could you say that?'
'I… sorry I forgot, that was really insensitive of me.'
'I understand how you feel, but I think you're wrong. You can't let him ruin your life like that, or you might as well already be dead.'
He looked up at her, and her eyes were filled with a fierce determination.
'And I'm not just saying this so you'll go out with me, it's just good advice!'
Harry thought about it. After all, his mom must have known about the danger his father was in, yet she still chose to stay with him. She might have lived, but he would never have been born. He was reminded of something Dumbledore once said.
"The consequences of our actions are always so complicated, so diverse, that predicting the future is a very difficult business indeed."
'I… I think its best if I –'
But before he could finish they heard someone quickly walking towards the medical ward.
'Someone's coming! You have to go!' she whispered.
'Then, without thinking what he was doing, he grabbed her by the shoulders, pulled her close, and kissed her.
She sat there staring at him in shock for a second and then fiercely whispered 'Go!'
He grabbed his cloak and map, cast the feather fall spell, and jumped out the window.
